A/N: I posted this chapter later than expected, but faster than usual. Hope you all enjoy. P.S; if you review (and I'm hoping for at least ten) you'll get a sneak peek of each POV (Edward and Bella POV) in your fanfiction inbox! Review please! Review review!
Disclaimer: I own nothing and please remember this story is NOT BETA'd.
I won't cry myself to sleep, like a sucker.
I won't cry myself to sleep, if i do, i'll die.
Now you fall asleep with another, damn you
Damn You; Lana Del Rey
Chapter 3:
Where You Go When You Make That Ultimate Regret And He's Already Moved On To The Next One
BPOV
October passed and Homecoming went with it. Not much exciting happened other than I gave Jake a blow job (my first time ever giving one, might I brag) and Rosalie had the same dress as Jessica and flipped out. Over all it was a pretty good night.
October went into November without much happening. I visited my mom for Thanksgiving, and while I love my mom, I'm glad I'm not visiting any time soon. Her old husband seriously gives me the creeps.
December came and so did my urge to lose my virginity. I had been talking to Alice, who popped her cherry with Jasper two weeks after they got together, and Rosalie about it, and they both attempted to give me advice. But it was all girly advice and didn't help much because they kept giggling in between.
There was one person I really wanted to ask, but I knew that if I asked Edward, all hell would break loose.
I was becoming very close with Edward, even closer than I was with Rosalie. Sometimes I felt I could tell him anything...
Until the topic of Jake came up.
Edward loathed Jacob, and it seemed no matter what Jake did, Edward seemed to just hate him even more.
One thing I did notice about Jake-our relationship wasn't really progressing much. Sure, we did the whole, PDA and moving on with sexual stuff, but I didnt really even know much about him as a person other than what I already knew from being his friend for so long. It just didnt really feel right anymore.
So, I thought, maybe if we had sex, it would help things. It sounded stupid but Alice and Rose seemed to agree. Well, Alice did and Rose just didnt say anything. So I started making a plan as to when it would happen.
Walking into Forks High the day before Winter Break, this plan floated through my mind. It was all over my brain like gravy on mashed potatoes when James Hunter tapped me on the shoulder.
"Hello Bella, dear girlfriend of my dear friend." His voice dripped sarcasm and his eyes roamed my body shamelessly. I was wearing an outfit Alice said 'fit my new style'. It was a Lana Del Rey graphic Tee tucked into a pair of high waisted jean shorts, I had on my blue hightop Chucks and a white bow holding up the top half of my curled hair. "You look nice today. Where's your bitch?" He asked, referring to Jake. I rolled my eyes at him and shrugged.
"Haven't seen him yet, James, I just got here. And quit eyefucking me you twat." I growled at him, heading towards my locker. He didn't say anything back, just walked away with an eyeroll. I headed to my first period, wondering why Jake hadn't been waiting at my locker, a little worried. I checked my phone and saw a text message saying he was going to be late to school.
"Bella-Bean!" I hear a familiar voice shout just as I'm about to enter my class 15 minutes early. I turn to see those Ivy-colored eyes I'd become so familiar with right behing me.
"Hey Eddie." He glared at the nickname, but didn't say anything. I took a quick look over of him, definitely not minding what I saw. He had on a sea-blue tshirt that was tight enough to define his broad shoulders and muscled arms, but not too tight to look uncomfortable. He wore light wash jeans and a black beanie on his head. But the best part of his outfit was that award-winning smile.
"So my mom wanted to invite you, Charlie, Phil, and if his kids are coming them too, to Christmas dinner with us. My mom loves cooking for the holidays plus she wants a chance to get to know Phil better." He smile, looking down shyly.
"Yeah, Of course. I'll ask Charlie." I told him. I found myself looking at his broad shoulders again, but this time I spotted some lent. "You got something." I said, leaning toward him to brush it off.
Except the world hated me and when I leaned over, Lauren Mallory decided to 'accidently' brush against me and knock me into Edward. He wasn't expecting it so we both began falling, and I ended up straddling him in the middle of the school hallway, with all of my peers pointing and laughing. Edward's face was bright red and he looked a little shocked.
Without moving for some god only knows reason, I exclaimed, "Oh my god, Edward, are you okay?!" but before he got the chance to answer a semi-strangled-cat sounding voice came up beside me.
