i own nothing
First off, I don't get why I'm the only victor that has to have a blog. Like seriously Annie, as much as I love her, is ten times as crazy as I am. I'm not even crazy. But regardless I was talking to Finnick about this blog today and he said sometimes if you talk about it, it helps and since I won't talk this is the next best thing. He also told me to man up and stop being afraid of a stupid blog and my feelings. I am Johanna freaking Mason I am not afraid of anything, not anymore. So here goes nothing.
Before the games, I had a little sister. Her name was Annalise, she was 3. I loved her more than anything. She was my world, the light in this dark world we live in, the only thing that could make me smile on a bad day. She was adorable, every morning before I'd go to the forest I'd sit at the dining table and color with her. She'd always draw pictures of me and her, mom always told me that she looked up to me and I could never understand why, there was nothing special about me. But every day when I came home from the forest she'd run out the door before I could get up the drive and either jump into my arms or hug my legs and we'd spend the rest of the night watching movies or laying outside watching the stars. Then I went into the games and when she came to say goodbye to me I just held her while she cried and begged me not to go. When I was in the games, I didn't know how I could be her role model and kill people. But I knew I had to get back to her, so I won. But before I could go home from the games snow came to visit me. He told me a bunch of elite capital men had taken a fancy to me and would pay large sums of money for my company. But I was a victor, I didn't need money anymore. I should have known, the capital doesn't like to be refused. I got on the train back home that day and I was so excited to see my family. But when I stepped off the train in town square, my family wasn't there. So naturally I ran to my old house figuring maybe they slept in. But when I got there, my front door was broken down and my parents were in the kitchen laying in a pool of their own blood, bullet wound in their chests. I ran up the stairs screaming for my sister, I ran into her room, she was laying on the floor a bullet wound in her chest. They killed my whole family. Just because I said no to selling my body, my whole family is dead. Because of me.
Is that what you wanted to hear doc? I opened up. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?!
It didn't work, talking about it, doesn't make it better. I doesn't bring them back. In fact it makes it worse. It's like reliving it all over again.
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