"What, we're just goin' in? Just goin' right past the bouncer?" Fat Amy called, obviously excited as Beca waved at the buff woman with the clipboard and breezed right by, "Awwww yeeeah! Bellas in the hizzouse!"
"I've always wanted to just walk by a whole line of people! This is so badass!" Stacie was all but jumping up and down as she pouted playfully at the line and gave them a little teasing wave. A man a few people back dropped his cigarette as he stared.
"Yo, this is the tits! Ha! Lata suckas." Cynthia Rose and Lilly popped their collars and strode right by, following their friends.
"Whoa." The word just popped out of Chloe's mouth as they walked in past the bouncer and had their hands stamped. They were on the base floor of the club and looking up through the flashing lights and the bodies was...intimidating. There were three floors above them, full of partying people - though calling them floors wasn't quite right since they were more like catwalks that snaked around the walls, large enough to fit ten people deep, which left a clear view from the bottom all the way up to the top. Chloe's jaw hung open as she watched the bodies swaying above them, servers weaving in and out, people sitting at tables. She was thoroughly impressed.
"Wow, I didn't even know places like this existed outside of TV," Aubrey said, obviously out of her element; her prim blouse and slacks stuck out here as much as the clubware around them would have stuck out in everyday life.
This was not the kind of club that Chloe had gone to in college. Atlanta had some pretty happening spots that she and Beca had liked to sneak off to every now and then but none of them had been like this one. Aubrey was right, this looked like a movie; it was almost as if any second some cool guy or gal was going to step out of the crowd and declare themselves their enemy which - now that she thought about it, that had already happened to them once, hadn't it? Well. The Bellas could blow minds and wipe the floor with a rival team a second time if need be. The thought made her smile.
The music was blasting, multi-colored lights flashing from all three balcony levels above them. This place was, well, off the hook.
"Welcome to The Royal!" Beca said tossing a smirk back at Aubrey. Chloe could see her momentary pride, as if to say they were not in Kansas anymore but in Beca's world now.
Her arms crossed again, but she had to bite back her own grin; smirky smug Beca was rare - when she wasn't singing - but it had always been a favorite of Chloe's. Beca was one of those women who never knew how good they were, how priceless, how worth it, and how much they should be proud to be who they were. Chloe would give anything to see that little smile on Beca's face more often.
Aubrey's eyes narrowed at Beca in response but she said nothing because suddenly people were rushing at them, greeting Beca, Hunny, and Emily, taking their pictures, talking to them, shouting for them, bringing them drinks.
"Damn, it's like bitches are famous or some shit!" Cynthia Rose cried when they were jostled out of the way.
"That's because they are," Chloe smiled. Maybe they weren't big Hollywood names - yet - but they were famous in this world and Chloe couldn't be more proud.
"So," Jessica started but then stopped cold. The song had just changed and recognition sparked instantly; Chloe saw it register on all the Bellas faces one by one. She wasn't sure what it was, some type of funky house mix of one of the songs they sang for the president. She felt the beat pass through all of the Bellas like a ripple, like a tight adhesive, just as it used to when they were freestyling, which was always when they were at their best. Their faces were all studious for a second, feeling, processing and then slowly grins started to bloom as they looked between one another, giving each other knowing sneers.
"Yeaaaah, good beats, right? This is DJ Steve." Beca grinned, her head already starting to move a little bit as if she were just itching to break out into a dance. "We all know this one, right?"
Chloe wished Beca would break out into that dance. She would love to see a few minutes of Beca, her Beca - instead of cold, reserved Beca.
"Bex!" A girl came skipping out of the crowd and whispered in her ear.
"Are you - are you fucking serious? It's not even that late- I can't - how did you - okay, I'm coming. No! No! I'll handle it! Josie, I'm fucking serious. I got it." She could feel Beca's mood shift as she was called away to another part of the building for work; she had the same look on her face that she used to when the Bellas were really deep into rehearsal and things weren't going how Beca wanted them to.
Chloe bit down on her lip and looked to the other Bellas, but it was clear she had been the only one who noticed the change in Beca, even Hunny was barely paying attention at all, talking in a whisper to a man beside them and then taking a shot with Emily.
The beat of the song picked up and Chloe turned to Aubrey, surprised to see a giant smile on her face; perhaps that was the shots that Stacie had been passing to her on the way over. Strangely, Stacie had always been able to get Aubrey to loosen up in a way that even Chloe couldn't. Call it a gift. She appreciated that about Stacie. Seeing Aubrey's loose smile she wondered if tonight would be one of those nights where her best friend would let go a bit and become a hip rolling, body grinding, dancing machine. It only happened on occasion but Chloe was ready for the fun. Let's do this! Whooo!
"Okay guys, have fun, I'll see you out there, I need to go check on some shit. Hunny." Beca twirled her fingers toward the Bellas as though to say, 'take care of these wonderful ladies'.
"I don't know about you bitches," Cynthia Rose scoffed with a grin, licking the tip of a finger and sweeping it across her eyebrow, "but if you'll excuse me, I gotta tear some shit up."
A loud shout exploded from the girls and suddenly her friends were pushing past her and onto the cramped dance floor, jumping and bouncing instantly.
"COME ON, CHLOE!"
For a moment all she could do was watch them, a huge smile on her face. God, she had missed these women; their happy faces, all together, all singing along with the remixed song, throwing in a move or two from their routine. She hadn't realized just how much she needed it, which was saying something because she had known she needed it.
