Chapter Four: Nepenthe
'a drink or drug that is supposed to bring forgetfulness of trouble and grief'
Sorry, this chapter is shorter! But this is because the next chapter will actually have plot in it so, watch out and stuff.
Jim sat in his chair, aware that Spock was currently staring at him with such venom that he believed he was attempting to bore holes in his back. The mission had gone...well, it had gone completely to shit and this time he couldn't even blame the bad luck that seemed to follow him everywhere. It was his fault, his mistake and now Uhura was in critical condition in the medical bay. They had been simply observing an unknown species in an uncharted planet. They had beamed down, he, Uhura and two other security officers with the equipment. Uhura was to try and piece together how they communicated for future attempts to integrate the strange aliens into the federation once they had become more evolved.
Jim had had a rough night - the pills had made him sleep, sure, but he just had nightmares that he couldn't even wake up from anymore. He was on edge, tense and wanted to get back onto his ship. Uhura had fallen behind, examining the crude drawings the aliens used to decorate the sandy rocks that dotted the landscape. She had fallen behind, and he had kept going. He had left her there until he heard her shouting down the comms. Jim had never run so fast in his life, but he still had not been fast enough. Uhura had stunned three of the aliens that surrounded her, but the last one had ripped the phaser from her hands and sunk an ugly nicked blade into her stomach. The security team had taken out the alien, and Jim had skidded to Uhura's side, pressing his hands to the wound.
"Jim."
Jim shook his head from the memory of Uhura's blood covering his hands and looked up. It was Bones, and he looked exhausted.
"Bones, how is she?"
The bridge was silent.
"She's going to be fine. We've just finished operating and she's sedated. She's stable, and there weren't any complications."
There was a collective sigh of relief from everyone on the bridge. Even from Jim, though he hid his guilt deep in his chest. He pulled up a mission brief from Admiral Susanna White, scanning its contents and ordering Sulu to input the course.
Bones cleared his throat.
"Jim, maybe you should give the crew a break."
Jim didn't answer.
"Jim, the crew is tired. Dammit I'm your chief medical officer and I'm recommending you give them a week of shore leave. Just a week, it's not that long."
Jim closed his eyes, and opened just as quickly when he was greeted by the memory of the helmeted face of Phoenix. Was that he was? An inhuman monster with just one purpose? If he wasn't Captain James Kirk, he wasn't anyone. He wondered if Phoenix had ever felt the same. Just the person to call if they needed people to die. He was simply the poster boy for the federation, and all that meant was if he fucked up, if he showed any weakness, he would lose everything.
"We don't have time."
"Dammit, Jim we have time. Make time."
"We are the flagship of the federation."
"You are the Captain. You have to be responsible for the wellbeing of your damn crew."
Jim stood as Bones raised his voice, turning on him with his blue eyes full of anger.
"You are dismissed, Lieutenant Commander." Bones stared at Jim. "That's an order, get off of the bridge."
Jim ignored the shock of all the bridge crew as Bones shot him a glare and got into the turbolift. Jim sat back down in his chair, and wished he had another bottle of whisky to get him through the rest of his shift. He heard footsteps, and didn't even need to look to know that it was Spock.
"I apologise for implying Nyota's injury was your fault." he spoke quietly.
"Why? It was my fault." Jim's voice was bitter and he stared resolutely out of the front screen into the comforting blackness beyond.
"I believe that out of all of the crew, you are the most in need of shore leave, Jim."
Jim clenched his jaw. "And?"
"I am seconding Doctor McCoy's recommendation that we take one week of shore leave. It will also give Nyota more time to recover before she inevitably insists she returns to her duties as communications officer."
Jim smiled at this. Spock was right, as soon as Uhura was conscious she would be demanding he put her back on the bridge. He glanced around at the faces of his crew. Chekov looked paler than usual, Sulu had frown lines wrinkling his brow. Jim huffed.
"Fine. Sulu, put in a course for the nearest federation planet. Chekov, open a ship wide frequency and tell everyone the good news."
"Aye, sir."
As they hit warp, Jim wondered if Scotty would be up to a drinking contest once they landed. He could always count on Scotty to drink him into oblivion.
X
Jim stared into Scotty's eyes. Or the approximate location of Scotty's eyes. They were on their third bottle of Orion...something. Whatever it was, it burned like hell on the way down and Jim had nearly choked to death after the first mouthful. Scotty now looked like an indistinguishable red blur with a scottish accent that was becoming harder and harder to understand. Jim wasn't sure if it was because Scotty's accent was becoming stronger as he drunk, or he was just very very drunk himself. Jim decided it was a mix of both.
"Jim, aye try summa this." Scotty plonked a very small glass with a tiny amount of pale green liquid in it. Jim squinted at it suspiciously.
"Wha'is it?"
"I cannae tell you that. I don't speak klingon."
Jim raised a dubious eyebrow and picked up the glass.
