Hi guys!
Right, I got a review of someone called X. I really really wanted to reply to it but it was anonymous, so here's my reply;
Firstly, thankyou so so so much for your review. It was a really really good review, if you get me. Criticsm etc. It was good. So thanks for that. I don't have a beta, and I don't know how to get one, so I'm really sorry for any typos. Also, just to clear up some stuff, Sirius doesn't hate Remus, he just likes James better, so he doesn't want him to get hurt. Those words were thought in mad anger, so yeah, cut him some slack :) But yeah, I'm glad you picked up on where this is going - this is like one of the first stories I've had a plan for, so yeah, I'm glad someone else can see that :D Thanks again.
Okay guys, that's it. Thanks to my other reviewer, the girl that was wooed by tom riddle, and to all my readers. You make me smile like this XD.
Here's the next chapter now, I'll stop rambling-

Chapter Four - Harry

Remus had stayed in bed for days after that out of sheer depression. Sirius hadn't spoken to him once. It had taken weeks for their friendship to rekindle. Remus wasn't surprised that Sirius had flipped, though. It was the hardest thing imaginable for Remus to pick between Sirius and James, but he was sure they wouldn't think twice about choosing each other over him. They were like brothers - he was just their friend. But he was happy with that, usually. It was on occasions such as this where Sirius got all defensive where Remus wished he wasn't in that situation. It had taken a long talk for them to sort things out.

But when they had, Remus convinced Sirius that he was indeed over Lily.

Despite the fact he really wasn't, but that was beside the point.

So he went back to his routine of ignoring it, and avoiding her. It was inconspicuous enough - it had worked once, why shouldn't it again? He could just carry on like that, pretending to be ill what felt like every other day for months on end until another big, 'happy' announcement came along and knocked Remus blindly off his feet, plunging him back into the depths of depression and being able to think of nothing but Lily Evans - no, Lily Potter. He had to remember that.

That day came on the 30th December, 1979, about a month after the wedding. Remus and Sirius were once again, sitting in their flat, bored. Nothing was planned for new year - they'd probably all just go out to some muggle club, get blind drunk and not be able to find their own way home again - maybe with Sirius ending up in a dog pound again somewhere along the line.

But this time, James had just rang them. Remus had picked up the phone, seeing as Sirius was sleeping, as per usual.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Remus? Is that you?"

"Hey James. Yeah, it's me. What's up? You never use the phone."

"I've-" he giggled "-well, that is to say we've got some news."

Remus' stomach dropped a little. Last time this had happened, Lily and James had got married. He took a deep - hopefully silent - breath. Surely, nothing could be worse than that? "Yeah? Go on, then."

"Is Sirius there?"

"He's asleep."

James giggled again. "Oh, well you'll have to wake him up."

"Now? I hate waking him up. Last time he nearly bit my hand off."

He laughed. "Well then, lets just hope your mad cheering wakes him up."

"My mad cheering? James, what's going on?"

"Oh, mate - it hasn't really sunk in yet - I mean, I've only just found out myself..."

"You really are an idiot, James."

"What? Why?"

"Just get on with it, will you? The suspense is killing me." Remus was smiling now, despite the empty feeling in his midriff. There was no doubt about it - James was his best friend, he could always make him smile. Just so long as Lily wasn't with him.

There was a pause. "Oh, Remus!" James' voice was squeaky.

"JAMES!" Remus shouted, jolting Sirius awake. "Whassgoinon?" Remus silenced him with a wave of his hand, as James started babbling on the other end of the phone.

"...and then she was like, 'I don't know how to say this,' and I was like 'come on Lils, you can tell me anything', and then she did - and oh, mate, I'm so...well, I don't know to tell you the truth, I mean, as I said, it hasn't really sunk in-"

"JUST TELL ME!"

"Lily's pregnant, Remus."

"Oh dear lord."

Remus dropped the phone. Apparently he was wrong about the whole 'not being worse' thing.

31st July, 1980

"How long do you think it'll be now?"

Remus shrugged. He didn't care. He didn't want to be in that stupid hospital, waiting for the new arrival, present at this so-called 'happy event'. Well, Remus didn't feel very happy. There was no way back now. With a child, there was no way that Lily would ever return his feelings. He should have known that once they were married, but there was always that little flicker of hope still burning at the back of his mind, like one candle in a vast, dark, pessimistic expanse. Now, however, that candle had simply fizzled out.

