A/N: I was so conflicted writing this chapter. I wanted to leave the last chapter on a good point, but I also want to start with the next day in Chapter 3. So now we have Chapter 2, part II. Chapter 3 should be out shortly since this chapter is so much smaller.
Thanks for reading.
Chapter 2 Pt II
"Daddy" Lily's eyes widened in recognition of what she was doing. This wasn't planned. She's unpredictable( 'like the ocean Lilylove, that's your charm'). She had no idea what she was going to say when she got to them, but she knew she wouldn't sleep through the night not seeing them, seeing him for just one more moment.
Their family is close. They all love each other, Lily has a wonderful relationship with her mother. She's her mom, her rock. She's everything Lily plans to be and more, she loves Emma.
But her father is everything too. His smile, his laugh, the way he smells and walks are all things she doesn't believe she could ever learn to live without. He knows her inside and out. He believes in her, the way she believes in her mother.
And she does believe in her mother, they way children believe in fairytales. She believes the goodness in her is incomparable. She believes no one loves like she does, and no one protects the way she can. She trusts her more than her own instincts(and she inherited her mother's instincts). If Emma says one thing, Lily knows it to be law, and the daughter of the sheriff never disobeys the law.
"Daddy…" Lily swallowed, "Daddy wants me to apologize to you. Mom told him I was cold, rude even. I'm sorry, Emma." She could feel herself getting sick with guilt. What was she doing apologizing to Emma when she should be running to her father, falling to her knees and begging his forgiveness. "Oh god I'm so sorry." She choked out, feeling the bile rise higher in her chest.
"Lily?" Emma pulled on her arm, directing Lily to face her. Lily felt a rush of rage, she wanted nothing more than to rip herself out of Emma's reach and run to her father. She wanted nothing more than to tell the truth and face the punishment now, rather than later. She wanted to be free of this burden, she had her own burdens.
God knows she has her own burdens.
Still she allowed Emma to hold her, to move her until they were eye to eye. It was then, staring at the green eyes that birthed her own, Lily realized that she would never be able to deny her a thing.
"It's okay. I forgive you. Let's go take you back to them." Emma smiled gently, but there was nothing gentle about the weight of lying to her father. Something about the ease Emma lied with infuriated Lily to tears. She quickly ripped her arm from her anyhow, despite the conflict brewing within. She stared into the dead space between two parents, allowing tears to tumble from her eyes.
"Lillian? Are you alright?" Killian asked full of concern as he moved toward her. The very wallpaper-covered barrier that fenced them in appeared to be growing closer on all sides. She wondered if perhaps, without his voice, she'd be able to continue on with the lie.
"No." She whispered. "Nothing, nothing is alright."
"Lily, calm down, you are just fine." Emma expressed with hidden notes of her own anxiety about the situation. Lily's head was pulsing with a pressure she'd felt only one other time. A time when all she thought she knew about a person shattered too quickly for her to understand.
"No, I'm not." Lily growled, backing away from the woman who looks so much like her mother, but acts so differently, she refuses to believe their the same person.
"Tell us what plagues you, Love?" It was always 'love' with him. 'Love' or 'sweetheart' or 'darling' and on more occasions than not 'my' accompanied it. All were terms of endearment, endearment a lying daughter such as she did not deserve. She didn't deserve him to be her father, and perhaps that's why Emma is so against the idea anyhow.
"I can't." Lily's back hit the wall and she wanted to scream realizing there was no where else to go. Her tears were falling faster now.
"You should go." Emma turned to Killian, stepping between he and Lily. "She's my sister, I'll deal with it." Emma moved to take the key out of her skirt when Killian gently guided her to the side.
"I'm not the type to leave a damsel in distress, Swan." And then he grinned so handsomely at Lily, before kneeling to meet her eye level.
He always kept them leveled. He treated her like an equal, not his child to boss or drag around, to be weighed down by. Whenever they talked, she was either in his arms, or he were on bended knee, discussing all things, good and bad. He respected her, and here she was lying to him.
"Now, let's hear what's got you so troubled." He reached for her hand, and she couldn't control the tremble, nor the sizzle, crackle, burn. "Ah." She could feel him physically restrain the urge to pull his now singed hand away. "You've got fire, I see." He smiled admirably, because he was her father, and he loved her despite her lack of control when she became this emotional.
