Author's Note,

This is the chapter where we start to delve into unhealthy behavioral patterns rooted in trauma. This includes violations of sexual consent. Future chapters may not include chapter-specific content warnings.

"Mom!" He spotted her familiar figure in the field, and imagined her soft, comforting embrace. He stepped forward, but she turned, and met his eyes with a harsh glare across the distance.

"You are not my son." Her voice was cold.

"Yes, I am," he insisted. "Mom, it's me, Simba."

"I know who you are, and I know what you've done. And you are not my son."

"Mom..." he felt a crushing wave of despair. "Come on, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. You have to believe me."

"Your excuses cannot bring him back, and they cannot bring you back. Leave."

"You're not wanted here, I'm afraid," Scar stepped forward. "A dreadful situation, but we must respect your mother's wishes."

The members of the pride rose from the grass, rising from the dirt and towering over him with hateful glares.

"Nala?" A pit formed in his stomach. His friend stared stonily back.

"You ruined everything, Simba," she stated blankly. "You always ruin everything."

"I didn't mean to..."

His eyes flashed open as he felt a pressure on his pelvis. The dark lioness was wrapped around his body, very much awake, a grin flashing below her bright green eyes.

"What are you doing?" He tried to sit up. His chest felt tight, he needed air.

"You looked sad, I thought I'd make you happy," she pressed herself closer.

"I need water," he tried again to gently dislodge her, but she clung to him like a vine on a tree. "Seriously Rani, let me up."

"If you're thirsty, I've got something wet right here," she teased.

"Funny, get off."

"That's the plan, big guy."

"I can't even express to you how not in the mood I am," he slumped onto his back in frustration. Above him, the canopy of the jungle rustled gently.

"Why such a bummer?" She cocked her head, climbing on top of him. "You were all over me this morning, come on, what's that sour face for?"

"Ow, don't pin my leg like that! I'm just not in the mood, okay?" He avoided her gaze, still disturbed by the faces from his nightmare.

"Quit fighting me, and that will change."

"I don't think so."

"Oh," she began to rock against him, the warmth and pressure of her stomach against his. "but I do."

"You're not getting anything from me, I told you I'm not in the mood."

"I heard you," she continued to rock. "I just don't believe you."

He shook his head and tried to ignore her, hoping that she would give up and leave him alone. To his irritation, he felt the start of an erection as her body pressed against his again and again. He tried to suppress it before she noticed, but the more he tried to wish it away, the more pronounced it became.

"See?" She looked down at him smugly. "I told you." He silently cursed his hormones. What was the point of having an erection when he didn't want sex? He didn't understand his body at all. Just when he thought he had it figured out, it changed. First he was tripping over his boulder-sized paws, then his mane came in all uneven and stupid-looking, and now this? Nothing ever made sense. Why did nothing ever make sense? What she was doing felt good, but also bothered him. Part of him liked it, part of him hated it. He laid there, torn between the polarity of his emotions. The voices from his nightmare rang sharply in his ear.

"You are not my son."

"You just needed a little help," the lioness cooed. "Come on, let's make you feel good."

"You ruined everything, Simba."

"That's it, Red."

"You always ruin everything."

"Come on, I want you inside me..."

It was too much. He wanted to shut the voices out. He wanted to shut everything out. He was tired, he was homesick, and now he was angry.

Before he could reconsider, he flipped himself atop her and pushed into her, sliding in easily as she purred with satisfaction. But it wasn't the sound he was looking for. He held her down and thrust roughly, pushing harder until she let out a pained shout.

"Ow, easy!"

That was what he'd been looking for. He murmured some sort of apology, and moved gently until he heard her familiar pants of pleasure, and everything else was washed out.

"What are you doing here?" The emotion drained from his voice as a stony expression settled across his face.

"I-I don't really know," she sounded dazed. "I don't really understand it either."

"Understand what?"

"Look," the lioness winced as she tried to stand. Without thinking, Simba stepped forward to help her, his paw halfway to her before he seemed to realize what he was doing, and withdrew it as she stood unsteadily. "I know you don't believe in spirits or dreams, but I do."