Sirius groaned. "I'm so bored."

"Tell me about it."

"Where the hell is Peter?"

Remus shrugged again. They'd been at the hospital for what felt like an eternity - but what was, in reality, around 6 hours. James had disappeared off with Lily in maternity as soon as they had got there, and so Sirius and Remus had been left to amuse themselves, waiting for the final marauder to show his face. The fact was, he never did. Remus had noticed that Peter had been growing more and more distant over the last few months, but, as always, nobody seemed to care. He was never all that interesting anyway.

Sirius sighed and looked up to the clock. He started clicking his tongue in time with the second hand. The noise ground away at the already over-tired and hurting mind of Remus Lupin. It was 2.00 in the bloody morning. He bit his tongue in an attempt to keep his temper, but in the end, he snapped.

"Shut up, Padfoot. You're so bloody annoying."

Sirius giggled. "Sorry, mate. I'm just so bored."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I gathered."

They sat in silence from then on.

That is, until about half an hour later, when the double doors burst open from the ward into the corridor where they were sitting with a very loud crash. In the doorway stood James Potter - tie slung over his shoulder and hair glued to his forehead, glasses lopsided and a mad, wolfish smile plastered across his face, screwing up his teary eyes. Sirius looked on in keen anticipation, a smile spreading on his face. Remus looked up too, finding it within himself to be happy for his friend, temporarily forgetting all about Lily and thinking only of his friend's good news.

James wiped away one tear and yelled at the top of his voice, not caring for the welfare of the other sleeping residents of the hospital.

"IT'S A BOY!"

Both Sirius and Remus jumped to their feet, practically running over to James and strangling him in a hug which almost knocked him off his feet. They, too, cared not for the sleeping habits of the rest of the maternity ward.

"Oh my god! Oh James!"

"You're a Dad, mate! Good lord!"

"Who does he look like?"

James ran his hand through his hair. "Lily says he looks like me - but he's definitely got her eyes-"

"I feel sorry for the kid already, genes like that."

James smacked Sirius upside the head. "Shut up." Sirius smiled sheepishly, Remus punched James on the shoulder. "Oh mate," he said, finding the happiness surprisingly easy, "I'm so happy for you!" All three men laughed, and Sirius spoke next, already heading for the door.

"Can we see him?"

James shook his head. "Not yet. He's early, so they need to do some tests or something. But the doctor said he's probably fine. They've even kicked me out - that's why I'm here-"

"Are you saying you wouldn't have come and told us anyway?"

"Shut up Moony! Merlin. Anyway, yeah, they kicked me out - said I should go and get a coffee or something-"

At that moment, the doors opened again, less fiercely. All three men turned to see who it was.

"Mr. Potter, you're allowed back-"

James nearly knocked the nurse off her feet as he ran past her, practically pushing her into the door. Laughing, Remus and Sirius made to follow, but she held up her hand.

"Sorry," she said, "but only the parents are allowed in at the moment. You'll be allowed in later."

They sighed. Sirius turned to Remus.

"Well then, shall we sit down again?"

Remus smiled as he sat back down on the radiator he had been sitting on for the past hour.

"Oh, Lily - he's so beautiful..." James' voice trailed away.

Lily couldn't stop smiling, watching her husband and newborn son pacing the floor next to where she lay. She was shattered - that was true, but she couldn't close her eyes for long enough to go to sleep. She couldn't stop staring at her wonderful, beautiful, baby boy.

Harry James Potter.

The name was just as lovely as he was. James had insisted on getting his name in there somewhere, and Lily had to agree. It had a lovely ring to it.

Harry James Potter.

"Aw, Lils - he's going to sleep." James came and sat down next to her bed so that they could both watch him sleep. She sighed.

"Who'd have thought it, hey?"

"What?" James asked quietly, "That the two of us could make something as beautiful as him?" He smiled across to Lily. She smile back.

"No - well, yes. But that's not what I was thinking of." She took a pause and put her hand on his shoulder, "We're parents, James."

A tear slid down James' cheek. Lily giggled. "You've cried more than I have."

He looked over to her and laughed softly. "I'm a big wuss, really. The hard-man was just an act." Lily giggled as they both looked back at Harry, sleeping in James' arms. After a short silence, James spoke again, very quietly.

"We need to sort out the godfather."

