"Joker, tell the crew they can have brief shore leave. Me and the darling duo have some work to do."

"By work do you mean you giving some sleazy guy a view of your ass as a, what was it Hackett called it? Oh yeah. A distraction."

Shepard whipped off his cap and smacked him on the shoulder with it, silently hoping she hadn't fractured anything.

"You weren't supposed to be listening to that, Joker. And no. Hopefully Ashley will take care of that part. Seriously, she's weirdly excited about this."

"Alenko's gonna have a field day with the two of you."

He stopped mid laugh when Shepard gave him the evil eye and saluted; bringing his attention back to his console.

"Right. The crew. See yea, Commander."

She rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the cockpit and waited for the other two at the exit. When there was no sign of them after a couple of minutes, she brought up her omni-tool to message Kay.

'On the Citadel for a bit. Have a bit of a situation and need help. Meet you at Apollo's if you're not busy?'

God, it was embarrassing. She didn't own one item of civvies. Not one. She'd never had an occasion before, seeing as her whole life was basically just on military ships. She had when she was younger, sure, but certainly not since she enlisted. This was why, unfortunately, she was recruiting Kay to help buy her something normal people wear. She'd let Kaidan and Ashley off for two hours and then they'd meet back up outside of Destiny and Shepard would act like she'd had the clothes in the back of her wardrobe for years.

She got an almost instant reply of 'Hell yeah! See you in ten!" and then zapped her omni-tool off just as Kaidan and Ashley appeared.

"You ready to go, guys?"

There was a simultaneous 'yup' and then they headed out of the airlock, Joker hollering good luck behind them. Shepard felt naked without her gun. It felt wrong.

"You guys do what you want for two hours. I gotta go take care of something. Remember; civvies."

They parted ways, Shepard not daring to look back and bolted to Apollo's as fast as she could. She was greeted by some flailing arms.

"Pan! Haven't seen you in ages, honey. How are you?"

Shepard managed to escape from Kay's tight hug and slid down into a chair, holding a hand to her face in hope that nobody would recognise her.

"Uh, great. Listen, Kay, I need a favour and it's pretty embarrassing."

Kay sat down opposite her, pushing her long brown locks over her shoulder and out of the way.

"Now, when you say embarrassing, do you mean normal person embarrassing, or only Pandora Shepard embarrassing?"

Shepard cringed, still hoping, even after all the years she had known Kay, that she would stop using her first name like that. But of course that would never happen.

"Uh, the latter."

As Shepard explained her predicament in full detail, they ordered coffee and a sandwich each, even though she had no appetite whatsoever. This was not going well, she thought.

Just as she had begun to relax, half listening to Kay listing off places for them to go, she was brought out of her cool, calm, collected place by the sound of her Gunnery Chief behind her.

"Shepard, fancy seeing you here!"

Shepard winced, closing her eyes and praying that Kay wouldn't encourage Ash over. Turning around, she put on a forced smile.

"Hey, Ash. Just, uh, sitting down with an old friend."

And then the two of them did exactly what she had dreaded. Kay invited Ashley over, introducing herself and telling her to sit down and order herself something. Somewhere along the way, as Shepard sat there in mental pain, the topic of why Kay was there came up and she let it slip out.

"Ma'am, you gotta let me come help you two. I was going to go get something myself anyway."

Of course Kay went and agreed to it, Shepard still sitting in silence.

The next hour and a half were torturous. They had dragged her back and forth; pulled on different inconvenient clothing on her, put some outrageous looking shoes on and it continued until Shepard finally cracked and said they had to leave if they wanted to make it to Destiny in time.

They had put makeup on her. It was horrible. She would have taken ten waves of geth over this any day. She just couldn't understand why they enjoyed it so much. It was only when Kay gave her a mirror, she began to understand a tiny bit why they went through such effort.

She looked different. They had concealed the scar through her eyebrow with some sort of skin coloured paste; had outlined her eyes with dark eye makeup, bringing out their bright green colour. They had even put a tint of red on her lips. But it was nothing compared to what she was wearing.

