Guidelines to Chipmunks and Chipettes!

by ice around the moon

Think you have what it takes to live with chipmunks and chipettes? Think you don't? Here's a simple rulebook to help you out. Don't think you'll need it? Your funeral, bro.

4. Warning Labels!

So I watched Juno for the first time the other day.

I'm freaking in love with Paulie Bleaker.

I mean come on, who could no spaz over those legs?

Many thank's to shortnsweet615 for being an epicly-epic beta!:)

I do now own Alvin and the Chipmunks

(Rules 60-80)

"Toby, get the door!"

Said Seville bit his tongue as he attempted a riff on the guitar he held. He watched as the multicolored notes ran down the screen in a pace that quickened as the seconds went by. Toby's eyes had started to sting sense the flat screen was the only source of light in the living room.

"C'mon, c'mon," Toby chanted. "No, no, no! Yes, yes, yes! No, yes, yes, no!"

The door bell rang once more.

"Toby-"

"MOM, FOR MUNKS SAKE WOULD YOU HOLD ON!" Toby screamed back, his fingers rapidly pushing the colorful button's of the guitar. "I HAVE to beat Simon! There is no way the Tobester is going down without a fight!"

From the corner of his eye he saw Brittany scamper into the dark room. "Face it, Toby," the chipette said, flipping back some fur. "You've been beat by a chipmunk." She shook her head with a sigh. "How will you as a Gamer live with the guilt?"

Toby glared at the screen before he glanced at her. "If this demonic game wasn't sucking the ever-loving life out of me, you'd so be stuffed in a sock right now," he muttered.

"Ha!" Brittany grinned widely, crossing her arms. "Over Alvin's pile of ashes."

The pink clothed chipette trotted over to the door and leaped onto the knob. She twisted herself around it and the lock clicked open. Brittany hopped down and blinked up at the visitor as his silhouette blocked the deep light of the setting Sun.

In the doorway was a teen no more than a year older than Padamay. His golden locks flashed hue's of dancing light as his blue bottle glass eyes crinkled at the chipette.

Brittany blinked. "Oh!" she said. The chipette waved and smiled brightly. "Hi, Jaxon!"

Jaxon swished his bangs out of his sight as he spoke. "Sup, Brittany," he said with a crooked grin. "Pad home?"

"Uh-huh," Brittany said, pushing the door open more so Jaxon could walk in. "She's in her room."

"Thanks," Jaxon said. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the living room. He looked over to Toby, who was picking out another song by tapping the buttons of his gutair.

Jaxon cleared his throat, placing his hands in his back pockets. He always dreaded these awkward moments with his girlfriend's brother. Toby Seville could glare daggers that were just as sharp as Padamay. So ever sense Padamay had told her brother Jaxon was now her main squeeze, those hazel daggers had been sharpened to the hilt. Not that the teen went over to the Chipette Residence that much, but now that Toby was working stage hand with himself and Padamay, he got all daggers all the time.

"Er," Jaxon cleared his throat and waved a little before rubbing the back of his neck. "Hey, Toby!"

"Hello the source of my sleeplessness," Toby replied in a grumble.

Jaxon crooked his head. "Um...say what?"

"You were on the phone with my sister until four in the morning last night," Toby said in a patient voice as he selected a song, still watching the screen. "I haven't slept in two days."

"Why aren't you asleep today?"

"Because I will not be brought down by a six inch tall rodent!" Toby exclaimed with a wicked grin and a crazy glint in his wide eyes. "I shall be...AVENGED! Muahahahaha!"

Jaxon blinked and looked down at Brittany. "Do I even wanna know?" he asked flatly.

Brittany simply gave him a look and pointed down the hallway. "Padamay's room is the last one on the right." The chipette scampered into the kitchen.

Jaxon gave Toby one last nervous look before he shuffled out of the room. When he was out Toby's sight he practically ran down the hallway.

The teen glanced into Toby's room on his way down the hallway. Empty cans of Coke, Red Bull, and Full Throttle were scattered around the room and poster's of game warriors and girls were placed all over the wall.

However, on the left side of the room it was entirly spotless. That was where the Wii, Xbox, and Playstation 1,2, and 3 were all perfectly in place, connected to a flat screen TV.

Jaxon whistled lowly. "Snaz-ay," he said.

The teen continued walking down the hallway. He couldn't have missed Padamay's room even if he tried. The walls were painted far to brightly to walk by without catching someone's eye. He was thankful he wouldn't have to maneuver pass any trash in her room like he would have to if it were Toby's room. In Padamay's room, there were no empty cans lying around, no empty game cases, no posters of girls. The only posters Padamay had hanging up were of the chipmunks and chipettes and a few bands that he had never heard of. One entire neon green wall was covered in photos of friends and family from top to bottom.

Over the sounds of a subtitled anime on the teen's lavender TV and a low up-beat song on the stereo, Jaxon heard, "Arg, curse you Physics!"

Jaxon looked over to Padamay's color-splattered bed. The teen laid upside down with her head clear off the side, a Physics book covering her face.

