So yeah here's another chapter. I ended up using an song in this particular
chapter, I guess I plan on doing that every once in a while when I find a
song that fits to well to leave it out. I am taking a little bit of poetic
license because I can't see them actually see these guys listening to that
type of music but it fits really well so I couldn't resist. Anyway I hope
people are reading this and enjoying.
Side note I saw Chris on ESPN's Cold Pizza this morning. It was hysterical, he was making fun of this one reporter who was a gigantic tool and the guy didn't even realize it until then end. He was gushing over his baby ash, it was so cute.
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Chris's POV:
I walk out the door and take a step and lean back up against the wall. That was a little awkward. What did I offer to give him a back massage anyway? What the hell was I thinking? And I have a girl friend who is having my child, which I am so happy about. I've always wanted to be a daddy I can hardly believe it is actually happening, I feel like I might burst. I love Jessica so much more because of this. So how can I possibly be having feelings for Shawn then? God I thought about these same exact things yesterday and I am no closer to answers then I was then. I just wish I didn't have these feelings for Shawn. I wish they would just fucking go away. But somehow I don't think it will be that easy although I wish it could be. I don't know why I'm worried anyway, a guy like Shawn could have any girl he wants why would he go for guys. I walk into my room and flop down on the bed. Maybe I can find some serenity in here. I think I'll call Jess. I take out my cell and hit the speed dial for my house. It rings and rings and rings and soon I hear my own voice talking to me via our answering machine. Hum, that's weird I thought she had a few days off because she just finished a big case. Well they sometimes don't get over right when she thinks they will anyways. Or maybe she's just out shopping or grabbing lunch or something. Wow speaking of lunch is that my stomach? I guess that makes sense I haven't eaten since yesterday a while before my match. And it is lunch time. I guess now is as good a time as any to go find food. I walk down to the restaurant in the hotel and see Jay sitting there, he sees me and takes a bite of his cheeseburger and waves me over and I go and sit across from him. It's good to have Jay around he's been my friend for ages and he's bi too which makes me him able to understand me a lot better than most people which is probably why we are so close. I see that there is another plate of food and wonder who he's eating with. I don't have to wonder long because Jeff Hardy walks over and slides in next to Jay and grabs his food from in front of me.
"Hey Chris what's going on." Jeff says.
"Not much dude. Good to see you it's been a while." I say "You here visiting Matt?"
"Yeah and I thought I'd come see my raw boys since you are so close together. I was just tying to call you, guess that's why you weren't there." Jeff says.
"Yeah, so how's the record coming? Are you coming back soon?" I ask
"Yeah it's about finished, it's in post production right now." Jeff says. "It would have been done a while ago except."
"Except for what?" I ask
"Well it's hard to work with people you're involved with." Jeff says.
"Oh you're producer was a woman?" I ask
"Yeah but, that's not exactly what I was talking about. I ended up with Travis the drummer in my band." Jeff says. Really, I didn't know that Jeff was bi. Jay is so surprised that he spits out the water he just drank. Jay's had a thing for Jeff since he met him, but he never thought Jeff would be into that sort of thing so he never did anything about it. Today may turn out to be interesting after all. I wonder if Jay will have the balls to day anything about it now.
"Travis huh? I remember him he's cute." I say.
"We had some artistic differences so we ended up breaking it off and he left the band so we could still be friends." Jeff says. Jay is still sitting there with his eyes wide and his jaw about on the floor. Jeff waves his head in front of Jays face. "Jay? Are you ok?"
"Do you want to run that by me again?" Jay says.
"Well I've never been exactly straight but I never thought it was any ones business." Jeff says.
"But you were with Trish.so I always thought.I guess that means you're bi." Jay says
"Yeah, I thought you would take this better. I mean you're Chris's best friend. I hope this doesn't change anything between us. Everyone here is like my family. I don't want to loose you because of this." Jeff says quickly starting to ramble a little. Jay just puts a finger to his lips and leans in and kisses him. "Jay? I never thought that.I mean I've wanted that for so long I just never thought that you."
"Me neither." Jay says laughing a little. "Do you wanna get out of here?"
"Um, yeah." Jeff says
"I'll go get our bills I'm not wasting another second." Jay says which gets a laugh out of me and manages to make Jeff turn the color of the red streaks in his hair. Leave it to Jay to be blunt as hell.
"Well this is certainly an unexpected turn of events." I say.
"I'd say so yeah." Jeff says.
I hear a voice that I would recognize anywhere. Aww hell. Shawn, Hunter and Stephanie walk by and Stephanie waves slightly and smiles at me. I watch them as they head to their table. From what I can tell Shawn looks really pissed about something. It's probably all the explaining he had to do about what was going on when Hunter and Stephanie walked in this morning. I snap out of it and realize that Jeff is talking to me but I can't make out what he is saying until.
