Chapter Four
Fingernails
Shigaraki glowers at the quivering girl beneath him. "What the hell?"
"Ah – I'm sorry," gasps the girl, wiping her tearless cheeks with shaking hands that won't disintegrate her.
"Remove these bats." Shigaraki tries not to shiver or slam his door. He's stuck on this obnoxious level in his favorite computer game – so it won't relax him, when he really needed something relaxing, and he wants to destroy something. Bats are not helping.
They're creepy.
Niki digs her nails into her palms, trying to ground herself. She's ruining everything. What is real? What surrounds her? No, no, no – she can't.
"Are you listening?" hisses Shigaraki. Fear rises in his voice.
She breathes out slowly. She has to.
The bats dissipate. One of melts on her nose. It's kind of pretty, she thinks as her eyes cross to watch it.
Shigaraki grins behind Father. Heh. No more flying rodents, and the melting bat is mesmerizing. Like his own quirk acting in her imagination.
But then he scowls. "Why are you here, anyway?"
She wraps her arms around herself. Scuffs her feet against the worn floorboards. "I just wanted to apologize, Shigaraki Tomura."
"Again? Ugh." He's done with this whole kiss thing. Shigaraki waltzes back into his room where he can pretend it never happened. "Go away."
"I really feel bad, Shigaraki." Niki follows him in, just over the threshold. She has to make sure he understands, make sure he doesn't sic the police on her. "I mean, I didn't want to – I don't want you to think –"
"Can't think you would actually be attracted to me, right?" Shigaraki laughs. It hurts. He scratches his neck.
He's ugly. Even without his quirk, everyone would assume he was a villain.
"No – you're pretty – I didn't want to take advantage of you – you really are pretty…" Her voice falters.
"Me?" Shigaraki stares at her.
This wispy girl, with her mother-of-pearl skin, ruby eyes, and sleek onyx hair, is undeniably beautiful. Hell, even he's noticed that Stain's sister inherited all the good looks in the family. Even her voice. Her every word is a song.
If she weren't crazy, Shigaraki thinks she could be a model. He was fucking worried about her attracting attention at the mall with her looks. Surely she knows he's a pustule by comparison. His fingernails dig into his throat.
Kurogiri would say he's overthinking this. Fuck.
"Hey." Startled, Niki crosses the room and grabs his hand before he can react. "Stop that."
"Are you fucking crazy?!" Shigaraki lurches back with a shriek. She touched his hand. "I could have killed you!"
"But – you were hurting yourself. I notice. You do it a lot." Unfazed, Niki steps closer again and runs her hand across the red welts on his throat. "These look painful."
"What's it matter to you?" He elbows her away.
"I feel bad for you." Her eyes remain glazed, but sincerity seeps in through her voice.
"Bad? Why do you talk like a two-year-old?" he mocks. Because he's not going to be pitied. Hell no. Not him.
"Wait, me? I talk like a two-year old? Then why do you act like one?" She crosses her arms, impressed that she had the brains to respond so quickly.
"Okay, that's valid," Shigaraki concedes after a moment's pause. "Though that itself – that retort – is also childish."
He smirks with triumph.
"I guess we're both overgrown children, then." She chuckles.
Shigaraki begrudgingly admits he likes the sound of her laughter.
"That's what Kurogiri says, too." Shigaraki turns back to his computer. He's too young. Too much of a failure. Sensei will reject him at some point. He knows it. "I accept your apology. Now go away."
"Wait, is that – are you gaming? Is that Vanguard?" Niki tiptoes closer. "Wow, it is. Level 125."
"What part of 'go away' was optional to you? I should disintegrate you!" Shigaraki holds up his hands. "Rah!"
Niki leaps back, even though she can tell he was partially joking. "What if I told you I know how to beat that level?"
Shigaraki hesitates. "… Do you?"
"Yup. I love this game." Niki perches on his desk. "I used to play it all the time." It kept her sane when she began seeing things that weren't there and Mom and Dad were too busy dealing with Chizome's decent into fanaticism to care.
God dammit, where are her boundaries? Shigaraki begrudgingly sits in his swivel chair. He does need help, after all. Also, her knees are very, very close to his elbows.
Fuck Kurogiri, putting these thoughts in his head.
Niki watches him un-pause the game. "Oh dear. You have to click before the wolves even emerge."
"That's unfair." He scowls.
"So is life," Niki says. Dad's words. Used against Chizome before he stormed out. They don't suit her.
"That's for fucking sure." Shigaraki allows himself to be eaten so he can start over. He likes to think the wolves grab him by the throat. Like his fingernails.
"Ready? Now. Okay, left. Fire – retreat! There's four over there and two over there. Start with the four because you'll only have to account for two now instead of four."
"Why is this going against everything logical?!" Shigaraki bursts out.
