Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't care. Writing this for free.
AN: So, I got the most stupid suggestion ever. Make "deskin" which, if my knowledge in English doesn't fail me, means someone wanted Harry reborn as a desk. This petition was so far the most absurd, nonsensical, moronic... idea I had heard in a long time. Needless to say, I loved it. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you deskin.
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Omake: Deskin
It all started with Harry dying. He died old and lived a worthy, yet unusual life. The-Boy-Who-Lived's life was not ordinary: it was filled with magic, dragons, prophesies... you know, stuff from legends. Thus it shouldn't have been a surprise for him that, after a peaceful death, fate would come to kick him into his dangling bits by sending him into the most absurd of reincarnations.
Harry was reborn as a fancy mahogany desk.
But not only did he get reborn as a desk. Oh, no. Of course not. He was reborn as a desk in a world of freaking ninjas! To top it all, he was reborn as the desk of some old coot who kept up piling mountains of papers and scrolls on his head, which gave Harry a massive headache.
The days were quite boring for Harry because he was restricted to a room. Bored as he was, it was no surprise he would pay attention to everything going around him with the hopes he would overhear some piece of information worthy of mulling over for hours, so he could keep himself from going bonkers from doing nothing every single damn second of his new life.
"Hokage-sama," a woman with purple hair and revealing clothes arrived into the room with a stack of scrolls and put them on top of the already huge pile of documents on top of Harry's head. If Harry had anything resembling vocal chords, he would have huffed. The woman, began speaking in Japanese (a language Harry inevitably learned due lack of anything else to do) 'Blah, blah, blah, chuning-exams something, blah blah.' Harry listened, not finding anything interesting or new in the conversation. The old man named "Hokagesama" had been talking to a lot of ninjas about plans for these exams and, while Harry found incredibly interesting (and morally wrong) the concept of having kids from all over the world come and fight in a potentially fatal melee -because having the younger generation murdering and dying was both a form of entertainment and a form of publicity here- there was only so much time you could hear people talk about one single topic before you wanted to bang your head in a... well, in a desk.
But Harry being the desk in that equation, only hoped the old man was too dignified to do that.
Oh, well, at least the last part of the blasted exams took place tomorrow and the topic would change towards something more enjoyable, like Quidditch... yeah, like that would ever happen.
...
The next day Harry!Desk expected the old man to come deal with the tower of documents on his surface. Luck had other plans. The Hokage's Office remained empty, and the lights that usually illuminated the room were off. Which was odd, since the old man was forced to work hard from early ours every day.
In the vast, lonely silence of the office, Harry's mind traveled to stupid shite. The record of most hours lost in a single idiotic train of thought was an inner debate about whether or not the guys working in Disney knew about the possibility of humans getting reborn as inanimate objects. A lot of those movies seemed to prove Harry's speculations right, and the insight would make Pocahonta's "Colors of the Wind" gain a whole new perspective.
It was probably a coincidence. As were Pixar's idea of evil teddy bears and talking cars (or where 'Cars' Disney's too? Honestly he couldn't care less).
...
The days turned into weeks, and then... well, Harry lost track of time, but it was an unusually long wait until the magic ninja people finally turned the lights on. But instead of the wrinkly old man that usually came, there was a woman with the hugest knockers in the history of ever and, while Harry was but a desk, he was a male at heart, and she was rather easy on the eyes.
"What is the meaning of this?" The woman yelled towards a bunch of ninja Harry couldn't see well because his mind eyes were glued to those huge... on the girl. Ok, fine, he was getting a good look to the goods, but can you blame him? He was starved from any form of entertainment and those could fuel his imagination for a while.
Harry's perceived good luck was cut short when the woman slapped both her hands on top of desk!Harry as she complained about the elders trying to rule despite her going out of her way to come here to "Take the Hat". She then continued yelling and glaring, punctuating every demand with a punch to the very abused desk that was Harry.
This went on for quite a while, though the pain from the blows made stars shine in his sight, making him unable to see the owner of a raspy voice who lazily let out a "Troublesome" before making his way out. Harry could hear then two pairs of footsteps walking away (the speaker and who Harry suspected was the blond guy who sometimes got summoned into the old man's office, though he will never know for sure).
Once Harry was alone with the woman, she hit Harry desk one more time, just because she could, then began to read the stack of papers, bitching about one thing or another and scribbling with as much force as she could without ripping the scrolls apart.
Harry only hoped the old man would come back soon to take the demented banshee out of his office.
...
When Harry learnt Tsunade was the new owner of the office, he despaired. Every day was worse than the previous one and he suffered as much as a desk can suffer. Now the days where mountains of paperwork were haphazardly pilled up on top of him while he endured the smell of a pipe's smoke were fond memories, and that one frustrating time when he got painted an eye-soaring orange with little ramen bowls drawn on him with ink became the highlight of his life.
But then a miracle happened.
A pink-haired ninja girl, who he had seen a couple of times, came to speak about someone named "Sasuke-kun" deflecting the village. Tsunade-banshee growled while the girl elaborated something about Orochimaru and Naruto (forever remembered as the kid who once turned him orange) almost getting killed. Harry felt the woman trembling in rage as the girl meekly relied she had been sent by "Kakashi-sensei" to relay what happened.
Harry was sure, though, the woman stopped listening after hearing about how the Snake-Sannin he had heard so much about was involved in her cousin's almost demise.
"GODDAMIT!" Tsunade declared, punching the wood in front of her so hard the table split in half.
And so, Harry earned his freedom.
On his last moments, The-Boy-Who-Became-a-Desk thanked Sasuke from the bottom of his heart, not even bothering to spare any sympathy for the poor poor desk that would be taking his place.
The End.
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AN: Thanks for reading... and giving me weird prompts. Those poor poor desks *weeps in sympathy*.