"Chris? Hey lover boy, snap out of it." Jeff says.
"What?" I ask since I honestly hadn't heard anything for the last few minutes. Jeff laughs at me.
"You've got it bad." He says.
"What are you nuts?" I ask.
"Hey there's nothing wrong with it man he's pretty hot." Jeff said.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I say trying to cover. Having other people know about my thing for Shawn is just what I need so it could get back to him or heaven forbid Jessica.
"Oh come on you were just totally staring at Shawn as he walked by." Jeff says. "He was watching you too you know."
"Really?" I say excitedly "Oh man."
"I knew it." Jeff said as he laughed.
"Oh Jeff you can't say anything about it. It's just a stupid crush and he's so straight and I'm with Jess and she's pregnant and." I say as Jeff cuts me off.
"It's alright dude your secrets safe with me." Jeff says.
"Oh thank you!" I say.
"Did you say Jessica was pregnant?" Jeff asks
"Yeah I'm gonna be a daddy can you believe it?"
"Oh my god congratulations man." Jeff says and stands up and hugs me across the table and kisses me full on the mouth.
"Let's just leave that sort of thing to Jay from now on." I say sitting back down.
"Sorry dude caught up in the moment." Jeff says and he looks off to the side. "Oh well no harm done I guess, or I could be wrong."
What was he talking about? I look over and see Shawn walking towards us looking as pissed off as I have ever scene him.
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Shawn's POV:
I got out of the shower and left the bathroom and Hunter and Stephanie are sitting together on the bed. "Hey man we were going to go get some lunch you wanna join us." Hunter asks.
I wasn't really all that hungry but I haven't eaten in a while so "Sure why not." Not like I had anything else to do at the moment and it is lunch time. I head with them to the restaurant in the hotel down stairs. We walk in and I see the one person I did not need to see right now. Why of all people does he have to be here? Yeah he probably is hungry just like I am. And he's sitting with, Jeff Hardy. What in the blue fuck is he doing with him? That little rainbow bright wanna be stupid ass mother. Wait a minute what am I mad for? He's Chris's friend. And he probably is here visiting Matt and just ran in to him down here. Why am I feeling the need to justify those two being together? What is the big deal anyway? It's not like he likes him. Yeah Michaels that's a laugh the guy with the pregnant girlfriend likes guys, how stupid can I be. Wait a damn minute. Did Jeff just fucking kiss him? What the hell! Oh I am going to rip his damn lips off.
"Shawn," Hunter in a warning tone. "Don't do anything stupid." He had scene what I was looking at. Not do anything stupid, he obviously doesn't know me very well. For some stupid reason the sight of Chris and Jeff is driving me insane. Oh I wasn't gonna do anything stupid I was going to go rip Jeff multicolored head right off his body. "Oh boy." Says Hunter as some outside force takes over my body and makes me get up and start to walk over to the two of them. I must look pretty pissed because Chris looks absolutely terrified.
"Hi Chris." I say in an icy tone "Jeff."
"Hey Shawn it's good to see you man, it's been a while." Says Jeff and stick out his hand for me to shake it and I don't.
"Here to beg and plead for your job back?" I say and Jeff looks at me like I'm crazy.
"Shawn I left because I wanted to we both know that." Jeff says looking slightly hurt. I don't care that stupid bastard deserves it. He stole Chris. What? From who? Not from you, you moron you never had him anyway. From Jessica that is the answer. Chris is with Jessica. Why am I so freaking bothered by him being with Jeff then. I am too pissed to care about any of that right now.
"Hey Shawn." Says Jay walking up behind me and sliding in next to Jeff and Jeff puts his arm lazily around his shoulders and Jay turns his head and gives him a quick kiss. Oh man I am such an asshole. And rational thought begins to return to my head. What exactly did I think I was gonna accomplish by coming over here anyway. And what the hell came over me? Chris is with Jessica, he loves her, she's having his baby. Then why was I so freaking bothered by him being with Jeff.
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Chris's POV:
What in the blue hell came over Shawn. I've never scene him like this. "You ready to go?" Jay asks looking at Jeff. I look at Jeff pleading silently for him not to leave me alone with Shawn. I think he gets the idea.
"Well we could stay I mean I haven't scene Shawn or Hunter in a while it would be kind cool to hang with them for a while." Jeff says. Oh thank god. I am safe at least for a little while. Then I see Jay lean in and whisper something in Jeff's ear. Jeff's eyes go wide.
"Ok well gotta go nice seeing you Shawn, Chris I'll see you guys when we go to the arena tonight." Jeff says quickly as him and Jay practically run for the exit. God damn it. I am so going to kill Jay later!
