Loving Child Of Your Care

His home was... right with him. This place no longer felt like his home anymore. There was nowhere ... one place where... felt at peace and he...

Aster growled.

"Dis is de end," Ludwig sighed... "Go on..." he pushed her towards the door. "Blackie... Ab."

The three... remotely interested in... order. Ludwig knew why... understood more than most... credit for. Still...

"Ab!" he demanded... slunk out the door. ––– put her nose against his leg... licked his glove... hesitate.

'I don't want to...'

"Ab!" he shouted, pointing out the door. And with that...

'But I can't... after this.'

Ludwig had decided on names. They may have been a part of those horrible dreams, but it was the part he could actually remember from a dream which seemed to have a history. The dreams might have been influenced by what had happened, but the important thing was that the names seemed to fit. Even more so than Ludwig had initially thought.

"Aster. Blackie."

Both dogs turned their heads towards him, Aster from her place at the end of his bed and Blackie from near the door.

Well, if they were happy with the names, Ludwig would just have to stick with them.

"These collars are wrecked," Hungary frowned as Aster pushed her nose into Hungary's stomach. "As we're going to have to buy new tags... have you thought of any names?"

"Uh... ja," Ludwig shifted slightly. Thinking about it now, it was a bit embarrassing to think he had taken them from a dream. Ridiculous. Names were important, names meant something. Just to take them because they were the first names he could remember from his dreams was demeaning.

"That was fast. Well?" she asked, looking toward him expectantly.

"Don't laugh, okay Miss Hungary? De names came to me last night, from a dream," he looked down at his feet.

"I won't laugh," she told him quietly, reaching a hand to stroke back his hair. "Goodness, Ludwig, you're taller than me! That did not take long. When were you going to ask to go shopping?"

Ludwig gaped for a moment, unable to come up with an answer. He had not planned on telling her at all. Because then she would spend more time coming up with things for him and he was already in the way as it was...

"We can stop by some clothing stores when we buy the dogs' things," she said, not waiting for his answer, which was good because it was not coming. "What were these names you came up with?"

"Blackie ant Aster."

Miss Hungary paused in mid motion of leaning down to pat Blackie. "Really?" The sound of her voice was incredulous, hesitant, slightly broken.

"To you... dink dey're no good?" Ludwig asked quietly, wringing his hands behind his back. "I'm sorry."

"No! Oh, no!" she responded instantly, reaching for him and hugging him. Ludwig felt confused by how she was reacting, but could not think of any words which would communicate this confusion well. "I think those are wonderful names. They fit them perfectly. Absolutely perfect."

She stood there, chin resting on his shoulder. Ludwig was not certain what to do, so he slowly hugged her back.

"Come on then. You can tell me about this dream of yours in the car," she pulled back, giving him a smile.

"Mister Austria not coming vith us?" Ludwig questioned. Hungary shook her head.

"We're going to be buying a lot, I didn't think either of us could be burdened with holding his hand at the same time," she giggled. Ludwig bit back a smile, turning his face away and shaking his head. "Plus he does not want the dogs being left here, so they're coming in the car with us. And God help him if he was stuck in a car with some dogs!"

"Blackie, Aster, komm," he waved them over and both dogs followed after.

It was while he was sitting the passenger seat of the car that she brought it up again.

"What was the dream about?"

"Um..." Ludwig stared down at his feet. "It's noding, really..."

"Come on." She gave him a sideways glance, smiling. "They're just dreams. I'll never know whether your omitting something..."

"Dere isn't much to say," Ludwig responded. "De ones like I hat last night... I barely remember dem. Dere alvays seems to be someding more to dem... like a history."

"A history?"

"Not like it is ransom – like it's following a chain of events. Like it's real. But I can't remember it."

"Most dreams fade away quickly," Hungary mused, gasping as Blackie licked her ear. "Ludwig, could you try and keep your dogs in the back seat?"

Ludwig looked back at them. Despite Blackie being so big (not that Aster was small), they looked rather comfortable. Then again, that could be because Blackie was slinking into the front. "Stay back dere," he pushed at her. Blackie easily fell into the back seats, slightly on top of Aster, who let out a whine.

"I'll buy you a journal."

"Vhat?" Ludwig turned back up front, looking from Hungary to out the window as they entered town.

"A journal," Hungary repeated. "For you to write in. You can write it down as soon as you wake up, before you forget it all. In fact, you can use it to write down what happens in the day as well. There is nothing better than being able to analyse your day! At least..."

Hungary did not finish that sentence, just looked over at him for a moment before parking the car and undoing her seat belt.

"Dat's okay, Miss Hungary," Ludwig looked down. "I... I don't need dat. I't probably forget about it."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Hungary asked, turning towards him. As soon as Ludwig nodded she said: "Roderich keeps a journal. Writes in it all the time."

"Really?" Ludwig asked. Hungary nodded.

"Especially right before he goes to bed. Probably entries venting about your dogs now," she laughed. Ludwig tried to say something, but the words left his head before he could say them. If Mister Austria did such things...

"I suppose... I could try it."

"Excellent!" Hungary said happily, opening the door. "But first things first: collars and leashes."

"No, Ludwig, you're starting too loud! Pianissimo! Not piano. Start again."

Germany could never play the piano. He tried, once. Austria had immediately been able to tell that he had no talent. Thinking back on it now, he wondered whether he knew this because inwardly he could remember trying to teach the Holy Roman Empire. Empire wished to learn so badly, but after so many attempts had not even begun to improve.

"Pedal!"

