a/n: *yawn* i'm tired so i didn't read through. i'll do that tomorrow. um there are some things in this chapter that are really random and have no point lol. also i feel like mentioning my propaganda. i live in colorado and the 2010 midterms are coming up so vote for ken buck! instead of bennet... but i should say this now so i don't get in trouble. the things mentioned of bennet are completely fictional as is this story. do not own south park.
Mario walked back to the janitor's closet feeling a bit cleaner. He saw the mess he made and got a bit upset. He hoped the Principal person didn't yell at him again. Every time he nodded in agreement, usually only got the principal guy more angry. He decided to clean it up fast and reached for his keys. The key ring was gigantic and took about fifteen minutes trying and fiddling with them all before he found the right one. Then with success he opened the door.
Dead Body.
He closed the door. It was time to go home and tell Candice that they were moving again. Anywhere, but Arizona of course.
Stan sat on the bench in the locker room. The smell of sweaty socks and dirty gym wear settled around him. He could hear the conversation of his fellow teammates from the showers.
"No Dude, you don't understand Red's carpet is nothing like the lawn," he heard Clyde's voice say.
"I don't understand why it matters. So she is not a natural red head," Token deep voice commented uncaringly.
"It's pinkish!" Clyde shouted causing the entire locker room to go quiet. Then, in a quick moment, the locker room erupted with laughs and jeers.
Stan sat uncomfortably on the bench. His white towel covered his lower half as he stared at his clothes. He couldn't get over Wendy's comment. For the past few weeks, Wendy had been cold and reserve. Every time Stan attempted affection, she ran off saying she had to do something important. He didn't want to be a bad boyfriend and not allow her to go, but shouldn't girlfriends want to spend time with their boyfriends? The last real date they went on was probably a month ago. Did she not like him anymore?
His mind went to the few times they broke up in the past. It had always been for another boy. Out of nowhere she would drop a bomb shell saying 'I think we should take a break.' He would be confused because nothing would have changed. He would protest and tell her he loved her, but nothing work. A week later, she would be with some other prick. Those relationships never lasted long, and she always came back to him. It made him happy to know that he was obviously better then the other dude she dated, but still it upset him. Was he not good enough for her?
A constricting feeling tightened around his heart. He imagined Wendy, his Wendy, walking away from him. She imagined her walking over to some strange boy and putting her hand on his chest. The boy would take off her clothes and she would let him. His lips would touch her soft skin and his hands…
Jesus Christ, he was feeling nauseous. He wasn't sure if it was from the five mile run and hard training during Soccer practice or from the image that had just entered his mind, but he threw up the contents of his lunch all over the floor.
"That's gross man," Token said with a disgusted face as he just got out of the shower.
"Marsh! What the fuck are you doing ruining my floors for! Go get a mop and clean that shit up," Coach Clay yelled from his office while some of the other kids laughed at him.
Stan let out a tired sigh, and hurried with his clothes. He walked out of the locker room and closed the door to the teasing. The mop was in the janitor's closet at the end of the hall. As he walked through the hall, he imagined what Wendy was doing right now. Was she missing him? Or was she mad at him? Gah he really hated girls!
His foot slipped on something and he caught himself on the wall. He looked down seeing some strange blue liquid and an empty bottle. He frowned at the sight. Don't Janitors have a job for a reason? He stepped over the puddle and put his hand on the doorknob. He turned the unlock doorknob and opened the door to a disgusting chemical smell. Stan wrinkled his nose as he looked inside.
There on the ground laid Kenny with his back against the wall. His head had fallen down into his chest and he almost looked asleep. It didn't take long to decipher that he was dead because his porn magazine was in the ground soaking up some of the blue liquid. If Kenny were alive he would never let his porn be destroyed in such a manner. "Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" Stan said in shock.
He waited patiently for the sound of 'those bastards,' but it never came. He turned to his side. Oh that's right Kyle wasn't with him. He was in the music room practicing. Kyle! He could help Stan figure out what was going on with Wendy.
Stan turned away from the closet completely forgetting about his dead friend and headed to the music room.
Outside the music room he heard a piano melody. Yes, Kyle was inside. Ever since middle school Kyle practiced everyday for at least two hours, except during basketball season. His mother had forced him to start an instrument. When Kyle suggested drums, his mother flipped out and assigned him to the piano. From what Stan could gather. Kyle hated it, but for some reason kept at it.
Stan walked into the music room to see a red head in front of a black piano playing some sort of classical music. When the door made a loud noise as it shut, the classical music stopped. Kyle turned his head to Stan. "Hey Dude, you know I have practice for another half an hour," Kyle told him.
"Yeah. Yeah. I know. I was just hoping you could skip," Stan said weaving through the different instruments.
"Do you know my mom?" Kyle asked with a you're-kidding-right look.
"I just need some advice," Stan sighed in irritation.
"If it's about Wendy you can just leave now," Kyle said with a blank face.
"What? Dude I need your help," Stan protested getting rather irritated.