So when he reached for her hand again, grasping on tightly, the burn began to soothe and heal as she grasped his back. A white glow hovering between their flesh.
"What was that?" Emma gasped behind Killian, but Lily couldn't take her eyes off of him.
"Magic, I'm assuming she's just as gifted as you, being that you're both the product of true love." Killian kept his smile present, always sure to encourage her magic, support it with everything in him. He was already so much like her version of him, she believed the fates designed him to father her specifically.
"Is that true, Lily? You have magic because…"Emma stopped herself, holding her stomach and walking to the opposite wall. "Shit" she uttered to herself, still loud enough for Lily to catch on.
"My parents love each other deeply." Lily whimpered, staring down at the space between she and her father. "And I love them. I love them terribly."
"And they love you, lass."
"They shouldn't." Lily seethed in a hush tone. "You shouldn't."
"Lily!" Emma turned back toward them, moving quicker than wind when she pulled her from Killian.
"Emma stop!" Lily cried. "This is wrong. Nothing is right. You're wrong. You are so wrong."
"Lillian, stop it." Emma demanded. "Stop right now."
"No!" Lily tried once more to pull herself away but Emma sunk to her knees, squeezing Lily's hands within her own.
"Please. Lily look at me, I'm begging you."
"What is going on!" Killian directed at Emma. "Swan? Let her go!"
"Killian, leave." Emma ordered.
"Not with you behaving like a mad woman." He argued.
"This has nothing to do with you, you need to leave now" Emma demanded without taking her eyes from Lily. "Lily, tell Killian you need him to leave."
"You are tearing me apart." Lily sobbed, wrenching her hands from Emma's and falling back into the wall. She slid down to her butt, quick to pull her knees to her chest.
"Tell me what's going on." Killian spoke in darker hush tones toward Emma. "Tell me right now, Emma or"
"Or what? You'll leave which is exactly what I've been asking you to do?"
"Or I will ask her myself." Emma followed his eyes to Lily. "And I don't want her to have to choose between us. Please Emma."
"Why ask at all, when you already fucking know?" Emma lifted herself from the ground, stomping away without looking back. Lily flung her head against her knees, sobs wracking her small frame.
"Darling don't cry." Killian swallowed audibly. "Don't do it. You're too brilliant, too special." She couldn't help it, she cried for every compliment she didn't deserve, every time she ever believed her mother loved her father from the beginning. Every moment she wanted to run to his arms since she saw him an hour ago in the meeting room.
She cried for the relationship she may have just destroyed. The lack of hope she has of ever existing. She wept for the things that will turn out wrong because she can't lose this man, in any time.
"Look up at me, please?" he pleaded with her, his hand pressing gently against her cheek, coaxing her head to rise. She met his watery eyes and wasn't sure she'd survive another second of this. She's never once seen him cry and if a single tear falls, she may just die before she can cease to exist.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered weakly. "I respect you too much to lie to your face."
"Ahh." He nodded his head gently.
"Daddy, I'm so sor—ryyyy" She broke out in the most devastating crying fit.
She was inconsolable, despite being lifted into her father's arms, told soft words of encouragement, promises of love and forgiveness. She was delirious with guilt and grieving the relationship she once had with her father.
"What do I do? To soothe you, how do I heal your hurting heart?" He struggled to maintain a solid tone. "Darling please, tell me?"
"Mommy…she…she makes me st-st-state the things…" Lily shivered and stuttered a bit. "I know are true."
"Yeah?" Killian pressed a kiss to her throbbing temple, instantly soothing her enough to continue.
"My name is Lily Jones." she thought harder. "I'm in the past."
"Lovely, continue" he encouraged quietly.
"My parents are Killian Jones and Emma Swan." She sniffled, "That's all I know for sure."
"Know that you are loved. So loved, Lillian."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It had to have been an hour and a half. She knew it was time to throw in the towel and assume he left town. That is more than what she would have done in his situation. That's what she wants to do in her situation and she's the bad guy. Still, Emma waits outside his door, hoping she'll find him wondering through the halls, or someone will call her and tell her where to pick up a drunk pirate.