Ludwig was different. Ludwig had the makings of at least an amateur pianist. Maybe he had not shown as much interest at first as either the Holy Roman Empire or Germany, but then again Ludwig was much more subdued in expressing certain personal wishes than either the others had ever been. There was no hiding Ludwig's enjoyment of music though. Austria could almost see Italy there, in his mind's eye, peeking through the door as he played.

"Slower now, ritardando..."

Though Ludwig used to run away when Austria gave notice to him at these times. It was as if he thought Austria did not want him listening. Austria could not imagine what gave the boy that impression.

"Don't drag!"

Austria had no idea what had given him the idea to even suggest such an arrangement. Piano lessons? If Hungary had not convinced him, he would have never gone through with this. He already had issues trying to find enough patience to live with a child in his house (let alone a child who had managed to convince him of housing two dogs), let alone teach him piano. He was so afraid it would be another similarity to the other man he would be unable to bear it.

"And quieter... quieter..."

It brought the question back to him once more. Was Ludwig really born of his friend's death? It hurt thinking of Germany. The fact Ludwig looked so much like him made it hard not to think of it. It was one of the reasons Austria had no qualms about Ludwig's long hair. He did not want to see if Ludwig looked exactly like the other with his hair cut short. It was not fair to place his thoughts and feelings of Germany on Ludwig. It was not the boy's fault he looked like him. Acted like him.

Was him?

"Again, start from the beginning."

Ludwig stared at the sheet music, for what was now known as 'Für Elise', a moment before starting again. This time, Austria simply listened. The soft from the quiet, loud in the change back to the start, style and technique... From the first note to the last chord he simply listened. Hearing the original in his head. It was not fair, no. And every musician could take their own opinion of a piece. But the composer would always have the origin. The origin where Austria remembered requesting a piece for a certain woman in 1810 with a single strain in mind.

He heard the door opened and turned to see Elizaveta, staring at him her question. He walked over to her and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Well?"

"It was... tolerable," he said to Hungary as he left the room. He could hear her behind him, but did not stop to pretend to correct her.

"He loved it, Ludwig! He thought it was magnificent!"

"Weiß, weiß, weiß sind alle meine Kleider."

It was not often Mister Austria allowed him to help with baking. Whenever Austria decided to bake it was usually something he did on his own, not even with Hungary. Though Hungary told Ludwig she was just as glad for it as she could barely stand cake anymore. Austria loved it though, made his own with a touch... well, with the touch of someone who had been baking since before ovens were invented. It was his 'secret' passion.

Ludwig often would look in when Austria began baking, but tried not to disturb his caretaker. Usually, Austria never seemed to notice. This time, however, he had invited the youth in to help him. Ludwig was nearly in awe, wondering exactly what he might have done to be allowed this, but too afraid to ask. So he fetched ingredients while singing under his breath.

"Weiß, weiß, weiß ist alles was ich hab."

Watching Austria bake was almost a surreal experience. Ludwig understood by now how Austria's personality was. He was a man who would prefer to live by simple necessities. Of which a piano was considered necessary. All fancy additions were not objects Austria particularly cared for. Yet he owned them because he did not want others to think of him as less for the lack of his expensive tastes.

This charade Austria put up for others followed him into the door and for an hour after before he would return to himself.

Austria was not extremely strict and only pretended to be serious. The only times Austria was very strict was when it came to his music, when he would mention how Ludwig was going to have to learn to mend his own clothing, and when he made his comments about how lenient Hungary was when Ludwig knew Austria would never be more strict than she. Both knew who ruled this household and neither pretended otherwise.

But it was only when Austria was baking that his real concentration could be seen. Austria played the piano more easily than he could breathe and usually viewed his work with an air of indifference. Baking was another way for Austria to wind down (not that Ludwig saw him wound up very often), but with enough regiment that he actually appeared to be paying absolute attention to the world outside his head.

Ludwig liked the kitchen. Cooking was exact with rules called recipes that would always turn out the same way as long as you followed them exactly each time.

"Darum lieb ich alles, was so weiß ist."

"What are you singing?"

"Ah... it's noding. Just some notes."

Austria put the filled pan into the oven.

"...I see."

Ludwig licked the bowl as he took it to the sink. Chocolate. He loved Austria's chocolate. He glanced back at the other, who was staring still at the oven.

"Weil mein Schatz ein Bäcker, Bäcker ist."

"Ludwig," Austria turned toward him. Ludwig stopped. Austria had a look on his face which, although it was familiar, Ludwig knew for certain he had never seen before.

"Yes, Mister Austria?"

Austria stood silent for a moment.

"Ludwig... You do know, whatever happens... I will... I... well," Austria seemed unable to finish his statement.

The correct answer would be 'no, I have no idea what you are saying' but Ludwig stayed quiet and waited for him to try and finish talking.

"Elizaveta and I will always do whatever we can for you. You do know this?"

"Of course, Mister Austria." Sometimes he wished they would not trouble themselves, that they would not burden themselves with him, but he knew they would do so anyway. And Ludwig had yet to decide whether he would rather they not. Selfishly though... selfishly he was glad. So glad.

"Call me Roderich," Austria said slowly. Ludwig stared.

"Mister Roderich...?" Ludwig attempted. Austria sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be." Austria smiled. "You have chocolate on your nose."

Ludwig tried to wipe it off and Austria laughed.

Another passage from the children's song, Grün sind alle meine Kleider.

Translation:

White, white, white are all my clothes,

White, white, white is all that I have.

So I love anything that is white,

Because my love is a baker, a baker.

"Ab" = "Go outside."

"Komm" = "Come." Thanks so much to Rinael, who has offered to be my German translator!