"Ah, what the hell."
He drunk it, and it sort of felt like his brain was being squeezed out of his eyeballs. He sort of whimpered and then the feeling passed. Scotty was laughing at him, and Jim was the epitome of maturity, sticking out his tongue in reply.
His head felt very floaty.
"I'm gunna go..." Jim waved his hand at the door, "outside. My head-"
Scotty cackled and ordered one of the drinks for himself, toasting Jim as he staggered out into the cold air. It hit him like a slap in the face and he had to blink furiously to see again through his watering eyes. They were on a federation planet, yes...but it wasn't the most classy place to visit. There were seedy bars everywhere, more than one strip club and the drug crime rates were through the roof. Jim wasn't surprised that most of the crew had elected to stay in the cushy Starfleet quarters they had been assigned. The food was much nicer, to be fair.
Jim walked in what could be vaguely described as a straight line towards one of the strip clubs. Staring at the shaking ass of a beautiful Orion might help him sleep better tonight...or not sleep, depending on the girl. And also depending whether the alcohol had affected other...abilities. Jim entered the club, nearly reeling from the bizarre smell and plopped himself down in a seat in the corner.
A dark haired woman who was at the bar glanced over at him. From the looks of the woman sitting next to her, they were twins. One had long hair, and the other who was not looking at him had hers in a bob. Jim wouldn't mind taking them to bed. He winked at the one who had turned to look at him and her eyes widened. She looked away quickly and spoke urgently to her twin. They left soon after, and Jim sighed.
Nevertheless it didn't too long for a woman to come over, her hips shaking and tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. She leant over, her blouse straining at the buttons. Jim smiled at her and gestured for the bartender to buy her a drink. She licked her red-lipsticked mouth in appreciation and took the drink, downing it in one. Jim was impressed and for the wink he gave her, he was rewarded by her sitting on his lap, caressing his hair with long, slim fingers.
"You're yummy..." she breathed, her tongue wet against his jaw, "We have a back room, you know."
Jim allowed her to lead him to one, shutting the door behind him. Immediately the blonde showered him with deep, sensual kisses, her eyes full of sin.
"Have this," she said, and produced a small pill from her breast pocket. It was black and shiny and Jim shook his head. She put it onto the tip of her tongue and kissed him, rubbing herself against Jim's groin and distracted, he swallowed it.
It had been a long time since he had slept in a bed other than his own.
She took a pill herself and dropped to her knees, her hands caressing the zipper of Jim's trousers. He leant heavily against the wall as she licked him through his boxers, closing his eyes.
The shiver that went up his spine was not from lust. A feeling of fear was crawling up there instead, his skin tingling strangely. His heart thumped oddly in his chest, and Jim coughed, taking in a breath that did nothing to help the swirling dizziness in his head.
You have got to be kidding me.
He stuffed a bunch of credits at the blonde and staggered out, clutching his chest. Breathing was harder now, and he didn't know where he was. He fumbled with the communicator.
"Bones?" he choked down, "Bones I took something and I feel..." Jim coughed again, and it felt like his lungs were attempting to climb out of his throat. The communicator toppled to the floor and Jim slumped against the wall, the sound of his heart beating fast, too fast in his ears.
Then there was silence, and everything went black.
X
When he was conscious again, he was in the medical bay of the Enterprise and felt like he had been run over by a Starship. Or six. Bones was sitting next to him with his head in his hands.
"Dammit, Jim!" he growled when he saw Jim's eyes open, "Don't ever do that again. Your goddamn heart stopped!"
Jim groaned.
"Didn't take it purpose...sneaky woman...I didn't mean to take it!"
Bones folded his arms and rolled his eyes. Jim could tell he didn't believe him and so he snapped his mouth shut and lay there quietly.
"Jim, you need to get a hold of yourself," Bones said, more softly, "I'm worried about you."
Jim's jaw clenched and he did not reply.
"What did the pill look like? So I can add it to the thousands of things that might kill you."
"Small, black. I dunno. Made my head feel weird, light."
Bones nodded.
"It's called Nepenthe. Popular around here, and it definitely fucks with your brain. You need to stay here for a couple of days where I can keep an eye on you just in case."
"Sure."
Bones grumbled to himself and left the room. Jim turned his head to see Uhura, unconscious a few beds away from him. Craning his head to make sure Bones had definitely gone, Jim slid off of the bed and went over to her, holding one of her hands in his own.
"Hey, Uhura." he said quietly, "I'm so sorry. I really am, but Bones has fixed you up and you're going to be fine." he took in a shuddering breath, "I shouldn't have left you. I don't even know what's going on in my head anymore but...shit. I'm sorry. Spock was nice to me as well, you should have been awake for it. Don't worry though, when you're up and about again you have a free pass to kick my ass for being such a shit Captain."
He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and shuffled back onto his own bed.
For the first time in months, Jim slept and did not dream.