August 2378

The picture they gave couldn't have been more domestic, more that of a married couple relaxing after work. Chakotay sat on her couch while Kathryn lay on it, her head on a pillow that was placed in his lap. Both were reading PADDs - evaluating reports and new data, and checking the duty roster. The latter also was what made her frown.

"There's something wrong with that roster," she commented while still scrolling through the lists and tables.

Still half-busy with his own studying and thoughts, he simply asked, "Why?", but otherwise had his attention still on his reading device.

"The captain and the commander have too few shifts together." Now he finally looked at her and gave her a loop-sided grin.

"Says who?"

"Your wife."

"Suddenly, after four years, you claim your 'rights' as my legal partner, huh?"

"Let me rephrase my earlier answer - your captain and wife. Seems like you've drawn the short straw here, Chakotay." Kathryn laughed when she reached up and patted his cheek. Catching her hand, he brought it back down along her side and lowered his head towards her.

"On the contrary, darling," he gave back, only to freeze when he noticed the proximity of their faces his intention to appear more intimidating had brought them into. Their eyes locked and studied the other one's expression for a long time, before Janeway moved and sat up, clearing her throat. Immediately he missed the weight of her head on his legs.

"Are we through for today?" she asked, busying herself with arranging the PADDs strewn over her coffee table. His voice was deep and low, when he answered.

"With everything ship-related, yes."

Not looking at him, she dared to ask, "And with everything else?" She knew she was risking a lot by addressing an issue that had been hanging between them the whole time, however comfortable they were with their relationship as it was now.

"I don't think we'll ever be through with that." She looked back to where he still sat, motionless except for the slow rise and fall of his chest, and focused an intense gaze at her. Time stretched between them, tension became tangible. And then Kathryn leaned towards him, just the slightest bit. Before they knew what was happening, or what they were doing, Chakotay had her pinned beneath his body on the couch and they kissed passionately, wildly, surrendering to their feelings and attraction, devouring each other as a burning longing consumed them...

"Bridge to Captain Janeway." She had to force herself to leave his lips, still hot against her skin when she tapped her comm. badge and answered the Ensign Kim breathlessly. "Captain, I think you should come to the bridge." Janeway suppressed a moan she wasn't sure came from Chakotay's ministrations or her own frustration.

"What is it, Harry?"

"We got a communiqué from the Valeriji Alliance. They say they've discovered a ship just beyond the borders of their territories. They claim it has a Starfleet signature."

...-...-...-...-...-...

Leaving Valeriji space after nearly four years was not only about just returning into a universe filled with evil and malice. It also entailed major changes for the crew, in every and any sense.

The ship that indeed was Starfleet turned out to be one that had been pulled into the Delta Quadrant around the same time as Voyager. The USS Equinox under the command of Captain Rudi Ransom had taken bad damage over the years and mostly during a conflict with an unknown alien species. It was a smaller ship than Voyager, less powerful and by no means suitable for deep-space assignments, and it was almost a miracle they had survived this long.

At first, there was excitement. After traveling among friends for several years, the first ship they encountered was another Federation one. Allies, reinforcement; their very own and very first attachment to what might just become a small fleet in time. With combined resources another smaller ship wasn't outside the realm of possibilities; after all, Tom Paris had already proven that by building his version of a Delta Quadrant shuttle - bigger than their standard issue crafts, and with a lot more abilities than these tiny nutshells.

The more they learned about Equinox, her crew and their problems - or more, cause and reason for these problems - the more the initial enthusiasm was replaced by anger and disappointment. Ransom and his people had used sentient nucleogenic lifeforms as their energy source, torturing and killing them, and even under the aspect of their despair due to their situation, it was nothing either Janeway or her crew would ever forgive, leave alone tolerate.

Disagreements on how to treat the Equinox crew, and what right they had to be judge and executioner, had the commanding duo drift apart, despite their close bond. Some decisions the captain made left Chakotay shocked; he didn't recognize the woman before him. For the time being, nothing seemed to be left of a Kathryn who had become more easy-going and more open to him.

Only after the issue was finally resolved - with not much satisfying results at all, but at least with clear ones - they slowly found back to each other. No doubt their relationship had taken a few scratches, scratches they couldn't and didn't negate. It was a setback; they still had their friendship, and they also still had their deep trust, but whatever had started, whatever they had caught a glimpse of just before the Equinox affair had distracted them was lost.

The kiss they had shared, and the obvious passion for each other they carried inside was never once addressed. Especially Janeway avoided it the best she could - superstition kicking in as it seemed that every time they got too close, something or someone was already there to keep, jerk them apart. Theirs was an ill-fated romance, no doubt; surely they did better as friends and confidants only.

