A/N: I'm very sorry for taking 6 months to update this. It was hard to find time to write while taking 6 final year engg classes, but that's done now and so is chapter 4! I hope all the Jily interaction makes up for my long absence. Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Are you feeling okay?

"You're no longer playing for the youth side at all," Kingsley confirms, fingers moving furiously across his phone screen as he speaks. James doesn't mind – he is almost definitely speaking to someone on his behalf anyways.

"Nope. And Aguado only wants me dipping back to the U-23s for a handful of key matches," James says. His agent puts his phone down on the table between them, and focuses his full attention on him. James can hardly control his grin. "Said I gain nothing from playing with players that aren't at my level, and that he doesn't want to overplay me and risk an injury. I'm pretty much exclusively first team now."

It's Tuesday now, and James' head is still spinning from Saturday. It's odd to think how much everything has changed already, and all he did was play one match. Granted, it was one extremely important match. Not just a league game or a domestic cup that only English fans would care about – it was a Champion's League semi-final. All of Europe will have watched it.

Last night, he'd been watching a Sky Sports segment while having his dinner, when he'd seen his own face on his TV. By then, James had already read several articles about the match and his performance. He had heard what commentators had to say about him while watching back match highlights (notably, that he deserved to be on the lineup for every match and was a football star in the making). He'd even had Aguado tell him in front of the whole squad that he had been wrong, James was the best player on the pitch that day.

But he hadn't expected to be talked about beyond that, so he felt it justified when his excitement lead to his dinner being spilled all over himself and the living room rug. He may be a professional now, but he is not quite so used to seeing himself on his favourite segment that he could stop himself from jumping up in excitement in the privacy of his own home. Kyle Ray, who happened to be James' favourite English football commentator, raved that his goal was the best of the season so far. James had whooped loudly at that.

He had carried that energy with him into his training session that morning, and he'd needed it to counter the increasing negativity he was getting from Coleman. Not that he cares – James is too happy to be bothered, and Coleman is a later problem.

Now, he's meeting with his agent to discuss… the messier side of his job. They're sat at a café that is not quite as good as the Rabbit Hole, but it's close to Kingsley's office.

"And you're starting lineup tomorrow. FA cup, against City. Big match," Kingsley says thoughtfully. "I'd say you've earned some trust."

"Mhm. People online practically petitioned to have me on the lineup for this match," James tells him, taking a sip of his cappuccino. With Kingsley, it's not bragging. He needs to tell his agent these things – or so Kingsley has told him.

"You were one of the top searches in England this weekend, did I tell you?"

James is amazed that the muscles in his face haven't given out yet, what with all the smiling he's been doing lately. "No, but I have gained more than a hundred thousand followers in a few days," he says, shaking his head in awe. "I honestly can't believe it."

"People want to see more of you. Chelsea wants you doing more promotional content now. Behind the scenes for their social media, event appearances and the like."

"Okay. That's a good thing, right? If the fans want more of me, I mean."

"It is. Chelsea are capitalizing on the surge of interest in you and turning you into a celebrity, the offers will only get bigger from here."

James sighs. The messy part. "I told you, I only want Chelsea. Just get me a good deal here."

"Manchester United requested a chance to speak with you," Kingsley tells him, watching him over his cup of tea. James' eyes widen slightly – he can't help it, his interest is peaked. His agent knows it, had counted on it. "Bayern Munich doubled down on theirs," he continues, smiling now. "The more you play, and especially if you continue to perform the way you have recently, the bigger and better the offers from other clubs are going to get. Factor in the exposure you'll be getting off the pitch now that Chelsea wants to capitalize on the fans' love for you. In the next few months, you're going to become the hottest young commodity in football."

Even coming from his agent, whose job involves selling James as a football player, James has to fight the urge to shift in his seat. The praise is as hard to hear in person as it is pleasant, it's a strange sensation. "Great, so get me a really fucking good deal at Chelsea."

Kingsley sighs. "James, you need to at least entertain the interest from other clubs, take them seriously even if your end goal is Chelsea. If they know how badly you want to stay, they're not going to work very hard to keep you."

"You know that I don't really care about the money," James says – mostly for the reaction, which doesn't disappoint: Kingsley coughs around his mouthful of tea and promptly puts his cup back on the table. James' lips twitch as he continues, "I want to play football at my favourite club, and I want starting lineup every single week. That's what matters to me."

Kingsley clutches his chest dramatically, prompting an amused grin from James. "Don't ever say that out loud again. To me, or anyone else. What they give you in exchange for you playing for them, your worth as an athlete, is going to define your career. And for an eighteen-year-old with hardly a season's worth of first team experience, you're worth a hell of a lot right now. Don't do anything to sabotage that."

James waves his hand noncommittally. He's heard this lecture a million times. "I know, I know. So what are they offering now?"

Kingsley pushes his phone across the table to him. James skims over the email, his eyebrows shooting up as he looks back at his agent. "Damn. That's pretty good!" Kingsley only shakes his head as he pulls his phone back, and James frowns. "What? It's a massive upgrade from what I've got now."

"Yes, and they want a lot more from you now than they did when you signed that contract. They want you to play on the first team, they want to sell your shirt and put your face on posters and put you in front of every camera they can find, they want to sell your story as the academy star that rose up to become a first team star."

"So? I am an academy star that rose up to become a first team star."

"There you go, show me some arrogance! You're ready to do everything for less than what you can demand now, because you're a Chelsea fan – enough of that. You're not a Chelsea fan. You're a professional football player. Make them sweat a little, they'll offer you what you deserve."

James sighs, slumping against the back of his chair. He always wishes he could have the sport without this madness tied in, but Kingsley is right. It is the progression of his career on the line here. "Fine," he says, finally giving in. "What do I need to do?"

"You need to start showing interest in the other clubs that want you."

James wrinkles his nose, taking another sip of his cappuccino. "It just feels dirty. Like I'm cheating on Chelsea or something."

"Chelsea is your club, not your girlfriend. This is about your career. You're not doing anything wrong by speaking to other clubs with your current club's permission."

"What did Chelsea have to say about those requests anyways?"

"Denied. But if you request an opportunity to speak with other clubs, knowing how much interest there is, that alone is going to make them worry. It's not a transfer request, it's not a big deal. Just make it known that you're at least interested in what others have to offer. They're going to step up to keep you, because if you don't reach an agreement now, there's nothing they can do to stop you leaving in the summer anyways."