Slowly the beat began to pound in her chest, making her skin tingle, picking up her heart rate and spreading an uncomplicated warmth through her. Her chin started to dip as her hips itched to move, to twitch, to slide. Still she stood there watching them with a twinkle in her eye, letting this delightful warm buzzing build, stealing her breath as she took it all in. And then, when she couldn't handle it anymore, she let out her own shout of joy and she was there with them, moving, swaying.
Dancing like a maniac in her living room with her headphones in was one thing, always holding back a little just in case someone like Marcy were to come by and she would have to explain herself. Dancing by yourself was fun but this, surrounded by her friends, it was something like heaven.
There was a slightly drunken shout from beside her and Aubrey suddenly wrapped her arms around her, kissing her face. "What did you give her?" She mouthed to Stacie who just played innocent, turning away with a small smirk.
"Why didn't we do this more when we were in college?"
Chloe couldn't help her laughter, "Because, Brey, you said this type of dancing would 'hinder our Bella routine'."
"God, why was I such a stuffy bitch?"
That made Chloe all but collapse into Ashley behind her, laughing so hard she could barely keep herself on her feet.
"Awe, don't say that!" Emily cried, appearing at their side, "You were a great Bella leader."
"Legacy, you were never her Bella!"
"No! But I went through aca-boot camp!"
Amy opened her mouth to respond but Aubrey called, "Fat Amy" and it was clear to see that Amy was both shocked and delighted when Aubrey just threw her arms around her.
"I want whatever you gave her, Stace!"
Stacie shook her head, eyeing Aubrey with a small smile, "I didn't give her anything special, it's more that she just - kept freaking taking them when I handed them to her. I kinda wanted to see how long she would keep going."
There was no room for negativity in their Bella bubble as Chloe moved from friend to friend, shaking out her hair, moving her feet, popping her hips, wiggling her ass in a way that she would never do at home. They each had such different dancing styles and it made her miss Beca. It was always Beca who she gravitated to at the aca-parties. They had always moved so well together, silly and yet so much fun. The group just didn't feel right without her by her side. The thought made her look up, glancing around the room, but there's no way that she could track her down, not in this chaos so she just kept dancing, tossing her arm over Flo.
Dancing can cure any ail, she was sure of it. Instead of therapy people should just receive prescriptions that read 'ordered by medical professional: three hours of dancing with your best friends, add two shots of tequila for an extra boost when needed'.
"This mix is Bex's!" Hunny yelled, appearing out of nowhere and gyrating to the beat beside Chloe with a grin. "Steve loves to play her shit!"
Chloe wasn't surprised to hear this news; the music had Beca written all over it.
"I have better ones!"
Chloe's head whipped around to the other side of the group where Beca was rocking and swaying beside Lilly, their hips bumping as they laughed. She hadn't noticed that she was back. She tried to offer a smile, about to say how much she was enjoying the music when she saw Beca throw her a glance and then without any acknowledgement at all, turn a bit so she was no longer facing her; falling into conversation with someone else.
"I like this one!" Hunny was the one to say it instead.
"You are easy to please."
"You know it, bitch!" Hunny reached across the circle and grabbed her in a tight embrace, sliding against her suggestively.
Strange. Chloe didn't even know Hunny, but something about her was just rubbing her the wrong way.
"Drinks? Guys? Do you want drinks?"
They all agreed and follow Beca to the largest low-level bar.
"So Amy, how is Little Rock treating you?" Chloe asked, not paying attention as they pushed through the crowd.
"Totally as sick as I thought it would be!"
"And how are your kids? What are their names again?"
"Eeer, Amy Jr, Bumpette – we call her Ettie, Ajax and Trojan."
"Trojan?"
"Yeah, that was the type of condom we used that broke so yeah. We just thought it was a really strong name, you know?"
"So four, wow!"
"Yeah, Bumper and I got busy."
Something in Amy's face made Chloe throw her head back and laugh, "Oh! Oh god, I'm sorry!" She had walked straight into the back of Beca. "Are you alright?"
Beca just rolled her shoulders as if readjusting and touching Beca was so second nature to her that Chloe only just realized her hands were on her shoulders, squeezing lightly. She dropped them as Beca called for the bartender.
"Tony! Shots for the group."
"Allriiiight, shots for the house! Check it out, ladies!" He spent a moment or two pouring and mixing liquids into a shaker and then ever so carefully filled the line of shot glasses one by one, progressing from red and fading to purple as it cycled through the colors of the rainbow. "Yeaaaaah, right?" He called and Chloe cheered, high-fiving him over Beca's shoulder. "House Bex style!"
"What's House Bex style?" Chloe asked without thinking.
"Gay." The word shot so bluntly from Beca's lips that Chloe wasn't sure how exactly to respond to it. Was this her way of trying to tell her something she already knew? Should she bring the comment out into the open or simply let it slide? She wasn't really sure so she just laughed again, "Awesome! Ladies?" Chloe grabbed the yellow shot in front of her.
Beca shuffled out from in front of her with a click of her tongue and together, one - two –three, they took the shots.
"Wheeeew!" Chloe yelped, shaking her head. She used to love shots, but these days they kind of killed her.
"Another!" Stacie hollered, holding the empty shot glass in the air.
Tony gave her an obedient nod, dancing in place to the beat, "Alright, alright, any friend of Bex is a friend of mine!"
A tall grungy looking man suddenly appeared out of nowhere at Chloe's side, reaching for Beca with a slightly panicked look in his eye, "Alright, have fun! I gotta go talk to this guy! I'll be back!"
Chloe watched her go with a frown. This was all fun, amazing even, but what she really wanted was a second to talk to Beca.