"Well that was interesting to say the least. When did that happen?" Shawn says
"About 5 minutes ago." I say.
"Hum, they're pretty cute together." Shawn says. I have to admit that statement surprises me a little. Well now I know at least he's ok with the idea of people being bi or gay. Maybe I should tell him I'm bi. Oh yeah that would be a great idea. I watch as he studies the table for a second. "You didn't eat yet did you?"
"Uh, no actually, I walked in at the end of them having lunch and joined them." I say
"You could um, come eat with Hunter and Stephanie and I." Shawn says. I can't help but feel shocked right now. I should tell him no because I know I need to be as far away from him as possible, but that would be the intelligent thing to do.
"Yeah sure I don't feel much like eating by myself anyway." I say. I could kick my own ass right now what am I doing following Shawn over to his table and sitting down. "Hey Hunter, Stephy."
"Hey Chris." Hunter says. God I could just smack that stupid ass smirk off his face sometimes and this would be one of those times. I don't know how I managed to get through eating lunch with them. I guess I can take solace in the fact that for some reason Shawn seemed to be as uncomfortable as I was. I don't really even remember what we talked about I just ordered and ate as fast as I could so I could get the hell out of there. I went back up to my room and I still have about 4 hours until I have to be at the arena. Well considering I had to travel across Michigan to get there I quickly packed up my stuff and take out my cell phone and called Jay.
"Hello?" Jay says
"Hey dude it's me you about ready to go?" I ask
"Hold on." Jay says and he covers the receiver obviously to fend off his new boyfriend. "Yeah just about actually. I got slightly distracted from packing." Jay says I hear Jeff laugh in the background.
"I bet you did bro, I bet you did." I say trying not to laugh myself.
"Cool we'll meet you in the lobby in like 15." Jay says and hangs up. I sit down and pull on my ugg boots and a Burton snowboards hat and a winter coat. Damn Michigan winters this is why I moved from Canada in the first place I didn't want to deal with this shit. Oh well. I grab my stuff and head to the down to the lobby to wait for Jay. He is there shortly after I arrive and we walk out headed to our rent-a-SUV and put in our luggage when Jeff puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Hey Chris look." He says pointing across the parking lot. I see Shawn standing there with the hood to his rent a car up and he is looking inside. "You should go offer to help."
I shouldn't go over there. But I am anyways. Shawn hardly notices me as I walk up. "Hey car problems?" I ask. Yeah brilliant deduction Sherlock.
"Yeah stupid rent-a-car company must have gave me a car with a cracked alternator. Because yeah." He says and he holds up the belt. "I was just looking to see if there was anything else I could see wrong so when I call to bitch them out I can do it right."
"Oh that's not good." I say
"Uh no." He says. "I am so pissed. Now I will have to wait for them to bring me another one and I'm probably going to be late, which is just great because I'm on first this week."
"Why don't you just leave the keys here and let them deal with it and you can ride with Jay and Jeff and me." I say. I can not believe that I just did that.
"Yeah sure." Shawn says. "Thanks man. I'll be right back." I stand there and to wait for him to come back so I can help him with his bags and a few minutes later he comes back with a smile on his face. "Alright, let's hit the road." He opens the side door and pulls out his suit cases and hands me one of them and we walk back to Jay and my car and I open the back hatch and put his stuff in the back with all of ours. He hops in the back and I hop in the other side. "I hope you don't mind another passenger."
"Not at all." Jay says "We all set?"
"Yep let's go." I say and Jay starts to drive. We talk and bull shit for a while. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.
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Shawn's POV:
I could have killed stupid enterprise or where ever it was that I rented that stupid car from. Oh well at least I'm going to be getting there. Even if it has to be in the same car as Chris. I am actually having a good time with these guys. So maybe this won't be so bad after all. It's been about an hour and we haven't even turned on the radio yet. I see Jay pull a CD out of the center consol. "Hey you guys have got to here this guy. His voice is just awesome. Trish had me listen to this once and my jaw about hit the floor that this is just a kid he's like 20 years old."
"Alright." Chris says. Jay puts in the CD. I listen to the first few notes and hear his voice and it is this awesome baritone that just touches right to your sole. I look around and I hear Jay start to sing a long with a few of the words that he manages to figure out in Italian. And Jeff and Chris are bobbing their heads slightly. This almost reminds me of rode trips I use to take with Hunter and Kevin and Brett in the old days. I look over at Chris and he smiles at me. Maybe it's the music accompanying it but just that gesture was enough to make me feel all warm inside. I think more about the old days and I instantly start to feel guilty. How could I not I guess. I sigh. I need to think of something else quick or I am going to be crying soon especially with my thoughts traveling along this particular subject. I start to listen to the music it's actually pretty soothing. Then a new song starts and something tells me that this isn't going to be good.