"Okay. Request it. Let them know I want at least the option to talk to everyone who wants to talk to me."

Kingsley smiles. "That's more like it."

"The end goal is still Chelsea," James reminds him, running a hand through his hair. He tugs uncomfortably on the ends. "I'm not super thrilled about this whole thing."

"You will be when your club begs you to stay."

"And what if they don't?" James asks, sitting up straight again. He leans forward, elbows on the table like his mum tells him not to do. "What if someone makes an offer they don't want to refuse, and they let me go? I might be good, but I'm still new."

"Not a chance," Kingsley assures him. "That's one thing they've made clear – they want you as badly as you want them. We won't push harder than we have to. Trust me on this."

James nods. Kingsley is good at his job, and though it makes him nervous, James knows he can trust his expertise. "Alright, fine. What else do we need to talk about?"

"I'm thinking it's time to grow your team beyond me and your mother now," Kingsley says. "A PR representative, at the very least."

"Mum can handle that."

"She's looking at CVs as we speak, I had a list ready to go before you even touched the ball on Saturday."

James smiles at that. "Good to know you have that much faith in me."

"Of course I do. Now, how do you feel about a Nike endorsement?"

"How deep into her profile are you?"

James briefly glances up from his phone to look at Sirius, who is sitting far too close to him and looking over his shoulder instead of at the television. Sirius always turns the TV on too loud and then doesn't watch it, because he's just annoying like that. He also always sniffs out any opportunity to make fun of James, and he must be sensing one now. It's Friday evening, and James has been scrolling through Lily's Instagram profile for at least a half hour now.

"Shut up. I looked at like three pictures."

The truth is, James has looked at about thirty-six. The current one is from Halloween… two years ago. He's been staring at this one for a while, and honestly, it's not his fault. Lily is wearing a green cloak over a long, flowy dress (it brings out her eyes), her hair intricately done with braids woven into the dark auburn waves, a delicate crown atop her head. There's glitter on her eyes and her ears have been done to look pointed – obviously, she's dressed up as the most stunning, beautiful, ethereal elf in all the land. And she'd called him a nerd! He is, but she dressed up as a Kingdom of Ashes character for Halloween!

Sirius snorts. "Liar."

James sighs. One of these days, he is going to make good on his threats and actually move out. "Maybe you lie about everything for fun, but I am an honest, respectable man. Why would I lie?"

Sirius looks at him thoughtfully for a moment. Contemplating why he's so annoying and rude, perhaps. And then, so quickly James doesn't register what he's doing in time to pull his phone away – all his hard-earned football reflexes have abandoned him – Sirius reaches over and double taps on the picture.

James jumps up with an incomprehensible yell, dropping the phone as if it's burned him. He glares at Sirius, who is laughing like he hasn't just ruined James' life and invited his own murder. "See? Liar."

"She's going to think I'm crazy!"

"You are crazy, mate."

"Lily doesn't have to know that!"

"She does. Does pretending to hate football players while being a football player ring any bells?"

"Fair point. Well made." James sinks back down onto the couch. "She stalked me first anyways."

"If that makes you feel better."

"And we're friends. It's fine."

"I can see that's going really well for you so far."

"Will you just shut up and watch your show?"

"I don't appreciate being abused by you just because you're horny, you know."

"It's not just because I'm horny. It's also because you are the actual worst person in the entire world."

"Oh, ouch, I'm stung," Sirius deadpans. "Better the worst than the saddest."

"Yeah? Well I get to play footy for a career and never have to do maths ever again in my life."

"That's just uncalled for. Your ego is becoming unbearable."

"You've been unbearable for three years now."

"I'm curious to know what the threshold was? What happened three years ago?"

James is saved from answering by the doorbell ringing. "Thank God, someone I like is here."

He can hear Sirius muttering about him getting ruder every day as he leaves the living room. Remus is at the door, holding a couple of bags full of snacks for game night. Remus always has snacks – he, unlike Sirius, is an all-around pleasant person to be around.

Remus greets him with a smile as he comes in, and James takes the bags from him. "Hey. Geraldine stopped me in the lobby to tell me to tell you to stop telling her children there are Yetis in their flat. They are very traumatized and she's losing sleep."

"Good. Geraldine needs to stop taking up half my parking spot every day," James says with probably unnecessary venom, as he is speaking to Remus, not Geraldine herself. "I've even offered to teach her how to park! She took that pretty badly."

Remus walks past James and into the living room. "Well, I did my part."

"And, it is not my fault Geraldine raised stupid children!" James continues, following him into the living room. He drops the bags onto the coffee table. "Yetis in a London flat? She deserves the headache."

Remus sighs and flops onto one of the many beanbags in their living room, evidently regretting opening up this dam.

"Also, her new boyfriend loiters in the lobby and plays trap music without earphones in. She's lucky I haven't fed her children to an actual Yeti."

"There are no Yetis in London, James," Sirius says. "Get a grip. I'm telling you, we need to get a mean dog."

"If you haven't scared them off, what makes you think a dog will?" Remus asks. James nods in agreement. "Anyways, it's hardly her kids' fault their mother is Geraldine."

"Don't even get me started on her kids," Sirius says at the same time that James scoffs indignantly.

"Are you two hearing yourselves right now? You sound like bitter old retirees who lost their pension to a bad investment and cope by complaining about the unruly youths in their neighbourhood."

"We were told there were no kids in this building!" Sirius defends. "And not only are there kids, there is also Geraldine."

James nods in agreement. "We are completely justified in our anger."

"And in our bad behaviour," Sirius adds, a satisfied smirk tugging at his lips. "I put up a flyer by the mailboxes with a new number for tenant complaints. It's Geraldine's."

James can high-five to that, offering up an appreciative "Nice!" as he slaps his palm into Sirius'.

Remus gives up on pretending to judge them, and he laughs too. After all, Remus is a much nicer person than he and Sirius… but it's Geraldine, and everyone has their limits.

x.x.x.x.x

An hour later, the flat is full of James and Sirius' friends.