'****'
Beca knew the reason she felt so bad right now was because she should be down there with her friends, the friends she hadn't seen in years, the friends she might not see for a few more years - instead of up here in the third floor lounge room sitting just shy of Dave's lap as some chic gushed over the new album, constantly and annoyingly hinting that perhaps Beca would take her on as a new client 'if she were smart'. Steve had already played a few of the songs from the new album 'Glass and Grass' but, she checked the clock, yeah, she should get him to play another one soon.
"I gotta talk to Steve! Everyone good on drinks? You know what, fuck it, I'll have them send up another bottle of champagne. I'll be back!"
"Bexy, where's Emily?" Dave whined hopefully.
"I think she went home!" She knew that he was aware of Benji, Emily's shy, sweet boyfriend who had made the move to L.A. with her. She was also pretty sure Emily was downstairs somewhere with the Bellas, but she wasn't going to tell Dave that when she knew Emily wasn't interested.
It always took a bit of effort to push her way down the stairs, making her wish she could be one of those super tall women who didn't need to burrow through people like moles to get where they need to go. Still, eventually she got to the DJ and they had a long conversation about what songs should come next and what order. She had just made it back down to the Bellas when her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. "Sorry guys, work calls." She could feel blue eyes on her from somewhere to the left so she just hit the 'accept' button and started right back up the stairs.
Suddenly she was exceedingly glad she got the Bellas to come when P.J. asked, "So how's your drop party going?"
This call would have sucked if she hadn't been there.
She tried not to sigh outwardly and instead sagged heavily against the second floor railing, scanning the crowd. She had wanted it to be her drop party, she and Dave had even made some pretty cool plans but then P.J. had come in and messed them up. Who plays club mixes at a grunge album drop party? No one but P.J. He was going to run 'Moment One' into the ground, she was sure of it.
"Yeah, it's good! I think Dave and the guys are happy right now." She told herself she was looking for Hunny as she scanned but the face her eyes fell on was a very different redhead. This was, what, the fourth time now? Why did she have to smile like that? Always smiling.
"Good, good. Have you asked the bar-"
Beca listed off the bar total she had read when she was last upstairs. She watched Chloe roll with Aubrey and felt a splinter of jealousy blossom in her stomach as she remembered what dancing with Chloe like that had always felt like. It was always the best and worst temptation. Chloe had never really minded a lot of physical affection and closeness - in fact she pushed it - a fact which had probably helped to hide Beca's true feelings many times, but dancing had always been when she could touch Chloe, however tentatively. Dancing was when she could put her hands on her hips, on her ribs and slide against her body for whatever blissfully relieving torture she wanted. Of course there were the constant cuddle sessions and the, god damn it, she was supposed to be focusing! Fuck!
"Great. Now listen, I've sent over this little blonde, she's looking to drop a new album with a new sound. I need you to sweet talk her for me."
"What? No, P.J. I'm supposed to be off tonight! I have like ten friends here! I only came by because,"
"Well. Tough shit, lil' tiger."
Lil' Tiger? Where did people keep coming up with these nicknames for her? She got it, she was short, move on! "That's how the ball rolls here, right? You want your own clients, then toughen up."
"Right. Yeah, you're right." From the floor below Chloe's eyes flashed, scanning around her. Beca hadn't even noticed until Chloe was staring at her, grinning and crooking a finger for her to come and join them with a devilish look on her face. Beca's heart nearly jumped out of her body, making her turn away fast. "Wait. What's her name?"
"Um, Krista something."
"SHIT! I already met her. I thought she was just another Hollywood hopeful! Fuck, I gotta go!"
"Clean it up, Bex!"
Thank god no one seemed to expect Beca to look like, well, Hunny because this place had four floors total and no damn elevator. She couldn't have worn those types of heels even if she wanted to. She tore down the stairs, apologizing to the Bellas yet again and then back up to the room where the possible future client was still waiting.
Her night was getting to be a bit chaotic. The new possible client was needy, hell they were all needy but she was really needy. Then one of P.J.'s clients came in and demanded attention. Then the drummer of Synergy had a few too many and tried to pick a fight with a guy who was 'looking at his girl'. It was one thing after another and Beca was starting to sweat as she ran. It didn't help that she now had a giant knot on the front of her shin that was making her hobble up the stairs instead of sprint. A little earlier in the evening she had looked over to the Bellas, just doing a general check to see if they looked happy and she had seen Chloe dancing with Hunny, her face teasingly cocky as she shook, Hunny's hands on Chloe's waist. Beca had tripped on the stairs over absolutely nothing and gone down - hard, really fucking hard. She didn't know what annoyed her more, the fact that she was now in pain, the fact that they had been dancing - like that - or the fact that she had even been looking.
Every time she was running from one side of the club to the other, she found herself pausing, her eyes scanning the crowd without her permission.
Was she checking to see where Hunny was? Was she checking to see where Chloe was?
God damn it, why did Chloe have to be such a good dancer? It was fucking distracting and starting to piss her off a little bit. Like, seriously, can whatever creature is up there above them please cut her just a little slack?
She ran up to the top floor and was huffing by the time she got back to the DJ. "Steve, we need to, oh shit!" She stopped only just in time not to run down the redhead at the side of the booth.
"Hey! There you are!" Chloe grinned, "I was just asking if he would play another mix of yours."
"Errr, oh yeah?"
"Yeah. Hey, so can we -"
"Urm, Steve, Synergy track three."
"You got it, Bex." Then she was turning, hearing the surprised, "Beca!" that followed her.
