The next day, the students waited for Ms. Frizzle for 24 hours. The next day, when she finally showed up, she was wearing a long trench coat.
"Good morning class," she said. "Today we will be learning about the harms of drug abuse." She opened her trench coat to reveal dozens of needles and dozens of tiny packets of powder. "Now, I will need a few volunteers to assist me. Carlos, you are going to come smoke some pot." She gave Carlos a bong and lit it up for him. "Now, suck it as much as you can and blow it out." Carlos did as he was told.
"Duuuuude," Carlos said, obviously high, "I'm like totally gay."
"Why the fuck do you keep bringing this up? I already told you that I don't give a shit. It also has nothing to do with the lesson," said Ms. Frizzle, "so shut the fuck up and smoke some more pot."
"I wish I could suck a big dick right now," said Carlos. "Hey Ralphie, do you want to get your big Italian dick sucked?"
"Is it just me, or is Carlos hitting on me?" wondered Ralphie aloud.
"I want you so bad," said Carlos. "I've had a crush on you since the first day of school. I follow you to the bathroom every day and I climb up the stalls and look at you while you pee." With that, Carlos took all his clothes off and leaned over Ms. Frizzle's desk. "Come on, Ralphie, you know you want to fuck me," said Carlos, "so do it."
"Is it just me, or does Carlos want me to fuck him?" wondered Ralphie, once again aloud.
"Okay, that's enough," said Ms. Frizzle. "The lesson on sex was 2 days ago, you should have fucked then. Ralphie, stop wondering aloud. And Carlos, if I see that ass out one more time, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Now," said Ms. Frizzle, "to continue our lesson, Ralphie, you are going to take these LSD tablets." With that, she forced Ralphie's mouth open and shoved the LSD tablets in.. Ralphie started singing, "Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Aaaaah." Ms. Frizzle was furious. "You sound horrible!" she screamed, slapping Ralphie across the face. "Stop singing, or you're going to have to leave the classroom." "But Ms. Frizzle," said Ralphie, "just because your hair is on fire and you have lollipops for eyes doesn't mean you get to tell me what to do. Besides, the pink elephants are forcing me to sing to the purple raccoons. If I stop, they'll shoot me with a gun that's shaped like a flower." With that, he looked at Carlos, shouted, "MMMM, CANDY!" and started making out with him. Carlos was in heaven, and before they knew it, they were having wild sex. Afterwards, Ms. Frizzle rolled her eyes and kicked them off of each other. "Okay, boys, that's quite enough," she said. Ralphie rubbed his head and wondered aloud, "Is it just me, or did I have gay sex with a monkey made out of candy?"
"Even better," said Carlos, "you just had sex with a person made out of candy. Get it?" The whole class was silent and just looked at him.
"You know, because I'm so sweet," Carlos said.
"CARLOS!" said the whole class.
"Okay, that is quite enough," said Ms. Frizzle. "Ralphie, if you wonder aloud one more fucking time, I will tell those pink elephants to shoot you with their flower-shaped guns. And Carlos, since you took your ass out again when I told you not to, you are going to have to leave. Now, if your ass isn't completely covered tomorrow, you will be suspended for the rest of the year." With that, she kicked Carlos out of the class and went up to Wanda.
"Now, Wanda," said Ms. Frizzle, taking a syringe out of one of her pockets, "you are going to try heroin." She grabbed Wanda's arm and poked her with the syringe. At that moment, Wanda's eyes grew extremely violent. "WHERE'S THE REST OF IT, YOU BITCH!" she screamed, knocking various desks over. Not answering Wanda, Ms. Frizzle said to the class, "You see, Wanda has become a junkie and has become extremely violent because she's craving more heroin." Wanda jumped up on Ms. Frizzle's desk and started searching her drawers. "I KNOW YOU'VE HIDDEN IT SOMEWHERE, YOU PSYCHO BITCH!" Wanda screamed. Not seeming to notice this, Ms. Frizzle said, "In 5 seconds, Wanda will experience withdrawal." The whole class started a countdown. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" After those 5 seconds, Wanda indeed began to withdraw. She began shivering and vomiting uncontrollably until she finally dropped to the floor dead. Ms. Frizzle turned to the class and said, "Well, class, that is drugs."