"Bella?" it asked gruffly. I looked up to see Jake, who looked confused and a little pissed at the whole situation, & he seemed to be looking at me for an explanation.
"Uh, Lauren was a bitch and I tried to get the lent but I fell and now I'm straddling Edward." was my brilliant explantion.
"Bella, you could get off me now." Edward gritted out through his teeth. I felt a slight poking in my thigh and suddenly knew why he looked so uncomfortable.
"Oh shit!" I yelled, jumping up as fast as possible. Only I ended up head-butting Jake, and somehow giving him a bloody nose. "Jesus fucking christ I cannot win today! Jake? Are you okay? Oh god you totally hate me now I'm such a terrible girlfriend."
Jake was too busy holding his nose closed and blinking back tears to answer me.
LwordLwordLword
EPOV
After Bella's multiple accidents and last-minute hysterics, her and I went to our classes and Jake went home with a bruised nose, and a promise from Bella too make it up to him.
I never realized how big of a clutz Bella was, but now that I think about it yeah she definitely was clutzy. Today I just happened to get the better end of the accident stick than Jake did.
Unfortunately, that meant I had to think of old Mrs. Weber to get rid of my hard on.
When I went to lunch, I noticed Bella talking to Mike and Tanya at our lunch table, laughing at something Tanya had said. Looking at Bella I realized just how much her name really related to her. She had a beautiful everything. Gorgeous pale skin, gorgeous pink lips, gorgeous sephia hair, goregous chestnut eyes. Everything about her was perfect, and thats why Jacob was so wrong for her. Because he could never understand how perfect she really was when he was so self-absorbed. She needed a guy who would treat her right, who would tell her how beautiful she was every minute of every day and would hold open doors for her and tuck her hair behind her ear. She deserved a guy who would take her to a campout in the woods just so he could protect her from all of the dangerous parts of the world, and who would gaze at her and see her beauty, not just her sexiness. She deserved a guy that was not Jacob Black, she deserved a guy like me- no!
As my mind grasped that concept I found myself liking it and hating it. I had voiced my opinions on love and relationships and all of that hoo-ha several times. I didn't like love, because it didnt last. Nothing was worth putting yourself or your children through such torture. I didn't like relationships because they rooted from love, and I had always sworn to never fall in love.
Yet as I looked at her, her head thrown back in laughter and her hand on Tanya's shoulder, I found that I didn't really care all that much that I might have feelings for Bella, because she was worth having feelings for.
"Edward Cullen, I don't think I've ever seen you stare at a girl for so long." Rosalie said, walking up beside me. "What happened to, 'love is stupid and doesn't last'?" She smirked, giving me a knowing eye.
I shrugged. "It is stupid, and it doesn't last. Just because I might like her doesn't mean I have to act on it." I told her, leaving out the part that I really, really, really wanted to act on it. "She's beautiful. Jacob just doesn't deserve her." I told Rose. To my surprise, she nodded in agreement.
"I hate that mutt. He's nothing but a trailer trash two-timing douche. Bells wants to lose it to him." She told me, pushing her blonde hair out of her face. "She thinks I'm encouraging it for some reason, but I'm really not. I don't think he's going to stay with her if she has sex with him, and whose going to pick up her pieces?" She walked toward the lunch table then, not giving me time to respond.
Bella wouldn't make such a stupid descision, would she? Having sex with Jake? No, she has to see more clearly than that.
I was going to walk over there when suddenly I was ripped out of the lunchroom door and slammed into a nearby locker by none other than Jacob DoucheBlack himself. "Can I help you?" I growled, "I thought you went home." I was extremely uncomfortable with how close he was to me.
"Are you fucking Bella behind my back?" He asked, his voice not coming out nearly as threatening as it meant to. "Because I swear to god, I'll break your spine you little fucker." my eyes widened at the thought.
"For one, dickhole, Bella would never cheat on your ass." I yelled shoving him away from me. I grabbed him by the collar and pushed him into the position he had me just seconds ago. "and two, Bella and I are friends. Nothing else. So you can take your accusatory attitude right the fuck out of here. Bella is a great girl and deserves to be treated with respect and trust,which you need to give her, or someone else will, you understand me?" He didn't respond, so I did the whole tough-slam-him-against-the-locker-and-walk-away-al l-high-and-mighty thing.