It was a red tank top, billowing at the neck in elegant folds, a couple of gold chains attached from each shoulder to fall along her chest. The skirt she wore was high waisted, black and tight as hell. She'd be going nowhere if she had to run in it. And it showed a lot of leg, making her increasingly more uncomfortable. On her feet were black ankle boots with a small heel on them. She found herself actually admiring them.

Once she left her dressing room, Ashley bounced over to her and widened her eyes and Shepard's tattoo.

"Damn, Commander. That's some pretty awesome ink. I think Kay has your jacket."

Kay nudged Shepard in the shoulder and shoved a leather jacket into her arms, sending her a smile.

"Go kick some ass, Pan."

And for once, Shepard felt herself relax outside of her comfort zone. As she and Ashley made their way to Destiny, she caught herself smiling. She felt like a damn rebel.

"You gotta be careful now, Shep," Ash had been saying; her own heels clicking as she walked. She had settled for a blue party dress and wore it like a second skin. Shepard couldn't help but feel a bit jealous of her confidence.

"Aren't I always? Shouldn't I be the one giving pep talks, Ash?"

Ashley snicker, not looking at her commander as she continued.

"I was going to say, you gotta be careful around Alenko. Poor guy's gonna have heart failure."

Shepard felt her ears going red and was eternally grateful for how her hair fell over them.

"'Course he will, Ash. Have you seen yourself in the mirror?"

"Come on now, Skipper. We all know the LT's sweet on yea. Just don't give him any more reason to get drool on my dress."

Ashley had a unique way of getting a point across. A way that always stumped Shepard on how to react. It took everything for Shepard not to let her face break out into a 'what the hell do I do?' expression, but she was sure Ashley could see right through her anyway.

Fine, yeah. Maybe there was a little bit of sexual tension going on between her and Kaidan but Ashley was blowing out of proportion. In a way, she was thankful that they had reached Kaidan at Destiny and didn't have to reply; because in truth, she had no idea what she would have said.

The first thing she noticed was Ashley smirking at Kaidan, and then in turn she noticed Kaidan. She realised before it was too late that she was checking him out. It was very hard not to, with him looking so different in civvies. They suited him. He was just wearing a long sleeved, dark blue, buttoned down shirt and some very presentable jeans. There was a small bit of stubble grazing his chin that Shepard wasn't sure he had left because he knew he'd in civvies, or because he had decided he wasn't going to be clean shaven any more. Shepard hoped it was the latter. It was attractive.

It did make her feel better, however, that when she looked back at his eyes, they weren't where they were supposed to be either. At first, she assumed it was Ashley he was looking at, who was standing closely beside her, their elbows touching. But the she followed his eyes' path and realised they were trailing up her bare legs and back down again.

Ashley watched the whole thing with amusement. She did think that maybe they should get a move on and so decided to interrupt her Commander and Lieutenant from making googly eyes at each other. She let out a cough to get their attention.

Shepard twitched, straightening up and briefly catching Kaidan's eyes before awkwardly looking away.

"Right, everyone got their comms linked? Great. We'll work as it comes at us. This'll be too difficult to plan properly as this is completely unknown territory."

"Shepard, it's a nightclub, not a-"

"Shut up, Ashley. Now, the least we can do is have a skeleton plan. We get in there, mingle as to not draw attention, and if one of us spots Eriksson, we give everyone else a heads up. We'll work from there. Any questions?"

Ashley put up her hand like a child, Kaidan giving her a sideways look.

"When you say mingle-"

"No drinking, Williams. Maybe after."

When Ashley shrugged her shoulders and didn't seem like she was going to say anything else, Shepard led the way towards the door and opened it to be assaulted by the booming bass of the music, hurting her ears more than any gun fire ever had.

She couldn't lie; she felt a bit of pins and needles starting in her legs from the nerves. Although it could also have been from the heels and the tight skirt but she was too busy to internally debate that. Ashley fit into the crowd with ease; as if she had just come home after months away on a tour. She had left her and Kaidan alone in the middle of the club to go up to the bar and flirt with a couple of the guys there. Shepard noted the 'water' in her newly acquired glass.

