A/N: I must tell you now, before the wrath of Allison is upon me, that this is not my story! Even in my wildest dreams I could not come up with something this hysterically outrageous. No, I am simply Miss Halfa-Goddess's inquisitive prompter who insisted that, one way or another, this delicious little tidbit make its way onto FF. Since she has done an excelent job of getting herself grounded from the internet, I am posting this one-shot temporarily under my user name; I just can't let you people live another day without this story! (You will know why in about three minutes.)

Andnow, with just a bit more ado from Halfa-Goddess herself, for your pure, unadulterated pleasure, our main event….

The Tale of the Evil Tampon (also known as "The Horrors of Cindy's Purse")

So I decided to write a tidbit on the tampon idea, motivated by a dear friend of mine. So, for better or worse, Shandon, this one's for you.

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"Jimmy, what is it?"

"It looks evil..."

"Shh, guys, shh!"

Jimmy, Sheen, and Carl bent cautiously over the Plexiglas dome, eyes wide and slightly curious as they examined the contents. Automatic probes poked, prodded, and analyzed the item carefully within the enclosure as the trio watched, obviously intrigued. Perhaps, had Jimmy not been Jimmy, they would have left it alone, but analyzation and identification had been mandatory, because he certainly was himself.

"Jim," said Carl timidly, "I don't think Cindy will be too happy that you went through her purse..."

Jimmy sighed, looking up briefly from his work to stare hopelessly sat his friend. "Please understand, Carl, that I am not the one at fault. She put the purse on my workbench. She left it here... I would not have knocked it over had it not been there." he replied monotonously as he glanced at the impending computer readings. He would have been more anxious, had it not been simply a random, unidentified object from his girlfriend's purse. Certainly this fact made the find a bit less intriguing, if it was in a woman's handbag, it had to be a cosmetic of some kind. If it wasn't for his prying friends...

The computer beeped persistently at them and Jimmy swiveled slightly in his chair to look fully at the screen. "Results, VOX?"

"Readings are as follows." VOX proceeded without delay, "Object in question confirmed as Tampax tampon, slender regular."

Sheen gasped dramatically and stumbled backward, while Carl cowered behind his chair. "So that's what they look like..." the Hispanic boy murmured in wonder, eyes wide in his head.

"I told you it was evil!" Carl yelled, clutching the back of the chair for dear life.

Jimmy rose and stepped toward the dome, tapping the top cautiously with his pen, as if it would shatter at any moment. He should have known. Alas, his life goal of staying away from feminine products of all kinds was now gone.

Slowly, the other two emerged from their hiding spots, and the three twelve-year-olds were once again crowded around their discover. "Think what mystical, magical powers it must hold..." Sheen whispered in awe.

"One would be surprised at what dark things a woman's purse contains." Jimmy replied, also in a low tone.

There was a brief moment's pause before Carl added, "Eviiiiil..."

"What are you guys doing?" a shrill voice from behind them demanded, and the trio turned around, making sure to hide their analysis subject behind them. Cindy Vortex stood before them at the doorway, frowning suspiciously at their guilty faces.

"Nothing, nothing at all!" Jimmy insisted hurriedly, stumbling over his words as he put on a very false smile. "How'd you get in here?"

Cindy rolled her eyes at him. "You left the door wide open, Brainzilla." she replied smugly. "Where's my purse!"

"Right... here." he answered nervously, brandishing the item in his right hand. He stepped forward, and Sheen and Carl shuffled sideways to fill the gap the boy had left.

"Thanks." she said, snatching it from him and slinging it over her shoulder. She looked nearly amiable for a moment... until her eyes shifted to her boyfriend's friends behind him. Her face fell drastically into a frown as she looked skeptically at them. "What are you hiding?" she demanded suddenly. All three boys grimaced nervously.

"Nothing!" Jimmy protested again, shaking his head insistently, an act to which Cindy replied by rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, right." she said sarcastically. "Move." They didn't need to be told twice; Sheen and Carl scattered to either side, fear very obvious on their faces. Since when had they not been afraid of her?

It took a simple moment of observation for her to come to a conclusion, at which point she turned slowly on her heel to face Jimmy. "You little twerp!" she snarled. "You went through my purse!"

"Umm, no... no! It fell over... and everything fell out and... do you want it back!" Jimmy exclaimed, tapping his foot skittishly.

She stood for a moment, chewing her gum thoughtfully as she sized him up, searching for the right words. She stepped up to him, glancing up the two inches to look him in the eye before she replied, "No, it's fine. You go ahead and keep it. Who knows? You might need it one of these days." She tapped his cheek gently with her hand a few times before backing up a step to smirk at his glower.

"Psh," was all he could think of to reply as his eyes traveled from his girlfriend to his friends, who were "inconspicuously" leaving the room. He chose not to acknowledge it, though, as Cindy had settled herself on the couch in the corner.

He sat himself next to her, twiddling his thumbs in his lap as he slumped over, thinking. Finally he spoke, quite timidly at that. "Sorry I went through your purse." he muttered.

Cindy looked over at him, grinning slyly. "I know. I just hope you've learned something... for once." Before he could protest, though, she leaned over, taking his hand and kissing his cheek gently.

Jimmy couldn't bring himself to argue.