Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. Since I had such a long day yesterday, I wasn't able to respond to any of you directly, but I wanted you to know that I have read & appreciate all of them.
I hope the pace isn't too slow, I just wanted to give a good build up to what is coming ... but hang in there ...
On with the story. Oh, I don't own any of NCIS, nor am I making any mullah from these stories.
While Sarah cried herself to sleep, the others went about bringing in Tim's belongings. Abby directed everyone where to place everything.
On the last trip in, Gibbs stopped DiNozzo. "Thought you guys were going to bring his typewriter?"
A strange look came over Tony's face and when he spoke, his eyes were focused on a spot on the wall behind Gibbs' shoulder. "He got rid of it, Boss. Told Sarah he could never write again."
"What?"
Tony spoke in choppy sentences and sounded far away. "Broke his contract with the publishing company ... had to pay them back lots of money ... had to sell his car." He finally looked Gibbs in the eyes, both knowing exactly why Tim stopped writing.
"Damn."
"Just another way we let him down." He turned from Gibbs and continued into the building.
Gibbs stood in place. He remembered how much Tim had blamed himself for the deaths of Petty Officer Cove and Adrian Corbett. He also remembered, with shame, how he had shoved the young man and demanded he 'figure it out'. He hoped his actions during the case were not part of the reason Tim had stopped writing. When he wakes up ... Gibbs hung his head. That's just it ... he's never going to wake up. He realized all the things he never said to Tim.
He'll never know how proud of him I am. He swallowed hard, choking back his emotions. Now was not the time or place. He had Jack Daniels waiting at home to help him through his emotions.
He raised his head, squared his shoulders and went back inside.
XXXX
Once everything was in its place. Abby selected a record, placed it on the player and the sounds of soft jazz filled the room.
They let the entire first side play before waking Sarah. She blinked and rubbed her eyes. Abby once again guided the lost girl, taking her into the bathroom to freshen up.
Jimmy came back just as the bathroom door closed, carrying a couple of bags containing the items Dr. Mallard had requested.
"What's all that Duck?"
Ducky gave a slight smile to Gibbs. "Other items that should help guide Timothy back to us."
Jimmy placed the bags on a chair. Ducky eagerly went over to him and started pulling out the contents while a curious Gibbs looked on.
The first item pulled out was a big, plush, stuffed, German Shepard. When Gibbs raised his eyebrow, Ducky laughed. "Since it won't be possible for Jethro, the dog - not you, to visit, this is a close substitute." He then pulled out a CD labeled 'Pet Sounds'.
"Duck ..."
"Anything and everything familiar to Timothy can stimulate his brain."
"Ducky, none of this stuff is going to help."
The doctor's eyes grew dark. He walked up to Gibbs and stood toe-to-toe with him. "Don't you DARE give up on that boy! Do you hear me!?"
Gibbs stared, shocked at Ducky's tone. He nodded mutely.
Ducky's eyes grew lighter and a smile came back to his face. "Good." He walked past Gibbs, who was standing as still as a statue, over to Tim, just as Abby and Sarah were coming out of the bathroom.
Abby smiled and even Sarah managed a quirk of the corners of her mouth, as they watch Dr. Mallard place the stuffed animal in the crook of Tim's left arm. He then gave the dog a squeeze - out came a mechanical but playful bark.
Gibbs turned around at the sound, now watching the group at bedside. Jimmy came to stand beside him. "I went to four children's stores before I found the right one." He gave a lopsided grin to Gibbs, then he too walked over to Tim's bedside.
Gibbs watched the group, then glanced over to Tony, who was sitting in a visitor chair, the one furthest way from the group and staring at his folded hands. Horror building as he realized what he'd taken away from everybody.
He lowered his head and closed his eyes, trying to fight his growing nausea. This was the first time in his life that he wanted to run and hide from what he had done. Instead, he lifted his head and walked over to the bed.
XXXX
Several hours later, Sarah's stomach started to grumble, although, now by her brother side, she didn't want to leave. After a brief debate, it was decided that she would go home with Jimmy and stay with him and Breena.
Ducky was a bit surprised that Gibbs hadn't offered his placed, but then again, he could see how much the team leader was hurting. He knew the gruff man would need to nurse his own feelings before he could be of help to anyone else. The doctor shook his head and focused back on the group, as another debate arose - who would take care of Tim's dog. Ducky won the honors.