Game night is one of Sirius' better ideas. Every couple of weeks, they invite some of their friends over to play games, drink beer (minus James), eat, catch up, and generally just have a good time. Ten to fifteen of them – it's the perfect number of people: enough so that they can play one huge game or have several smaller games going at any given time, but not so many that it stops feeling like they're hanging out and it just becomes a party. It's genius, really. They have snacks and drinks and later in the evening, they vote on food to order in. It's a nice way to keep in touch with all of their friends at a time when everyone is doing different things and going different places. Sirius would die before admitting it, but he is quite the sentimental sap.

It's always the two of them and Remus and Peter, of course, and they invite some friends from secondary school that they like enough to keep in touch with. Then, there's the new additions. New people from uni or work or… any number of random and questionable places, in Sirius' case. The new additions often get rotated on and off… and sometimes phased out. James' ex Cecilia, for example, is obviously no longer invited. But Dorcas, Remus' friend from Cambridge, has graduated from the every-other-time rotation to a permanent invite. It's a cutthroat system, but it is necessary for the sanctity of game night. Though occasionally Sirius tries to create it, game night is a drama free event.

James would be lying if he said he isn't the most excited about this week's new additions: Lily and her flatmates. He's never met Mary or Marlene, but he's sure if they're Lily's friends, they must be cool. They have yet to arrive, which is good, because he has yet to collect himself.

"I'm a bit offended you don't put in this much effort to see me," Remus says from his spot laying on James' bed. James momentarily stops fussing with his hair to glare at him.

"You don't know how much effort I put in, you always see me after it's done."

"You're doing your hair after everybody else, including me, is already here."

"I'm just… touching up."

There's a knock at the door. Remus grins and rapidly jumps up off the bed and to his feet. "I'm gonna go tell Lily you're touching up!"

James' mouth drops a little. "What? How –"

"Sirius. Why ask?" And with that, Remus leaves the room. Concluding that his hair has obviously not become manageable over night, James gives up and follows him out.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Sirius has already gotten to the door and let Lily and the two other girls in.

"James is making himself extra pretty for you," Sirius tells Lily by way of greeting, but James is too busy staring at Lily to even be mad.

They're just friends, of course, but his heart still skips a beat. James is pretty sure it's okay to feel your heart skip a beat when you see one of your very pretty friends after a long time of not seeing them. Especially when said friend shrugs out of her coat and is wearing a very nice, form fitting, dark green sweater underneath – she has to be doing that on purpose, there's no way she doesn't know how this colour makes her eyes look (so pretty it's hard to even look at her, but he'll suffer for it). And it's hardly his fault if she smiles specifically at him, is it? It's a platonic heart skip. And the sweater has a shoulder cut-out, damn her (in a platonic, just friends way, of course).

And okay sure, it hasn't really been a long time since he saw Lily… in fact, he did see her just yesterday. But he only had enough time to order his cappuccino and go (he'd thought she would improve with time, but it seems Lily's cappuccinos have reached their peak. Maybe next time he'll get tea). James had wanted to stay and talk, but he had to go to a media training session. It would have been annoying if it wasn't for the fact that it was because his amazing performance on Saturday had brought with it a ton of attention he is not yet used to.

So, it is perfectly normal for him to be this excited to see… his friend. But maybe he should look at the other two girls as well. And possibly walk over to them, and say some words, too.

One of Lily's friends, tall and blonde and blue-eyed, spots him first, and her eyes widen a little – she must be Marlene, the Chelsea fan. James smiles and holds out his hand to her. "Hey. I'm James."

Marlene stares at him for a moment, then sighs defeatedly and shakes his hand. "Sorry, I was trying to think of something to say besides I know but I can't, so… I know."

"You could say Hi James, I'm Marlene," their other friend says. She's the shortest of the three, despite her tall boots, and has a head of dark, curly hair.

James laughs. "I know. And you must be Mary. It's nice to meet you guys."

"Oh, so you did tell him about us!" Mary says to Lily. Then she turns to Remus and Sirius and eyes them both up, with no amount of subtlety. "You told us how cute James is, but you never mentioned his friends."

James raises an eyebrow at Lily, unable to fight his smirk as her face flushes.

Sirius makes an offended sound and frowns at Lily. "You didn't tell your friends how attractive I am? Rude." Lily still looks a little flustered, but she manages an eyeroll.

Mary takes off her coat and shoves it into James' hands, nodding in her friends' direction. "I don't know which of them is more excited to see you, so I'm just going to try to balance this all out." Lily groans. Sirius looks like he's about to wet himself with excitement.

"So um, this is Sirius and Remus," James says, pointing to each of his friends in turn.

From the living room, he hears someone swearing loudly. "And that's Peter. You'll meet him after he's done with this round of Uno," Remus adds.

James hangs Mary's coat with the others in the hall closet, then leads them out of the entryway and into the living room.

"HEY, EVERYBODY!" he yells. It takes fifteen seconds for everyone else and an additional ten for Peter to calm down and look their way. "This is Lily, Marlene, and Mary," he says, pointing to each of them in turn. Then he waves his hand in the general direction of his friends. "This is everybody. I'm sure you'll learn their names at some point."

When everyone has said hello and returned to their games, Sirius points down the hall. "Bathroom is the first door on the left. James' bedroom is the door across from it. You can snoop in there but not in mine." He points at the island separating the kitchen from the living room, where snacks and drinks have been set up. "Help yourself to food and drinks. Wifi password is by the TV. Join a game or start a new one. Peter is nicer than the impression he will make on you tonight if you play literally anything with him, James will play FIFA with you if you ask nicely but he'll hate you after, and yes, Remus is single. I think that covers everything?"

"Wow, okay. Thanks." Lily only looks slightly taken aback – she must be getting used to Sirius. She looks around the space.

Their living room has floor to ceiling windows and leads into an open concept kitchen, separated by a marble top island. There's a large flat screen hung on the main wall, across from a blue sectional sofa. In front of it sits a big round coffee table, where a group of their friends are in the midst of a game. The flat is very stylishly made and tastefully furnished, though they had little to do with that – as Euphemia had dramatically declared when she'd appointed herself as their interior designer, "I cannot have my children living in squalor!"

But James is quite proud of the bits they did do – the art they'd picked out to fill the space (two of the pieces are from Genie), and especially the numerous beanbags, which he can admit they went overboard with, but he loves them anyways. One wall has an intricate, colourful mural started – it's a project he and Sirius have been working on for months now. Admittedly, it's mostly Sirius' work, he's a far more talented artist than James. But he lets James contribute here and there. There's a ladder propped up against it still.

