A/N: Okay everyone, sorry again for the wait for this update. I wrote this story last week, went through it about 10 times, hated all of the drafts and am now writing it all over again. This week has been extremely dramatic and rough so the theme for this one is going to be pretty easy for me to write. It's shortly after midnight and I'm hoping to have this done by 5. Thanks again for the support and for sticking with this.

Summary: After finding out about Kate's engagement and the loss of his spot on the expedition, Matt decides to go out with all of the other guys from training. Eventually, Kate finds him and is not happy with how she finds him.

Self-Destructive Drinking

Matt's P.O.V

As hard as I tried, I couldn't keep my eyes closed long enough to catch even the tiniest amount of sleep. I had gotten home about an hour ago and all I could see was Kate's flashy ring that graced her finger. What the hell was she thinking? To just give up what we had so she could go to space? I had already figured out that I wasn't going to get much rest so I occupied myself by counting the tiles on the ceiling in my room. I had gotten to 32 when a loud bang on my door made me jump so high, I fell off my bed.

"Hey Matty-boy, get out here, we're celebrating!"

I picked myself up off of the floor and walked across to the door, pulling it open. A group of five of my fellow trainees was standing there, dressed for an evening out. I raised an eyebrow in curiosity of what they were talking about. "Guys, we didn't make it. What reason could you possibly have to go celebrate tonight?"

One of the older men in the group, Rob I think his name was, stepped forward and clapped me hard on the shoulder, making me take a step forward from the force. "Matt my friend, we're all going out to celebrate the complete failures we are! What's the point in sitting around moping about losing out on the expedition when we can go out and have a little fun while we're miserable? That's a much more pleasant way to spend your time sulking."

I wanted to point out to him that his logic is what caused about 60% of people to become alcoholics, but by the smell of the whiskey coming off his breath, he already knew. I stood there thinking about it while they were all encouraging me to come with them. Truth be told, I was bored out of my mind, extremely pissed off, and rather depressed at the moment. What was the harm in going out for a drink or two? I muttered a quick, "Alright," and went to grab my jacket.

As we made our way down the empty streets, they each took turns in sharing their utter heartache at not being chosen to work with the expedition. I shook my head when necessary, muttered quick responses and kept it looking like I was listening to every word they were saying. This seemed to keep them happy but I couldn't have cared less about what they were talking about. I still couldn't get Kate's betrayal out of my head. By the time we reached the bar, which was just some back alley dump that was known for serving anything to anyone, we were all depressed and ready to drink away the pain. I sat down on a stool at the counter and looked around. The group I came with were on the stools next to me and the rest of the bar was filled with other expedition-rejected men and women, local drunks, what looked to be a few hookers and ego-driven asshole punks.

"Well Matty, what's it going to be?" Rob asked, slinging an arm across my shoulders.

"Um…to be honest, I've never really had anything to drink before besides the occasional wine at get-togethers…" Way to go Matt, you officially sound like the sad, young loser you are.

Rob looked as if I had slapped him and for a moment, that's what I thought he was going to do to me before he stood up abruptly, and called down to one of the other guys in our group. "Oi! Oliver! This one's a bar virgin! We gotta break him in! Barman, give us a Black Russian, Jackhammer, and a Headless Horseman. We need to get you to relax. You're too tense there Matt. Stick with us tonight, you'll have yourself some fun. You'll forget all about that damn competition." He gave me a pat on the back as the barkeep prepared the drinks. I'm not a drinks expert or anything, but with all of the vodka being poured into the three separate orders, I was getting the feeling that that was not the best way to start off your first time drinking. I managed to get the Black Russian down as well as the Headless Horseman without too much difficulty before choking down the last drink. The vodka burned my throat and before I knew it, about 20 shots had been lined up along the bar filled with different kinds of alcohol. By the time I finished the 8 that Rob had basically force fed me, I was feeling the buzz starting to make its presence known.

