God sits heavily on a bar stool at Lux.
Lucifer's eyebrows come down, "What's the matter with you?"
His father doesn't look at him for a long moment. Finally, he sighs, "I...did what you asked, son."
Lucifer pauses then holds up one finger, "Hold that thought." He reaches under the bar and procures a dust-covered bottle with a wax-encrusted cork. With quick snap of his wrist, he breaks the seal and opens it.
His father watches as what looks like liquid sunshine pours from the bottle into two highball glasses. He raises a glass and gives a sniff. It even smells like sunshine as well, warm and sweet. "What is this?" he asks.
His son smiles as he also takes a moment to savor the delicate scent rising from the glass, "Modern humans call it mead. It's a wine of sorts, made from honey. They've been making it since well before your failed experiment which yielded my half-brother."
God takes a sip and nods, "Not very different from ambrosia, is it?"
Lucifer admires how even the low light of his club seems to ignite the liquid from within. "Ingenious, really, how they've taken something as bizarre as bee vomit and turned into something so delightful." He hefts his glass, "This is several hundred years old, actually. Bought it off one of those dreadful treasure hunters that dives for sunken ships."
He savors another sip before giving his father a long look, "Alright. Now that you've been fortified, how was your homework?"
His father frowns as he searches for the words to express his disappointment. "So many souls thought they were following my bidding when they...committed the acts that sent them to Hell." The frown deepens to a scowl, "They were still so...angry."
A sardonic grin creases Lucifer's face, "Did you tell them who actually makes it to Heaven? All the sinners who work their arses off to make this place better - whether they actually believe in you or not?"
He takes another sip before he continues, "The philandering surgeon who thinks he is actually God while saving an average of ten lives a week. The atheist who sits hospice with the homeless so they don't have to die alone." Another pause. "The divorced police detective who puts her own life in danger to save another who probably isn't worth it," he adds softly.
"Lucifer!"
The Lord of Hell and his father look to the top of the stairs to see Daniel Espinoza coming down the stairs of Lux.
Dan looks back and forth between Lucifer and the older gentleman sitting at the bar, "Am I interrupting anything?"
Lucifer shakes his head as a bottle of beer appears on the bar and he slides it forward, "Absolutely not, Daniel. Please join us." He gestures at the other man, "This is my..."
"Friend," his father interrupts, raising his eyebrows at his son.
Lucifer makes a dismissive sound, "I wouldn't go that far."
Dan nods, "Nice to meet you."
Lucifer raises his eyebrows, "To what do I owe the pleasure of your appearance, Daniel? Are you here about a case?"
Dan takes a sip of his beer then shakes his head, "No, actually, I came to invite you to my next class." He flushes a moment then shrugs, "I'm working on a piece and think you could be a good partner for it. You know...after that...performance you gave in court last week."
Lucifer preens, "I was brilliant, wasn't I? Tell me about this...piece. Planning to ridicule me again? Your accent is dreadful."
The detective's blush deepens, "Look, man, I said I'm sorry about that. And...I'm not going to ridicule you but I've been doing some thinking and would like to incorporate some of our work together." He pauses for a deep breath then releases it, "If you're not there, I'll feel like I'm...I don't know...betraying you somehow. I don't want to do that."
Satan coughs a laugh, "I'm The Devil, Daniel. Everyone betrays me at some point, why not have your go at it?"
God watches Dan's reaction with interest as the detective rolls his eyes, "Come on, Lucifer. You can be an asshole, but you need to get off this "I'm The Devil" thing. It's too weird."
The Lord of Heaven smiles softly, "Do you not believe in The Devil, Daniel?"
Dan casts an assessing glance toward the older gentleman and shrugs, "Not really, no."
Another smile, "So, does that also mean you don't believe in...God?"
Another shrug, "I guess not. Haven't really thought about it."
God nods, "Why not?"
Daniel's brows furrow as he looks more closely, "I'm a cop. I see a lot of messed up stuff. People hurting each other in awful ways every day. It never ends." He gestures skyward as his expression hints toward anger, "All these people believe there's some mythical, father figure hanging out up there on a puffy cloud or something, watching out for us when the fact of the matter is we have to look out for ourselves." He pauses for a sip of his beer, "Help isn't coming."
Lucifer takes a long sip of his mead to avoid bursting into laughter.
