As I lay there holding Donna gently, another memory floats to my mind. It was our first Easter together. We were visiting her parents. She wanted to make love but she was really uncomfortable about doing it in her parents house. I remember thinking how odd it was when the topic had first come up at Christmas, because she had really not had any problem having sex at my Mom's condo. We were only planning on staying two nights with her parents that year, and she was pregnant and exhausted, so I really hadn't planned on making love anyway. But something about the pregnancy hormones had started and she was conflicted about her own desires. We ended up making love slowly on Saturday night.

But what's running through my head right now, is the conversation we had right before we made love on Sunday morning.

At Sunrise, I had stopped reading a briefing memo to watch the light hit Donna's hair. In my mind, I can still see exactly how she looked that morning. She looked an angel. I let her sleep in as long as possible, but when she started to wake up, I put the memo aside and started to touch her. Running a finger over her arms, and down her side. She sighed soft and rolled onto her back, they way she often does. So I traced my finger along the edge of her pajama bottoms. I placed some feather light kisses across her brow, and on the tip of her nose, and her lips. The way I have a hundred times since that day. She likes how I wake her up, and so do I.

But back then, I was a little more cautious about it. Being in her parents house, I wasn't certain how she'd react. And the pregnancy hormones made everything even less certain.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I have almost perfect recall of what happened.

"Are we going to have a repeat of last night?" She asked me with soft eyes. She looked like she wanted to, but I wanted to be sure.

"It's okay with me. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Something flicked in her eyes. If I hadn't been staring into them I would have missed it. I ran my fingers lightly over her face. Then asked her-

"Do you want to tell me what makes you uncomfortable about this?"

She hesitated, uncertainty in her eyes. But she started to speak softly.

"Even though we had an apartment, Dr. Freeride liked to stay overnight here sometimes. I think he knew it bothered my parents that we weren't married, and I think he really liked screwing me with them just downstairs. It was a power trip or something."

"I'm surprised your parents let you stay in the same room."

"Oh, they didn't. He'd sneak in after they went to bed. I'd beg him to just wait until we were home or at least be quiet but it seemed like his goal was to make me scream. He once told me that he liked banging me in my little girl room because it was cute to see me blush and avoid eye contact with my Dad at breakfast."

I remember being angry, but not wanting her to see it. I placed a gentle kiss on her lips then rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling.

No wonder having sex in her old bedroom was stressful. At the time, I thought what he did sounded like dubious consent to me. I considered getting dressed, taking my agents and driving to his house right then. I'm not violent by nature, but I considered beating the crap out of him after hearing that. I already knew he didn't respect her, but ignoring her requests with regard to sex is practically rape.

I swallow hard. With what I know now, I'd definitely call it rape. It was a pattern of abuse. It's a really good thing we aren't in the same city right now.

Ironically, at the time I had figured that was probably why she wouldn't tell me his name. Now I know it's much worse than that. It's an odd thing, because I'm pretty sure that she knows that I have his information, but she refuses to be the one to tell me. It's like some line that she won't cross. I wonder if someday she will tell me. And I wonder what I'll do if she does.

I'm drawn back to the present by Donna's voice. I recognize her saying the same thing to me now as she did back then.

"Josh . . . " Her voice is still soft but it's got some renewed strength. "I don't want to think about him in here. Make love to me, if you don't he wins."

What an amazing woman. I roll back towards her. I place gentle kisses on her face, gentle hands on her skin. I've made her scream in pleasure plenty of times but that's not my goal right now. This is going to be soft and slow, peaceful, healing. Not sex with some gomer, making love with her husband.

My fingers gently trace her face. Then I pull the blanket off of us. I want to see what I do to her. I run a finger lightly down her arm and watch goose bumps appear. She is so responsive to me. We both smile softly at each other. There is a thin band of exposed skin between her t-shirt and the pair of boxes she wore to bed, so I run my finger gently across it and she sighs.

"You are amazing" I whisper, "you are the most amazing woman I've ever met." I capture her mouth in a deep kiss.

Neither of us is going to be thinking of any one else for the rest of the night.