All of the guys in our group were completely hammered within the hour and a half that we were at the bar. I have to admit, Rob was right, I hadn't thought about the expedition since we arrived, and I had almost forgotten about the Kate issue. That is, until I saw a pretty girl in the corner of the bar with a man. They were smiling at each other and as she raised her hand to brush away a loose curl of golden hair, I caught sight of the ring on her fourth finger. Just the image of a ring was enough to bring back all of the thoughts and emotions I was feeling less than 9 hours ago. I could hear Rob and his friend David trying to pick up one of the women in a booth behind us and they were failing miserably. A few of the guys had already left and the rest were tumbling off of their seats, getting ready to head back. Rob and David had given up the hunt and stumbled over. Funny, suddenly Rob and David both had twins following them.

"Hey Matty-boy. You know something? You're my favourite! Isn't he my favourite Davy? Anyways, we's gonna be heading backs now. Less go." His speech had deteriorated slowly over the course of our celebrating and he now sounded just about as intelligent as a four year old. I knew I didn't sound any better at all as I slurred my way through declining their invite to go back to the hotel. I attempted to tell them that I was going to stay at the bar for a while longer, but whether they could understand me is questionable. Regardless, they stumbled after each other through the door and I heard them making a ruckus all the way down the street. My mind was bringing Kate back and I couldn't stop myself calling down the bar, "Hey! Bar Dude! Gimme a Dark N' Stormy! And tell your twinses to stop staring at me like that!..."

Kate's P.O.V

Yes, I know, I screwed things up majorly. I was going to explain everything to Matt but he had to run off. I mean, he knows I care for him, he should know that I only did this to get my ticket for space. Oh God, that sounds horrible…I needed to find him and try to talk to him about this. I went to his hotel and knocked on his door for a few minutes but when no one answered, I left. I was racking my brain, trying to think of where he might be when I heard a group of men approaching the road from a side alley. Normally I would be a little uncomfortable passing them, as a few times before some rather inappropriate things were said, but one of them said something that caught my attention.

"Hey Patrick, can that Matt drink or what! I mean, he just kept sucking them back like there was no tomorrows. Just one after another, after another, after another, after another, after an- HEY LOOK, A PIECE OF GUM!" I ignored the fact that he bent down to pick up the previously chewed gum and pop it in his mouth. All that clued in was the name Matt.

I made my way cautiously over to them. "Excuse me Sir. I'm looking for someone and that name was very familiar. Who were you talking about?"

"Hey Robbie, look, someone's looking for Matty-boy!" The man that said this let out a rather loud belch as another man tried to stand straight as he walked up.

"What're you looking for Matt for? He in trouble? Well you're gonna haves ta get through me if you wants him! He's my boy! Matt, Matty-Matt, Matty-O, Matt-suki-"

"Can you just tell me where he is?" I was getting annoyed with his little nickname rant and I just wanted to see Matt.

"Sures. He's back there at the um…what's it called…the bar place…um….oh yeah! It's the Black Dutchess bar, over down that way." He hiccupped and then walked off with the group before I could say another word.

The entire walk to the bar I was silently praying that Matt had not done something foolish over this. If he would just let me explain, he would understand that I only did this for scientific purposes, not because I don't care for him. As I trudged up the path to the door of the bar, I paused and took a deep breath to compose myself. I swore to myself that no matter what state I found him in, I was going to be rational and calm.

…At least, that's what I thought before I entered the bar, and saw him standing on the counter, waving a broom handle at the bartender, yelling incoherent words. About seven or eight men were standing around the bar, trying to figure out the best way to get him down without hurting him, or themselves. All rational thoughts flew from my mind as I stomped up to the bar and yelled out, "MATTHEW CRUSE!"

He stopped but didn't look at me as I heard him say, "Yes Satan?"

Oh my dear Matt, you are not helping your case. At. All. "Matt, get down here now, and come with me."

I saw that for a split second, he was going to cooperate, but at the last minute, he changed his mind and tried to make a run for it down the bar, only to slip on a rag and fall. He fell face first, cracked his head off of the side of the counter and toppled over the side onto the floor. Despite my anger towards him, I rushed over and tried to help him off of the floor. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly, trying not to scare him away by yelling at him for being stupid.