She stood there, confused as to what one does at a nightclub other than pick up one night stands, and turned to see Kaidan smiling down at her.

"Come on, we'll sit down. Got a good view of the place from up there."

She nodded, following him up the stairs to the booth on the balcony, looking over the main bar and dance floor. She cursed as she tripped on her heel and felt her face burning red when Kaidan's hand grasped onto her arm to steady her. It was horrible and embarrassing. And it only got worse when they got to the booth when he offered to take her jacket. She was hoping to get away with keeping it on all night, but the place was hot and she didn't want to ruin Kay and Ashley's work on her face. So reluctantly, she let him take it off her shoulders and was nowhere near surprised when she heard a sharp intake of breath from behind her. Her tattoo was revealed once again. She went red.

"It's amazing," she heard him say quietly behind her, the tips of his fingers grazing over the ink. He stopped suddenly, as if he hadn't even realised he'd been doing it in the first place. When he came around to face her, Shepard could see the tint of pink on his cheeks, despite the flashing lights.

She awkwardly shrugged her shoulders and sat down, waiting for him to join her. Their time together wasn't usually this painfully awkward. Damn it, Ashley.

"So we better keep an eye out," she chirped, breaking the tense silence. "He's gonna be somewhere like this, somewhere he can look over everyone. Probably'll have a tonne of guards with him as well."

They kept watch out of the corner of their eyes, acting as casual as possible. Shepard was leaning back against the curved seat facing Kaidan, her leg crossed over her knee; while Kaidan had a foot on top of his knee, his arms spread out across the back of the sofa. They looked like a young couple to everyone else.

About half an hour into their night, after they had gotten hungry and thought they might as well order some finger foods, there was a deep cough from the entrance of their booth. Shepard and Kaidan broke out of their conversation about their early enlisting years to see a large balding man standing in front of them; a krogan on his right and a turian on his left. They'd obviously found Eriksson. They shared a look, realising that this was where the man should have been, and both quickly jumped into their acting roles.

"Oh my gosh, we're so sorry! Was this meant to be your booth?" she exclaimed dramatically, putting down the glass of soda she had been drinking. She knew by the look on Kaidan's face that he would be laughing at her for this later.

"Oh, we're very sorry," he continued on, playing with the act. "We'll move if you want?"

Eriksson stared at them for a moment before saying something to his guards and sitting down opposite Shepard and Kaidan. The two had scooched closer on the seat when they were sharing the food; now shoulder to shoulder. Shepard enjoyed leaning into him, inhaling that musky scent, all too much.

"Nonsense. It just so happens that I'd enjoy some company tonight. Jackson Eriksson, pleased to meet you."

They both plastered on fake smiles, nearly breaking their act to laugh at the poor guy's name. They were far too giddy to be sober.

"Joanne Moreau, nice to meet you, Jackson." She replied, holding out a hand for him to shake. Kaidan looked at her, baffled at her name choice before raising his eyebrows and introducing himself.

"Andrew Adams, at your service. Great place, this."

If Eriksson was suspicious, he certainly wasn't showing it. Shepard saw Ashley looking up at them out of the corner of her eye and gave her as much information as she could with just eye contact.

"It is, isn't it?" Eriksson replied smugly, rubbing his chin with his thumb. "You and your girlfriend come here often? Haven't seen you around before."

Shepard stared at Kaidan, amazed at how he didn't even flinch at the mention of her being his girlfriend, instead maintaining his charade flawlessly.

"No, our first time actually. Only just came out from Earth. Right, sweetie?"

Shepard didn't realise he was even talking to her, still staring at his face blankly. It wasn't until she noticed him looking intensely at her to talk that she woke up.

"Oh, uh, yea. Never been here before. Never. Ha."

She could have slapped herself in the face for being so terrible at the acting. After several minutes of Eriksson talking to Kaidan and seemingly ignoring her, she saw something on the man's face as he looked at the lieutenant. Attraction. Using all the willpower she could possibly muster, Shepard refrained from laughing at Kaidan's oblivious face. Eriksson was gay and he was really into Kaidan. She could not wait until this reached Ashley and Joker's ears.