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Oh SHIT! Not a good song. I need Jay to flip it to the next song. Damnit why won't my voice work
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Oh god. I look wildly about the car trying to concentrate on anything but the words to the song. My leg is tapping wildly and my fists clinch and unclench as I am trying desperately not to cry. I look out the window, trying to concentrate on the passing scenery. That was always the part of the car ride that.what am I trying to do to myself anyway.
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
At this point my eyes are closed and a couple of tears have managed to escape. I am trying so hard not to cry in front of these guys. But this song just hits so hard on what I am dealing with right now I can hardly help it. I look at my hands and notice that they are shaking. The rest of me feels like it is too.
'Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
I feel what must be Chris hand on my shoulder. "Shawn?" Chris asks I turn my head to him and a tear slips down my face and I try to blink it away. He takes off his seat belt and slide over by me and puts an arm around my shoulders. I know that this should make me feel better but it feels really nice to have him that close to me which makes me feel extremely guilty considering what I was listening to at the moment. I can't hold back my tears any more and as stupid as I feel I lean my head onto Chris's shoulder and before I can stop it my tears are flowing freely.
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Oh praise the lord. Oh man that was such torture. "Maybe I better put in another CD." Jay says. He fumbles around for a while and I hear Nickelback start to play. I don't move from Chris for a while. Some how I don't think he minds either. I just need to be held right now. Finally I sit up and Chris slides away and puts back on his seat belt and he looks at me with concern on his face.
"What going on Shawn, what was that all about anyway?" Chris asks I just shake my head before looking out the window. Maybe I should tell him, he would probably understand considering Jay and Jeff. No because I wouldn't want him to have any reason to suspect that I, no, I can't do this. That song was a sign if I'd ever heard one I'm not supposed to be doing this right now. "Why did that song hit you so hard?" Now this car just got entirely too small and I feel like I can't get air.
"Jay, can you stop the car for a second. I need to get out." I say knowing how strange that request must sound considering its December but I don't care. He pulls off to the side and I quickly unbuckle my seat belt and jump out before I can be asked anymore questions. I walk over behind a near by tree. I stand there close my eyes and take in deep breaths. I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I can feel it coming up into my throat before I know it my hands are on my knees and I throw up probably everything I've eaten in the past week. Which makes more tears come. I realize that I am shaking again but that is probably because I didn't bother to put my coat on. I need to pull myself together and get back to the car before some one comes after me. I wouldn't want them to see me like this. Not that it's much worst that what they've scene already I guess. I sigh and take a couple more deep breaths and wipe my eyes with my hands. I walk on shaky legs back to my car and climb in and fish through my coat pockets to find a piece of gum as Jay takes off again. I take my coat and ball it up and put it against the window and close my eyes pretending that I'm asleep so that I can avoid all the questions that I know all three of them must have. Questions that I am not ready to answer. After what seems like an eternity we finally reach Grand Rapids. No one talks to me as we get out of the car I guess they are waiting for me to say something. Fat chance of that. I walk into the hotel to get my key to my room with Hunter who is already there. I go to leave the desk and get a few steps and some one grabs my arm.
"Shawn?" Chris asks. "Are you ok? You scared the absolute shit out of me man."
"I'm ok now." I say hoping that will be the end of it but I know it won't be.
"Who died that was that close to you?" Chris asks "I mean that can be the only reason I would think that that song would bother you as much as it did."
Oh boy this is going to be interesting, I am going to have to do some very careful explaining. "Well, lately I've been thinking about Brett a lot. And that song just I don't know."
"Oh yeah. You and Brett were pretty close weren't you?" Chris asks
"Yeah very close. There was a time when I hit a rough spot with my family and he and Kevin were pretty much all I had." I say hoping I won't have to explain what the rough spot was.
"Oh, yeah I remember hearing that he died. I was in the WCW at the time but it hit all of us who went to his wrestling school pretty hard. He and Owen were great guys." Chris says.
"Yeah, the best." I say. I don't really know what else to say. "Well we better drop this stuff off in our rooms and get to the arena."
"Yeah I'll see you later. One last thing about this, the last thing for what it's worth I don't think Brett is the type of person that would want people crying over him. He always wanted people to laugh and be happy that's why he was such a practical joker. He wouldn't like it that you are down here feeling bad because of him. He would want you to go on with you life." Chris says. I hope my jaw isn't on the floor but I am too taken aback by what Chris just said to care. Brett good to see you still are the practical joker, sending me all these mixed signals like this. And I have to say you couldn't have picked a more ironic messenger than him to give me that particular message that's for damn sure.