"Er, Pad?"

The book fell to the floor, making him jump. Padamay's eyes were wide and startled, then relaxed and crinkled. "Oh," she breathed in a laugh. "What's up, Peters?"

"Pad, how long have you been laying like that?" he asked with a crooked grin as he walked into the room over the bright blue carpet.

"Hmm," Padamay thought, then smirked. "What's today?"

Jaxon rolled his eyes as Padamay picked up her book and flipped back up into a sitting position. She blinked as the color faded back into her face.

"How goes the Physics?" he asked.

"Bleh," Padamay replied. Jaxon made a sympathetic noise. He glanced over at the colorfully wrapped present in the corner. The wrapping paper was covered in candy canes. He smiled. "Who's that for?"

Padamay glanced over at the gift and grinned as she flipped through the pages of her book. "Oh," her voice was high in a gossip tone. "It's for this dude at my school."

Jaxon's eyes grew wide as she continued. "Like...a teacher?"

"Oh, no," she said with a shake of her curls. "For a student, a guy in one of my classes."

"Really?"

"Yeppers," she said before sighing dreamily. "He's got this hair that's all swishy, and it's so soft. It's like eyebrow hair."

Jaxon caught on and smiled. "Sounds neat. The other day I got a gift for this girl in my third period."

Padamay arched an eyebrow. "Really? What's she look like? I might know her."

Jaxon smiled and walked over to her. "Oh, she's gorgeous," he said, then sang quietly, "She's got blue eyes deep like the sea that roll back when she's laughing at me. She rises up like the tide, the moment her lips meet mine..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

Padamay and Jaxon jerked out of their kiss, faces burning brightly. The Seville looked over Jaxon's shoulder to see Jeanette and Eleanor. The tallest purple clothed chipette was scowling fiercely with her hands over Eleanor's evergreen eyes.

"Honestly Pad," Jeanette said with a shake of her head. "I thought the no-modesty act was Alvin and Brittany's job!"

Padamay shrugged as her blush deepened. Jeanette rolled her eyes and said, "Dave just called your mother. He said you should get to work on those rules."

"Kay," Padamay said, not able to meet the hard indigo eyes of the chipette. "Thanks."

Jeanette huffed and steered Eleanor down the hallway.

Jaxon smacked his lips awkwardly as the seconds stretched on. "So," he coughed. "Need any help with those guidelines?"

888

Rule's 60-80 by Padamay Seville

Rule #60-Don't strap leaf blowers to your back while wearing roller skates.

(Shockingly, it was Simon's idea)

(It was so epically epic!)

(But Dave locked up the leaf blowers after I lost by balance and skidded across the concrete)

(Wince)

(Kind of had to agree with the ol' uncle on that one...)

Rule #61-When bored during those long morning drives to the concerts, never start singing The Circle of Life from The Lion King just to scare everyone awake.

("Nants Ingonyama! Bagithi baba!")

(That would be the awesome intro)

(By the time I got to the chorus everyone had finally jerked awake and was glaring at me)

(Except Alvin, he was singing it with me!)

(Mini-Pad For The Win!)

Rule #62-When Jeanette, Eleanor, Claire, and Brittany go nutter's over the Twilight movies, just leave the room.

(They will bite your head off)

(No pun intended)

(When New Moon came out, they bought it at midnight and watched it until six o'clock in the freaking morning)

(I was watching a Family Guy marathon with Alvin at the time)

Rule #63-Popcicles are banned from the Rez's.

(It took us thirty minuet's to get Theodore's tongue peeled off of a push pop)

(Poor little dude couldn't talk for two days)

Rule #64-Toby and Monster Energy is a horrible combination.

(Seriously, he's worse than the munks)

(It doesn't help that he's allergic to them)

Rule #65-If Alvin get's mad at you, hide your laptop.

(Apparently Simon gave him an innocent lesson in hacking)

(Hacking as in crashing your entire Hard Drive)

Rule #66-Sock skating is no longer aloud.

(Even though it is perfect for doing Michael Jackson moves)

(I ended up under a coffee table)

(Toby hit his head on the counter)

(We both got grounded)

Rule #67-Bungee jumping is not prohibited.

(Alvin took one of my elastic headbands and tied it to the shingles of the roof)

(He didn't exactly think it through...)

(The munk ended up about fourty feet in the air when the headband back fired)

(I've never heard Dave scream so loud and so high pitched)

(Alvin ended up landing in a tree)

(Dave ran over to him and demanded me to climb the tree and get him down)

(When I got down he shook Alvin and said, "Alvin, how many fingers am I holding up?")

(Alvin's reply: "November...?")

(Dave fainted)

Rule #68-Christmas lights are to be at the legal limit.

(Theodore and Eleanor went a little overboard)

("Hey, Dave! Mars called! They asked us to cut the lights off because their citizen's think that we're trying to shoot at them!")

Rule #69-And while we're on the subject of lights, don't let Simon and Jeanette mess with the concert lights.