God damn it. She could have done that better. Damn it. She just was surprised to look up and have her there. This whole being in the same building thing was fucking hard.
"Beca!" She could tell Chloe was leaning over the railing behind her, trying to get her attention so she picked up her feet, running toward the first floor.
She needed a drink.
"Hey!" Beca yelped as the talon-like grip instantly cut off circulation to her elbow, "The fuck, Aubrey!"
"I saw that."
"What?"
"Look!" She swung her around with an ease that was almost embarrassing.
She didn't want to look, but Aubrey wasn't really giving her a lot of choice. Chloe was still standing by the railing and while she was smiling again, neither one of her best friends were fooled. They both could see the hurt dulling her bright eyes. "You had better start being nice to her, Beca! I know you still care! I'm not blind. So knock off the misunderstood and tormented routine!"
"Let go of me!" She ripped her arm out of Aubrey's hands a little harder than was necessary, "What is up, Aubrey? Why can't you get your nose out of my business? It's non-"
"Because it isn't just your business, Beca! Who do you think had to listen to her for a year? That's right; wipe that stupid look off your face! A whole year, every time we talked: 'What did I do?' 'Why won't she call me back?' 'I don't understand.' I had to listen to her cry over you. Me! All because of you and your-"
"Let me guess. Is this the second time in my life that you're going to tell me I have a toner? Do I need to once again refer you to what you're actually seeing?"
Aubrey frowned, and the lack of humor in her face threw Beca for just a second, "No. I'm not. What you have is so much bigger than a toner, Beca."
God, why had it been Aubrey of all people that she had opened up to at Chloe's wedding? She had just been so...I dunno, frazzled. Why was she telling her this? "Fuck off, Aubrey."
'****'
Clearly at some point since they had last seen one another Beca had finally started taking her cardio seriously. She had never seen Beca run from anything so quickly, let alone her.
Chloe wasn't trying to watch Beca, not at all; she was trying to focus on her friends - and strangely, the very attentive Hunny who really seemed to like to dance. She didn't want to crowd Beca; then again she was sure Beca hadn't even noticed her watching, anyway. Chloe had always marveled at Beca's ability to run so efficiently, like a perfectly orchestrated train stop and yet look so scattered and chaotic all at the same time. She was down the stairs on the phone, she was across the bar talking heatedly with the DJ, she was up the stairs with drinks, she was down the stairs and apologizing to them yet again about her sudden unavailability, insisting that while she thought she would have things to do, it wasn't supposed to be like this.
Each time that Beca approached, Chloe offered her the best smile she could muster and took a step forward, wanting to help, wanting to give the frazzled woman a calming hug, anything really, she looked like she was going to come apart. But each time she came too close Beca recoiled, usually all the way back up the stairs.
So Chloe waited. She had been waiting all evening but for what? Some type of acknowledgment from the best friend she had ever had? Some type of sign that Beca had even registered that she was there?
They only had tonight. Tomorrow the Bellas planned to meet for breakfast, but then they would all be off to their separate lives and Chloe would lose the chance to tell Beca just how much she missed her and to ask the question that had been haunting her for two years...why?
It had to happen. She would make it happen. She just, she couldn't go back to her life, to her small lessons and Nick and his mother and their attempts to conceive, not without knowing why.
So she waited and she wondered about the second question as she watched the woman flutter around the space like an anxious hummingbird: when had been the exact moment that things had changed? Had it been when she announced her pregnancy? Had it been the week before when they had done their grocery shopping together and Chloe had crankily snapped at her? Had it been the following month when Chloe had shown up on her doorstep with ice cream, begging through the door to understand where Beca had gone? She always felt so stupid because clearly she had missed it, whatever the thing had been, she had missed it entirely.
"Whooooo!" Emily yelled when a tired took Beca rejoined them, sipping from Emily's drink.
"You done?"
Beca shook her head and, seeming to think about it again, drank down the rest of it, "Dave - who is the greatest client in the world" she yelled over her shoulder just in case anyone was listening, "is all upset about the music choices tonight - which I freaking told P.J. he would be. They don't make sense! Plus, he's upset because he thinks this cute little brunette is avoiding him."
"I, wha, I- Benji!" Emily stumbled, making Beca laugh and lean up to kiss her cheek. Emily casually flopped her arm around Beca and Chloe was surprised to feel a giant wave of green envy roll through her as she remembered the days when Beca didn't run from her but instead cuddled close like that. She missed it, she physically missed it.
"Brey, let's get a drink."
It had taken Chloe a little while to accept that Beca had probably left their friendship on purpose. It hadn't been that life had gotten too busy; it hadn't been that she had 'accidentally' missed the day that Chloe had moved.
At first the idea that Beca would ever voluntarily walk away from her had been laughable and sometimes Chloe missed those days. They felt naive but also very welcome. Ignorance was indeed bliss.
"What can I get you?" Tony asked with a grin. Chloe ordered a drink for herself and for Aubrey, though, judging from Aubrey's in place dancing, maybe she shouldn't have.
She sat on one of the free stools and glanced back at the Bellas, all laughing and dancing with their captain.
There was a time when she had said that she and Beca were sisters for life.
What happened?
"What's wrong?"
"Hmmm?" Chloe had to blink a few times to pull herself back to Aubrey.
"What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself?"
Frowning it took Chloe a second to realize that Aubrey was pointing to her hand, her left hand that was resting just over her heart, softly rubbing.
"What? Oh. No, I'm okay, Brey. Uhhh, are you okay?"