"This is a really nice place," Lily says.

"Thanks, it was a gift," Sirius throws over his shoulder, already heading back to the coffee table, where he must have been playing Pandemic with a few of the others. Mary snorts in amusement and heads towards the drinks setup.

"I'm sorry about him," James says.

"I'm sorry about her," Lily replies.

"By gift, he means his dead uncle left it for him in his will," Remus explains helpfully.

"RIP Uncle Al," James adds, solemnly placing a hand on his chest.

"You have very interesting friends," Marlene says to Lily.

James grins. "Thank you! Anyone up for a game of Exploding Kittens? We need to start a game right now or I'm going to bring up Lily telling everyone I'm cute – oh shit. Too late."

"Was that you who liked a two-year-old picture on Instagram an hour ago?"

"Touché. I'll get the game."

x.x.x.x.x

"I have three hairy potatoes!" Lily exclaims, throwing the cards down on the pile with enthusiastic vigour. "Peter," she says with maybe a little too much satisfaction on her face, like it's high stakes poker and she's about to win a hundred thousand pounds, "I want your diffuse card."

Peter looks like he really has just lost a hundred thousand pounds. He looks like he wants to die as he hands over the card – and he will, soon. Lily has made sure of it.

"Thank you!" she says brightly, tucking the card neatly into her hand. "And… oh. Look at that. A skip card." She throws that one down too. "Your turn again," she says sweetly.

The others playing – James, Sirius, Mary and Marlene, all of them having already lost – lean in with interest. James and Sirius are practically shaking with anticipation. Remus pauses his game of Uno and comes over to watch, joining them on the floor by the window. Everyone in the room seems to be watching – this, clearly, is a much bigger deal to them than it is to Lily, but damn it if she's not enjoying playing into the drama anyways.

Lily's 'see the future card' has given them all a look at what is clearly coming next. Peter glares venomously at her, lethargically reaching over to pick a card up off the deck. Despite knowing it was going to happen, Peter still stares at the card in silent disbelief, which slowly gives way to utter heartbreak as the seconds tick by. Everyone waits with bated breath for him to speak, to react. But when he continues to just sit there, Sirius sighs impatiently and reaches across the circle they've made on the floor to grab the card out of his hand.

Sirius whoops triumphantly, jumping to his feet and thrusting the card into the air for everyone to see. "EXPLODING KITTEN!" he yells, aggressively throwing the card back onto the pile. "PETER HAS BEEN DEFEATED!" As the others in the room start cheering – there is applause – Peter sinks to the floor wordlessly. Laying there, unmoving and silent, is a stark contrast to the yelling he has been doing all night. He takes this very seriously.

Lily had thought James was being (characteristically) dramatic when he claimed that Peter has uncannily good luck with card games and never (ever ever) loses. But the cheering and applause and toasts – people are toasting to her and to his downfall – tell her it must be true.

"You are the perfect woman, Lily Evans," Sirius says to her. "I know you guys voted for pizza, but Lily wants Chinese, and she defeated the evil, so we're getting Chinese."

"Okay," Lily says through a laugh. "This is a good night!"

"And it's for the best," James says. "I can't eat pizza, and you're about to find out Lee's Garden has the best Chinese food in London."

"Chinese Food is the best Chinese food in London," Lily states with confidence. Not an argument, but a simple statement of fact.

"I've lived here for nineteen years, I would know. You're brand new."

"Have you been to Chinese Food?"

"No. Have you been to Lee's Garden?"

"No. But I'm on a winning streak."

"Well, it's about to end."

"We'll see. Is Peter going to be okay?"

James glances at his friend – still laying unmoving on the floor – and shrugs. They seem to have drifted away from Peter's limp form and everyone else without noticing. "Yeah. This doesn't happen often. Last time was Halloween, he overcompensated for his loss by drinking too much, then projectile vomited off our balcony. So this is actually pretty good, he'll be fine when the food gets here."

"Are you all this dramatic?"

"I mean… yeah. Remus will say he isn't, but he's definitely the worst one. It's why we've been friends for so long, no one else will have us."

Lily laughs. "Okay, I've really been trying not to comment on it, but… you can't eat pizza?"

James sighs. "There it is."

"It's just sad!"

"It's really not, I don't care."

"Your job really sucks."

"I'm going to Rome tomorrow, so there's that."

"Can you eat pizza in Rome?"

"That is not the point!"

Lily grins. "Alright, alright. Don't get all worked up now. What're you going to Rome for?"

"We're playing A.S. Roma on Sunday. It's just a friendly, and then there's some media stuff."

"Is that what your media training was for?"

"No. That was because during a post match interview on Saturday, a reporter asked me how I was feeling and I said, 'Pretty fucking good, mate.' And then I said 'Shit, sorry, I forgot I'm not allowed to swear.'" He shakes his head when Lily bursts out laughing, but he's laughing too. "Hey, cut me some slack! I was excited, and I told the truth."

"Thank god you've started to do that."

"One day, you're going to have to let the whole lying about being a football player thing go."

"I don't, and I won't."

"I'm never inviting you over again."

"It doesn't matter, Sirius thinks I'm the perfect woman. He'll invite me."

"I can veto his invites, so you better watch yourself."

"You guys take this thing very seriously."

"Yes, and you should be grateful for it. If half the people Sirius suggested actually came, no one would be safe. Trust me, I know from experience. One of his friends tried to do black magic on me."

Lily shakes her head, half amused but half… just not even sure anymore. What is this guy? "You're lying."

"I've literally never lied in my entire life." Lily hasn't even opened her mouth to respond when he holds up a hand and quickly adds, "Don't respond to that with footballergate. Seriously, come up with something new, it's been years."

"Footballergate?" Lily wheezes, a laugh bubbling up in her chest, getting caught, and turning into a snort on its way out. Her cheeks burn, but she's red from laughing anyways.

James laughs too, either at his own joke or at the sound it elicited from her – probably both. "Giving my scandals a name makes me feel important. And I'm gonna go order the food now, before you come up with something rude to say."

"You're not famous enough for scandals with names," she calls after him as he tries to get away. "Get a hold of yourself."

James' laugh, and the brilliant grin he throws her over his shoulder, make her breath hitch.

