A/N: Sorry for the long wait! Warning: Mention of self harm.
Beca manages to pass out a few hours later. After being kept awake by Chloe's text messages begging her to tell her if she was okay and apologizing. Beca would read them and feel sick with herself. She sleeps uneasily and awakens the next morning to the sunlight shining in through her windows. The brunette inspects herself in the mirror, she contains big black circles under her eyes and a few new cuts adorn her arms. That's when she realizes that she is still wearing Chloe's clothes. She is quick to strip out and into some of her own clothes. That's when she retreats back into her bed and hides.
She scrolls through her phone to see many notifications.
Chloe: Becs I'm sorry.
Chloe: Please don't do anything you'll regret.
Chloe: I care about you, please stay safe.
Beca ignores the text messages from the ginger, and instead throws her phone on the ground. She turns her back to the world and blares music for the rest of the day. Hiding from her problems and hiding from her thoughts. From being such a hard ass, you would think she wouldn't cry so much. But here Beca Mitchell is, staining her pillow with smeared eye liner. She is the last thing from okay.
The scenes replay from last night, over and over again. She hates herself for being so cruel, and she hates herself for the way she looked at Chloe yesterday. She can't like a girl like that. It's wrong, it's what her parents taught her and she believes it. She's an abomination. She just can't like a girl. She can't. Beca cries, deep down her mind argues with her reasoning. But she knows, she's just excited about a friendship. Ew, no, she reminds herself, don't like girls. Beca sobs.
When her phone keeps vibrating in the middle of the night, she climbs out of the cave of her bed, and looks at her phone. She has a few text messages from Jesse clowning around. And a ton from Chloe. Most are apologizing, a few are her getting angry, and many plead to see if Beca is okay. Beca sighs and wipes at her cheeks.
Beca: Just come over.
Chloe replies almost immediately.
Chloe: I'm on my way.
Beca lays back down and stares at the ceiling. Her dry eyes blink and blink until she slowly falls asleep. She has weird dreams that she is too weirded out to think about. The brunette wakes back up when she feels a delicate hand on her shoulder, waking her up. Beca rolls over, squinting up at the person above her.
Chloe stares down at Beca with a tired smile, her ginger hair is in a messy bun, and her usually bright blue eyes look duller. Beca instantly knows that she's been crying. And the light from the room shines in a way behind her that she looks almost angel like. Beca sits up to even her eye contact with the ginger. Chloe looks almost like she's scared of Beca. The brunette observes this as Chloe quickly avoids eye contact and chews at her nails.
"Hey," Chloe whispers.
"Hi," Beca replies.
"I'm sorry," the duo says simultaneously.
"Why are you sorry?" Beca asks, "I was the ass."
Chloe plays with the strings on her gray sweatshirt and looks down, sadly, "I didn't react very well. I should've responded another way. So I'm sorry."
Beca sighs, "You don't need to be sorry, you were just trying to help and I was terrible."
"You weren't being terrible, you're obviously going through a hard time and you lashed out, and I will be here for you," Chloe smiles. Beca can't help but find Chloe's genuine smile contagious. And Beca lets out a crooked smile, and Chloe bumps the younger woman's shoulder, "There's a smile."
"I don't want to talk about it though," Beca announces; subsequently building her walls straight back up.
Chloe shrugs, "And we don't have to talk about it, and if you want to talk, we will talk when you're ready."
Beca chuckles to herself and bows her head down.
"What?" the redhead asks.
"How do you do that?" Beca asks.
"Do what?" Chloe responds.
"Make me feel so important," the freshman chuckles.
Chloe blushes. Chloe freaking Beale actually blushes. She bows her head and shrugs, "Because you just are."
For the first time ever, Beca Mitchell initiates a hug. She was always an awkward one with physical contact, never quite knowing where to put her hands. Old habits seem to die hard, she manages to wrap her arms around the ginger, but her hand manages to knock the lamp off of her desk when she embraces the girl. Beca immediately pulls back, because the lamp falling was her sign of reality. She was getting intimate and hugging the girl she was staring at yesterday and holding hands with. She's acting too overfriendly, and it may change her thoughts.
Beca springs off of the bed, and bows her head and turns her back to Chloe to pick the lamp up. The thing managed to not break, but it managed to knock down a container of pens. And Beca is thankful she can busy herself with that instead of facing her thoughts or Chloe.
When she turns around, Chloe's gaze quickly shoots to the ceiling and away from Beca and her cheeks are tinged pink. Was she just staring at Beca's ass? Or lack of thereof? The freshman brushes it off, she is so not dealing with that right now.
"Are you okay, Becs? You look weird," Chloe voices.
"I just haven't eaten or drank anything since the Bellas bonding," Beca says quickly, which isn't a lie.
Chloe grabs the freshman's hand, "That was almost 24 hours ago! Let's go get you food!"
"I haven't showered," the brunette reasons, to try and get away.
"Put a beanie on," Chloe announces, whilst walking over to Beca's closet and searches for a change of clothes.
"I'm fine, really. I don't want to go out to eat," Beca announces.
"Oh, then we can just order in!"
"No, just stop!" Beca yells.
"Stop what?" Chloe asks, thrown back.