He decided to walk out with Jimmy and Sarah, grabbing Gibbs' arm as he passed by, hoping to have a moment alone to speak to him ... leaving Abby and Tony in the room with Tim.
An unnatural silence filled the room. Abby stared at Tony, wondering why he was being so quiet. She decided it wasn't worth worrying about right now. She had been strong all week and now was her time to let the mask drop. Her face sagged, as did her shoulders and she suddenly felt weak. She collapsed onto the bed, sitting next to McGee. In a mirror image of when she found Tim lying on the squad room floor, she grabbed his hand, held it to her heart and breathed out, "Oh, Timmy."
She couldn't believe that just the week before, she was laughing and teasing around with him and now ... now ... She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as a few tears escaped.
"You have to get better really soon. Sarah is lost without you, you know. And Ziva hasn't been right, she doesn't even come around ... in fact, we haven't seen her since the day with your family ..." She glanced over her shoulder, it seemed like Tony wasn't paying attention to her. She sighed and kept going. "Tony hasn't made one movie reference ... then there's Gibbs ..."
Tony heard Abby's droning, but tuned it out. He was still going over all the stupid things he had done to his partner over the years ... the superglue ... the gay rumors ... teaming up with McCadden. But it wasn't just his actions he was thinking about, it was everyone's. Gibbs harshness, Ziva's apathy, Abby's ... Suddenly his head snapped up, he had tuned back into what she was saying, and his face turned red with anger. "What the hell did you just say?"
Abby jumped at Tony's voice and turned half-way around to face him. "Tony! You gave me a heart attack!"
Tony stood and stormed over to her standing right in front of her. "What. Did. You. Say?"
For the first time ever, Abby was scared of Tony. He had always been her 'big brother' and second protector, right behind Gibbs. She knew, between the two of them, she could do no wrong - but now he was standing there, hands clenched, face red, eyes blazing. "What?", she said in a small voice.
"To Tim, what did you say just now to him? The reason you want him back."
Abby swallowed nervously. "I ... you know I was just rambling ... I get like that ..."
"DON'T make me ask you again, Abby." Tony was barley containing his anger.
"I, um, said that I want him back so that he can be my fall guy when I do something dumb." She flinched at her own words. "I didn't mean it ... I was ..."
"HOW COULD YOU!?"
"Look, I didn't ..."
Tony took a deep breath, trying to get himself under control. "After everything he's done for you! Everything he's gone through for you! And, that's why you want him back!?"
"I was joking!"
"Don't give ME that! You treat him like crap and always expect him to come back for more!"
Abby went from being scared to being mad. She released Tim's hand and stood, now nose to nose with DiNozzo. "Like you have any room to talk! I'm not the one who always tries to get him in trouble with Gibbs so that I can look better!"
"Yeah, instead, you use his feelings against him to get what you want ... not caring how he feels."
"You tricked him into not volunteering for a mission!"
"You bullied him into adopting a dog that had just mauled him!"
"You told him he was better fatter!"
"You put his job on the line so you could do a favor for a friend!"
They kept slinging instances of wrong doing, getting more vicious and insulting ... and loud.
XXXX
After seeing Jimmy and Sarah off, Ducky and Gibbs slowly walked back into the Center. Side by side, in silence.
Ducky gave a sideways look to the taller man. "I know you want to protect your team, but there are some things that are out of your control."
Gibbs didn't miss a stride - he just kept moving forward and he didn't say a word to his long time friend.
"It would be like saying you could stop cancer, or diabetes, or hearing loss. You are not responsible for Timothy's condition."
Gibbs eyes finally moved, looking at Ducky from the corner of his eyes, still kept moving and silent. However, he thought to himself, If you only knew ... He shifted his focus back to in front of him.
Ducky sighed. "Whenever you are ready, my friend, I am here."
Gibbs just nodded, he knew he could never tell what actually happened, not unless he wanted to end up in a rubber room. He opened the door to the Center and could instantly hear Abby and Tony's raised voices. He gave a quick look to Ducky before he took off running down the hall.
He reached Tim's door as the same time as the staff. He burst through the door, yelling, "Hey!", to get their attention. "What the hell is wrong with you two?"
Abby's emotions were raw - the worry, the anxiety, the anger, and the fear - she teared up and started crying. "It was just a dumb joke Gibbs!"
The team leader sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "What was a joke?" He made no move to comfort the Goth, not until he knew what was going on.