Get a hold of yourself. She ought to take her own advice.

x.x.x.x.x

"The night was dark and cold. A frigid wind chilled the inhabitants of the town in their beds, rattling windows and coaxing creaks from the rafters of the aging buildings. It carried with it the sense of something dangerous, an impending doom that grew more and more insurmountable with each night that the werewolves continued to roam."

Transfixed, Lily watches James speak from his spot sitting cross-legged on the floor, outside the circle of his friends. Her eyes are open – she's already dead this round – and she's having even more fun watching him. James is the most committed Mafia (or as they like to play it, Vampires) narrator she's ever come across, going so far as to dim the lights in the flat and play eerie music in the background to supplement the story he weaves into the game.

Peter snickers. "Oooohhhhh. Terrifying."

"Shut the fuck up, Peter!" Sirius snaps. "You're ruining the ambiance."

"The townspeople were exhausted," James continues, ignoring them both. "It was hard, living this life of constant fear. They went to bed each night with terror in their hearts, dread seeping into their very bones, knowing that someone wouldn't wake up the next day. Sleep was more and more elusive, thoughts of who would be the next to go driving away any hope of rest. Who had lived their final day? Everyone hoped it wouldn't be them, or someone they loved. Most hoped it would be Peter Pettigrew, the asshole who kept ruining the ambiance."

"Hey!" Peter whines. The others in the circle, including Lily, laugh. James throws a smile her way – God, he is so nice to look at.

"Though the night felt endlessly long already, it was hardly midnight when finally, they struck again. Vampires, open your eyes."

There's a knock at the door just as Remus and a couple of the others open their eyes. James hops up to his feet. "Then a brave lad named James Potter valiantly slayed all the vampires, the town was safe, they built a statue in his honour, and the food had arrived. The end."

In the end, they'd ordered Chinese and pizza – to be fair to the voters ("Game Night is a democratic institution!" according to James), but also to reward Lily for defeating the evil (who had perked up immediately when Sirius suggested they play Vampires to kill time before the food arrived).

James and Sirius carry in the obscene amount of food and set it up on their kitchen counter. A short while later, Lily is sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, balancing a plate of food piled high on her lap. James spots her and walks over to sit across from her. His own plate features lots of vegetables and absolutely nothing deep-fried, even though the flat is now full of mouth-watering aromas.

"Are you having a good time?" he asks.

"This is honestly the best games night I've ever been a part of," Lily tells him earnestly, earning a wide smile from James. "Your friends are all so nice."

And they are, from the brief introductions she's had to all of them throughout the evening. Alice and Frank (who are nineteen and engaged) and Gideon (who she knows from working with him at The Rabbit Hole) and Fabian (who is Gideon's twin) and Hestia (who might be dating Sirius but she still can't tell, and neither can they) all went to secondary school with James, Sirius, Remus and Peter (who are, evidently, the best of friends). Dorcas is Remus' friend from Cambridge, where they're both studying. And Mateo, who Sirius claims he tried to veto (though Lily doubts it, they seem to get along quite well) is James' friend from Chelsea's youth team. But that's about all she knows about them, because she's mostly just talked to James.

"Even Sirius?"

"He has his own unique charm."

James laughs. "Your friends are great too. Mary is hilarious. And Marlene knows so much about football."

"Has she been driving you crazy with questions all night?"

"Nah. Believe it or not, I actually like talking about the thing I've dedicated my life to. She's really cool about it. Plus, she only asked me one sort of invasive question, so she's doing pretty well."

Lily groans. "What did she ask?"

"Why I had commitment issues with Chelsea until last year. Which, incidentally, I did not know was common knowledge."

Lily cringes. "What did you tell her?"

James shrugs. "Just that I was young and hadn't fully decided what I wanted to do with my life yet."

"Sounds like an evasive lie."

"Clever girl. Did you get that lab report done yesterday?" She'd been working on it between customers at The Rabbit Hole yesterday – it was due at midnight last night, and she had been so stressed about getting it done.

"Submitted at 11:59 PM."

"Shit, that's cutting it close. But you got her done!" he says, holding his hand up for a high-five. Lily smiles and slaps her palm into his.

"I'm so sick of school," she sighs.

"You're in your first year!"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

A little crease appears between James' dark brows. "Don't you like what you're studying?"

"It's what I want to be studying."

"But do you like it?"

Lily shrugs. "Honestly? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm out of my depth. I never really planned on studying bioengineering."

"Why are you studying it?" James asks, and Lily is suddenly aware of where the conversation has led them. Something about James makes him so easy to talk to, so easy to lose track of time and boundaries with. She has a hard time admitting the difficulties she's having at uni to anyone, and here she is, telling her newest friend about it. And now, seeing the earnest, genuine curiosity on his face… damn her, she wants to tell him more. She wants the weight off her chest, she wants to say it out loud to someone.

"Because of my mum," Lily admits.

"Oh." James' frown deepens. "She pushed you towards it?"

Lily puts her plate down on the floor beside her and wipes her hands on a napkin. Maybe he senses the conversation is about to get serious, because James puts his own plate down and inches a little closer to her. She's glad that she picked a spot away from the others.

She's not sure how to start, and James waits patiently.

"You don't have to tell me, Lily," he says when she doesn't say anything for a while. "I was just curious, and I understand what it's like to have a parent push you towards something. But I'm sorry if I overstepped."

"No, it's not that. It's just kind of hard to talk about."

"I'm open to listening," James says. The look on his face is so tender. "But only if you want to tell me."

Lily smiles gratefully at him. There's really no right place to start, so at long last, she just starts talking. "I honestly didn't really know what I wanted to do, I just kind of vaguely thought that it was going to be something creative," she begins. "And then my mum got diagnosed with brain cancer. Three years ago." She watches his face as she says it. James is expressive in general, and most people react very strongly to that statement. Though he looks mildly shocked at the turn the conversation has taken, James just waits for her to continue, listening intently.

"All of it happened so quickly. Within a span of two months, we noticed her vague and sometimes random symptoms get suddenly worse, she finally got the right tests done, we finally found out she had a grade-four tumour on her brain. But by the time all the tests came back, and she was approved for surgery, she was dead." Lily's voice cracks near the end.

It never, ever gets easier to tell this story. Never gets easier to remember it, the pain and fury as fresh now as it had been on that nightmare of a day three years ago. November 17th. It was cold, the wind sharp and the clouds dark, like an omen. Or maybe that's just how her grief clouded memory has twisted it.

