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Hey. This is the next chapter. Read my new stories, Don't Mess With The Human's Man and Tonto the Talking Parakeet.

Don't ask.

Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, then I would be too busy running down the streets shouting, "I own Twilight, bitches!" to write a new chapter.

Bella POV:

It was time for Lunch. Whoop-de-frickin'-doo.

Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Renesmee, Jacob, and I were all walking there together. We had to stop and separate for a second though, because when we all tried to walk through the door at the same time, Jacob got caught in the doors.

Not the best entrance, but whatevs.

My family and I all sat at the table farthest away from the windows. But, we ran into some trouble getting there.

Flashback even though it happened like two minutes ago:

"Hey, look, there's a table!" Jacob said. We already got our lunches, which smelled awful, and we were looking for a place to sit.

"Yes, Jacob. And look over there, it's a door! And this is what we call a spoon!" Rosalie said sarcastically.

We all snickered, except for Jacob who just glared at Rosalie.

"C'mon, enough making fun of Fido, let's get that table," Jasper said. We walked over, but we quickly realized some jocks and a few cheerleaders were sitting there. They were oblivious to us as we came over and only looked up when we arrived. Alice spoke.

"Hey, can you guys move? We want to sit here."

A cheerleader with red hair (and a stuffed, lopsided bra) scoffed and said, "No way, newbies. This is the popular table. The freak table is over there." The sad thing is that she was un-dressing Emmett with her eyes. "Except for you guys. You can sit here if you ditch the bitches." Ness, Alice, Rose and I glared at her. She flinched.

"Um, no, Katie. These wimps should leave and these hotties can take your place," said a jock that was eyeing us like we were pieces of meat.

The guys growled loudly. I suddenly felt a warm hand on my behind. I quickly turned around to see another jock grinning like an idiot. I slapped him. Edward snarled, grabbed his neck and lifted him into the air.

"If you ever touch my girl again, I swear I will come after you in your sleep and chop your balls off. Do you understand?"

The jock choked out yes.

Edward dropped him. He, along with the other jocks ran away in fear of Edward,, who was snarling loudly. Rose turned to the cheerleaders and barked, "GO!" They sqealed and ran away. We snickered and sat down.

Present:

We were 'eating.'

"Jacob, you should seriously consider losing weight," Edward said.

"Shut up, Edward. I do not need to lose weight. It's muscle, not fat."

"You know, it's weird. The last time I heard you say that we ended up paying another $900 for an extra seat on the airplane for your 'muscle'."

Jacob looked down and mumbled, "Shut up." He then proceeded to put a handful of fries into his mouth.

"Someone is an emotional eater," I muttered. My family cracked up while Jacob threw a fry at my nose. I took one of my grape tomatoes from my salad and threw it towards his eye. Jacob flinched, took a spoonful of Nessie's potatoes, and catapulted them towards me. Emmett took a deep breath, as if he was preparing to say something.

Oh shit.

"FOOD FIGHT!" He bellowed. He picked up my salad and launched it at Cindy, that bitch from the previous chapter.

"Bella!" Edward looked at me sharply. Meanwhile, a full blown food fight- screw that, food war- had broken out.

"What, Edward?"

He looked around. Edward ducked just in time to miss a bowl of gravy from landing on his head. But, I unfortunately felt something that smelled suspiciously like tapioca run down my back.

"Don't break the fourth wall." He whispered.

"You mean that wall that separates fiction and reality, that means that the fictional characters aren't aware that their entire lives are being read?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"But doesn't talking about the fourth wall technically break it an-," he cut me off.

"Look, let's just get back to the story," Edward suggested.

"Okay, then." I picked up my milk (that smelled sour) and chucked it at some random guy. I was about to pick up Alice's chicken, but I noticed Alice wasn't there in her seat. I then noticed some sniffling sounds coming from under the table. I crouched down. Alice looked scared, and she was rocking back and forth holing her knees with one arm and sucking her thumb.

"Alice, what's wrong?"

"Bella, you know I'm wearing my favorite pair of shorts today. I can not risk staining them."

"Um…I am going to go back up then…" She was honestly starting to scare me. She growled out that last part about not staining her shorts.

I stood back up only to have a face full of hamburger. Oh, that is it. I grabbed Nessie's soda, shook it, and threw it right into some girl's jaw. She fell right down. I crouched down again and walked over to the lunchline. There were food and drinks flying over my head, and I am pretty sure the entire left half of my body was covered with tater tots.

At least they have nice variety here.

I made it too the lunchline and grabbed some mac and cheese, but it landed on Edward.

Uh-oh. He looked directly into my eyes. There was a flicker of shock, recognition, and then mischief. Edward raised an eyebrow, as if to say: "Oh, really? You wanna throw food at me?"

I smiled sheepishly and shrugged, completely ignoring the flying food.

Edward leaned down towards a table. He picked up so-Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh nononononono.

He picked up…he picked up…

…LIVER!

He knows how much I hated liver when I was human! I would gag at the mere mention of liver. Imagine me now, when I am a vampire and disgusted by some of the most delicious human foods!

He's gonna throw it. I know he will.

He nodded.

I really have to start closing my shield. It's becoming a problem now.

I did the only thing I could think of.

Run (at human speed).

I ducked, and ran, trying to avoid the milks, salads, burgers, and other disgusting foods soaring above me. I even grabbed a random girl from Cindy's table and used her as a human shield. Literally. But, Edward was to fast for me, even when he limited himself to human speed. He threw the offending excuse for food. It was like everything was in slow motion.