His father looks over, his blue eyes darkened by sadness as he notes the mirthful twinkle in Lucifer's own dark eyes.
God sighs then looks back at Dan, "I'm...sorry you feel that way, my son."
Dan blinks, "You a preacher?" He looks at Lucifer, clearly confused, "Not the company I'd expect you to keep."
The older gentleman flashes a small smile, "You could say that I am acquainted with the word of God."
Dan shrugs then points his beer-laden hand at Lucifer, "Well, don't believe this guy. He's not The Devil. If for no other reason than I've seen him do some pretty damned heroic stuff to help people. The Devil wouldn't do that."
God raises his eyebrows, "No? Why not?"
Dan shrugs again and tosses back the rest of his beer, "Satan's evil," he replies with finality. "All the stories say so."
God feels, more than sees the heat rising from his son. He looks over to see Lucifer's eyes closed as he takes a slow, deep breath. Knowing the flame that is likely in his eyes and what would happen if the conversation isn't redirected, he turns back to the detective, "So, Daniel, if you don't believe in God and The Devil, what drives you to be a police officer?"
Dan blinks again, "To help people. There are helpless men, women and children out there with no one to turn to. Guy beats his wife and kids, who's going to help them out? A doctor gets killed because some meth addict tried to rob a clinic, who's going to find the scumbag and put him away?"
Eyebrows around him go up and he huffs in frustration, "Look, even if "God" and "The Devil" [he uses air quotes] were real, these perps wouldn't get their what-for until it's too late to get justice their victims. That's what we're here for." He points at Lucifer, " You know that. You help us bag scum and put them behind bars all the time. You go on and on about punishing people. Why do you do it?"
Lucifer doesn't bat an eye as the smirk slides across his face, "God told me to, Daniel."
Dan shuffles his feet and puts his hands on his hips. Lucifer recognizes the man's agitation as he ignores his father's soft cough. "God talks to you?" the detective inquires.
Lucifer smirks and waggles an eyebrow at his father, "Not much, mind, but it's been known to happen."
The detective looks down at the floor then shakes his head as he looks up with a laugh, "You say some weird stuff, man." He steps away as if to leave then turns back, "Hey, so can you come?"
Lucifer flashes a cheeky grin, "Wouldn't miss it, Daniel. Just send me the details."
Dan smiles and nods his head, "Thanks. I owe you one." He trots up the stairs and is gone.
God looks at his son, confusion written all over his face.
"We rated air quotes!" Lucifer's grin grows wider, "What? Certainly this wasn't your first atheist. I know for a fact some of them get up to Heaven. I bet they seem so surprised, too..."
His father shakes his head, "I always thought those souls were surprised they made it to Heaven, not that they questioned its very existence. They don't believe?" He points at his son, "You actually TELL people who you really are and they still...?"
The Lord of Hell chuckles merrily as he pours another, heftier, round of mead, "Marvelous, isn't it? Does it chafe you? That some of your little creations don't drop to their knees for you?" He snickers, "I've had plenty of them do it for me, I can understand why you'd be disappointed, as some of them are quite talented."
God flashes him a dark look, " Lucifer ."
"Oh, come on. Would it kill you to actually have a sense of humor?" Lucifer gestures, "I promise you there are a couple billion humans here that are convinced you have one, if their circumstances are anything to go by at any rate."
His father frowns, "They feel I...toy...with them?"
Lucifer shrugs, "Don't you, though? Can't you just, I don't know, wave your hand and cause all humans to at least treat each other properly?"
God shakes his head and looks down at the glass in his hands, "It would cancel out their free will." He gives his son a pointed look, "I could have done it to you if I wanted. Are you glad I didn't?"
Lucifer's glass stops halfway to his mouth as his dark eyes capture his father's blue gaze, "Fair enough. So...what is the bloody point? People follow your rules and get shit on. A good many who don't follow your rules do perfectly fine. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it all."
His father shakes his head again, "It's all their own doing, Lucifer. From the time they are born until their last breath. Neither you nor I get involved until Judgement. It's how it's always been."
Satan raises his eyebrows, "Always?"
God shrugs again, "For the most part. After Noah, at least. That was a disaster."
"Hah!" Lucifer crows and points at his father, "You DO have a sense of humor. Well-played."