He muttered something un-intelligible and I helped him sit up. "Miss, you might want to take him home. Or somewhere that's not here. I think he just needs to sleep this off. He's too young to be drinking away his pain. He kept talking under his breath about some 'Kate' girl. Poor kid. This stuff only numbs it for a while, it never fully makes the pain go away." The barman shook his head as he ended his sentence, wiping off some spilled liquid off of the countertop.

"Come on Matt. Let's go." I pulled him to his feet and I staggered under his weight.

I helped him walk down the road towards the town's gardens. There was a pond hidden in the back and I knew that the cold water might help him a little bit. As we reached the destination, I gently lowered him to the ground, propping him up against a tree. His jacket sleeve was already torn so I took the liberty to rip the rest of it off, much to Matt's displeasure. I crouched by the pond and I soaked the cloth in the cool water. Once it was thoroughly drenched, I crawled over to Matt and started wiping his face with the wet sleeve, partly to get rid of the sticky, alcohol that was left on his face, and partly in hopes that the water would make him feel a little better.

After a while, his eyes closed and his head slumped back. I took this chance to rethink back to what the bartender had said.

He kept talking under his breath about some 'Kate' girl….

I was mostly at fault for his self-destruction. The realization of this fact hit me like a hammer and my eyes welled up. I looked to the ground and a few stray tears got away, making trails down my cheeks. I jumped nearly a foot in the air when a hand brushed up against my face, wiping away the tears. I stifled a shriek when I saw Matt looking at me with such pain in his eyes that I wanted to start crying all over again.

"Are you mad at me Kate?" His voice sounded so lost and wounded like a scolded child that I was surprised that it was Matt that had spoken.

I took his hand and started to rub my thumb slowly in circles over the back of his hand. "No Matt. I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad at myself."

"You shouldn't be mad. You made the right choice. I mean, it was either a rich, good-looking guy that could give you whatever you wanted, or a poor, cabin boy that can't even make things go right for himself. I wouldn't have chosen me either."

The way he was talking about himself re-lit my anger and I couldn't stop myself from reaching over and slapping him across the face as hard as I could. His hand automatically went up to his cheek and he looked at me with a look of hurt on his face. "That's enough Matt! Do you hear me? That is enough! I didn't do what I did because that Sanderson fellow can give me any more than you can! How could you even think that of me? You know I care for you more than anything! I have planned this out so that I get my space trip and we can still be with each other, but I just need you to trust me. I won't listen to you cut yourself down anymore, do you understand?"

He wouldn't look me in the eye as he nodded his head. "I just keep screwing things up with you, don't I?"

I wanted to slap him again, but I sighed heavily instead. There was no sense talking with him when he had been drinking as much as he had. I realized that it was unlikely that he would remember any of this conversation in the morning. "Alright Matt. Get up. It's time to get you home."

I pulled him to his feet again and we started our journey back to his hotel. We got a few weird looks as we passed through the halls of the dorms, but I did my best to ignore them, only focusing on getting Matt back to his room. By the time we got there and I helped lay him on the bed, Matt was already passed out. I took off his shoes and covered him with his blanket, pulling it up to his chest. I stood there watching him for a minute, thinking of how much more peaceful he looked when he was asleep. I kneeled down beside his bed and brushed a lock of hair back from his forehead. I lowered my head down and placed my lips on his in a gentle kiss. I held it there for a few seconds before pulling away.

"Don't think for a second Matt that I don't care for you. I care about you more than you could ever imagine." I whispered to him, running my hand through his hair, pushing it back.

I stood and walked to the door, looking back at him one more time before exiting and closing the door behind me. As I made my way home, I could only think to myself,

This situation was putting the two things I loved against each other: Science and Matt. I wanted both and I was going to make sure that I got both. There was a chance that I would lose one of them to the other and I didn't like that at all. I would be damned if I lost my science career or more importantly, Matt. Everything would work out…I would see to that…

A/N: Well, there it is guys, and I finished it in record time! Its only 2:15 am here so I finished it 3 hours early. You all already know the deal but for those of you that don't: review if you have time, if not, don't worry about it, the next one will be up regardless of if you review or not. Thanks for reading guys, and thanks to the bands whose depressing songs I listened to, to get into the mood to write this. I'm going to watch some t.v, so night everyone!

Lucky : )