The rest of the day went by smoothly, and with my new understanding of how I felt for Bella, I realized just how much I look at her and think about her everyday, which also made me realize how much I didnt want her to have sex with Jacob.
I had to talk to Rose, and then I had to convince Bella not to have sex with Jacob.
BPOV
Ever since the incident with me falling on Edward, Jake had been crazy possesive. He didn't like me going around Edward, he didnt like me being alone with my friends for too long, and he sure didnt like me hanging alone with Edward for too long.
Jake was really starting to get on my nerves. How the hell was I supposed to breath when he was down my neck all the damn time?
Before he became all possesive with me, I was thinking of having sex with him on New Years. It seemed like the perfect time, after the big kiss at 12. We kiss and I pull him into a another room and we go at it like bunnies. Or something.
"Bella, are you sure Jake is who you wanna lose it to?" Rose asks tentively as she paints her toes a bright Majenta color. We're having a sleepover in the Cullen's basement, and girl talk has been dim other than Alice telling us about Jasper's dick for twenty minutes. I sigh as I look up at Rosalie, gazing at her perfect blonde hair and tan skin. I cock my head to right, looking at her face closely, wondering just what shes thinking.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Why?" I ask calmly, looking back down to continue flipping through an old vogue magazine. Rosalie sighs as she puts the nail polish down, bringing her knees up to her chin and looking at me straight on. I try to look away and back down to my magazine, but she seems set on having this conversation.
"Well..." She breathes. "I think there is someone else you might actually want to lose it to but you dont realize it because your heads shoved up Jake's ass." I look at her in confusion, ignoring the part about Jacob's ass. What a yummy ass it is.
"Who the hell are you talking about Rose? I would never cheat on Jake." I scowled, a little offended she would even consider something like that. She rolls her eyes and throws a pillow at me from behind her.
"I didn't say that, Bells. What I'm trying to say is I think you're dating Jake to cover up your feelings for Edward." My breath hitches and my eyes widen in shock.
"Edward?" I gasp, part in disbelief and part in humor. Alice's head has snapped up from her ipad, her mouth wide open in shock. "Are you fucking kidding me Rose? He's hot as hell, sure, but he and I are just friends." I grab the ponytail from around my wrist and throw my hair up into a high messy bun on top of my head. "And don't say anything like that around Jake, he already gets possesive enough whenever Edward's name is just mentioned in passing, its starting to get really annoying." I admitted, rubbing circles on my temples, hoping to get rid of the headache that was forming there. I look up to see them both staring at me still with pointed expressions. "What?!" I gasp, exsaperated.
"'Just Friends'" She finger quotes "Bullshit, Bella. He looks at you like your heaven and he's been stuck in hell since the dawn of time. Do you really not see it?" I put my face in my hands, hoping that maybe I can get my thoughts straight. I think back to times when I thought Edward was looking at me funny, and suddenly, I see it. I see what they mean. His eyes, the small sparkle they get, the small smile that lights his face. The little gestures he does, the way he goes out of his way to make me laugh.
But I lie to them. "I don't see it, guys. Sorry." Alice is still quiet during this whole thing, until suddenly, she speaks up.
"James Hunter told me yesterday that Jake barely hangs out with him anymore. Says he's always with you." I'm a little disturbed by the random comment, but I just nod.
"I'll try to get Jake to hang with him more then," I tell her with a small smile. She nods and looks down at her lap, the quietest I've heard her in a long time. I think about asking her whats wrong, but I hold back.
We went to bed earlier than normal that night.
It wasn't long until Christmas came around. My family went over to Edward's house and enjoyed a great dinner. We opened up presents. Edward got me the "Born To Die: Paradise Addition" Lana Del Rey Album, which was awesome. I got him a new guitar, since I knew he had been learning to play recently.
Jake and I decided to not get eachother anything, and that was okay with me. Kind of.
Then New Years Eve came around. I had finally decided that, yes, I would lose it tonight. I woke up New Years Eve morning, more nervous than ever. Mike Newton was throwing a party and Jake and I were going. He was arriving with James and I was coming with the Cullens/Hales.
Shakily, I grab my phone off the nightstand next to my head, and text Jake nervously.