Lily nodded. She knew they did. She knew who James would pick. She had no problems with Sirius.

James sighed. "I was thinking of Remus."

She did, however, have a small problem with Remus. Her stomach dropped a little. She'd forgotten altogether that he would even be there. The first time they'd seen each other properly since their lovely garden chat at the wedding. She shuddered at the thought.

That day - her wedding day - he'd told her that he loved her.

No godfather should be in love with their godson's mother. It just wasn't right, as Remus would put it.

"Really?"

James nodded. "I mean, he's so much more...sensible than Sirius. I mean, I love him and everything - but I think Sirius would be a bad influence, don't you?" he chuckled softly and looked over to Lily.

Yes, she thought, but so is Remus.

A werewolf who happened to be in love with her. Not the best candidate for a godfather. She couldn't let herself and Harry be around him too much. The last thing she wanted was a repeat of the awkward conversations they had shared where she completely denied all feelings for the man, whilst her heart was doing somersaults at the thought of a life with him. She hated that. She loved James. Not Remus. Never Remus.

James obviously noticed the concern in her eyes. "Don't you agree, Lils?"

Slowly, she shook her head. "I think Sirius would be good."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean - Remus can be too sensible at times." She knew her reasons were feeble, and obviously so did James. He knew there was something more.

"Is there a problem between you and Remus? I mean, you don't talk nearly as much as you did at school."

She tried to shrug it off. "We've grown apart, I guess."

James sighed, glancing down at Harry. "Well, you're the boss," he looked up to her, "Sirius it is."

And even as he said it, Lily regretted her decision.

"Oh, James - " Sirius' eyes were filling up with tears, " I ... oh, mate - I'd be absolutely honoured."

Remus smiled. He didn't really care that Sirius was godfather. He'd expected it. They always chose each other.

"Shall we hug it out?" James asked, smiling, arms wide.

A crying, nodding Sirius accepted the embrace. They pulled apart, Sirius sniffed. He knew he shouldn't, but Remus had to bite his lip to stop himself laughing. The whole thing was just so dramatic. They pulled apart, Sirius wiping his tears and James smiling.

"So," he said, "do you want to meet your godson?"

Sirius began to sob again as James directed him through the double doors, before turning back to Remus. He sighed.

"Coffee?"

"Sounds good to me."

They walked in silence to the canteen, which wasn't far away. Remus ordered two coffees and James got a table. They sat down and each took a sip, finishing said gulp with a long "aaah". James ran his hand through his hair.

"I. Am. Shattered."

Remus let out a soft laugh. "Me too. Trust your son to only want to come out at half two in the bloody morning."

James laughed too, and took another sip of coffee. He eyed Remus wearily, before sighing. "Listen, mate," he said, slowly, "I - I'm sorry about the whole 'godfather' thing-"

Remus silenced him with a wave of his hand, swallowing the burning hot coffee a little too quick. "Don't worry about it," he said, a little raspy from the burning throat, "I don't mind. Sirius will be a great godfather."

James nodded. "Lets hope."

"You're not sure?" Remus raised one eyebrow.

James looked him straight in the eye after pondering it for a minute. "To tell you the truth, Moony, I wasn't going to pick him at all."

Remus put his mug down. "What do you mean?"

"It was Lily's idea - I said it should be you."

And James raised the coffee to his lips once more. Remus stared at his - his thirst had gone completely. His stomach dropped slightly as all thoughts of Lily returned to his head. She'd picked Sirius over him. And he had a good idea why.

"Did she say why?"

James shook his head and checked his watch. "I should be getting back - see if Sirius has stopped crying yet." He laughed, Remus didn't. He told James he'd follow him up and finish his coffee. Once he was out of earshot, Remus let out a long, heavy sigh.

He didn't care that Sirius was Harry's godfather. But the fact was that Lily wanted to keep him away from her and her baby, and he knew that. That's what hurt. The only woman he'd ever loved actually took action to keep him away. The only woman he couldn't love. Not now she had a son.

But it's not like he would have done anything. He wouldn't have acted on his feelings, even as Harry's godfather. Why she didn't understand that, he didn't know.

He had to talk to her.

***

She was holding him in her arms when he walked in. Thankfully, James and Sirius were nowhere to be seen. She did a double take when she saw him, and put Harry back in his cot before returning to her bed.

"Remus." Her face was blank.

"Lily." He sniffed, unsure what to say. He settled on "Congratulations, by the way."