One second, I am hiding behind this girls' back, which had a nice tattoo on it.

Next second, I have a face full of liver. I gagged, and squealed. I looked up at Edward. He winked at me.

Grr. I ran back to the Cullen table. By now, the lunch ladies ran out of the cafeteria, so it was just the students. Our table and another one that was not in use were flipped on their sides in order to act as a fort. I jumped in the rectangular fort. Jasper was next to me.

"Jasper, status report."

"Alice was taken down and put in the infirmary. She got a spaghetti and meatball sub to the torso."

I hissed.

"Emmett and Rosalie..er…left. Emmett said something about Rosalie looked hot with soda all over her. They are currently occupying the closet."

I gagged.

"Edward is still alive and well. His speed is working well for him."

I hissed again, thinking about the liver incident.

"Jacob is in the kitchen, eating. I think he is still stung about the whole emotional eating comment."

"Nessie is…well, Ness is the master. It's like she has machine guns for arms. Look." Jasper pointed to a table that was dead center in the cafeteria. Nessie was throwing food around like a mad woman.

That's my girl.

"Thanks, Jazz. Good luck."

"You, too."

We went our separate ways. I saw Edward with an armful of random foods pelting people as he ran. I think he was relying on his power too much. I took a package of M&Ms from the floor. I opened them and dumped them on the floor. They scattered over the floor, more so in Edward's direction. Since he was running at human speed and had his mind preoccupied, he didn't see them. Edward usually would have crushed them, but he was distracted, so he fell. The food was all over him. He looked up and scanned the lunchroom. He met my eyes. I mouthed, "We're even." Edward mouthed back, "Fine. Love you."

Aw. Even when he's covered with food he's sweet.

Ha. I said he's covered with food and he is acting sweet. I crack myself up.

I saw Edward shake his head.

Whatever.

Emmett and Rosalie burst into the cafeteria with major sex hair, wrinkled clothes, and bite marks on their necks. Emmett was wearing a shit-eating grin.

We need to send them to Tiger Woods' clinic. (AN: Ok, that was mean.)

I stood up, pointed to Em and Rose, and screamed, "New targets!" The food war stopped for a second as Emmett and Rose paled. Then, all the food was soaring towards them. I smirked. Jasper, Nessie, and Edward sent me thumbs up signs.

Emmett and Rose ran to the sides, already completely covered with food. The students resumed throwing food at each other. In my peripheral vision, I saw Nessie with six or seven cans of soda. The sodas were vibrating, so they were obviously shaken. Nessie started to run around the lunchroom. She threw a can of soda on the ground every few steps. The soda cans exploded upon impact. Kids were scrambling away from the soda, but unfortunately some of them were knocked on their asses by the explosion. Nessie was screaming and laughing maniacally.

Edward caught my eye and mouthed, "She takes after you, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes.

One of the assistant principals burst into the room, about to bust all of us. But Nessie threw one of the soda bombs directly into his chest. The soda bomb exploded and the assistant principal flew into the doors and was knocked out. Edward looked at me again and mouthed, "But I think she got her throwing arm from me."

I rolled my eyes again and chucked a salad at him. He ducked just in time. Edward then stuck out his tongue and made faces at me.

I mouthed, "So mature," to him. He ignored me. But suddenly I saw a chocolate pudding cup heading towards me, so I had to end our silent conversation.

Jacob then chose this moment to bust into the cafeteria. He had about fifteen boxes of juice in his hand. He pelted Cindy, some guys who had hit on Nessie, and me with them.

Cindy was currently crying about her ruined clothes. It is a bad day to wear white, Cindy. It really is.

I took a plate of fries and threw them at Jacob's head. He had grease running down from his hair. He threw a burger at me, but I ducked and it hit Jasper. Jasper threw a chicken breast at Jacob, which landed in his mouth. He spit it out and said, "Ew! No one likes the chicken breast!"

Jasper rolled his eyes and threw some spinach at some of the guys eye-undressing/eye-fucking Alice. I threw a bag of chips at him and he turned around to glare at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. But he threw sushi at my face so I had a tongueful of sushi.

Great. Raw fish. I didn't even like this when I was human.

I ran back to the Cullen fort alone. I peeked a little over the table and surveyed the area. Jasper's face was completely red. I think it was jello. His torso was covered with macaroni and cheese and liver. He was currently skating on pieces of cornbread while pelting unsuspecting students.

Weirdo.

Rosalie was screeching as Emmett was using her as a shield. Rosalie was covered in a huge variety of foods as well as Emmett. She was trying but failing to retaliate against the other students. She was too busy trying to get the taste of human food out of her mouth.

Edward was still throwing food like a mad man. He was covered with soda and chocolate, which to my annoyance had all the girls drooling. I threw some slice of pizza at them. Edward smirked at me when he realized why I was throwing them.

Stupid, arrogant husband who I'm completely and irrevocably in love with.

Nessie is still throwing food like a- err, a food-throwing machine?

Sorry, couldn't think of any witty similes. (AN: That's right, I have been paying attention in English class)

Jacob was throwing food too, but not as much. He was too busy eating his ammo.

I raised my arm to throw some potato salad at Cindy when I heard a yell that could have cause a 4.7 on the Richter scale.

"NALIA DOREEN HAYWOOD!"

I, along with the rest of the cafeteria, turned around to see the angry, ebony with sparks of blue-green eyes of a vampire.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! Go on my profile to see the exact shade of the mystery vampire's eyes. It's under the word, 'Force'.

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