Sorry it took so long to update. I ran across some technical problems. Next chapter will arrive a lot quicker, I promise!
Naruto is still Masashi Kishimoto's.
Chapter Four: Sasori
"Hello, Miss Deidara," Itachi said blindly picking at his cereal as Deidara walked into the kitchen the next morning.
"Huh?" the Bomber yawned, confused. He walked zombie-like toward the pantry, only hearing half of Itachi's words.
Itachi smirked and continued telepathically chiding his cereal for how weak and helpless it truely was.
Deidara sat down and began eating his Wheaties, but, as he was metally reminding himself to eat this more often, something happened that made him lose his appetite.
"WHAT'S UP, BITCHES!" Hidan burst through the door, wearing nothing but a towel, his Jashin rosery and a wide grin. He sat himself down next to the blonde, a tent appearing in his towel.
"Hey, babe," He said erotically, scooting closer to Deidara. "You, me, my room, 11:00. Be ready to be fucked with experiance."
"Don't flatter yourself, Hidan," Itachi said, standing up. "We all know you've only got a stump."
"How'd you-" Hidan began.
"Sharingan sees through everything," Itachi nodded. "I made the mistake of having it activated as I walked past the bathroom." He shuddered. "Ugliest stump I've ever seen in my life."
"Exactly how many have you seen?" Deidara murmered under his breath.
Ignoring Deidara, Itachi walked out of the room, Hidan cursing behind him.
"How are you doing, Brat?" Sasori appeared in the doorway. He reached over and patted the blonde on the back, then stopped, wondering if this move was too affectionate. "Do I need to kick someone's ass?"
Deidara laughed quietly, "I think I can handle them on my own, but thanks for the offer, hmm."
"Well, then, if you're done with your soggy cereal, Leader ordered us to his office." Deidara stood up and walked alongside his partner towards the office.
They walked up to the office door and walked inside.
What they saw there was something that made them wish they could wash their eyes with hyrocloric acid.
Pain was at his desk, luckily, but they could still see that he was not wearing any clothes. Konan was wearing nothing but a bra and was sitting on his lap moaning.
"Oh, Konan," Pain moaned, "Please pour that sugar on me!" She turned them towards the desk and grabbed the mesuring cup of sugar waiting there.
"Well, Deidara, looks like we'll be cutting sweets from our diet!" Sasori said loudly, as they started backing away.
"OH!" Konan jumped at the sound of Sasori's voice, hitting Pain in the head with the measuring cup. She crawled under the desk and Pain stared at the two in the doorway, a look of embarasement running over his features.
"There's this new invention. It's called knocking, you know," the leader said, attempting to pass the blame.
"That's kinda hard to do when there's no door," Deidara shot back, guarding his eyes. Sucking sounds could be heard from under the desk as Pain's face brightened.
"I take it, now is not a good time," Sasori pulled Deidara out of the room. "We'll be back!"
They walked back into the kitchen and proceeded to warn the other members.
"What? Thats unlikely..." said Kisame thoughtfully. Itachi steathfully activated his Sharingan and glanced down the hall. He gagged and ran towards the bathroom, ready to barf.
"That's what he gets for watching pierced porn," Hidan remarked, smirking. "Speaking of porn," he leaned over to Deidara. "We still up for tonight?"
"In your dreams, Hidan," Deidara whispered. "In your sick, perverted, pimp dreams."
"And how I look forward to those dreams," Hidan stared into space, his towel dropping to the floor. The sight of this made the blonde wish to barf, and at that moment, morning sickness hit him. He ran to the bathroom, almost running into Itachi. He raced to the toilet and promptly emptyed his stomach. He felt a hand pull his hair back and another gently rubbing his back as he barfed. As soon as it had happened though, the sickness was over and he could stand up again. Itachi steadied him as he stood.
"You didn't have to do that, you know, hmm." Deidara said bluntly,
"Hey, we are on the same team here," Itachi mumoured, "We look out for each other." He handed the blonde a wet washcloth and left.
"A team, huh?" Deidara shook his head and washed his face.
Sasori and Deidara stood in Pain's office, as the leader told them of their newest mission.
"So, you want us to get the One Tail?" Deidara confirmed.
"Yes," the leader nodded. "It isn't going to be an easy task, though. Your target, Gaara, is currently the Kazekage of Suna; he'll most likely have a lot of guards."