"Stan it's always the same thing. Wendy's not pay attention to me. I think Wendy might leave me. I think Wendy's mad at me. You sound like a pussy, and I'm done with the shit. If you want to wallow in misery about Wendy you can do it by yourself," Kyle said in an angry huff before turning back around to the piano.
"What's you're fucking problem Kyle?" Stan said getting defensive.
"She's a bitch, dude. You should have learned that in fourth grade," Kyle muttered out and began playing some random notes on the piano. The music just came out angry and random.
"Forget you, Kyle," Stan said pissy and walked out of the music room. If he knew Kyle was going to act like Cartman, he would have just got straight to the fat ass. Inconsiderate douche bag friend, he thought to himself as he left.
"Eric Dear, when is your little friend coming over?" his mother called from the kitchen.
Cartman paused There Will Be Blood on his ondemand. His fucking mom had a natural talent of interrupting the best parts. The little brat of the oil business man was about to be caught in an explosion. He loved this movie. Greedy men winning and making big bucks were always the best. He checked the clock, and it read ten. Cartman frowned. His loser friend was supposed to be here an hour ago.
"His ass should be here now," he shouted back to his mom, "I'll go pick his poor ass up since he obviously can't afford gas!"
"Oh. Well I made you kids a bowl of ice cream," his mother said as she walked out of the kitchen with two large bowls.
Cartman's eyes lingered on the fatty delicious substance too long. He hadn't had ice cream in months…one bite wasn't going to kill him.
"Mom, Kenny doesn't eat ice cream. He's lactose intolerant. So I'll take his too," Cartman answered.
"Oh he is?" his mother questioned.
Cartman shrugged as his mom put both bowls in front of him. "Aren't all poor people?" he said with a smirk then took a spoonful of the milky goodness. God why did food have to be so good!
Kenny heard the shrill of screams from newly arrived guest to hell. He was surrounded by hundreds of people who wore confused and scared. Some them even clung onto the arms of strangers hoping they would prevent the future terror. The only on who didn't seemed bothered by the mountains of lava and fire was probably him. He began squeezing through people whose clothing seemed fresh pressed. It wouldn't last for long. Soon their clothes would be dirty and sweaty.
"Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me," he said as he passed by more and more.
Someone grabbed his arm. "What's going on? What's going on!" the woman screamed in panic.
Kenny flinched at the loud noise. "I'm right here, you don't have to scream," he said annoyed. The woman looked confused by his calmness. "You're in hell," he muttered then shrugged out of her grip. He heard her scream behind him.
"Good Day Folks!" a high pitched voice of a horned human shouted from above the stadium.
While everyone else went silent to stare at the person, Kenny pushed through faster. He made it to the front of the stage and gave a wave of hello to Bob who was speaking.
"Oh hi Kenny, welcome back," Bob said aloud and he felt the hundreds of scared people looking at him.
"Thanks," Kenny muttered not to pleased. His mind was still on his new porn he didn't get to finish. He hoped no one stole it from his dead body. He went passed the big red muscle body guards who were containing the group of people.
Behind him he heard Bob shouting to the group, "Now were going to separate you with your sins. So let's form seven groups! Rage right in the back corner!"
Kenny blocked it out as he traveled down a well-known path. Each time he died he made his first visit to Satan. If he didn't Satan got bitchy and made him wait even longer before returning to Earth. So he made his way through the curves and turns of hell to where Satan's place was. He gave a wave at the demons who said hello until he reached a rock wall with a door in it.
He brought his hand up to knock, but it opened before he could.
"Kenny! I just put the lasagna in, but you got come in and see how I decorated the place," a gigantic red man wearing a pink apron said in a deep gay flavor voice.
He shrugged, "Yeah sure."
Cartman drove in his new silver Mercedes with a disgusting scowl. His eyebrows were pinched together while his frown only deepened. Normally driving in his Mercedes feeling the sleek leather under his hand and the smooth driving would brighten him up because it reminded him of how he blackmailed Senator Bennet. Got him a new nice car and another vote in congress. He loved how almost all Senators were fags. It made it so much easier.
But tonight…the car did nothing for his mood. He had stopped by at Kenny's place. He had touched his parent's disgustingly dirty hands. His foot fell through the moldy floor. His clothes now reeked with poor. What did that get him? Nothing! The faggot hadn't been home. That was when it hit him. Kenny had ditched him for Wendy!
His friend had ditched him for that dirty hippie! It made him angry and caused his grip to tighten on the steering wheel.
He glared out the window following the road that would pass by the school before he turned to the road to his house. In the distance he saw the brick of the school coming into view. It naturally made him angrier. At least tomorrow was Friday.
He saw a flick of purple in the darkness. He focused on it, and realized it was a person sitting on a bench in front of the school. He checked the clock on the dash. It was 11:30. Who would be out this late? And at school? He pressed his foot on the brake to slow his car. The person became more familiar as he got closer. The deep purple pea coat and that gay purple hat could only belong to one person.