"Are you kidding? This is so much fun." Aubrey leaned over the smaller woman and whispered, a bit drunkenly, "Hunny keeps buying me drinks. I think she wants to kiss me. Shhhh!"
Chloe laughed, wiping a bit of spit from her cheek, already refocusing on the fingers that were still brushing lightly against that spot, that oh so sacred little spot.
Three Years Before
This was exactly what a wedding should be! They made their promises, to love, to have and to hold; they had exchanged rings, and then they had been introduced for the first time. All of that had been well and good, but this was the thing that she had really been looking forward to.
And it was going great!
The food was almost gone; the bar was working at double time, making sure that every one of their guests had a vaguely drunken smile on their faces.
To top the party off, a few minutes before her Bellas had surprised her with a quick little number they had been working on over the last few days which, of course, she had cried through as Beca grinned at her, singing a funky Bellas rendition of 'Isn't She Lovely'/'Marry You'.
Chloe swept one more time around the room, spending a few seconds with someone here and there before checking back in with Nick's mother. They...hadn't quite found their footing yet, she and Marcy, but she was sure that after a few months of marriage she and Marcy would be the best of friends.
When it seemed like everyone was happy Chloe headed back to the best table of the room; the table where all of her Bellas were laughing and talking, debating who had been the hottest Treble and digging for clues about why her Maid of Honor #1 had broken up with him the year before. Beca was apparently still not budging, which didn't surprise Chloe since she had been doing the same thing for a year and the only information she ever got was 'he and I just finally started to agree that the ending was the best part'. She knew that Beca still thought Jesse was a great guy so...perhaps she would corner Aubrey later and see if the slew of drinks that they all had enjoyed had loosened Beca's tongue a bit. The reason for her breakup with Jesse was pretty much the only thing Beca hadn't told her since hiding her internship years ago and the secret was killing her!
"Uuuuuugh," Chloe groaned as she fell more than sat down in her chair beside her brunette best friend, her head falling to Beca's shoulder. Instantly Beca was gathering the material that flooded everywhere around her so no one would step on the dress that she had helped Chloe choose.
"Aren't you uncomfortable? I mean damn!" Cynthia Rose cried, shaking her head at the dress. "Are you wearing a corset, because uh-uh!"
Chloe laughed, opening her mouth to make a joke but Beca beat her to it, saying it first, "Well, she did willingly dress up in a flight attendant's uniform for like two solid years, so clearly she's willing to wear anything!"
"Hey!" Aubrey barked and gave her a not at all intimidating stare down. Beca just laughed and flopped her arm over Aubrey, leaning in conspiratorially, "You made me look like an idiot, Aubs, be thankful I didn't ask Lilly here to shave your head in your sleep!"
Aubrey gave a huge pout, wrapping her arm around Beca's waist and resting her head Beca's opposite shoulder.
They all laughed until they realized that Lilly was saying something in response. It had become a game for all of them to stop and lean in, hoping to be the one to catch the words. Instead, just like always, they just watched her lips move and then curl up into a smile.
"Right!" Chloe tried with a glance, hoping that was the correct response.
"Aaaaye, this wedding is so much better than the one that my brother threw for me when he sold me as a bride four years ago!" Flo groaned, making them all stop and exchange looks.
"Um, Flo-" Chloe started but jumped as firm hands closed on her arms.
"Hello, Mrs. Cavanaugh, may I have this dance?"
The response from her two Maid of Honors was comical and about as different as they were as people. Aubrey cooed, cuddling into herself as though the romance of it all was so good that Aubrey couldn't handle it. Beca, however, just rolled her eyes, never one for sentiment.
"Heeeey, babe. Sure, though, you know what," she held up a slightly crooked finger, "can you hold that thought? I need to use the ladies room first."
"Okay, but hurry back."
"Okay." She accepted the kiss he gave her with gusto and then wobbled to her feet. She hadn't meant to have this much to drink on her wedding day. She didn't want to be one of those women who remembered nothing from their wedding because they had been far too drunk. "I'll be right -" she stumbled over her dress and was pleased when Beca caught her, wrapping her arms tightly around her.
"Yeaaah, maybe let's go together."
"Thanks, Bec." Chloe grinned and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Of course it was Beca who offered to help her; she and Beca never did anything apart these days. It was kind of great.
Beca had her laughing the whole way to the bathroom, and not just laughing for the fun and silliness of it but stomach rolling, sides aching kind of laughing. She didn't know how she always did it, especially when you considered how reserved Beca used to be, but she always did.
"Okay. This might be crossing some kind of friend line here but do you need help in there?"
Chloe playfully rolled her eyes, "I'm not that drunk."
"Yeah, maybe not but you do have - an awful lot going on here." Beca said, teasingly fluffing Chloe's skirt to make her point.
"It could be worse," Chloe called trying to squeeze into the stall, "did I tell you that Nick's mom wanted to give me her taffeta and chiffon dress?"
"Okay, whoa, wait. You told me about the dress but you did not tell me that it was taffeta and chiffon!"
Chloe grinned as she bit her lip; she still considered it a personal achievement that Beca even knew those words. "It was so big that there was no way I could even move let alone dance or sit down. The one time I did manage to sit on the couch the dress was taller than I was."
"Oh my god, you're kidding!"
"Nope!"
"Were you just like,"
"Totally hidden behind it. Nick said he couldn't even see me."
"That's - that's,"
"Hilarious, right?"
"Absolutely!"
Opening the stall door Chloe tried to step around her dress, but there was so much of it that, of course, instead she stepped right on it, groaning when she felt it give, twisting the strapless top around and falling a few inches.
