Suspicion. That's the first thing I feel when I hear Tarkin saying that he has a new way of convincing you daughter mine. We've just arrived at Alderaan… but surely not. Alderaan is a powerful core world. I know he has not contacted the Emperor, and without a question he would need my master's permission to destroy such a planet. And he wouldn't dare… but he would. He is determined to succeed where I failed. The fool thinks that somehow he can take my position as second highest in the Empire. He can't of course, but he is ambitious and sees the throne as his in the future. I do believe my master finds him mildly entertaining. I, however, am not so amused.
Fear. He sends two stormtroopers to fetch you. I love you daughter mine, and love always comes hand-in-hand with fear. I leave, but choose at the last minute to escort you. I need to be with you. My breathing is even, as always, my helmeted head is expressionless, as always. No one sees my heart. Hero With No Fear indeed. It seems I have just exchanged one mask for another. I will not say, "don't worry" child, but I will say, "stay strong". Whatever happens, daughter mine, I will be there, I promise. We have arrived, and far too quickly.
Pride. You never give in, do you child? Though I am no dog to be lead about on a leash, and I'll thank you for not saying so. Tarkin taunts you and you snap back without losing your cool. If I could I would laugh, and throw in a few comments of my own. Instead I just stand here looking intimidating. I've become quite good at that I find. I can sense when you lie of course, though I do applaud your acting skills daughter mine. Tarkin believes you, but if the Rebel base is on Dantooine, there's a flood happening on Tatooine.
Horror. I was expecting this; I didn't think that he would so easily ignore the lure of a demonstration of this magnitude. But even guessing what was to be didn't mean I was prepared for it. As a Sith I don't care, should anticipate it in fact, but as a father I care how it will effect you. Automatically, numbly, I reach out and grab your shoulder.
Helplessness. I hold you back child, wishing I could hold you instead. I wish I could stop him, but I can't do anything. I could stop him for a few days, but the Emperor would reorder it if only to remind me who holds the power doing nothing in the end save threatening my position, having him inquire why I would do such a thing for you daughter mine, and perhaps causing It to be unleashed on Naboo as well. The Dark Side was supposed to give me power, so why was I always helpless to protect those I love?
Pain. I automatically fling up all the walls I have built over a lifetime of slavery and war. But I instantly change my mind. I seek out Luke's mind and wrap around it, blocking out what is about to happen. He feels closer than I expected. Has he suddenly begun training in the Force, or did he get off Tatooine? I don't have time to analyze that right now. I next guard your mind as much as I can. I won't be able to stop it completely, you're too close to the tragedy, but at least I am able to block some of it from you daughter mine. Now I am vulnerable to the full force of a million deaths and am as close as I can be without dieing myself. I'm nearly brought to my knees, would be if my cybernetic limbs didn't lock in place. I have not felt such pain since – but I can't think of that right now or I'll break for certain.
Hatred. I swear I will snap Takin's neck for this. I feel my power in the dark side leap and my eyes turn yellow, as I fantasize about killing him, no torturing then killing him. He thinks I cannot break a being because of my so-called failure with you daughter mine. But we shall see how long he lasts under a vengeful Sith Lord! Who needs a droid when I can rip into his mind, bring to life his most horrifying nightmares, force him to constantly relive his worst memories, introduce him to some of mine, make him think that he's lost a limb, that he can't breathe, he's burning alive on the blackened shores of Mustafar – my satisfying train of thought breaks off as you speak. Daughter mine, how strong you are, your voice holds not a tremor. I escort you out, for a moment putting aside my Sith self to become your father again.
Shame. I bottle up my hatred, my anger, my fear, and force them back. I lock them away with my other memories of the same type. When I need a burst of power I shall call for them again, resurrect this experience but that is not now so I push them away. But in their place shame comes creeping in. When I walk you back, I wonder for a moment why everyone does not suddenly realize our relationship daughter mine. We walk in step, our heads held high, our backs straight, commanding respect with our very presences, hiding our horror and pain. Child, how I wish I could have done more, could do more. But for all I am, for all my power, all I can do is stand back and watch your pain and pretend your silent screams aren't ripping me to pieces as I turn away and leave you in your cell.
I feel you reach out for me, just like you used to when you were little. My response is almost automatic. Without thinking, I wrap invisible arms around you. I hold you and let you cry on my shoulder. Soon, precious daughter mine, your tears will dry and you'll draw away again. Soon you shall regain your strength and have no more need of me. But until then, I shall take all of the pain I can from you. I will murmur nonsense words of comfort. Though you will not be able to understand the meaning, I shall very softly sing the lullaby that my mother would sing to me when I cried.
My steps do not falter, everyone sees a Sith Lord stride by them, your guards watch with perverse pleasure as the ice princess breaks down in her cell. (I make note of their force signatures for the next time I have one of my fatal temper tantrums.) No one connects us. Everyone sees Sith Lord and Rebel Princess. No one sees father and daughter. Everyone sees enemies. No one sees family.
I suppose that what they see is more accurate.
But here, now, in the bloodstained depths of my denied heart, I can pretend.