A plan began forming in her head, with thanks to this new found information. She didn't need to gain his trust or find a distraction anymore. Kaidan was the distraction. If she could leave the two of them, Eriksson probably wouldn't care less, delighted that he could have Kaidan to himself. He wouldn't even remember Shepard had been there.

Still laughing to herself in her head, she put a hand on Kaidan's shoulder to get his attention.

"Just going to the ladies room, sweetness," she gushed, quietly but loud enough for Eriksson to hear. She pressed her fingers into his upper arm and met his eyes, letting him know to keep Eriksson occupied. He had no idea what he was agreeing to.

He nodded and smiled, extremely aware of Eriksson's watchful eye over them. While he was simply jealous of Shepard, Kaidan unfortunately wasn't aware of this, and thought that Eriksson was instead, getting suspicious. Panicking, Kaidan decided to try and make their charade all the more convincing.

"I'll see you in a few minutes then, honey," he replied, charmingly, and to both Shepard and Eriksson's shock, he pulled her in for a peck on the lips before turning back to Eriksson like nothing had even happened.

Shepard didn't freeze for too long; wanting to get the hell out of there before she yelled at Kaidan. That guy was an impressive actor. But she felt wrong as she made her way down the stairs to find Ash. Even though it was just the briefest of touches, she couldn't help but still feel the pressure against her lips; the quick scratch of stubble that hit off her cheek as he moved away. Dressing up with makeup, she decided, did nothing good for her. This was what she had tried to feel when she was a teenager. She had tried to experience all those stereotypical teenaged things with Jordan when she was fifteen. The first kiss, the French kiss, the making out, the sex. It was all a load of bullshit, she had discovered, and hadn't even bothered try past her first kiss. But maybe now she was starting to understand those tingly feelings people were supposed to get.

Nah. Load of bull.

She spotted Ashley gazing up at her and Kaidan's balcony, leaning against a lone table and grinning up at the scene.

"Hey, Shep. Does he, uh, know that Eriksson is trying to make a move on him?"

Shepard let out a laugh, shaking her head and pulling Ashley away by her wrist. She wasn't sure where they were going but she headed towards the most restricted looking place.

"So that was a nice little act you two had going on up there. Even had me convinced you were together."

Had they not been walking through some sketchy looking corridors that were looking more abandoned by the minute, Shepard probably would have turned around and smacked Ashley across the head. Instead, they continued onwards.

"You don't need us to convince you. It's like you've got our children named already."

"Ma'am I would never do such a thing. Such a relationship between you and Lieutenant Alenko would be fraternisation and we all know Commander Shepard would never break regs."

Shepard put a hand up to stop Ashley from yapping when she spotted some armed guards outside of a door on one side of the hallway, security cameras peering down towards them. She moved them both back around the corner they had just turned and out of the view of the cameras. Leaning against the wall, she pressed her lips tightly together and sighed.

"Okay," she said simply, taking a breath back in. "Plan. Right. We've got security cameras; one looking down this way, one at the door. We've also got two armed krogan. Ideas?"

Ashley clenched her teeth, bringing a hand through her loose hair as she thought.

"We kind of need Alenko here, don't we? I mean, I have zero tech to take out those cameras, you've got- oh, nothing either. At least you've got your biotics and I have my fists?"

Shepard grumbled as she put a finger to her ear to contact Kaidan.

"Kaidan, we're just outside the office but there's two cameras and armed guards. If you have any way of getting away from your boyfriend for a couple of minutes, now would be a good time."

There was silence between her and Ashley for a few minutes as they prayed Kaidan would appear. And just like that, he swooped down the corridor and came to a halt at them.

"You never told me he was gay," he mumbled bitterly to Shepard as he peered around the corner and started up his omni tool.

"Well it wasn't exactly on his dossier, Lieutenant. I thought when he only had eyes for you you'd realised."

He mumbled something else with a frown on his face, unaware of the smirk Ashley and Shepard were sharing behind his back.

"How'd you get away anyway?" Ashley asked, completely not caring that he was trying to concentrate.