"You know if you pee on that dress you will ruin it for – posterity – or whatever."
Instead of replying Chloe just stepped out pouting, her neckline somehow turned so the cup meant for her cleavage was in her armpit. "I stepped on it!"
"Oh god, seriously Chlo? How did you even do that? Come here."
The scornful exasperation on Beca's face made her realize again just how beautiful Beca was tonight. I mean, she was always beautiful, even in her sweats and tee-shirts, but she liked the way her eyes were constantly sparkling tonight; how perfectly lined her lips were, the rosy glow to her cheeks. Her makeup was no heavier than normal, but Chloe liked it like this, a little warmer. Then again, perhaps it was just the smile that Beca was giving her right now that made everything feel warm. She wondered if Beca knew that she could live in her smile.
"Okay, don't worry, we can do this" but there was something in Beca's voice as she went behind her and began to pull on the dress that made Chloe bite her lip, trying to hold back the laughter. She couldn't and Chloe doubled over, almost taking Beca down with her.
"Dude!" Beca cried as she tipped and fell onto Chloe's bent back. "Feet off the ground! My feet should not be off the ground!" Chloe only laughed harder when Beca just gave in, sagging with her cheek pressed against her back and mumbled, "You're so weird."
"Thanks, Bec!" Chloe sighed, dabbing below her eyes with a paper towel.
"Come on, let's fix this biz."
Chloe stood, biting her cheek as she watched Beca pull and push the dress, rolling her eyes and grinning at her. She watched Beca slowly work her way around her, concentrating on their task. Finally she reached the bust line and gave it a pull, clearing her throat a bit.
When Beca looked up, checking to be sure that everything was even, Chloe couldn't help but to say it, adding a slow, suggestive wink, "You know, technically I think this counts as second base, Bec. We're moving up the ranks from naked showering to inappropriate touching."
The blush that started low on Beca's chest and spread slowly up her face was priceless and Chloe loved it.
It hadn't even occurred to her when she had walked into the shower so many years ago that it would be considered inappropriate. She had been so distracted by Beca's amazing voice and then by how well they sounded together that it had even taken her a while to even sneak a momentary glance at Beca's body. Since that moment though, she had discovered a love for Beca's reactions.
"Seriously?" Beca laughed and let her face fall to Chloe's chest, hiding, "Anyway!"
Chloe automatically wrapped her arms around her for a long, tight hug. When they had their fill, for this moment anyway, Beca teasingly pushed away, slapping Chloe's hands as she tried to help.
She knew she was grinning again, but she couldn't help it.
She was with Beca after all.
Beca's nimble fingers moved back to the top of her dress, straightening it just a bit more.
It took a second, but slowly Chloe could feel her brow pulling together as she watched the laughter leave Beca's face. She could see a storm silently moving in behind those steel blue eyes. Beca's smile faded, her face growing serious and with it Chloe could feel a change in her best friend. She watched her take a minute, straightening a few sequins, recognizing this feeling between them. It was the same one that came over them whenever Beca was wrestling something out from under layers and layers of Beca baggage. So she just waited, studying the way that Beca's eyelashes fluttered nervously.
Beca gave Chloe a small half glance and then focused entirely on her fingers. After a long pause she took a deep breath, running her hands over the already straightened neckline, "You look really beautiful, Chlo."
There was a strange unbidden lurch in her chest at the unsteady shake in Beca's voice.
She felt a grin crack across her face and she opened her mouth to tease her make some silly joke, only, the words died in her throat as Beca continued to grow meditative.
Something was shifting again, she could feel it; it happened now and then but she never understood, she never had any idea what it was; but it was deep and warm, predictably unfamiliar.
Her hand fell to Beca's arm, just wanting to touch her, to feel some part of her. They were standing so close. How had she not realized that? And oh, it was so warm. The entire bathroom, it was so hot...or was that just her face? Her heart rate was beginning to pick up, but she had a hard time noticing as she watched Beca's beautiful face, wondering at what was happening behind it.
Her lips were dry suddenly so she licked them.
She could smell Beca's shampoo.
She could feel Beca's breath against the bare skin of her chest.
She was starting to feel dizzy.
Beca's fingers slowly moved from the fabric she had been smoothing and softly ran across her skin, just over her heart.
Chloe heard a breath hitch but - had that been her?
She watched as Beca began to lean.
Chloe expected her to take another hug. She readied herself for it, but instead she felt Beca's nose gently make contact in the same spot, following the line her fingers had just traced.
A pulse raced through her, hot and cold all at once as her lips parted in surprise.
And then, just as she centered over Chloe's heart Beca left a small, delicate kiss.
Chloe swayed ever so slightly, recognizing the absurd thought that popped into her head: the flooring in here must be uneven or something.
Her hand closed tightly on Beca's bicep a moment before and now she gave it a squeeze, hoping it would ground her.
Beca hadn't moved, her lips still a second of time away from Chloe's heart.
Chloe's breath snagged, she heard it and then Beca's lips were there again, pressing against her collarbone. She pressed harder there, purposeful, her lips parted ever so slightly.
Chloe felt her move, her face tilting up toward the side of her throat and Chloe's head moved with her of its own accord, tilting to give her room. Beca's hand came up, hovering on the other side of her neck as though it wanted to land, to cup.
Just before Beca's lips connected for a third time someone outside the bathroom let out a loud shout of, "Where's the bride?"
Beca jumped, a small yip falling from her mouth as she pulled back and stepped quickly away, breaking Chloe's grip on her arm.
Chloe swayed again, her eyes slowly opening.