"Got it," Sasori stated. "We'll be packing."
The two walked down the hall and into the kitchen where most of the other Akatsuki members sat, eating lunch.
"-and then I fucking knew it. Darth Vader and Palpitine were a little closer then they'd like us to think,those bastards," Hidan shook his head, as if what he was talking about made any sense. He looked up to see Deidara and Sasori walking past him and smiled. "Hey, bitch! When you get back, I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you won't be able to walk for a week! Then I'll fuck you again, and that pretty little ass of yours will be covered in my-"
"Shut the hell up, Hidan!" Deidara cried. He ripped off his cloak and shed his pants to reveal his large, limp penis. Hidan's eyes grew wide as he stared at the blond's crotch. The rest of the Akatsuki were staring in the same direction, surprise written on all of their faces. "You want to fuck something? Try shoving this up your ass, hmm!" Deidara stormed off, grabbing his pants, with Sasori close behind him.
Hidan was the first to speak after the long silence. "It's a fake, it's gotta be a fake."
"I don't think so..." Itachi replied as he deactivated his Sharingan. "That looked pretty real to me..."
"How can someone that girly have one that big?" Hidan asked. A door slamming could be heard at the other end of the fort as Deidera and Sasori left for thier trip.
The mission went exactly as planned. With hardly any trouble, Deidara had snuck into Suna, where he was greeted by the trophy himself. Gaara, after a bit of a struggle, found himself being carried away to the cave where the One Tailed Beast would be extracted from him. Mission sucess, all was well.
Except...
Deidara sat on the bed, barely able to keep tears out of his eyes. He was back at the Akatsuki's current hideout, in Sasori's room. Or what used to be his room.
No.
He shook his head, as if to erase the thought.
It wasn't posseble. Sasori couldn't be dead. He just couldn't.
But he was.
The infamous puppeteer, the master of poisons, had died at the hands of an old hag and a pink haired bitch.
What had happened?
Deidara wished he could have been there, to help his partner. But he hadn't been. Instead, he went baiting the Nine Tails kid, trying to hit two birds with one stone.
If it wasn't for that stupid mission...
"SEMPAI!" A orange masked man burst through the door,interupting Deidara's thoughts. This was Tobi, the annoying childish ninja who had been chosen to replace Sasori for who-knows-what reasons. "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
"Tobi," Deidara tried to cover up his tears.
"Say no more!" The dark haired man said cheerfully, sitting next to his new partner. "I've got something I think you'll like!"
"I doubt it,hmm," mumbled Deidara. The comment went unnoticed by the masked man.
"When Mr. Zetsu and I found Sasori's body..." Tobi reached into one of the bags at his waist. "We also found this!" He pulled out an audio recorder and handed it over. "It seems Sasori had a message for you before he died!"
With a flick of Tobi's wrist, a button was pushed and Sasori's voice filled the room.
"Deidara, I hate to keep you waiting out there, but I'm sorry to say... I will never come. It seems...I have failed...My puppet...body was supposed to be...invincible...It seems I was wrong...The irony...of it all...the one who believed art to be...everlasting...dying first...so silly...dying like this...Deidara...I wish I could have...seen what you will become...and I wish I could have seen your child...I know...you will make...a great parent...Deidara...you have the potential...I guess this is it...farewell..."
The sound cut off and Tobi found himself calming his crying sempai.
"It's okay. Everything will be okay," Tobi muttered, not knowing what else to say.
Deidara pulled away from Tobi and wiped his eyes on his cloak.
"Thanks...For bringing me that." Deidara said sniffling, he stood up and walked towards the door.
"Where are you going Senpai?" Tobi asked from behind his mask. Deidara stopped in the doorway.
"For a walk, Tobi. I have some...Business to take care of." And he left.
Well, that's the end of yet another chapter. Have any predictions? Please tell me! The person with the closest guess for where Deidara's going will win a virtual cookie topped with yummy binary sprinkles. Please review with any suggestions on how I could improve the story and/or my writing. That helps me a lot! Thanks for reading! Itachi realizes his feelings for Deidara. But does the blond feel the same way about him? Who will help Deidara raise the baby? Lots of angsty goodness!
Preview for next chapter:
Itachi realizes his feelings for Deidara. But does the blond feel the same way about him? Who will help Deidara raise the baby? Now with 84% more angst!
Thanks again for reading!