"Told him I was going to check on you." He jerked his head towards Shepard, his hands still occupied.

"And what the hell are you going to tell him when you go back? You do need to go back, you know. We need more time."

There was a beep from his omni tool and he turned to narrow his eyes at Ashley.

"I'll tell him what he wants to hear. My girlfriend's gone off with one of her friends."

He didn't leave any time to spare, speeding back off down the hallway, the stress almost visible around his head. Ashley quietly whistled.

"Yep. Joker's gonna have fun with this news."

She gave Shepard a wink before both of them peered around the corner again. The two krogan were leaning against the wall, their shotguns dangling at their sides as they spoke to each other quietly. The two women shared a look before starting down towards them. One of them noticed them and jerked up straight, elbowing the other in the gut to bring his attention to the intruders.

"You're not allowed down here," one of them said, eyes switching suspiciously back and forth between Ashley and Shepard.

"Oh?" Ashley quipped.

"Leave now or-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence. He was hoisted into the air by Shepard's biotics, dropping his gun, and the other krogan hadn't a chance to react before Ashley had the shotgun pointed to his head. He gulped as the other guard dropped to the floor, dead.

"O-okay, ladies. Go ahead. Take what you want. Be my guest. Guy's a jackass anyway."

And just like that, the krogan dropped his gun and walked away, stepping over his dead colleague. Shepard looked at Ashley, bewildered, but then shook her head. Data. Right.

She commed Kaidan to let him know they were in and they were fine. She silently hoped he was coping with being harassed. If anyone could, it would be Kaidan Alenko.

The guy's office was a pig sty. There was old food containers thrown around, data pads covering every surface, a strange aroma coming from somewhere that smelled like sour milk. The whole place was just disgusting. Ashley searched one half of the room, gagging, while Shepard did the other, and when nothing showed up on any of the data pads, she headed over to his main console. She skimmed through folders and files, only paying attention to the names and dates. Ashley was now leaning over her shoulder and pointed out an icon that was labelled 'The Bold Stuff". She asked Shepard if he'd be the kind of guy who'd label something important like that and Shepard couldn't help but agree. Unfortunately. Apparently when he said 'The Bold Stuff', he was referencing the wonderfully explicit collection of porn he had stored in the one folder. If they didn't think he was gay before, what flashed up on the screen in front of them now certainly proved the theory.

"Okay," Shepard said, eyes wide. "Not that one."

Eventually, after another ten minutes, they found it in a folder labelled plainly as 'Alliance Stolen Intel'. It was sickeningly stupid. Comming Kaidan to let him know they were out, they quickly exited the office and blended back onto the dance floor. It was then that they spotted Kaidan trying to say goodbye to Eriksson up on the balcony, and he looked down, pleading with them.

"I better go save him, Ash." Shepard said, nudging her in the arm and gesturing up at Kaidan.

"You go do that, Skipper. I'm gonna go buy us some celebratory drinks to bring back to the ship."

Any other CO would've given her punishment then and there but did Shepard care? No.

When she got to the booth where Kaidan was now standing up, trying to explain why he had to go, she waltzed in past Eriksson's bodyguards and took Kaidan's arm.

"Come on, honey," she said, giving him a peck on the lips as pay back, hoping it affected him as much as it had affected her. "The babysitter's going to be leaving in an hour. We need to get back home to the twins."

She watched Eriksson's face fall in disappointment at the news that they had children. He was obviously planning on stealing Kaidan away from her for some secret love affair.

"Uh, yes. Really sorry we've got to go, Jackson," he said, giving the heartbroken man a rough handshake. "Must get back to the kids."

The three soldiers legged it from Destiny and didn't look back.

A/N: And here's one of my favourites... Thanks for the reviews and favs/follows. Anymore feedback though guys?

Next time: "You're looking pretty damn fine as well tonight, Commander," Joker commented fearlessly, just as she went to leave.

She narrowed her eyes.

"Don't ever say anything like that again, Flight Lieutenant," she commanded, a slight tone of humour in her voice.

"Of course, ma'am. Never again, ma'am."