I got a surprise 4 u tonight. Lets just say ur gonna have a good start to the New Year. ;) -B
It didn't take long for him to reply.
Oh god baby I cant wait when r u goin 2nite? We should meet up outside. -J
Around ten. See u then? -B
See u then babe.-J
I breathed out a shaky sigh, putting my head in my hands. Tonight was the night. Oh god what if I mess up? I internally rolled my eyes at myself. I looked at the clock and it read 12:45pm. Holy crap did I really sleep in that late? I jumped out of bed and run downstairs, only to find Rosalie sitting at the kitchen table talking to my dad. I smile at her as I enter the kitchen.
"Hey boo, whatcha doin here?" I ask her, looking down to wear she is showing my dad a picture of her new puppy. She named it Charles in honor of my dad, since it used to be a police dog. We both thought it was funny.
"I was just coming over to ask your dad if it was okay for you to come over tonight." She told me with a pointed look. Ah, my cover for the party. "He said it was fine." She smiled.
"Just no drinking!" He added in with a wink. "I'm gonna go find Phil. I need to ask him about when Seth and Paul are flying in. They get out of school almost a month before you do!" I didnt point out the fact that School didnt end for another 6 months, I just nodded to him.
Not long after that I headed over to Rose's house with every thing I needed and she started to make me over. I took a nice relaxing bath, and then Rosalie waxed me everywhere ( and I do mean EVERYWHERE.) She repainted my toenails and fingernails, and by then it was 7:30. She began fixing my hair. Alice came over and went and picked out my outfit, and for once I didn't mind them making me over because I didn't think I had the strength to do it myself with how nervous I was.
Alice picked out a Bebe split strap bandage dress that looked nice on my curves. She also pulled out some- OH MY GOD GIUSEPPE ZANOTTI Black Suede Eva Pumps! Those were $725! I went to protest to her maybe beg her to return them since they could feed about a bizillion children in like Africa, but she just held a hand up at me telling me to not even try. I gave up then and there.
I took a look at myself in the mirror before I put the clothes on. My hair was in soft waves pulled back from my face and Rose had given me bangs. She painted my nails white and I had dark pink lips and smokey eyes. I looked nice.
"Now Bella, I went to the store this morning and bought something for you. I know its a little weird but I figured it was an important gift for you to have." I gave Alice a confused look but nodded in her direction. She pulled out a large black block and handed it to me. I sat down on the large purple comforter of the bes in Rose's room, and opened it slowly. In it sat some dark blue with black lace Stella Mccartney Lingerie. I gasped at the beautiful undergarments, before hugging Alice tightly.
"Thank you, Alice. This means a lot more than you think." Rosalie chose that moment to toss me a box of condoms with a wink. I rolled my eyes at her but pulled her in for a hug too. She reminded me to stay safe, and then I went and put on the fancy lingerie.
By the time I got there, it was actually 11 and not 10. I felt bad for making Jake wait but he assured me he didn't mind. No baby, its totally fine. Just make sure ur fine ass is here b4 12 so I can kiss those sweet lips-J
He was waiting by the front door when I walked up, Edward and Rosalie on either side of me. The rest of the crew was trailing behind them. The sky was dark and stars lit up the early night. Jake was leaning against the front of the house, right next to the mahogany front door. His eyes brightened when he saw me, a smile lighting up his face. I was pretty sure I saw his eyes flick to Edward in distaste, but it was so fast I couldnt be sure.
"Hey there baby, gosh you look gorgeous." he commented, pulling me into his arms. I giggled nervously as I thought of my plan for the night.
"You don't look too shabby yourself," I said, not really looking at him. He never looked bad anyways. I leaned up and whispered into his ears, "I hope you didn't forget our plans for later." In an attempted sexy voice. It must have worked because he looked down at me with lust-filled eyes.
"How could I forget."
The hour until midnight passed by quickly and before I knew it the count down was erupting and I was in Jake's arms, watching the huge T.V screen in Mike's living room as the ball slowly dropped. Jake grabbed me and started kissing me passionately before it even reached twelve, and suddenly I found myself against Mike's bedroom wall instead of in the living room. Jake's mouth left mine and went down to my neck, sucking hard enough to give me several hickeys im sure. His jean-clothed hips thrust into mine and oh god-it felt so good!