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Hope you like it, shout out to xtremediva for reviewing on this story.
Side note I saw Chris on ESPN's Cold Pizza this morning. It was hysterical, he was making fun of this one reporter who was a gigantic tool and the guy didn't even realize it until then end. He was gushing over his baby ash, it was so cute.
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Chris's POV:
I walk out the door and take a step and lean back up against the wall. That was a little awkward. What did I offer to give him a back massage anyway? What the hell was I thinking? And I have a girl friend who is having my child, which I am so happy about. I've always wanted to be a daddy I can hardly believe it is actually happening, I feel like I might burst. I love Jessica so much more because of this. So how can I possibly be having feelings for Shawn then? God I thought about these same exact things yesterday and I am no closer to answers then I was then. I just wish I didn't have these feelings for Shawn. I wish they would just fucking go away. But somehow I don't think it will be that easy although I wish it could be. I don't know why I'm worried anyway, a guy like Shawn could have any girl he wants why would he go for guys. I walk into my room and flop down on the bed. Maybe I can find some serenity in here. I think I'll call Jess. I take out my cell and hit the speed dial for my house. It rings and rings and rings and soon I hear my own voice talking to me via our answering machine. Hum, that's weird I thought she had a few days off because she just finished a big case. Well they sometimes don't get over right when she thinks they will anyways. Or maybe she's just out shopping or grabbing lunch or something. Wow speaking of lunch is that my stomach? I guess that makes sense I haven't eaten since yesterday a while before my match. And it is lunch time. I guess now is as good a time as any to go find food. I walk down to the restaurant in the hotel and see Jay sitting there, he sees me and takes a bite of his cheeseburger and waves me over and I go and sit across from him. It's good to have Jay around he's been my friend for ages and he's bi too which makes me him able to understand me a lot better than most people which is probably why we are so close. I see that there is another plate of food and wonder who he's eating with. I don't have to wonder long because Jeff Hardy walks over and slides in next to Jay and grabs his food from in front of me.
"Hey Chris what's going on." Jeff says.
"Not much dude. Good to see you it's been a while." I say "You here visiting Matt?"
"Yeah and I thought I'd come see my raw boys since you are so close together. I was just tying to call you, guess that's why you weren't there." Jeff says.
"Yeah, so how's the record coming? Are you coming back soon?" I ask
"Yeah it's about finished, it's in post production right now." Jeff says. "It would have been done a while ago except."
"Except for what?" I ask
"Well it's hard to work with people you're involved with." Jeff says.
"Oh you're producer was a woman?" I ask
"Yeah but, that's not exactly what I was talking about. I ended up with Travis the drummer in my band." Jeff says. Really, I didn't know that Jeff was bi. Jay is so surprised that he spits out the water he just drank. Jay's had a thing for Jeff since he met him, but he never thought Jeff would be into that sort of thing so he never did anything about it. Today may turn out to be interesting after all. I wonder if Jay will have the balls to day anything about it now.
"Travis huh? I remember him he's cute." I say.
"We had some artistic differences so we ended up breaking it off and he left the band so we could still be friends." Jeff says. Jay is still sitting there with his eyes wide and his jaw about on the floor. Jeff waves his head in front of Jays face. "Jay? Are you ok?"
"Do you want to run that by me again?" Jay says.
"Well I've never been exactly straight but I never thought it was any ones business." Jeff says.
"But you were with Trish.so I always thought.I guess that means you're bi." Jay says
"Yeah, I thought you would take this better. I mean you're Chris's best friend. I hope this doesn't change anything between us. Everyone here is like my family. I don't want to loose you because of this." Jeff says quickly starting to ramble a little. Jay just puts a finger to his lips and leans in and kisses him. "Jay? I never thought that.I mean I've wanted that for so long I just never thought that you."
"Me neither." Jay says laughing a little. "Do you wanna get out of here?"
"Um, yeah." Jeff says
"I'll go get our bills I'm not wasting another second." Jay says which gets a laugh out of me and manages to make Jeff turn the color of the red streaks in his hair. Leave it to Jay to be blunt as hell.
"Well this is certainly an unexpected turn of events." I say.
"I'd say so yeah." Jeff says.
I hear a voice that I would recognize anywhere. Aww hell. Shawn, Hunter and Stephanie walk by and Stephanie waves slightly and smiles at me. I watch them as they head to their table. From what I can tell Shawn looks really pissed about something. It's probably all the explaining he had to do about what was going on when Hunter and Stephanie walked in this morning. I snap out of it and realize that Jeff is talking to me but I can't make out what he is saying until.