However, now that Abby had let loose, she couldn't stop crying long enough to answer. So Tony did it for her. "She said she wanted Tim back so he could take the flack for her mess ups!"
Gibbs closed his eyes, the hand he had run through his hair, now grabbed the back of his neck. He reopened his eyes and looked at his senior agent. "Everyone's emotions are running high - Abby would never mean ..."
Tony became even more angry. After everything, he's still defending Abby! He just doesn't understand what she's put Tim through! "Really Gibbs ..." he practically spat "... then why don't you ask her about Mexico!"
Abby stifled her crying and looked at them, shocked. "How ... when ..."
Tony pushed past Gibbs and stormed out, leaving the M.E., forensic scientist and Team Leader in dumbstruck silence for a few heartbeats. "What's he talking about, Abs?"
"Gibbs, I ..."
"What. Is. He. Talking. About?"
Abby gulped, she knew that nothing less than full disclosure would be accepted. She took a moment to wipe the tears away, clear her throat, and gather her courage. "Well, you see ...", she told him everything - from how she hadn't really want McGee along, to the fight in the hotel, to sleeping in the classroom, to bullying McGee into taking her into the desert, to him offering himself up to Paloma Reynosa to keep her safe.
Gibbs listened intently, when she told him about Reynosa, he gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists. He was so angry as thoughts ran through his head of what could have happened to Tim if he was taken up on his offer. Black was growing from the sides of his eyes, until he had tunnel vision. He knew he had to leave before he did or said something he would regret. He quickly turned on his heels, military style, and left.
Abby rung her hands and looked at Ducky. "He hates me now, doesn't he?"
Ducky walked over and put an arm around the girl, pushing his own feelings aside. "No, my dear, he doesn't hate you. Although, he is very upset. Give him time to cool down and then you two can talk about the situation with level heads."
She nodded, then, without letting go of Ducky, she reached out and picked up Tim's hand again. She looked down to her friend. "You know I didn't mean it ... that I was just joking ... right?"
There was no response. No move of his eyes, no twitch of his mouth, no flick of his fingers. With renewed tears, she buried her head in Ducky's shoulder and cried until she exhausted herself.
XXXX
Gibbs made a bee-line for the exit, but he saw Tony staring out a nearby window. He stopped and calmed himself, the tunnel vision receding. He walked over to his man and placed a hand on his shoulder before coming to stand on Tony's right.
Tony turned to face Gibbs straight on and looked at his Team Leader, his hazel eyes reflecting how lost he felt.
"She told me." Gibbs informed as his dropped his hand from Tony's shoulder.
"You know, I bullied it out of him. Noticed how on edge he seemed to be around you and Abby. I bugged him and harassed and sniped until he finally told me. I was so terrified about what could have happened to him. And you know what I did? I berated him, told him something like that never would have happened if it were me or Ziva there, that he better hope you never find out, that he needs to grow a backbone where Abby's concerned."
Tony looked away, staring back out the window. "He just sat there with his head down. Never tried to fight back or stop me. Think I was just saying what he felt." He shook his head at himself. "I never once told him that I was worried about him."
"Tony ..."
However, he wasn't done with his self recrimination. Tony carried on as if Gibbs hadn't said anything. "Then when Abby went all obsessed about Clea Thorson, that insanely genius Navy Lieutenant, and Tim lost her on the bus route - I could see how upset he was at himself and I got angry. Not with him directly, but for allowing himself to be put in that kind of position again. So what did I do, what I always do, made him feel like crap. Remember, I told him no more field trips for the two of them. He looked so hurt."
He finally turned back to Gibbs. "Now he's gone and he'll never know ... Oh, god boss ... he'll never ..." Tony's emotions finally caught up with him. He had a lump in his throat and tears started winding their way down his face.
Gibbs went on auto pilot, he reach out and grabbed Tony's face in between his two hands, unconsciously wiping away the tears with his thumbs.
"He'll never know ... that ... that I ... that he's family ...or how much ... how much he means ... to all ... or most of us. Where's Ziva? Why ... why isn't .. she here ..."
Gibbs pulled Tony into a hug and for the first time in his life, Tony felt the support of a father. Which actually made him feel worse, since it was Tim who needed it, who deserved it, all along, and now would never get it. Also, a first, he made no attempt hide is emotions and cried for his lost brother.
As he held Tony, Gibbs too, wondered why Ziva had not made an appearance, but suspected she was grieving in her own way.