In Propria Persona
In propria persona - For one's self; Acting on one's own behalf
Claire Kincaid is dreaming.
It takes her a while to find the right dream. She considers and rejects several that involve long comas. She is tempted to find one in which she walks away from the smashed car unscathed, but those are far too blurry.
It takes her a while to realise that all the dreams where she survives are too blurry for her purposes.
She is scared enough to shed a couple of self-pitying tears. Then she pulls herself together and gets on with it.
It's harder than she thought it would be, walking through that long awful day again, every step, knowing all the way what is going to happen. She fights with Jack. She goes for a jog. She talks to Mac. She talks to Anita.
She looks at her pager.
As she steers a drunk Lennie Briscoe into the passenger seat of her car, her courage starts to fail her. Her hands are shaking as she buckles her seatbelt and turns the key in the ignition. Lennie is talking to her. She knows what she has to say. She knows what she says just before the accident. She has to say it.
Her mouth is too dry for words. She looks over at Lennie, and he is looking back at her, suddenly seeming a lot less drunk. He smiles at her, kindly, encouragingly, and holds out his hand.
Claire swallows hard, takes his hand. "Lennie, I doubt your daughter hates you," she says.
"You don't know her," Lennie says. Claire can't keep from crying as the car hurtles forward into the night. "I don't even know her. And I never will."
Light – noise – pain!
.oOo.