"Chris? Hey lover boy, snap out of it." Jeff says.
"What?" I ask since I honestly hadn't heard anything for the last few minutes. Jeff laughs at me.
"You've got it bad." He says.
"What are you nuts?" I ask.
"Hey there's nothing wrong with it man he's pretty hot." Jeff said.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I say trying to cover. Having other people know about my thing for Shawn is just what I need so it could get back to him or heaven forbid Jessica.
"Oh come on you were just totally staring at Shawn as he walked by." Jeff says. "He was watching you too you know."
"Really?" I say excitedly "Oh man."
"I knew it." Jeff said as he laughed.
"Oh Jeff you can't say anything about it. It's just a stupid crush and he's so straight and I'm with Jess and she's pregnant and." I say as Jeff cuts me off.
"It's alright dude your secrets safe with me." Jeff says.
"Oh thank you!" I say.
"Did you say Jessica was pregnant?" Jeff asks
"Yeah I'm gonna be a daddy can you believe it?"
"Oh my god congratulations man." Jeff says and stands up and hugs me across the table and kisses me full on the mouth.
"Let's just leave that sort of thing to Jay from now on." I say sitting back down.
"Sorry dude caught up in the moment." Jeff says and he looks off to the side. "Oh well no harm done I guess, or I could be wrong."
What was he talking about? I look over and see Shawn walking towards us looking as pissed off as I have ever scene him.
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Shawn's POV:
I got out of the shower and left the bathroom and Hunter and Stephanie are sitting together on the bed. "Hey man we were going to go get some lunch you wanna join us." Hunter asks.
I wasn't really all that hungry but I haven't eaten in a while so "Sure why not." Not like I had anything else to do at the moment and it is lunch time. I head with them to the restaurant in the hotel down stairs. We walk in and I see the one person I did not need to see right now. Why of all people does he have to be here? Yeah he probably is hungry just like I am. And he's sitting with, Jeff Hardy. What in the blue fuck is he doing with him? That little rainbow bright wanna be stupid ass mother. Wait a minute what am I mad for? He's Chris's friend. And he probably is here visiting Matt and just ran in to him down here. Why am I feeling the need to justify those two being together? What is the big deal anyway? It's not like he likes him. Yeah Michaels that's a laugh the guy with the pregnant girlfriend likes guys, how stupid can I be. Wait a damn minute. Did Jeff just fucking kiss him? What the hell! Oh I am going to rip his damn lips off.
"Shawn," Hunter in a warning tone. "Don't do anything stupid." He had scene what I was looking at. Not do anything stupid, he obviously doesn't know me very well. For some stupid reason the sight of Chris and Jeff is driving me insane. Oh I wasn't gonna do anything stupid I was going to go rip Jeff multicolored head right off his body. "Oh boy." Says Hunter as some outside force takes over my body and makes me get up and start to walk over to the two of them. I must look pretty pissed because Chris looks absolutely terrified.
"Hi Chris." I say in an icy tone "Jeff."
"Hey Shawn it's good to see you man, it's been a while." Says Jeff and stick out his hand for me to shake it and I don't.
"Here to beg and plead for your job back?" I say and Jeff looks at me like I'm crazy.
"Shawn I left because I wanted to we both know that." Jeff says looking slightly hurt. I don't care that stupid bastard deserves it. He stole Chris. What? From who? Not from you, you moron you never had him anyway. From Jessica that is the answer. Chris is with Jessica. Why am I so freaking bothered by him being with Jeff then. I am too pissed to care about any of that right now.
"Hey Shawn." Says Jay walking up behind me and sliding in next to Jeff and Jeff puts his arm lazily around his shoulders and Jay turns his head and gives him a quick kiss. Oh man I am such an asshole. And rational thought begins to return to my head. What exactly did I think I was gonna accomplish by coming over here anyway. And what the hell came over me? Chris is with Jessica, he loves her, she's having his baby. Then why was I so freaking bothered by him being with Jeff.
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Chris's POV:
What in the blue hell came over Shawn. I've never scene him like this. "You ready to go?" Jay asks looking at Jeff. I look at Jeff pleading silently for him not to leave me alone with Shawn. I think he gets the idea.
"Well we could stay I mean I haven't scene Shawn or Hunter in a while it would be kind cool to hang with them for a while." Jeff says. Oh thank god. I am safe at least for a little while. Then I see Jay lean in and whisper something in Jeff's ear. Jeff's eyes go wide.
"Ok well gotta go nice seeing you Shawn, Chris I'll see you guys when we go to the arena tonight." Jeff says quickly as him and Jay practically run for the exit. God damn it. I am so going to kill Jay later!
"Well that was interesting to say the least. When did that happen?" Shawn says
"About 5 minutes ago." I say.