"That's why it's fun. And annoying as hell." Niki giggles, and his heart leaps at the sound. "Now! Again!"
They both scream as his avatar – he chose the handsome prince, Niki notes – falls down a black hole.
"Fuck!" yells Shigaraki.
"No, that's what you're supposed to do." Niki brushes back a strand of hair.
"You're joking." Shigaraki watches the screen in amazement. Sure enough, he's passed into the Netherworld. "Holy fuck."
"I told you, the entire point of this level is going against your instincts and logic. Suits a crazy person like me, right?" Niki snorts, sliding to his floor.
"Why are you crazy?" he asks. Because he rather likes the sound of her voice.
"Because I am." She tugs on her hair. Nibbles her tourmaline lips.
"Did the quirk come first?" His did. He used to be Shimura Tenko, who loved his Father and All Might.
"Yes." Niki sighs. "I wanted it to be controllable like Chizome's, but I suppose I wasn't so lucky."
"I think not being like your brother is lucky." Shigaraki grins.
"You really didn't get along with him, did you?" Niki laughs.
"What was it like growing up with him?" Sometimes he wants to destroy people who had nice families. Sometimes, though, he just wants to pretend he did.
Niki shrugs. "I'm sure you've noticed he's an extremist."
"You don't say."
Niki sniffs. "He's eleven years older than me, so when I was really young, he took older brother to the extreme. I made him play tea party with me and painted his face with makeup and did his hair and nails. He was happy to comply."
Shigaraki doubles over with – well – true laughter. Stain, wearing makeup. That's a sight he needs to see. Maybe then the world wouldn't take him seriously.
"One time he used his bloodcurdle to stop kids from bullying me, too." Niki draws her knees to her chest, as if afraid of the space she inhabits. "But after high school…I got sick and he mostly used his quirk to keep me from bothering him."
"Asshole," Shigaraki says instantly.
"You're just looking for a chance to hate on him." Niki brushes back her hair with a sad smile. "I can be annoying, I know."
"I mean, I am. But also, being sick wasn't your fault." Shigaraki remembers All for One's favorite phrase. It's not your fault. It's All Might's. It's not your fault.
She inspects the dust on his floor with abnormal intensity. "Do you think sometimes people like you and me – people with scary quirks – would be better quirkless? Because I do. All the time."
"No. Destruction is convenient." Until it isn't, until your father melts before your eyes.
"Valid," Niki quotes back at him. She leaps to her feet, entranced by the monitor pinned above Shigaraki's desk. Audio Only, flickers the screen.
"What is this?"
"Nothing."
"Is this how your Sensei contacts you? Is that why there's one in the bar, too?" Niki examines the screen, wondering if she can see through the screen, see whoever this shadowy villain is.
"How do you know about that?" Shigaraki asks sharply.
"Kurogiri." Niki frowns. "Is that some kind of secret?"
"Kurogiri," growls Shigaraki. Black Mist has never been so careless before. "Yes, it's a secret."
"Then I won't tell anyone," she assures him. But why does this Sensei want Shigaraki to catch all the glory, all the blame? Chizome wouldn't like it.
"Yeah, you're so reliable." Shigaraki sticks out his tongue. He can't tell if he is joking or not.
Niki smiles dreamily. "I never turned Chizome in, did I? I can be reliable when I need to be."
Except for that one time. All Might appears in her head, ready to kick her again. Niki flinches.
"What are you jerking at?" Shigaraki frowns.
"Sometimes All Might strikes me." She smiles. "That's why I named him All Might. It fit."
"If I kill him in your mind, do you think your visions will stop?" Shigaraki leans forward. He's not sure why the idea occurred to him. For some reason, he likes the thought that killing All Might will rescue a girl.
Almost like he wants good to come from it.
Fuck that. Killing All Might is good itself.
But Shigaraki knows it isn't. Killing All Might will accomplish good, but it won't be good. And there's a difference.
"I've killed people with my visions before. That didn't scare All Might away." Niki bares her teeth in a grin, but her eyes look misty.
Oh hell no. Shigaraki is not here for tears. He already cries into his pillow way more than he cares to admit.
"Well, we'll try it, hmm?" Shigaraki holds out his index finger. "Finger shake."
All for One would be proud of him. Nurturing another villain. He's proud of himself.
She smiles uncertainly, but entwines her finger with his. "Thank you."
When she dances out of his room, Shigaraki has to restrain himself from inviting her back. He might need her for the next level.
"Todoroki!" Momo greets him on her doorstep, a brocade backpack in hand. Morning sunlight twinkles through the trees, sparkling off his eyes. One teal and one gray. Like the sea under the sunlight and the sea under clouds.
It's lovely.
Momo swallows her growing embarrassment and hands him the keychain. "When I was little, I used to carved objects out of trees to help my art skills."