"On the bed!" I commanded, jumping down from his hips. He picked me and practically threw me on the bed. It kind of hurt, actually, but I got over it quickly. Jake towered over me, ripping his shirt off. His lips lowered back to my neck and his hands go to the back of my dress, pulling down the zipper.
Thats when the butterflies hit.
Oh god.
What if I mess up?
How bad will it hurt?
Why did Rose and Alice talk me into this?
Oh god.
Edward, what if Edward walks in?!
Or, oh my god, Charlie?!
Wait, why would Charlie be here?
Bella, you're stupid. Just go with it.
Oh god I'm so not ready for this!
"Jake, wait!" I yelp when he starts to go for my underwear. My dress is completely off and discarded somewhere.
"What?" He asks, his eyes searching me frantically, "Is something wrong?" I look up at him nervously.
"I don't- I don't think I'm ready for this." I tell him. He looks confused.
"But you're the one who planned this." He tells me, his eyes turning a little bitter. "Are you fucking serious with this right now?" I feel his problem sticking into my thigh and I think I might cry, this is so embarassing.
"I just-i don't know. I was all ready and now I just..." He rolls his eyes and starts to get up, but I pull him back down. "Where are you going?"
"I'm trying to get away from my tease of a girlfriend. God, Bella. I just don't fucking understand you ever." Tease? Am I really a tease? I try to relax my breath.
You can do this. Bella, you're ready.
Nothing bad will happen.
"Jake, I'm sorry. Lets try again, right now. I'm ready." His eyes lighten up, and he doesn't ask me if I'm sure. It disappoints me a little bit. But I get over it.
He continues where we left off, pulling my bra off and attaching his mouth to my nipples. It feels better than I expected.
He brings his hand into my underwear and enters a finger inside me. It hurts, and is very uncomfortable. I wiggle but it doesn't help, so I fake moan so he thinks it feels good.
Pretty soon we're both naked and he's positioned above me. I look at him nervously and he gives me an awkward stare. Pretty soon he's pushing in and- ow, it hurts, ow, ow! I whisper for him to slow down but he doesnt seem to hear me or maybe he just doesn't care, but now I'm crying and he doesn't notice because his eyes are closed in what appears to be pleasure. I clutch the sheet in pain as he moves faster, and I yell louder for him to slow down, but he doesn't seem to hear or care. He just keeps saying "fuck yes!" while I'm whimpering.
"Jake!" I scream, I hitting him in the chest harshly when he hits a particularly painful spot. His eyes shoot open and he looks down at me.
"What?!" He yells in surprise. Its like he somehow forgot I was there.
"You're hurting me!" I yell, pushing him off me. I jump up and get my clothes, throwing them on quickly.
"I'm sorry." He says but he doesnt really sound sorry. I take a deep breath and try not to cry. The door bursts open and in comes James and some dark-skinned chick, I think her name is Leah, attached to him, her legs around his waist and her lips on his neck. He drops her carefully but stays holding her ass firmly, and she just keeps attacking his neck fretfully.
"Wow, Jake." James laughs, a smirk on his face. "Two girls in one night, I'd say you scored big time." I twirl around to Jake with disbelieving eyes. He looks at James with a glare, but doesn't say anything. God, he looks guilty.
I can not believe this is happening.
"Who was it?" I growl, a lot more confident then I feel. "Come on Jake, who the fuck was it?" He looks up at me slowly, his eyes showing no real remorse.
"It was fucking Lauren, okay?" he growled, and I flinch at his tone. "Why the fuck do you even care? Its not like you're not getting your rocks off with Cullen." I shake my head, my thoughts overwhelming me.
"Jake, you know I wasn't, because you just took my fucking virginity you assmunchingdick!" I scream, taking an expensive heel off my foot and throwing it at him. It scratches his cheeks pretty badly, making blood trickle down his tan cheek.
"Crazy bitch!" He screams, feeling the blood on his cheek. James and his slut are making out against the wall now, so I decide its time to leave. I run out of the room, tears filling my eyes as I go.
I run to the only person I can think of right then: Edward.
A/N: Yeah, Jake's a dick. Don't forget to review for those sneak peeks! Review! Hoping for ten!