When had they closed?
Her mouth closed.
When had it opened?
She could feel her breath was too fast in her throat, too quick, too hot. She frowned.
"Um, I think that's you they're lookin' for, pretty lady," Beca laughed, swinging around to head for the door. "Your, um, dress is good, by the way."
Chloe wanted to call her back, wanted to - but she couldn't seem to get her body to move.
Beca paused for just a second, hand on the doorknob, not quite looking back, and then she was gone and Chloe could hear her yelling in her teasing vibrato that Chloe would be out in a minute.
Chloe's hand went out to steady herself on the sink, blinking slowly, her mind blank.
After a second she looked down and saw her white-gloved hand was covering the small lipstick stain that Beca had left behind.
She remembered trying to wipe the stain away and only succeeding in transferring the lipstick to her glove. She remembered seeing it there as she was dancing with Nick, her hand on his shoulder and again when reaching for a fresh glass of champagne during the toast. She remembered how distracted she had been by having it there on her fingertips all night.
She had always wondered if the kiss had meant...something, she didn't know what.
She had spent a lot of time after her wedding thinking about that kiss. To this day she hated when Nick's lips hovered near the same area, she had even gone as far as to actively push him away whenever he veered too close. She had thought about how it had made her feel, the fact that she wished Beca had done it again. She even had a few dreams replaying the scene over and over again that had left her breathless and clinging to her sheets.
She had thought about it until her brain hurt and it had become something of a complex for her; why did she continue to think about it? Was this why she had lost Beca? Had she done the wrong thing in that moment? Looking back she thought she had done very little of anything but maybe she was wrong. Had Beca been embarrassed? Her concern had only grown after she had turned on the TV one evening and learned that Beca was gay. Had the kiss meant something?
But no.
With the help of a therapist, she finally realized that, more than once Aubrey had kissed her neck as well - and in far more sober situations than that. As a matter of fact Aubrey had wrapped her arms around her and kissed the back of her neck that same evening! It was affectionate and totally normal, a drunken moment between BFF's. A best friend sharing her love on her best friend's wedding day. No biggie.
She and her therapist had made Beca's kiss small, because that was all it had been, a small moment with her best friend.
And Chloe had just continued to wonder what she had done to drive the woman away.
"Hey, Aubrey!" They both looked up to find Hunny grinning down at them.
Chloe frowned, Amy had said that she looked like her but that wasn't true at all, other than to say that all redheads looked the same. Their faces looked nothing alike. As a matter of fact, Chloe's lips pursed as she decided, Hunny wasn't even a natural ginger. That look totally came out of a bottle.
Aubrey smiled, a little confused by the attention she was getting and Chloe felt her lips purse tighter.
Wasn't Hunny dating Beca? Didn't she realize that Aubrey was straight? How many of Chloe's best friends did this woman need?
"You wanna dance?"
Aubrey stood, teetering, "Yeah!"
"Uh, Brey," Chloe reached out to warn her that perhaps Hunny's plans were less than what sober Aubrey might want but then changed her mind; not her choice, "Have fun!"
She watched them go, cuddling up on the dance floor as they began to move together and Chloe just stared, jaw hanging open. Ew.
She turned back to the bar and spotted Beca at the end, that look of concentration on her face.
Oh! This was perfect!
She hopped off her stool and slid in next to her, giving her a teasing little hip bump, "Hi stranger."
"Oh, hey." Beca threw her a half grin, but Chloe did not miss the deliberate step back out of Chloe's personal space that Beca had taken.
Chloe wished she wouldn't. She hadn't done something like that since Beca's sophomore year or so. She had worked hard to break down Beca's very high and very thick personal walls in that time and it hurt to see them so high again after everything they had shared over the years. Frankly, they had shared a lot!
She studied Beca's profile; she looked so tired. Honestly, Chloe had expected her to seem a little drunk or something. She had seen Beca down quite a bit, just in the time that she had been at the club with them, but Beca seemed fine; if not simply a little twitchy. She couldn't help but to wonder if that was because, for Beca, nights like this were a common occurrence.
"Bec, you look so tired. Can I-" without thinking she reached across and tried to push some of Beca's hair off her forehead, but Beca jumped away like the touch would burn her, "can I help somehow?"
"What? No. No, I'm fine."
"Okay. So, are you going to talk to me? At all?"
"Sorry," Chloe watched Beca toss another side glance at her out of the corner of her eye, "I wasn't trying to avoid you or anything, it's just like, a lot of people. I'm always working. And these idiots," she sent a glare at Tony, "can't figure out the difference between Bacardi and Grey Goose and it's pissing my client off. Oh, also, I'm trying and failing to keep Stacie and her 'hunter' off of the married bass player so that when I see his wife next week I can look her in the eye." Beca ran her hand through her hair and the strain on her face only grew, despite how much Chloe wanted to wrap herself around her and hug it away, she kept her distance.
"Do you always run around like this?"
"Kinda."
"I didn't know that was part of the job."
"Yeaaaaah, it isn't exactly. I mean, kinda but – I just - I really need these guys to be happy. The happier they are, the more clients my boss gives me and the more I will hopefully have when I start my own label. Anyway, I hope everyone is having fun and stuff despite the fact that I a, you know. I think my client is leaving soon so-" Someone from behind them shouted Beca's name and she turned, "I gotta-I can't talk to you right now" and Beca dashed off.
Chloe watched her go, crushed.
'I can't talk to you right now'? Not, I can't talk right now or I'll get back to ya, Chloe but 'I can't talk to you right now'?
That one...hurt...a lot.