Chakotay was less convinced when it came to that. But he accepted the ordeal she saw herself confronted with; Kathryn was too important to him to harass her and cause her more trouble and sorrow than she already had to deal with. After all, he had promised to be there for her and make her burden lighter - and that included putting his own feelings and desires after hers.

Their lives didn't get easier as time went by; there were countless stones thrown into their way, if not heavy rocks. It got even as far as Janeway entertaining the thought of ending what, in most desperate times, seemed like a farce, and offer the crew to settle down on a nice and peaceful planet, maybe even return to Valeriji space. Chakotay however, knowing the tenor of the mood among their people, woke the warrior inside her again every time, helped her to keep fighting, now that they'd come such a long way already.

Their relationship recovered from the blows it had to take; they both took too much comfort in the other one's presence and support to give up what they had worked on for over seven years. It became a habit, just like it was one to suppress what they both really wanted. But as long as they were still Voyager's commanding duo, neither saw another way as to accept and savor what they had. Kathryn never stopped coming to him, seeking his warm, reassuring embrace and his kind, gentle words, and they spent many hours silently sitting or lying in each other's arms, drawing strength from their closeness before just another alien species attacked.

They were a married couple, more now that they didn't need to be one anymore. They shared the love and tenderness, the support and the disagreements, the arguments and reconciliations - just one thing they didn't share: a bed. Not in a sexual way at least. For two who had already acknowledged that they were undeniably attracted to each other they showed an impressive discipline. In more than one way. Because they not only didn't surrender to their longing for each other, they also stayed faithful to their 'mate' and never took the opportunity to fulfill and relieve physical needs with another.

Sometime after the Equinox incident, Seven of Nine approached Chakotay and asked him for a date. In her own growing eagerness to explore human behavior and relationships, she had chosen him to teach her. He wasn't exactly sure why. But then, she was someone who didn't yet, and probably would never, have a full understanding of how the thing they called love worked. Thus, she naturally had chosen who was considered to be the alpha male on the ship - not solely because of his position.

Chakotay was swaying between being shocked and touched. Not because Seven had chosen him, no. She was a child in a woman's body, and certainly far from everything he wanted in a woman. He would never have claimed to not find her... well, she did give some erotic picture, a man's fantasy, and he recognized this. But she wasn't his fantasy, not at all. What equally shocked and touched him so much was that Kathryn was telling him to pursue this chance, this relationship, if he wanted to. She wanted him to have what she couldn't give him.

He told her that, as long as she was in his arms, he had everything he needed.

...-...-...-...-...-...

"Chakotay, you're as human as I am." They both sat on the couch in his quarters, turned towards each other. She had taken one if his hands, enclosing it between her small ones, and looked at him with deep, open honesty.

"And yet you advise me to enter into a relationship while you are still alone."

"You know there's no one on this ship I could possibly... start a..." She trailed off when he raised his eyebrows, an almost mocking glare aimed at her for a short moment. "You know what I mean." He exhaled audibly, the sound coming close to that of a deep sigh.

"Kathryn," he began, his voice gentle, and ducked down a bit to catch her lowered eyes with his, "I don't think I will ever know what you mean. Or understand it, for that matter." He smiled at her. "But I know that I don't care about other women." Now his smile turned into an impish one as he continued, "How could I, with a wife like you?"

Janeway rolled her eyes; more than four years, and he still didn't tire of teasing her with it. One could have called it a tradition of sorts; something they had only to themselves, something they didn't share with anyone else. While it had as much become a routine for the crew to refer to their commanding duo as a happily married couple without giving it a second thought as they had soon forgotten about the whole story after they'd cleared Valeriji territories, the couple in question constantly reminded each other of their connection. Mostly it was Chakotay, of course, but now and then, Kathryn found joy in it as well.

"Seriously, Chakotay, I can't ask you to wait and forego... you know... It's enough that I live like a nun." The last part had only been murmured, a dismissive wave of her hand figuratively trying to push the subject away from her.

"Life is about more than... that." He chuckled when she eyed him critically. "Do you really think a dinner date and maybe a passionate night with Seven, of all people, could be worth more to me than spending the evening with you instead? Maybe it is tempting for the moment. But in the long run? You are my soul mate, Kathryn. Even..." He looked down for a few seconds, then faced her again. "Even if I can't have you... all of you... for the time being. You're worth the wait." He finished with a gentle caress to her cheek, and in his face she read the love behind his vow.

"I promise not to let you wait too long," she whispered, and he pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before he pulled her close to him and tucked her head under his chin.

...-...-...-...-...-...

Two years later, when they led their ship back to the Alpha Quadrant, they did so while standing on the bridge - holding each other's hand.

TBC