I'll have you know, this story entertains the pants off of me. And yet, I still own none of it.

In Which Goblins Are Annoying Dirty Little Berks.

"That's my throne you're sitting on. Off."

Sarah grinned, hooking one of her legs over the arm of the throne cockily as she propped up her chin in her hand. "Ner ner ner."

His face flushed. It actually flushed! That had to be worth, what, twenty points at least.

"Girlie not right in the head…"

"Queenie insane."

The smile sliding off her face, Sarah looked away from where Jareth stood a few feet in front of, practically quivering with fury (though with the most endearing look of puzzlement mixed in on his face) to glower at the few goblins left scattered about (to save face, Jareth had had to bog at least half the room). Apparently fearing that she was mentally unbalanced, they quavered under her stare.

"Queenie?" She looked back at Jareth. "Queenie?"

"I assure you," he quipped dryly, "they draw their own conclusions."

"Conclusions from what, I wonder."

They regarded each other in silence for a while, until Jareth smirked.

"You know, if you must insist on sitting there…" he flicked his wrist and drew a crystal out of the air, "…you may as well do it the proper way."

"What-"

His hand blurred, and the crystal hit her with a shower of sparks and (how typical) glitter. Sarah looked down at herself and sputtered indignantly.

Breeches. Tight, tight leggings...whatever they were, they were on her legs, partially covered by knee-high, black leather boots. Her comfortable university sweatshirt had been traded in for an equally comfortably white poet's shirt, though the neckline of it plunged practically to her navel. With a squeak, Sarah clutched the fabric together, lifting her head to glower at her offender, who looked ridiculously pleased with himself as his goblins snickered at his heels.

"Change me back, right now!"

Back in his element now that he had humiliated her in front of his subjects, he sauntered forward. "You're the one who wanted to sit in the throne, precious thing. You might as well play the part." She sat up nervously, one hand still twisted around the neckline of the shirt cautiously, leaning away from him as he leaned forward, resting his hands on the arm of the chair her legs had been thrown over seconds before. "I thought you liked to play parts."

"Obviously not anymore. I'm a psychology major, not drama." She inched away slowly.

A teasing light flickered behind his eyes. "Why, Sarah, if you don't stop moving over like that, I'll have to assume you're inviting me to sit down."

Her own eyes narrowed. "Don't you d-"

But he had already sat next to her, and although he was fairly narrow as far as build was concerned, and as big as the throne was, it hadn't really been built to seat two. She made to spring up, but he had already wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back, unbalancing her, which ended up with her half-draped across his lap.

He was smiling, and it caught her off guard for a moment – it was a genuine smile, not one born from taunting or sarcastic quips. One arm draped around the back of the throne, and the other around her shoulders. The touch brought her back to the situation at hand. Right.

She noticed that he wasn't watching her face, and remembered too late the gaping shirt. Her cheeks blazing, she looked down to see that the wide neckline had nearly slid completely off her shoulders, leaving her practically bare from the waist up. Shit.

"You…you look somewhere else!" she snapped, batting his arm away from her shoulders to free her own arms, raising her hands to pull the shirt back up onto her shoulders. He complied willingly enough, tipping his head back and smiling, his eyes closed. She had no doubt what he was replaying in his mind, and glowered at his smug face angrily.

A quiet titter drew her attention, and she turned her head to glare back at the goblins who were staring at her, their eyes wide and their hands over their mouths, faces frozen in comical expressions.

"What?" She spat acidly.

One of the braver souls lowered his hands. "Queenie…Queenie…"

"Queenie what?"

He quailed and shuffled back, seeming to lose his nerve. She needn't have worried, however, because another one burst out, unable to control himself.

"Queenie has big boobies!"

Jareth snorted in her ear, his chest shaking with silent laughter as the goblins scurried away, their raucous laughter bouncing off the stone walls. Sarah did nothing – her mortification had glued her to the spot, and she could only glare angrily as the last one hightailed it out of her sight.

"Those goblins, I really don't know where they get such dirty minds…"

Sarah turned her head to glower at him. "Where, indeed."

Where indeed, muahahahaha.

Evil laughter aside, I'm so glad that people enjoy this story, even though the characters are comically OOC at most times.