(Unfortunetly, the manager complained about the lights not being bright enough)

(So, Jeanette and Simon mixed up the filters and settings a little)

(Long story short, that misadventure ended in a tiiiiny explosion)

(We bailed)

Rule #70-Don't let Eleanor get the mail.

(She'll sing The Mail Song from Blues Clues)

("Here's the mail, it never fails. It makes me wanna wag my tail. When it comes I wanna wail-MAAAAAAAAAAAIL!")

(Nose Bleed)

Rule #71-Don't let an exterminator anywhere near the Rez's.

(Hello, they're chipmunks! Chipmunks=Rodent!)

(Dave will hunt you down, not even kidding!)

Rule #72-Always keep Jeanette's night light on.

(She's secretly terrified of the dark)

(Simon and I are the only ones who know xP)

(If the night light goes out and she sleep's in your bed, you will not get any sleep)

("Did you here that? What about that? Padamay, I saw something! No, I swear I did! How could you not here that? You're crazy, I clearly heard-Oh my gosh, did you see that? Yes you did, you just don't want to get up and see what it was!)

Rule 73-We Seville's are no longer allowed writing self-help books. (Guidelines are the exception! XD)

(Things I've learned from Women Who Dumped Me)

(Tobester)

(How to Lose a Fight with Style)

(Dave)

(Driving with a Seville: Get in, Sit down, strap up, and shut up)

(Me, buahaha)

Rule #74-Warn the chipmunks and chipettes before you sneeze.

(Dave, I'm lookin' at you!)

(He once sneezed out of out of nowhere, and it was so loud that when he was done the chipmunks and chipettes were clinging to the ceiling with wide eyes)

(Now every time someone yawn's or sighs, they scream and run out of the room)

Rule #75-Alvin, stop making fun of Toby's secret Miley Cyrus obsession!

(THAT'S MY JOB!)

Rule #76-Don't let the munks watch any cartoons with annoying theme songs. That includes the following:

The Batman Theme

(Alvin now sings the Batman theme every time he's in a car)

(Na na na na na na na na-BATMAN!)

(My Ferrari is now The Munk Mobile!)

The Addams Family

(I actually started snapping the theme on live TV when the munks were doing an interview and the reporter asked, "What is the first song that comes to your head when you think of your family?)

(Da, da, da, da)

(Snap! Snap!)

(Theodore was Cousin It for Halloween!)

(Kind of creepy, but at the same time so freaking cuuuute!)

The Ghostbusters Theme

(Toby once picked up the phone and I asked, "Who you gonna call?" then from somewhere in the house, Brittany shouted, "GHOSTBUSTERS!")

The Mission Impossible Theme

(Toby and I now use it when sneaking the chipmunks and chipettes around rabid fangirls)

The Pink Panther Theme

(It's now Alvin's Stalking-Brittany music)

The James Bond Theme

(Aka-The Tobester's Theme)

Rule #77-Always bring an extra pair of shoes when munk-sitting Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

(My aim is getting better every day!)

Rule #78-(Sigh) Okay, Dave wanted me to add this rule: Evil laughter is now banned from the Rez's.

(We're really starting to creep Claire out with the muahaha-ing.)

Rule #79-No one is allowed to sing the song, "Shed a Tear" when Toby is around.

(He started crying when we were watching Bambi and the mom died)

(See most people would say, "Aw!" and think it was so sweet to see a guy with feelings, but Alvin and I beg to differ)

(So when Toby walked in the kitchen the other day, Alvin and I started singing)

("With you right here, Imma shed a tear and...cry-y-y-y-y-y!")

("Don't be afraid to cry! You can still be a manly guy!")

("Just cry-y-y-y-y-y!")

("Don't be afraid to cry! Let it free fall from your eyes!")

(Me and the munk are now grounded)

(Grr...)

Rule #80-Whenever you have a headache, stomachache, or just a plain out ache, DON'T go to Dave. Wait for Simon to find you something.

("Hey Dave, I'm not feeling to good. Do have an Advil or something?")

("Hmm, lemme see...oh, yeah! Here's something!")

("What's the label say?")

("Warning: Do not take this medication with any form of alcohol, energy drink, or another other type of liquid (Tea, juice, plain water). You should not operate heavy machinery, which includes breathing and blinking. Do not take this medication if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, or plan on becoming pregnant in the next eleven years or so. Side effects may include: nausea, lower back pain, weight gain, weight loss, itchy chafing clothing, ringworm, the shanks, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, warped floors, hunchback, heart attack, feline leukemia, head lice, athlete's foot, fleas, sleeplessness, drowsiness, seizures, fever, vomiting, more vomiting, hallucinations, poor gas mileage, split ends, warts, lazy eye, unibrow, chest pains, and the belief that you are a pink mouse that sings, "I want to be a funky chicken!" every three to five minutes. Alrighty Pad, one or two tablets?")

(O.O'=my face)

("Erm...on second thought, Uncle Dave, I think I'll just stick with the headache...")

888

Think Jaxon has what it takes to write the next set of rules? Lemme know in a review!

Suggestions are always welcomed! ^^)