His teeth grinded together while he attempted to control his temper. He slammed on the brake coming to a stop right in front of Wendy. He saw the surprise on her face then happiness. He slowly rolled down his tinted windows to hear her yelling, "You're late. Do you know how long I've been sitting out in the cold? You ca"
The words stopped as they both stared at each other. "What are you doing here?" she hissed as her hazel eyes narrowed.
His face scrunched together again in annoyance. This girl was so demanding! He felt the wind against his cheeks, so he tucked his chin into his scarf. "Ho, I should be asking you that, and what the hell did you do with Kenny?" he accused her.
"Me? I didn't do anything to him. He's the pervert who stood me up," she shouted. He noticed a fist forming on her small hand.
"So he did plan to ditch me for you!" Cartman growled. He would get back at Kenny for that.
He noticed her left eye twitching slightly. It almost made him laugh. "You idiot. He's not here so obviously he didn't plan to," she stated calmly but the venom in her voice was noticeable.
"What did you offer him?" he asked.
Wendy looked at him confused, "Why does it matter?"
"If you offered him pussy he planned to ditch me for you. Poor bastard," he mumbled the last part.
"But he's not here," Wendy argued.
Cartman smirked, "You did offer him pussy, and here I thought little miss goody two shoes was above all that immoral shit."
Her cheeks turned a bit red before the anger came, "Oh shut up, fatass!"
He chuckled to himself. For some reason, it brought some pleasure to know the bitch girl wasn't as good as she seemed. Actually, her being out in the middle of the night seemed rather odd. "Why you here?" he asked.
"I locked something of mine in the school…and I need it for tomorrow. Kenny was suppose to help me," she said.
"Who the hell do you take me for, hippie? I'm not your fag boyfriend. I can tell when someone is talking bullshit. Why are you here?" he asked again.
"Why does it matter? Why are you here? Obviously Kenny isn't here so shouldn't you be driving away!" she said changing the subject.
Cartman felt his eyebrow arch in suspicion. Something was going on. "Get in the car," he growled as he faced the street ahead.
"What? No!" she squealed.
He turned back to her. "The max Kenny is ever late for is ten. He's not showing so get in the god damn car, ho!" he ordered.
"I can walk!" she said turning away from him.
He debated driving away and saying fuck the bitch, but he wanted information. With a painful sigh he leaned out his window looking at the girl who was walking away. Her dark black hair was being blown behind her, and his eyes sort of wandered to her ass. She was kind of hot…in the I'm-a-complete-frigid-bitch way. "Wendy," he called her name. By some miracle she actually stopped. He knew he was supposed to stay something to get her into the car, but he couldn't really think of anything. "It's a hybrid?" he sort of fumbled out. It was a lie, but what girl actually knew about cars?
Her head turned. Her eyes seemed confused with his response so he continued, "Don't hippie people like that shit?"
She frowned and gave an angry huff. Aw damn it, did he piss her off again? She started walking to his passenger side door. He felt his mouth drop. It actually worked…wow. She opened it then slammed the door. She buckled her seat belt aggressively. Then she crossed her arms over her chest and fell back into the seat. "I'm only driving with you cause it's cold outside," she mumbled annoyed.
Cartman only rolled his eyes. He pressed on the gas heading in the direction of her house. "Pride's a sin," Cartman commented as they drove on silently.
"What's you're point?" she sniped back.
"Just saying you shouldn't act like such an elitist snob cause you'll still go to hell," he answered.
"Are you being serious? You're talking about my pride? What about yours? Or maybe you're greed, rage, gluttony, sloth, and probably envy too. If they categorized the sins in hell you would have to be mutilated," she hissed and then mumbled out, "you're stomach being praised as the largest in gluttony."
He slammed on his brakes causing her to get whip lashed by the seat belt. "Forget this bullshit! Get the fuck out of my car," he shouted. He pointed to the door.
She paused for a moment. It almost looked like she was in shock.
"I said get the fuck out of my car, ho!" he shouted again. He reached over her form to the doorknob. He then pulled it opened letting the cold air in. She finally moved out of her stiff form. Her eye met his in a cold glare before she unbuckled and got out. She slammed the door shut and began walking away. As soon as the door was closed his foot was on the gas pushing farther and farther away from that cunt.
Wendy stared at the silver car disappearing into the darkness. She was furious. Not only with Kenny ditching her, but with Cartman taunting her with a ride. Who actually kicks someone out of their car?
Her lips pressed tightly together in a thin frown. There was something nagging at her, though. It felt like regret…or guilt. She shook her head. She shouldn't feel guilty. He was the one being a jerk, but the confirmation in her head did nothing to change the feeling. He had offered her a ride…maybe in a rude way, but he still had. It was actually nice, and then she had to open her mouth. Okay so she did have a reason to be guilty.
She kicked the snow on the ground. She would have to apologize. Ugh! It was like apologizing to the devil! She took a deep breath then headed home. He had gotten her somewhat closer. As she walked home on her road she stopped. "How did he know where she lived?"