Hope breeds eternal misery. She knows that. She knows that hoping for one moment that he'll forgive her is going to make her sick and sad in the end.
Then she hears his boots clunking against the floor and allows her heartbeat to speed up exponentially. While she's closing her eyes and exhaling slowly in a tireless attempt to slow it down, she faintly recognizes the sound of his feet halting. Her eyes flutter open slowly, chancing a glance at the feet first, finding his ever familiar boots, she allows her heart to do whatever the hell it wants.
"I uhm… I wasn't sure if you… I just wanted to make sure you had somewhere to sleep." Emma felt her breathe speed up in time with her heart, so she stopped talking before she fainted from lack of oxygen.
"I acquired a spare key and the room number from the she-wolf." His voice was emotionless. Which wasn't angry so in theory she should be a bit relieved. Theories were for scientists, and she wasn't a scientist, she was a savior, a sheriff and a smart enough woman to know he's seething on the inside.
"Where's Lily?" She hasn't even bothered standing, which she now realizes is blocking his way inside.
"Do you actually care?" Ahh, there was the anger.
"Of course I care." She whimpered, she thought her tears were done, but apparently, they were just holding out for a new reason to spill. "We should talk about it. Everything, you can scream and shout, but we should…" And then they fell, to her cheeks and to her throat. She choked out a sob, slamming her lips together as quickly as she could to muffle the sound.
"I don't wish to speak to you, Swan." She moved then, quickly to her feet, and meeting his eyes, tears be damned.
"Please."
"No."
"Killian, You have to talk to me about this!" She argued, pressing her hands flat against his chest as he tried to move around her. He pressed his chest against her palms, causing her to stumbled back into the door, his face hovering the closest it's ever been to hers, since their kiss.
"Why? You didn't. You didn't say a bloody word." His voice was low, but not threatening like she would expect, just troubled.
She would have preferred threatening. She can handle it. She reacts well to anger. It's the messiness of this, betrayal and hurt, it's too much.
"I know." Emma whispered. "And I am so fucking sorry, you have to believe me." He pulled away abruptly, staring at her like she were the devil. Emma won't admit to herself just yet how cold she felt without his closeness.
"I damn sure do not have to believe a single thing you say." His eyebrows knit above his angered eyes. He was completely exasperated and ready to blow. "Move."
"Only if you let me in."
"Kindly move out of my way Swan."
"I don't want to have it out in the middle of the hallway, take me inside, yell at me until you feel better."
"I will never feel better about this." He confessed painfully. "The first moments of confirmation, knowing that this child I loved instantly, this child I was positive was mine actually was, were spent with her sobbing her little heart out. And myself, forcing in everything I felt and trying my damnedest to calm her down."
"She's only eight. She'll cry many more times and you'll have more chances to calm her."
"Do you hear the things you say?" Killian shook his head, attempting to move around Emma to get to the door, but once again she blocked him.
"What else do you want me to say? I am so sorry."
"Why?" Killian looked away from her at that moment, staring down at the space between them, space Emma didn't want. "Why wouldn't you want me to know? Why were you so desperate to keep it a secret that you'd do that to her?" He let out another breathe, one that shook along with his chest, one that proved he was falling apart over it.
And then his eyes met hers. There was more devastation in them than the ruins in ancient civilizations, than towns hit by hurricanes. He wasn't just hurt, he was broken. She broke him.
"Killian" Emma breathed. "I don't know." And all at once a mask reclaimed his once distraught expression. He was a brick wall again and she wasn't as skilled a climber as he.
"Rubbish." He growled. "You mean to tell me that you don't know, but you fought tooth and nail, against a sobbing child for it. You wound me in ways I wouldn't wish on my…" He stopped himself, staring into dead space beside her head. "Well, not my child." Killian moved her this time, wrapping his arm around her waist and spinning them so he was with his back against the door and she were on the outside. He turned quickly, revealing his spare key and moving to open the door.
"No, please!" Emma cried out. "Don't. Don't walk away. I'll fix it. I'll fix what I did to her, to you if you let me."
"You know how old she is." He mumbled. "I didn't have any conversations of the sort. I was too busy trying to convince her that she was loved, that our relationship, one that she swears means more than the moon to her, is well-intact."