"Hum, they're pretty cute together." Shawn says. I have to admit that statement surprises me a little. Well now I know at least he's ok with the idea of people being bi or gay. Maybe I should tell him I'm bi. Oh yeah that would be a great idea. I watch as he studies the table for a second. "You didn't eat yet did you?"
"Uh, no actually, I walked in at the end of them having lunch and joined them." I say
"You could um, come eat with Hunter and Stephanie and I." Shawn says. I can't help but feel shocked right now. I should tell him no because I know I need to be as far away from him as possible, but that would be the intelligent thing to do.
"Yeah sure I don't feel much like eating by myself anyway." I say. I could kick my own ass right now what am I doing following Shawn over to his table and sitting down. "Hey Hunter, Stephy."
"Hey Chris." Hunter says. God I could just smack that stupid ass smirk off his face sometimes and this would be one of those times. I don't know how I managed to get through eating lunch with them. I guess I can take solace in the fact that for some reason Shawn seemed to be as uncomfortable as I was. I don't really even remember what we talked about I just ordered and ate as fast as I could so I could get the hell out of there. I went back up to my room and I still have about 4 hours until I have to be at the arena. Well considering I had to travel across Michigan to get there I quickly packed up my stuff and take out my cell phone and called Jay.
"Hello?" Jay says
"Hey dude it's me you about ready to go?" I ask
"Hold on." Jay says and he covers the receiver obviously to fend off his new boyfriend. "Yeah just about actually. I got slightly distracted from packing." Jay says I hear Jeff laugh in the background.
"I bet you did bro, I bet you did." I say trying not to laugh myself.
"Cool we'll meet you in the lobby in like 15." Jay says and hangs up. I sit down and pull on my ugg boots and a Burton snowboards hat and a winter coat. Damn Michigan winters this is why I moved from Canada in the first place I didn't want to deal with this shit. Oh well. I grab my stuff and head to the down to the lobby to wait for Jay. He is there shortly after I arrive and we walk out headed to our rent-a-SUV and put in our luggage when Jeff puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Hey Chris look." He says pointing across the parking lot. I see Shawn standing there with the hood to his rent a car up and he is looking inside. "You should go offer to help."
I shouldn't go over there. But I am anyways. Shawn hardly notices me as I walk up. "Hey car problems?" I ask. Yeah brilliant deduction Sherlock.
"Yeah stupid rent-a-car company must have gave me a car with a cracked alternator. Because yeah." He says and he holds up the belt. "I was just looking to see if there was anything else I could see wrong so when I call to bitch them out I can do it right."
"Oh that's not good." I say
"Uh no." He says. "I am so pissed. Now I will have to wait for them to bring me another one and I'm probably going to be late, which is just great because I'm on first this week."
"Why don't you just leave the keys here and let them deal with it and you can ride with Jay and Jeff and me." I say. I can not believe that I just did that.
"Yeah sure." Shawn says. "Thanks man. I'll be right back." I stand there and to wait for him to come back so I can help him with his bags and a few minutes later he comes back with a smile on his face. "Alright, let's hit the road." He opens the side door and pulls out his suit cases and hands me one of them and we walk back to Jay and my car and I open the back hatch and put his stuff in the back with all of ours. He hops in the back and I hop in the other side. "I hope you don't mind another passenger."
"Not at all." Jay says "We all set?"
"Yep let's go." I say and Jay starts to drive. We talk and bull shit for a while. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.
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Shawn's POV:
I could have killed stupid enterprise or where ever it was that I rented that stupid car from. Oh well at least I'm going to be getting there. Even if it has to be in the same car as Chris. I am actually having a good time with these guys. So maybe this won't be so bad after all. It's been about an hour and we haven't even turned on the radio yet. I see Jay pull a CD out of the center consol. "Hey you guys have got to here this guy. His voice is just awesome. Trish had me listen to this once and my jaw about hit the floor that this is just a kid he's like 20 years old."
"Alright." Chris says. Jay puts in the CD. I listen to the first few notes and hear his voice and it is this awesome baritone that just touches right to your sole. I look around and I hear Jay start to sing a long with a few of the words that he manages to figure out in Italian. And Jeff and Chris are bobbing their heads slightly. This almost reminds me of rode trips I use to take with Hunter and Kevin and Brett in the old days. I look over at Chris and he smiles at me. Maybe it's the music accompanying it but just that gesture was enough to make me feel all warm inside. I think more about the old days and I instantly start to feel guilty. How could I not I guess. I sigh. I need to think of something else quick or I am going to be crying soon especially with my thoughts traveling along this particular subject. I start to listen to the music it's actually pretty soothing. Then a new song starts and something tells me that this isn't going to be good.