She doesn't notice her hands are shaking until James reaches over and takes each one in one of his.

"I'm so sorry," he says, the words barely a breath. "That's… that's so devastating. I'm so sorry you went through that."

Lily stares at their clasped hands, now resting on his knees. "Me too," she says quietly. "And that's why I picked biomedical engineering. Its just… unreal to me that it's 2017 and that kind of thing still happens. If she'd been diagnosed earlier, she might have lived long enough that we wouldn't have been so blindsided by it, you know?"

"Is that what you're planning to do? Engineer better diagnostics technology?"

Lily looks up at him, mildly surprised, and nods. "Yes, exactly. Imperial does a lot of really amazing biomedical sensing, diagnostics and imaging research. I want to be a part of it. I mean obviously so many other factors play into a late cancer diagnosis, but I can't fix every crack in the system. I've always had a knack for maths and science though, so…" she trails off and shrugs. "It seemed like the thing to do."

"And now you don't like it?"

Lily absentmindedly turns her hands over in James' and plays with his fingers. He's so focused on her face, her words, he doesn't seem to notice. If he does, he says nothing.

"I'm passionate about it. I want to be a part of a solution to this so badly. It's just harder than I expected. Sometimes I can't keep up, and I think I picked the wrong thing. And then I feel guilty for being so weak about it when my mum is gone, and it's like, this is the least I can do for her." Lily smiles, and she feels how bitter it is. "Something I might've talked to my mum about, if she were here. But I guess that's why I have to do it."

"You're the most incredible person I've ever met, Lily Evans," James says, hazel eyes fixed on hers. Lily is startled – at his words, at the intensity in his gaze. He's sitting so close, she can pick out the individual shades of brown and green in his eyes, the ring of gold around his pupils.

"Because my mother is dead?" she says. She hears the edge in her voice. Talking about this always brings out her most bitter and angry side, and she can't help it. She suddenly wishes she could take it all back. Now he's going to feel sorry for her and walk on eggshells around her. Now he won't want to tell her anything, because he'll think his own problems can't compare to her tragedy. He won't know how to act around a girl with a dead mother, and their too new friendship will fizzle out when one or both of them gets tired of the effort it takes to make it normal. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Because you endured an unimaginable tragedy and your reaction was to decide you're going to fix the issue that caused it. You're so much stronger and so much more resilient than I could be. And, you're brilliant." He squeezes her hands gently. "Look, everything worthwhile is hard. It takes more time and energy than anybody wants to expend, half the time it seems like you signed up for more than you could ever possibly take on. But you just push through, right? One day at a time. You're not out of your depth, you wouldn't have gotten into Imperial if you weren't good enough for this. The main thing is that you have the drive for it, and you do."

Huh. Maybe not.

Lily can't help smiling at that. She squeezes his hands back. "You're sweet," she says, gently tugging her hands from his. "And such an athlete."

James raises an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

"Only an athlete could pull an inspirational speech like that out of their arse on a moment's notice."

James lets out a laugh. "I'm being a supportive friend!"

"I know. And I appreciate it so much. You have no idea how nice it is to hear that sort of thing out loud sometimes."

"I think I do," he says. "I mean it's hardly the same thing, but I feel out of my depth too most of the time. I just chalk it up to being new and young and everyone around me being more experienced, but hearing some reassurance is nice sometimes."

"It is. And James?"

"Hm?"

"Please don't do that thing where I told you a sad thing that happened to me and now you feel like you can't tell me anything because you think it's not as serious, okay?"

"Okay," he says simply.

Lily lets out a heavy sigh. "I feel like someone just lifted a rock off my chest. I haven't really talked about this with anybody. It feels nice to say it out loud."

"I'm glad you feel better," James says. "You can talk to me any time. Really."

"Thank you. So." Lily smiles at him, properly this time. She is ready to move on to a cheerier topic. "Looks like you had another great game on Wednesday."

"Did you hear from Marlene?" he asks.

The truth is, she'd watched the match with Marlene, cheering James on from their living room – he'd been spectacular once again. And then she'd watched his post-match interviews, indulged in every bit of commentary on his recent games that she could find, and fallen down a rabbit hole of every YouTube video even remotely related to him. Since Saturday, it seems he's sort of blown up. It's kind of crazy to her that she'd seen him on TV last night and now she's sitting next to him on the floor in his flat.

Out loud, she says, "Actually, I watched it with her."

"Well yeah, we won! It was a good day. A good week, really."

"How're you handling everything? Seems like things have gotten pretty crazy for you."

"Yeah. I'm really not handling it, because I honestly can't believe most of it. I feel like I'm living someone else's life."

"You'd better get used to it. It is, in fact, your life."

"It's all just so weird."

"I bet. I've always wondered what it's like for a celebrity when they first become famous." James is starting to turn a little red, and Lily laughs. "Oh, come on. You've got to at least stop getting flustered when someone points out your imminent fame. Isn't that part of the territory when you make it as a professional athlete?"

"I guess, but it's still just mad weird."

Lily nods and drops it. She thinks it's cute that it gets him flustered, but she doesn't want to make him talk about it if it makes him uncomfortable. "Alright, I told you why I picked my career. Why did you pick yours?"

"I just love football," James says, not even thinking about it for a second. "My dad was a huge fan, I've watched football with him since I was little. Watching it made me want to play, so I started playing for fun and turned out to be pretty good. It's just… the thing I do best, and that makes me the happiest."

"That's really sweet. Your dad must be so proud of you."

James' hand immediately shoots into his hair, tugging on the ends uncomfortably. "Not really."

"What do you mean? You're doing amazing."

"He's a huge fan of watching the game and he loved it for as long as I was only interested in watching it too. But I guess he had other plans for me, and I think I've kind of let him down by choosing football instead."

Lily gives him an incredulous look. "You think you've let him down? James, you're eighteen and a professional athlete!"

"I know I've let him down, because he's said as much."

"Why?" Lily is stunned.

"He wanted me to join him at his company. He's not happy that I decided I don't want to."

"Oh. Is that what you were talking about, knowing what it's like to have a parent push you towards something?" James nods, and Lily suddenly understands. "That's what the commitment issues were all about."

James runs a hand through his hair again.

