Chapter Four! Wow, this is a lot longer than the stuff I usually write, but it was written by me AND my friend Pip ENJOY!

CHAPTER FOUR

"Hem Hem." Dolores Umbridge dressed in her worst pink cardigan and stockings popped out from behind a pillar.

McGonagall began whispering something under her breath. Leaning closer, Severus discovered she was actually whispering "Avada Kedavra is illegal" over and over again.

Umbridge smiled in a strained way, her flabby cheeks spreading across her face. "Minerva," she said. "What a pleasure to see you! Interesting choice of clothing…"

Severus clutched his wand tightly. "Avada Kedavra is illegal" he began repeating.

Minerva grimaced.

Dumbledore sniffed. "Delores," he said.

Umbridge smirked. "What an … inappropriate position to be found in, Minerva."

McGonagall was about to draw her wand, but was stopped by Dumbledore, who was starting to speak. "Delores," he sighed. "You know how I feel about you." McGonagall flushed scarlet and brandished her wand again, thrusting it towards Umbridge's left nostril. "I mean," He continued, "I despise, loathe and detest every ounce of your vile being."

Umbridge sniffed indignantly and began to choke. McGonagall cheered loudly, and her and Severus began singing "Ding Dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch is dead!" loudly and out of tune.

Halfway through hyperventilating, Umbridge turned around and began to dance towards Luna.

Luna screamed. "Her brain's been infested with miniature goblins!"

"OMG!" cried Mr Power Dumbledore.

"Huzzah!" yelled McGonagall, and began a lively jig with Snape.

Luna screamed again as Umbridge approached her. "Aaaah! Save me!" Madame Pomfrey promptly began beating Umbridge with a stick, to distract her from Luna.

Umbridge whipped round, baring her teeth and flaring her nostrils.

Dumbledore screamed like a girl, gathering his skirts and jumping into Snape's arms.

"GAH!" shouted Snape, dropping Dumbledore with a loud thump. Severus and McGonagall drew their wands and yelled "Stupefy!"

Umbridge fell to the floor. "Is she dead?" asked McGonagall hopefully, prodding Umbridge's limp body with her finger.

Dumbledore bent down and began to pull at her neatly curled hair and ridiculously girlish pale-pink bow. Umbridge shot up, an eerie glint in her eyes. She started walking like a zombie towards Dumbledore.

"Oh my Lord!!" said Snape, crossing himself furiously. "It's a ghost!"

"It's an Inferi!" said McGonagall, gripping Snape tightly.

"Let's see shall we?" said Luna, moving in front of Umbridge. "Excuse me; are you the imprint of a departed soul?"

Snape glared at her ferociously, causing McGonagall to swoon and grab his elbow. "Oh Sevipoos!" she whispered, "You looked so attractive when you bared your teeth!"

Dumbledore bared his teeth flirtatiously, just as Umbridge lunged towards Luna's throat. Luna screamed shrilly, flailing her arms. She then fainted, not very gracefully.

Voldemort poofed in front of her, cackling in an extremely clichéd way. "Now my evil plan is complete! We can kill the girl, so the whereabouts of the mighty Crumple-Headed Snorclack will remain hidden!"

"The Crumple-Headed Snorclack doesn't exist" said Hermione automatically, as she appeared and disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

Voldemort snorted. "No such thing! Why, that would mean that I was wrong. The Crumple-Headed Snorclack is a terrifying creature that I can use to take over the world! And me and Bella can rule it together!"

"Oops," mumbled Dumbledore "There goes my 'defeat Voldemort using the power of love because he doesn't love anybody' plan"

Voldemort flinched. "Of course I don't love anyone" he said hastily, hiding the giant heart tattooed across his shoulder, which bore the words 'VoldiexBella forever'

Dumbledore gasped and declared dramatically "I was wrong! Tom Riddle as in love with…"

Voldemort crossed his fingers and whispered. "Not Bellatrix Lestrange, Not Bellatrix Lestrange" to himself.

"… Hermione Granger!"

There was a stunned silence, but Voldemort quickly recovered himself. "Why… yes… yes, I do love Hermione – er – Granger…yes, the mudblood… Not Bellatrix" he scoffed "Why would you think that!

"Wait a second!" said McGonagall. "Bellatrix is Hermione! Remember the time-turning story?" she said to Dumbledore and Snape, who nodded as though they actually remembered. "See! There!" She wiggled her eyebrows knowingly, which annoyed Voldemort.

The stupid woman was being all… knowing and such. Voldemort suddenly pointed his wand at her, yelling "Avada Kedavra!" Two screams, a flash of green light, and – McGonagall was still standing. Voldemort looked confused. "What's going on?" he said rudely. Suddenly he stopped. He moved slowly towards a body on the floor. Bellatrix.

I didn't like killing off Bella! But we needed someway to finish of the story. There is still one more chapter, where most loose ends will be tied up, hopefully. I'll get round to typing it up soon. Reviews are always nice!