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Oh SHIT! Not a good song. I need Jay to flip it to the next song. Damnit why won't my voice work
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Oh god. I look wildly about the car trying to concentrate on anything but the words to the song. My leg is tapping wildly and my fists clinch and unclench as I am trying desperately not to cry. I look out the window, trying to concentrate on the passing scenery. That was always the part of the car ride that.what am I trying to do to myself anyway.
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
At this point my eyes are closed and a couple of tears have managed to escape. I am trying so hard not to cry in front of these guys. But this song just hits so hard on what I am dealing with right now I can hardly help it. I look at my hands and notice that they are shaking. The rest of me feels like it is too.
'Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
I feel what must be Chris hand on my shoulder. "Shawn?" Chris asks I turn my head to him and a tear slips down my face and I try to blink it away. He takes off his seat belt and slide over by me and puts an arm around my shoulders. I know that this should make me feel better but it feels really nice to have him that close to me which makes me feel extremely guilty considering what I was listening to at the moment. I can't hold back my tears any more and as stupid as I feel I lean my head onto Chris's shoulder and before I can stop it my tears are flowing freely.
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Oh praise the lord. Oh man that was such torture. "Maybe I better put in another CD." Jay says. He fumbles around for a while and I hear Nickelback start to play. I don't move from Chris for a while. Some how I don't think he minds either. I just need to be held right now. Finally I sit up and Chris slides away and puts back on his seat belt and he looks at me with concern on his face.
"What going on Shawn, what was that all about anyway?" Chris asks I just shake my head before looking out the window. Maybe I should tell him, he would probably understand considering Jay and Jeff. No because I wouldn't want him to have any reason to suspect that I, no, I can't do this. That song was a sign if I'd ever heard one I'm not supposed to be doing this right now. "Why did that song hit you so hard?" Now this car just got entirely too small and I feel like I can't get air.
"Jay, can you stop the car for a second. I need to get out." I say knowing how strange that request must sound considering its December but I don't care. He pulls off to the side and I quickly unbuckle my seat belt and jump out before I can be asked anymore questions. I walk over behind a near by tree. I stand there close my eyes and take in deep breaths. I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I can feel it coming up into my throat before I know it my hands are on my knees and I throw up probably everything I've eaten in the past week. Which makes more tears come. I realize that I am shaking again but that is probably because I didn't bother to put my coat on. I need to pull myself together and get back to the car before some one comes after me. I wouldn't want them to see me like this. Not that it's much worst that what they've scene already I guess. I sigh and take a couple more deep breaths and wipe my eyes with my hands. I walk on shaky legs back to my car and climb in and fish through my coat pockets to find a piece of gum as Jay takes off again. I take my coat and ball it up and put it against the window and close my eyes pretending that I'm asleep so that I can avoid all the questions that I know all three of them must have. Questions that I am not ready to answer. After what seems like an eternity we finally reach Grand Rapids. No one talks to me as we get out of the car I guess they are waiting for me to say something. Fat chance of that. I walk into the hotel to get my key to my room with Hunter who is already there. I go to leave the desk and get a few steps and some one grabs my arm.
"Shawn?" Chris asks. "Are you ok? You scared the absolute shit out of me man."
"I'm ok now." I say hoping that will be the end of it but I know it won't be.
"Who died that was that close to you?" Chris asks "I mean that can be the only reason I would think that that song would bother you as much as it did."
Oh boy this is going to be interesting, I am going to have to do some very careful explaining. "Well, lately I've been thinking about Brett a lot. And that song just I don't know."
"Oh yeah. You and Brett were pretty close weren't you?" Chris asks
"Yeah very close. There was a time when I hit a rough spot with my family and he and Kevin were pretty much all I had." I say hoping I won't have to explain what the rough spot was.
"Oh, yeah I remember hearing that he died. I was in the WCW at the time but it hit all of us who went to his wrestling school pretty hard. He and Owen were great guys." Chris says.
"Yeah, the best." I say. I don't really know what else to say. "Well we better drop this stuff off in our rooms and get to the arena."
"Yeah I'll see you later. One last thing about this, the last thing for what it's worth I don't think Brett is the type of person that would want people crying over him. He always wanted people to laugh and be happy that's why he was such a practical joker. He wouldn't like it that you are down here feeling bad because of him. He would want you to go on with you life." Chris says. I hope my jaw isn't on the floor but I am too taken aback by what Chris just said to care. Brett good to see you still are the practical joker, sending me all these mixed signals like this. And I have to say you couldn't have picked a more ironic messenger than him to give me that particular message that's for damn sure.
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Hope you like it, shout out to xtremediva for reviewing on this story.