"Yeah. I wasn't sure whether I was really going to give up on taking up the family business or not. I mean I definitely knew I wanted to play football, I just didn't know if I could disappoint my dad like that, you know? Because we were really close. I wanted to… I dunno. Make him happy and proud, I guess? And I didn't know if I'd ever actually make it as a football player anyways. That was around the time I should've been applying to uni, and I realized that I couldn't. I just finally decided there was nothing else I wanted to do besides football, and I wanted to give it a proper shot. Dad took my decision pretty badly."

"What happened?"

"He told me that if I wanted to pursue this stupid, childish dream of mine, I could do it without his support. He wasn't gonna pay for me to throw my life away or watch me do it. So…" he trails off and shrugs. "I moved out and Sirius and I moved here."

Lily stares at him in shock. "He kicked you out?"

"Not explicitly, my mum would never let him do that. But it was just such a bad situation, I couldn't keep living with him if I wanted to play football. I haven't really talked to him since."

"Fuck. I'm sorry, James."

James shrugs again. "It's… whatever. I know he just wants the best for me, and he didn't want me to go through the disappointment of not making it. But things are looking pretty good right now, I'm sure he'll come around."

"Yeah, I'm sure he will," Lily reassures him. Though by the hard set of his mouth, the tension in his shoulders, she can tell it hasn't happened yet. Lily can't fathom how he's had the week he's had, and his father apparently hasn't even congratulated him.

James puts a smile on his face and claps his hands together. "Okay, enough of that. Don't look at me like that, it's really fine. My mum is basically my manager, she's amazing enough for both of them."

"It's okay if it's not fine though, you know? It really sucks that you're doing something you love, and you're doing so well, and your dad isn't supportive of it. You can be upset about it and it's okay."

"I know. It does suck, and it does kind of hurt. But there's not anything I can do about it. I made my decision and now I just have to stick with it, and hopefully he'll come around. If not, then…" he shrugs. "I still stick with the choice I made and focus on the good parts. Which is basically everything else." He picks up his plate. "Our food is probably cold, I don't want the temperature affecting your judgement of Lee's Garden."

Lily rolls her eyes. "It's good, you freak. Not Chinese Food good, but it's good." She holds up a hand to stop his argument before he even begins. "And you can't argue, I'm the only one who's had both."

x.x.x.x.x

When they get back to the others, there's a shift between them. Lily suddenly feels like there's no boundaries left between them. Like that's it, they're really friends now, no going back. She'd felt unnervingly comfortable with James Potter from the moment she met him, had been terrified that he would turn out to be a jerk who would make her pay for her inexplicable soft spot for him – but she knows quite certainly now that that won't happen. Something about him is just too intrinsically good and kind for it. Lily's a good judge of character, she's okay trusting her gut on this.

They're playing a game that James – and she can't quite believe he's real when he says this to the room – learned at improv class with his mum a few years ago.

"Basically, you have a scenario, and you have to hold a continuous conversation with just questions. First person to repeat a question or make a statement instead is out. You get ten seconds to come up with something," James explains.

"Okay," Sirius says. He glances at Lily, a mischievous little smirk on his face. "The scenario: you're on a roller coaster and your car gets stuck upside down in a loop. James and Lily, go."

"Are we going to die!?" James yells immediately.

"Will you calm down?" Lily replies.

"How am I supposed to calm down when we're going to die?"

"Why can't you think about something positive?"

"Why can't you understand that we're about to die?"

"Why can't you do something useful?"

"Like what, you want me to try climbing down?"

"Do you have anything to say that's not stupid?"

James groans. "Oh fuck, we're really going to die aren't we?"

Lily sighs in mock frustration, but she's talking around her own laughter. "Do you want me to push you off and end your misery?"

"Do you want me to die?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Why aren't you answering it?"

"How can you think I want you to die?"

"Aren't you getting tired of me?"

"How could I ever get tired of you?"

"Is that not what you're implying?"

"Don't you know that I will never get tired of you?"

"Do you really mean that?"

Lily swallows, her eyes on James. She says, "Of course I do."

There's a beat of silence in the room.

"Statement," Sirius says, glancing between James and Lily, a smirk starting at the corners of his mouth. "James wins. Alice, you're up."

But James' eyes are still on Lily.

They're proper friends after that.

More than proper friends. He's heard about her mum and her struggles at uni and she's heard about his dad. James might even go so far as to say that they're close friends.

It all happens kind of suddenly, kind of seamlessly, so that he hardly notices it. One moment, it's February and he's just met a girl named Lily Evans. The next, it's mid-April and he somehow can't picture his life without her.

They have a new Thursday routine. James goes to The Rabbit Hole in the morning as always, but now, Lily has a cappuccino ready for him. One week, Sirius brings up how much James loved it when Margaret wrote his name in the foam. Lily laughs at him about it all afternoon, but the following Thursday (and all the ones after that), his name is written in the foam of his cappuccino and she winks playfully when she passes it to him.

He sits at the bar and talks to her in between customers for as long as he can stay. She tells him about her classes and her friends. He tells her about what an unbearable dick Michael Coleman is (and God, has Michael Coleman become an unbearable dick). Sometimes, she's too busy to talk, and studies between customers instead. On those days, James sits quietly and reads or talks to Sirius if he's there. But he likes her company anyways.

They always seem to be texting – even now, as James walks to his car to make the drive home from Cobham, his phone is open to a conversation with Lily.

about to leave, when are you off?

An hour-ish?

need a ride?

Yes please!

see ya in an hour

Sirius thinks he's ridiculous for it, but James has learned Lily's work schedule, and when it coincides with his, he drives her home. Lily's not a huge fan of the tube, and it's just another excuse to spend time together around their busy schedules.

An hour later, he's parked on a narrow street, a couple blocks down from The Rabbit Hole. He'd love to go inside, but it's too late for caffeine and he can't drink midweek and he can't get a donut so there's really nothing in there for him besides temptation. It's a short wait before Lily gets in the passenger seat.

"I made you a pre-dinner smoothie," she says, holding the light blue-purple drink up. James eyes it suspiciously as he takes it – he has been victim to many of Lily's failed smoothie experiments. He still has nightmares about her sweet potato, beets, turmeric and coconut milk concoction. She'd claimed she thought it might work out to be one of those weird combinations that are actually delicious, but he suspects she just wanted to see him suffer.

"What is this?" he asks, trying to smell it through the plastic cup.