"Your quirk isn't just power; it's art." Todoroki likes encouraging her. "But I think you'll have to show me how to carve."
"I'd suggest ice sculptures, but not in this heat." Momo squints at the sky.
"Winter, then," Todoroki says with a chuckle. Mom's words ring in his ear, taunting him. They may have been the reason he suggested they meet up before they head to the bus.
"Sounds like a plan!" Momo clasps her hands in her adorable fashion. And then ropes fly out from her fingers, hoisting him to the trees.
"I didn't realize we were practicing yet!" he hollers as she raises him higher.
"I thought surprise might be better," she calls up at him as he burns the rope.
He tumbles to the ground, but she's already got two spears ready at his chest.
Momo cringes. She feels bad pointing spears at him, even if their ends aren't sharp.
"God, you're getting fast," he says in admiration.
Momo blushes, as a wave of ice knocks her off her feet. "Ooh!"
"Ha-ha!" crows Todoroki. "Try to catch me."
He bolts down her winding walkway. Even though he's weighed down by his backpack, Momo has a hard time navigating the trail of ice he leaves behind him.
He pauses as Momo reaches him, out of breath.
"Ha…it's really hot today. Maybe one extra practice wasn't such a good idea." Momo wipes the sweat off her brow.
"Well, we're in luck." Todoroki covers his hand in ice and presses it against Momo's flaming forehead.
"So your plan is to capture the explosion quirk?"
Kurogiri can hear the avarice in All for One's voice. Shigaraki can't, though. Tomura is more intelligent than most, but he can't handle the idea that his beloved Sensei might be selfish.
Even though we're villains. Kurogiri almost laughs at the irony.
"The boy, yes. Bakugou." Shigaraki clears his throat. His slight emphasis on boy surprises Kurogiri. Perhaps Shigaraki has noticed more than he lets on. "Dabi will be leading the Vanguard Action Squad. I don't trust him worth a damn, but he's smitten with a cause."
"And people smitten with a cause are easy to use," Sensei agrees.
Shigaraki perks up. Sensei knows he listens! "Yes."
He's immediately disappointed, because Sensei ignores the squad name. He thought it up inspired by his gaming with Niki. He thought it was clever. Vanguard sounds official and yet surreal, just like life.
"Who will be accompanying our Dabi?"
"Toga Himiko, the transform girl. Muscular, Compress, Twice. Mustard, Magne, Moonfish, Spinner." Shigaraki hesitates.
"Not the Schizophrenic?"
"She might be too unstable for a mission of this importance," Shigaraki answers promptly. "Plus, if she's captured, who knows her loyalties."
"Good choice, Shigaraki," purrs All for One.
But Kurogiri notes shame flicker across Shigaraki's face.
Shigaraki gulps. He doesn't feel good insulting her. Niki is smarter than people expect a crazy person to be. And though she utterly lacks her brother's focus, he thinks he can trust her stupid kindness to protect the League.
"I suppose you'll be requesting another Nomu?"
Shigaraki nods, but of course Sensei can't see him. He wishes he could see Sensei. Know Sensei doesn't hate him. "Yes. One will be fine."
After he bungled the attack on Hosu, he knows there's no way Sensei will entrust him with more.
"Good," says Sensei, pleased with Shigaraki's answers. "Remember, this is all for you, Shigaraki Tomura."
"Ugh." Aizawa checks his watch. "Time to face a bunch of powerful teenagers away from home."
Reiko giggles. She's so honored that Shouta decided to squeeze in one more visit this early in the morning. "I wish I could go."
She deserves to stay in this stale hospital room forever, but she still yearns for freedom.
"I wish you could, too." Aizawa smiles. "We need someone to guard the girls. We have a boy who's basically the avatar of lust and I don't trust him for a moment."
Reiko frowns. "That's alarming."
"It is, but no one quite knows how to help him." Aizawa blushes. "We heroes may be cowards yet."
Reiko shakes her head. "Nonsense, Shouta. I, uh, hate to be that woman, but therapy?"
"I'll give him this time – guarded – but then, yes. We might have to make that mandatory," Aizawa concedes. "I just can't be his therapist."
"You're not trained as one. You teach what you know and refer them to those who can help the rest," Reiko says.
She's so wise. And patient. She deserves better than to stay in his place. The world doesn't even recognize how much it misses her. Aizawa gazes at her with wonder.
"Have fun." Reiko winks at Aizawa. "But it's time for you to go. We can't have Sensei late."
He nods, a bit stiffly. To his disgust, fear ignites in him. His elbow aches again.
After all this time, he's still there. Facing death. Thinking his students would melt before his eyes as his brains were bashed out.
"Security will be tighter this year," Reiko reminds him, clasping his hands in hers. Because she knows exactly what he remembers.