She nodded, but she didn't smile. Now she was just being rude.

After some silence, he spoke again. "Why are you being like this?"

Her eyes flickered up to meet his. "Like what?"

"So -" he struggled to find the words, "Oh, I don't know."

More silence.

"Why did you convince James to pick Sirius over me?"

Her eyes glinted; she obviously didn't think he'd find out. Her head cocked to one side - this attitude didn't suit her. "Jealous, are we?"

Remus shook his head, laughing softly. "Of course not. It's your reasons I'm more interested in. They're what hurt."

"I thought Sirius would be better." She said, simply. Remus laughed again.

"Oh, come on, Lils - Sirius? Seriously?" he shook his head, and silence fell as he took a seat next to her. "It's not like I would have done anything, Lily."

Her eyes fell to her knees. She scoffed. "I don't know that, do I? I don't want Harry growing up not knowing who his father is."

"What's that meant to mean?"

She looked up and stared him straight in the eyes. "Lets face it, you'd be around more than James."

Ouch. Anger flared up inside of Remus. "Is that what you think of me? That I'm some lovesick, mindless puppy who is so desperate to see you I can't be away from you for more than five seconds?"

Lily laughed. "You were the one who said you were in love." She spat the last words out like poison, a mocking tone playing heavily on her voice and a venomous fire in her eyes. Remus narrowed his eyes. This wasn't like Lily.

"Stop putting on a stupid act, Lily."

She laughed, a little hysterically. "This isn't an act!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sure it isn't."

"I don't care about you, Remus."

The words echoed in his head, a painful, bleeding sensation in his heart as it broke clean in two. He spoke softly, a lump rising in his throat as her words finally sunk in and tears teased the back of his eyes. He knew she didn't love him, but this - well, this was a bit strong. "What?"

She swallowed audibly, her eyes shining in the dim light of the ward as she stared at her knees. She didn't say anything.

"Lily?" his voice cracked as he spoke.

The door of the room creaked open. Typically, Sirius stood in the doorway, a suspicious look in his eyes. He shot Remus a venomous glance before turning to the miserable-looking Lily, his eyes softening. Remus fell back in the chair.

Nothing had happened. Infact, Remus was the one Sirius should have been feeling sorry for.

However, it was Lily he asked. "Everything okay?

She nodded and looked sideways to Remus through her eyelashes. "Yeah," she said quietly, "Remus was just leaving."

He stared straight into her eyes. The effect was that of a silent conversation. In those eyes he saw Lily - his Lily, the girl he had fallen in love with all those years ago, the girl who had kissed him on that night by the lake. She looked innocent, naive, much like her tinkling laugh - he prayed to hear her laugh one more time, for things to be like they were before. When they were friends, when everything was easy and simple. When Remus could visit Lily without his mouth drying up and feeling like he was betraying his best friend. But, of course, it could never be like that again. Ever. That night and it's repercussions had changed them both - and neither for the better. Lily was the deer, the lamb, the unwilling and innocent participant and Remus was the animal who wouldn't let go. That's what Sirius thought, anyway. He could tell that.

But it wasn't like that. Remus wasn't an animal. He was in love. Mindlessly, heart-achingly, head-over-heels in love. And he couldn't help that. But Lily wasn't innocent either. She had initiated the kiss that night - the only proof he desperately held on to that there was, once, feeling there.

And now they were both broken-hearted. He felt like he could just curl up and die without her. And he could see in that moment, shining in her eyes that she felt the same, if not so melodramatically.

And he realised that he could never truly be happy for James, not while he still loved her. He could never ever be around them all together, he couldn't enjoy the time they spent without his heart feeling like lead in his tightened chest. He could pretend - oh yes, and if he was lucky it would maybe last a month or more. But then something would happen - a marriage, a pregnancy, something seen as overwhelmingly 'good news' for the happy couple. Something which Remus saw as just another depressing reminder that he could never have the only thing he ever truly wanted.

If Lily wasn't going to admit that she loved him, then fine. He wasn't going to wait around for something that he knew would never come.

He stood up, stopping momentarily over the sleeping baby. His face and her eyes smiling up at him. He smiled softly back, wiping a tear from his eyes.

"Yeah," he said quietly, glancing at Lily, "I'm going."

And with that, he left, confident in the knowledge that he had to distance himself from everything and everyone he'd ever known.