"Just try it."

James eyes her wearily. "What's in it?"

"Oh come on. Don't you trust me?"

James snorts. "Obviously not."

"I swear it's good, I had some!" She looks so earnest, too. So innocent. It makes him all the more suspicious.

"Fine, but if you're lying, you have to walk home."

Lily rolls her eyes as James makes a big show of taking a deep breath before he finally takes a sip. He gets ready to gag dramatically, but… it's surprisingly delicious.

"Wait, this is actually really good," he says, still suspicious. He takes another sip before he starts driving. "Did you really make this?"

"I'm so offended right now."

"Don't be, you've known you suck at this for a while."

"Harsh. True, though."

"What's in this, for real?"

"Blueberries, honey, vanilla, almond milk, lemon and a lavender infusion."

"Damn, that's sophisticated. You can't make a cappuccino, but you can figure out how to make this?"

"I don't know how my many obscure talents work."

It's so easy being Lily's friend. They never run out of things to talk about. Not when he drives her home, not on their long Thursday mornings, not over their ongoing text conversations, not even during movies – and they both hate it when people talk through movies.

When they arrive at Lily's flat, she asks, "What're you doing for dinner?"

"Haven't decided yet, you?"

"I'm craving Chinese Food, do you wanna stay?"

"Can't ever say no to Chinese Food."

James had initially been bummed that Lily was right after all – Chinese Food, despite its uninspired name, is in fact better than his beloved Lee's. But Lee's will always have a special place in his heart, it's still close to his flat, and he can hardly complain about good food. Especially not when it comes with good company.

When they get up to her flat, it's empty. Lily informs him that Marlene is at her boyfriend's and Mary is working late.

Suddenly, ridiculously, James feels a bit nervous about being here and considers making an excuse to leave – but that's insane. He's alone with Lily all the time. Not in her flat though. But what does it matter if it's his car or her flat? He doesn't know but it does. He has to remind himself that this isn't a date. But that opens up a whole other can of worms – of course it's not a date. Why would he even think that? God, can he shut up already? Why does he literally have the most annoying brain of all time? It's lucky Lily can't read minds. Oh god WHAT IF LILY CAN –

"James?"

"Hmm?" He focuses his attention on Lily, standing in front of him with a takeout menu and her phone in hand. When had she gone into the kitchen to take it out of her menu drawer and come back? He anxiously drags a hand through his hair. This – being an idiot around Lily, his friend Lily – hasn't happened in a while.

She waves the menu in his face. "I asked you what you wanted."

"Oh, right. Sorry." He takes the menu from her and opens it, though the words don't register when he tries to read them. Now he's just embarrassed.

"Are you feeling okay?" Lily asks, a slight frown forming on her gorgeous face. Stop it you can't just call your friend gorgeous in your head all the time.

"Yeah. I think I'm just tired. Steamed dumplings and the beef and veg I got last time?" It's not a lie. His post-training exhaustion doesn't always hit right away, but it always hits.

Lily nods and takes the menu back. While she goes back into the kitchen to put it away, James turns the TV on, letting the familiarity of it calm him down. He puts on an episode of Friends from her Continue Watching list on Netflix, and she joins him on the couch after she's ordered the food.

"Is Coleman still being a dick?" Lily asks, a hint of concern on her face.

"He'll always be a dick, it's engrained in his character," James says. He wants to be lighthearted, he feels bad that his near meltdown made her worry. But this, Coleman's hostility – it genuinely does stress him out every day that he has to see him. "I swear he's trying to injure me on purpose."

"Doesn't everyone see what he does? How is he allowed to get away with it?" Lily asks, his frustration echoed in her voice.

"He's a lot more subtle than he was that first time. He's just super aggressive, it's like I can't focus on actually training because half my energy is focused on avoiding him and avoiding a fight. I've never had to work so hard to control myself."

"Can't you do something about it? Like, I dunno, isn't there someone you can talk to?"

James shrugs. "Coleman is very important to Chelsea. As long as he keeps scoring goals, he can pretty much get away with anything. Kingsley told me to just focus on my training and ignore him. He thinks it might affect my place at the club if I start anything. And I don't want to be the kid that whines when things are a little tough, you know? I'm really lucky to get to play at all."

"You're not lucky, you're talented. And this is gonna blow over, eventually he'll have to get tired of this too."

"I hope. How was your day?"

"Mild. Got my calculus homework done early."

"Ugh. Still prefer Coleman to calculus."

"How would you know? You've never taken a calc class."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"That's not important. The point is, you can't know if you'd like it."

"You should know by now that I hate things I'm not good at, and maths of any kind is something that I am decidedly not good at."

"That's not true. You like a challenge. If Sirius said you could never do calculus, you'd learn it just to spite him."

"True. Please never suggest that to him, I don't want to learn."

"Why, because you're scared you couldn't do it?"

"No! I bet I could. I just don't want – okay, I get it. Stop laughing."

Lily grins. "You're insane, honestly."

"I'm going to master calculus just to spite you."

And just like that, it's like the almost meltdown never happened. It's just Lily. His thoughtful friend Lily who put lavender in his smoothie because she'd told him lavender tea might help him relax after a stressful training day and he'd said he didn't like the taste. His close friend Lily, who he never runs out of things to talk about with, who can recite any episode of Friends by heart, who can take complex integrals in her sleep (probably), and who makes him feel instantly at ease just by being around.

When he gets home later, Sirius is on the couch working on his laptop, legs spread out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. He has his concentration face on, but he glances up from the screen when James comes in.

"Hey. You're late."

"I got dinner."

Sirius puts his laptop down. "With Lily?"

James almost winces. "Yes."

"Interesting." There's an irritating glint of amusement in Sirius' sharp eyes. "How's that going?"

"What?"

"Your inappropriate crush on your new best friend?"

James considers just telling him to shut up, but instead, he sighs and flops onto the other end of the couch. "Great. Should be ready to throw myself off a cliff any day now."

It's so easy being Lily's friend, James can almost forget he'd wanted more.

Almost.

A/N: Please let me know what you think in a review. I'm moonawrites on tumblr, please (really, pls) come chat with me there!

P.S. Thank you to everyone who interacts with me on tumblr, and sends me messages about this story - every time I got one, it motivated me to get back to writing. And thank you to anyone who reads and favourites/follows/reviews etc. I truly appreciate it!