She has flashbacks, too. To Endeavor shoving her aside, kicking her kids. To being thrown against a wall when he saw that she'd scalded Todoroki. He'd claimed he'd only meant to incapacitate her, and despite all her hatred, she's not certain he was wrong for that.
Aizawa swallows. Camp should be fine. He knows this. He still has a bad feeling in his stomach.
"Hey, it's okay. My doctor says we don't recover from our traumas easily." Reiko laughs hollowly.
"You don't deserve this," Aizawa rasps, pulling her closer to him.
"Neither did you." Reiko twists her hands in his, treasuring his callouses and fresh cat scratches and general warmth. Warmth she never got with Endeavor. Not even when he thought she was a tool to fuck.
But Shouta hasn't even tried to touch her. He just enjoys her presence and listens to her. And she will miss him this week he's away.
"Have a fun week."
"You too," he says, though he knows she won't, because neither he not Shouto are here to see her.
"I'll have fun knowing you're having fun." It's all she has, imprisoned here.
As Shouta exits with one last smile, Todoroki Reiko has to admit she wishes he would kiss her. She'd hold onto that memory all week long.
Maybe he will when he returns. She can hold onto that hope all week instead.
"This is all for you, Shigaraki Tomura."
All for you. It's that phrase that frightens Niki as she stands behind the back door to the bar. Back when Chizome dropped out of school, he told her the same thing, sitting next to her hospital bed.
All for you. So you can live in a better world.
And you told him your world would be better if he just got along with Mom and Dad, like a myopic idiot, All Might reminds her.
Niki nods. Her eyes burn.
And when she failed, all for you was what blew everything in their lives apart. She had nothing for him and Chizome had nothing for her. He stuck her with his katana and froze her so she couldn't run after him.
And she's been trying to atone ever since.
All for you is too much. Niki doesn't think she is sane, but neither is Shigaraki.
Do it, All Might commands. Endeavor agrees, and hell, even the normally silent Ingenium emerges to push her forward.
She cracks open the door to hear better. Shigaraki is speaking to Audio-Only-Sensei again on the monitor in the bar this time.
Across the room, Kurogiri's eyes widen. He shakes his head at her. She ignores him.
"Go away," Shigaraki says automatically.
"Is that your favorite phrase?"
"Who is that?" asks a static-laden voice. Niki finds it more annoying than frightening.
"The crazy girl." Shigaraki feels a twinge of guilt – guilt! – for calling her that to her face.
She doesn't seem to mind, not that he trust appearances.
"Thank you, Sensei," Shigaraki says quickly.
"Thank you, Shigaraki," says the voice, before the screen clicks to silent.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Shigaraki erupts, swiveling around in his chair to face her. He elects not to threaten disintegration this time. As an apology for calling her crazy and imply she might betray them, even though she is and she might.
"All for One, All for You," she mumbles. "I don't like it. Sounds like Chi – Stain."
"Stain! Don't ever denigrate Sensei like that." Shigaraki is appalled.
"When someone says everything is for you, it's because they're shoving a burden they can't handle onto you," she recites. Endeavor tells her that whenever All Might lacerates her with the words of Chizome.
Shigaraki leaps to his feet. "Sensei cares about me!"
"I never said he didn't," she mutters.
Shigaraki shakes. Sensei is the only one who's been there from the beginning. Sensei knows his secret. Sensei loves him. Sensei has given him everything. "Don't ever question him again."
Niki's eyes flash. "Shouldn't strong leaders be able to handle questions?"
"He's strong. I'm not!" Shigaraki doubles over, scratching his neck over and over and over until he finally bleeds. "I can't handle it. Fuck you! Go away, go away, go away!"
"Shigaraki," Kurogiri says urgently.
The girl flees, not that Kurogiri blames her. Still, this is the most Shigaraki has talked about Sensei with anyone. Even if it was a fight, Kurogiri's okay with this.
Shigaraki storms upstairs. He scratches and scratches himself. He almost destroys his computer and Vanguard, but even in his horrible state, he knows better than to destroy his one respite.
But now it reminds him how he blew up at someone who was like a quasi-friend.
There's a knock at his door.
"If you're Kurogiri or Niki, fuck off," he calls. To his dismay, a note slides through the crack under his door.
Well, he won't touch it except to disintegrate it.
Shigaraki pauses. Maybe…He should disintegrate it, but then…he won't know what it says.
After a few moments, curiosity gets the better of him.
I apologize, reads the note, complete with the drawing of a bat.
He yanks open the door to see Crazy holding a bottle of antiseptic.
"For your neck. I stole it from Toga. To be a better villain."
Shigaraki gulps back a laugh of relief. "Hey."
"Hey," she says, lowering her eyes.
He coughs back the tickle in his throat. Too bad he can't cough away the tickle in his chest, too. "I'll forgive you if you help me beat level 130."