"I don't want to…" Beca pulls at her hair, "I can't. I don't want to eat with you!"
Chloe looks crushed for a second, and Beca regrets it immediately. Beca Mitchell you piece of shit, she scolds in her head. But then the tips of Chloe's ears turn red as her eyes zero in on Beca. "What has possibly transpired in the last five minutes that you're pushing me away again?"
"Stop talking to me like that!" Beca yells.
"Oh, so you can yell at me, but I can't return the favor?" Chloe yells.
The brunette stops, "Okay, fine, I'm an asshole. Just leave me alone please."
"No, I won't do that, I want you to be okay."
"Don't treat me like a lost puppy," the freshman nearly growls.
"I'm treating you like a friend that I care a lot for," Chloe mumbles.
"Well then stop caring," the brunette blubbers.
"I'll stop caring when the world stops spinning."
And for some reason in the quick argument, that is when Beca loses it. It's like the dam holding back the emotions stinging inside her right now breaks. Her navy eyes start shedding tears at a rapid rate and she can feel her legs give out. Nobody has ever cared about her before, and now she has Chloe, who is holding her on the ground and petting her hair down, who admits she will care until the end of time. Beca has never had anyone care, her dad abandoned her and her mom treated her like a burden, so much so that she actually believed it.
"I will always be here," Chloe whispers into Beca's hair. This only makes Beca sob harder. She feels lips lightly press against her temple. "Do you think you can get up?"
Beca weakly nods.
"Okay, good," Chloe voices as she helps the weeping Beca to her feet. The ginger ushers the bawling girl to the bed, and Chloe sits and pulls the girl into her, until Beca is practically curled into the gingers side and on her lap.
Beca doesn't know how long the long awaited mental breakdown lasts. She just feels something almost that resembles home as she cries in the ginger's arms. Eventually her crying dies down, by now, without Chloe she would've cut. But here she is, unharmed, and staring into shining, beautiful blue eyes.
"How about we get some food in you?" Chloe cheers.
Beca nods.
"Why don't you go shower first? It always helps," the redhead advises.
So then the freshman finds herself showering in the communal showers, and feeling rejuvenated upon entering her room and seeing Chloe sitting on her bed with a large smile. The robe clad Beca smirks back and goes into her closet. She slips dark jeans and a black long sleeve on and sits down next to Chloe on the bed.
"Are you ready to go eat?" Chloe asks.
"Yeah," Beca responds, and her voice cracks.
The two exit the dorm together. And Chloe loops her elbow through Beca's, and the pair smiles at each other. The two walk silently in the brisk air. Upon entering the café, the duo sits across from each other at a booth.
"Hey, I'm your waitress Stacie," the duo looks up at the speaking brunette who is looking at her nails, she looks up, "Oh hey guys!"
"Hey, Stacie," Beca says.
"Why weren't you at practice today?" Stacie inquires.
Beca shrugs, and Chloe is quick to speak, "Can I have a water, please?"
"Coffee," Beca mumbles.
Stacie smiles, and shoots a wink at Chloe before walking away. Beca turns to the ginger and smiles, "Thanks for covering for me like that."
Chloe smiles in such a way it makes Beca's heart speed up, "Of course. I'm always here," the ginger says wholeheartedly and reaches across the table and grabs Beca's forearm lightly.
"I know," Beca smiles.
"Sorry to interrupt," Beca jumps at Stacie suddenly standing beside her with a smirk on her face, "but would you guys like to order anything?"
The two quickly give their orders to the smirking brunette, and then return to longing looks and shit eating grins. Beca can't help but feel so much better. She is so content and she has this lovely redhead with blue eyes smiling at her to thank for it. Stacie returns to the pair with their food, and the two eat in between great conversations.
Upon returning back to Beca's dorm, Chloe gives the younger girl a hug. A long and lingering hug to signify that she will always be there. Beca manages to whisper a thank you, and Chloe pulls away and leaves a soft kiss on the freshman's cheek, which leaves the young woman blushing and putting her hand over the tingling skin.
"Let's go to bed," Chloe smiles at the sleepy girl.
Beca is suddenly so sleepy from the last shitty 24 hours, and not to mention the confusing cheek kiss from Chloe. The ginger helps pull the long sleeve shirt off as Beca struggles, and Beca feels her insides collapse in insecurity of her cuts. She meets Chloe's striking and simply the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen, and the pair hold deep eye contact. And Beca would be lying if she said it wasn't the scariest moment of her life. When Chloe runs her thumbs, lovingly over the cuts, and leans down to leave a soft kiss on the most recent one, Beca lets out an unwanted sob. She is terrified, she is too exposed, and way too intimate with a girl that she has been looking at in a more than friendly way.
"It will be okay, Bec," Chloe whispers as she dresses Beca in sleeping clothes. "You are going to be happy."
Beca only lets out a whimper, and Chloe leads the pair back to the bed and holds the young girl. The brunette latches onto Chloe like a lifeline as she sobs. Her body is hyperaware of Chloe rubbing her hands up and down her back, and she likes it.
"You're the Christina to my Meredith," Chloe whispers as she kisses Beca's temple.
And when Beca registers the girl's words, she has never been more terrified or so full of joy in her entire life.
A/N: And scene. Tell me what you think! :)