But it had been something.
She crossed her arms and chewed on the inside of her cheek. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself, trying to bounce back.
No big deal. She hadn't meant it like that. She would wait until Beca's clients were gone and she was back with them full time, then she would try again.
Only, it didn't help.
An hour later Beca appeared beside them, grinning and announcing she was free.
The party picked up tenfold. Beca ushered them into one of the little private rooms on the third floor and they had a dance party all of their own.
Finally, seeing that Beca was all about having a good time now, Chloe went to their tiny little micro bar and asked for two shots.
"Thank you!" She gave the bartender a wink and turned, balancing a very full shot in each hand. Across the room Beca was sitting beside Amy on the couch, laughing and rolling her eyes. She had a drink in hand and for the first time since they arrived, she looked like she could take a deep breath. That's great! That's so great. They could get the ball rolling, a few drinks and then maybe a quick talk and who knew, maybe things could start getting better between them.
It was Amy's eyes she caught first and with a smile, she gave a slight nod toward Beca. She couldn't hear what Amy said, but she saw her smack Beca's thigh and gesture toward her.
Beca searched for a second and Chloe was surprised to feel that she was - nervous. Maybe she was asking for too much; she had no idea what had driven Beca away, but maybe it was bad.
But then...what if Beca hadn't been lying? What if it really had only been work? I mean, look at her tonight, look at how busy she had been. She was totally going to come over, she decided. She was going to come over and they were going to talk and it was going to be awesome and everything would be fine.
Beca's eyes finally found her in the crowd and Chloe grinned, holding up the shots and jerking her head in summons.
Beca held her gaze for a second and Chloe felt her grin build, her stomach doing happy little summersaults.
Then Beca simply looked away, back to Amy, continuing her conversation as though nothing had interrupted it.
Chloe gasped like a bucket of cold water had been dropped over her head. She saw Amy gesture again, but Beca didn't look back, just shook her head and continued on with whatever they had been discussing.
"Ashley," she grabbed the nearest Bella and since she suddenly couldn't trust her voice not to shake, she just handed her the second shot.
Alright. Then. Maybe this really was over. Maybe she would simply never know why she had lost one of the most important people in her life. Maybe that was just the way it was.
She and Ashley took the shot and with a hip bump and a wink Chloe began to search the room again, this time looking for Aubrey. She was smiling, she knew she was. It was just what she did when it hurt. She smiled.
She finally found her in the corner, Hunny pressed tightly beside her. She couldn't really read Aubrey's face but it stood somewhere between drunken intrigue and fear. On the couch Chloe noticed that Stacie was throwing them furtive glances and despite the knawing in her stomach she took a second to be surprised that Stacie still...anyway…
She didn't really want to interrupt whatever – that – with Aubrey and Hunny - was - but, "Brey?"
Aubrey's expression cleared the moment she saw the look on Chloe's face and without hesitation she pushed away from Hunny, "What happened?"
Chloe spent a few minutes explaining, fighting hard to stop that hitch in her voice. If she gave into that then she would cry - or worse she would begin to whistle...and she really didn't want to do either of those things right now.
"You're kidding!" Aubrey growled, closing a protective arm around her and Chloe was grateful.
Why had that hurt so much? She had been brushed off by Beca before; it had been a common occurrence at the beginning of their friendship and it was obviously the reason that they were here in their friendship right now.
She could hear Aubrey talking to someone behind them, but under the safety of Aubrey's arm Chloe looked away, back toward Beca.
She couldn't help it. She felt silly doing so, but…
Beca wasn't looking at her. As a matter of fact, Beca was avoiding her general direction completely, as though she knew exactly where Chloe was in the room. The pain around her heart gave a squeeze.
She watched as Hunny took a seat in Beca's lap, her arms wrapping around her. Even from across the room Chloe saw quite distinctly when Hunny sifted something onto her wrist, offering it to Beca.
Chloe's mouth dropped open in surprise. Was that? She watched as Beca, without a second thought, leaned to it and took a huge whiff. Then, despite their distance, Chloe heard a distinct scream of, "JESUS CHRIST, THAT WAS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS! THE FUCK! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" And then, "THAT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY, HUNNY!"
Chloe blinked, stunned. It was like watching a dog walk on two legs, or an upside down rainbow. Since when had that been Beca's thing? She glanced up at Aubrey, but she was still distracted, looking the other way.
Chloe watched, slightly panicked as Hunny laughed, nudging Beca's face with her nose before moving in, pulling Beca into a deep, reaching kiss.
The movement of Chloe looking quickly away again seemed to have finally alerted Aubrey to her distress, "What's wrong?"
Chloe wordlessly shook her head.
They watched together as Hunny pulled out of the kiss – after a long while - and together they stood, pushing the other Bellas back to their feet so the dance party could begin again.
Watching the easy friendship Beca offered the other Bellas - it was just too much for her, "Brey, do you mind if we go now?"
"Nope. Not - at - all," Aubrey gave her a stiff smile and, hand protectively on Chloe's shoulder, they started toward the door; Aubrey mumbling under her breath as they went. Chloe couldn't quite catch it, but she knew she definitely heard the word 'aca-bitch' somewhere in there.
Chloe's mind was racing as she replayed that moment over and over again; Beca taking whatever Hunny had offered to her, Hunny's tongue going down Beca's throat; her stomach uncomfortably cramped and tight.
She had hoped by this time tonight she and Beca would have worked out their problem – or at least talked about it. Instead, she realized as she stepped into the fresh summer air, now she was only more concerned...maybe even a little scared.