"Why didn't you bring her back here?"
"I wasn't sure if you'd be okay with that?" he admitted shamefully.
"She's your daughter Killian, you don't have to ask permission." He opened the door, without another word and just when Emma thought he'd slam it in her face, he turned back to her.
"I had to beg you to tell me she was even my daughter, yet I don't have to ask to take her with me?"
"Let me inside. I want to talk about it. I want to fix it. Let me fix this."
"No." Killian shook his head against the idea, but Emma could tell how close he was to folding. "Swan, you…"
"Let me in." she whispered, moving forward to cup his cheek in her hand.
He didn't fold, he melted.
It was only five minutes before they were both sitting at the foot of his bed, his flask warming within his hand. His coat had been abandoned on a nearby chair and his voice was raspy, pained but honest.
They talked a bit about the basics. What they knew was true.
"Lily has magic."
"Lily has your eyes."
"She has your hair."
"Could be your mother's."
"No, it's yours."
"She has your smile."
"She has a few of yours too."
"She's loving, forgiving and incredibly sincere."
"She's more than I deserve."
"More than I deserve."
"She's eight."
"Aye you mentioned that."
"Nine years in the future, that's where she's from Killian."
"What?" He stumbled a bit, the back and forth had been easier, but this realization that she's born so soon, when they were currently less than friends after what she just did. "We have to be… for her magic to…How?"
"I get that I'm doubtful but you being doubtful leaves me terrified."
"Emma you didn't want me to know she happens." She knew he'd revisit that question, the question that broke him.
"I don't want to get hurt again."
"And I'd hurt you?" Killian shook his head, "You believe I have it in me to hurt you when all I did for 372 days was think of you?"
"Killian…" He counted every day. He waited for her for 372 days and he counted each one. Still, "What you feel right now isn't promised tomorrow."
"You just betrayed me, and our daughter, yet my feelings haven't mild in the slightest. I understand fear, I've been afraid before but I also believe there's much more to this than fear. Tell me, is it me?"
"What?"
"Is it the idea that it's me? If she came here and was Baelfire's daughter, would you have told him, given he was around to tell?" He recoiled a bit into himself. Insecurity does that to even the most confident of men.
"Killian you're way off here." She reassured.
"Tell me, is it my piracy? My past? I would understand if you don't see me as an ideal father Emma. I would virtually understand anything you told me because I want to understand Emma. I want to understand why, I don't want to be angry with you, I just want to understand."
"Killian… It's not you." She hoped her eyes could convey all the promise his always do.
"Then what?"
"I sat with you last night, and I could see myself—with you and I came here today and Lily tells me that exact thing, and I realize how quickly my walls fall down and that scares me shitless! You have always scared me to the point of doing something drastic to keep from letting you in. The giant's lair, Neverland, you just, you come in with your eyes and your smile and your charm and I don't want to fall for it, because you'll leave. You will leave Killian."
"Don't tell me what I'll do Swan. When I'm in something, it's for the long haul. I spent 300 years on a long haul."
"Killian…" Emma began, miserably. She turned her body toward him, pulling his hand into hers. "I need something from you, and I know it will hurt, but please do me this favor."
"Anything" He promised her for the third time now.
"Stop trying to win my heart." She saw the confusion burn into hurt so quickly in his eyes. "I will fall in love with you, and I don't want that, so just stop. Please. I don't want to be with you, if I can help it."
"Emma, honestly?" He attempted to pull his hand from hers but she clenched hers tighter around it.
"Please." She whimpered, no longer afraid of how vulnerable she is with him. Simply afraid it will last.
The moment stretched on, he watched her, scrutinizing everything from her trembling lip and shaking hand, to her tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. Then all at once, he looked away from her, hiding his own expression.
"As you wish" he mumbled. Emma released his hand and stood from the bed quickly, meaning to leave before she changed her mind of saw the heartbreak in his eyes.
"I'll see you tomorrow." She ended, pulling the door open.
"Swan!" He jumped up from the bed. "Lily… she… she won't exist."
"I know. I'm so sorry." She fled before he had a chance to change her mind. Slamming the door shut, she paused for only a second, but a second long enough to hear him fall apart.