Disclaimer: Not mine. So there.
Author's note: Another apology is in order: I am terribly sorry that this fic has seemed to fall by the wayside, it hasn't, my thesis has just been ruling my life until now. I haven't slept properly for a week. That is my excuse for this abstract chapter, I am afraid it is all over the place. So enjoy x
This chapter is dedicated to Severus Snape because he is fan-tab-u-lous!
Chapter Four: You slip your heart into my chest
i.
The sunlight that filters in lazy shadows across the curtains is too calm.
The tick ticking of the muggle clock on the kitchen wall is too slow.
The dull hum of water moving through the plumbing is too quiet.
Lily stands in the living room and screams.
Tearing apart her perfect world piece by piece, allowing herself to succumb to the agony of the unfairness of life.
The numbness has been replaced by insanity, by an inability to process the reasons behind this atrocity.
Scorched and burned she tries to stand.
In a fairytale she was married to the man she loved. Sitting together on the floor eating pizza because they hadn't moved the furniture in yet.
Once upon a time she had felt her son move inside her, James had sung to him beneath her blouse, trailing kisses along her swollen stomach.
In a dream they had danced all night, whispering sweet nothings until the sun rose, its brightness startling them both into reality.
She hears a dim echo of knuckles on wood, she silences her scream, her feet shuffling towards the door.
ii.
(there's no one else to turn to)
A red headed girl stands in front of him, her face stained with old tears, the brass door handle still in her hand.
"I'm looking for Sirius Black?"
She stood so close to the door frame, a touch of fear laced her lips.
"I'm sorry I must have the wrong house."
Regulus turns to leave, stuffing his hands back into deep pockets, clenching his teeth in the absurdity of the situation.
A Murderer on a doorstep.
"He's not here."
Her voice is as fragile as porcelain, but broken porcelain, Regulus can hear that it is in pieces.
Behind her sorrow he can see a shadow of the Gryffindor she was.
Sirius use to talk about her. The way she held her hands over her head when it was raining, the white curves of her back when she went swimming, her muggle parents.
"You married Potter?"
The door handle left her hand and she sunk onto the door step, her hair falling about her weeping shoulders.
Taking her into his arms Regulus shuffled into the house, placing her between pillows on the faded sofa.
Blinking between thick eyelashes she offered him a fragment of a smile, a small acknowledgement.
"I'll just let myself out?"
Her hand circled his wrist.
"Why have you come here?"
"I believed that my brother lived here."
"You're avoiding the question. Why would you want to see Sirius?"
Her eyes challenged him, they represent fear and loyalty and anger.
"Why are you angry?"
She had slapped her hand into his face before he had finished speaking. Her hand left an imprint on his cheek, the band of her wedding ring grazing his cheekbone.
"You're still angry."
The corner of her mouth twitched again, betraying a forgotten smile.
"You hate Sirius. Sirius hates you."
"That's pretty much how it works, yes." Regulus looked towards the ceiling.
"So the reason for you visiting me is?"
"So now I'm visiting you? Look, I just need to see my brother."
She could see through him, he knew it. It was as if they were alone in a crowded room and she couldn't look away.
Lily didn't know why she was talking to Regulus Black.
(Did you kill my parents?)
Lily didn't know why she wanted to help him.
(Did you kill my unborn child?)
Lily didn't know why he wanted to help her.
(Can you see my soul?)
iii.
Severus climbs the stairs in Spinner's End, his shoes treading on the ends of rusty nails, his hands collect splinters on the banister.
Piecing together the fragmentary portions of what is left of his life.
What he has left behind.