Kiara regarded this statement with a surprised glance at her father, who seemed equally bewildered by this statement.

"But," the lioness continued, "someone told me to come find you. That something between us isn't finished."

Simba looked her over suspiciously, allowing a moment of silence to pass as her unusual words settled in.

"You need water," he turned away. "Can you walk?"

"So," the lioness shook her head as if to clear it, "that's it then? You're not even going to pretend to think it over?"

"Think what over?" He looked back at her harshly. "Surani, what did you think was going to happen? What proof do I have that your words have any credence?"

"We haven't talked in years," her jaw gaped, "and you're not even slightly curious as to why I'd travel for days to see you? You're just going to assume that I'm lying, just like that?"

"I never called you a liar," he turned to face her again, "despite any evidence that might support such an accusation."

"Will you stop throwing your stupid fancy words that you know I don't understand and just listen to me?" She demanded. "I get that you don't want me here, I didn't want to come, but-"

"But you did!" He pointed out. "You walked all this way expecting me to just go along with your revelation story. And I'm guessing you also didn't expect me to question that you just so happened to get hurt right as I was passing by? Who was he, old friend?"

"You haven't changed at all! You're just as paranoid and skittish as you were when we were together!" She cried indignantly.

Together. Kiara looked closer at the lioness, realizing that this was a much more strange and complicated encounter that she had initially realized.

"Oh no, I am so much more paranoid than you can imagine," Simba's voice rose aggressively so that his volume matched hers. "You can't just limp back into my life and expect me not to question your motivations for doing so! It doesn't make any sense! What do you really want?"

"Fine! Accuse me of getting my leg maimed just for your pity, pretend I'm stupid enough to think that you're capable of it!"

"You'll have to forgive me for being a little harder to manipulate this time around," he glared.

"I'm not trying to manipulate you! I swear, you've always had this crazy prey complex! For the last time, nobody is out to get you, Simba!"

"Yeah, yeah," he rolled his eyes. "I'm completely crazy, I get it."

"Who is she, anyway?" Surani looked at Kiara with a strange expression, as if she'd forgotten she'd been standing there.

"First of all," Simba huffed, "she's the lioness who saved you. Secondly, she's my daughter, Kiara."

"You have a kid?" She looked at him with softened surprised.

"Two. Kion is my son."

"Two kids," her voice grew quiet as she looked back at Kiara, who stood quietly in the midst of the settling aggression. "Wow."

"This is beyond childish," Simba shook his head, though some of the anger had drained from his voice. "Kiara, this is Surani. I think she made the nature of our familiarity clear. I'm sorry I subjected you to our argument."

"It's nice to meet you," Kiara offered awkwardly, all her social training faltering in the unfamiliar waters of this exchange.

"You don't have to say that," Surani sighed heavily. "I'm sure your dad raised you right, but you don't have to pretend to like me."

"I don't know you," Kiara responded lightly. "Any disagreements you have with my father aren't my concern."

"I guess that's fair," she kicked a clod of dirt with her paw. "So, now what?"

"I'm sure we could all use a drink," Simba sounded tired. "We can hash out what happens next after my wife joins us. Can you walk?"

"Yeah," she limped forward, "pretty sure I'll be fine."

"Good," he turned. "Let's go."

"Oof," Timon lifted a pawful of Simba's mane to reveal his face, "you look like shit."

"I feel like it," Simba rolled over grumpily.

"What happened, you fall out of a tree?"

"Shut up. What are you, my mom?" His words slurred ever so slightly.

"Someone's gotta be," Timon looked the lion over. "I can smell by your breath that you've been eating old fruit again."

"And?"

"And...you know, you've been doing that an awful lot lately. You wanna talk?"

"No." A pause. "We broke up. For real, this time."

"Oh." Timon wasn't sure what to say. "How uh, how's that make you feel?"

"I don't know," Simba rubbed his face. "Dizzy."

"Yeah, you uh, you should maybe think about laying off that stuff for a few days," Timon picked a leaf out of the lion's mane. "You're starting to look a little scrawny."

"Am not," Simba sat up groggily, rubbing his face with his paw.

"Are too. You eat all this old fruit, then you get sick and don't eat. I don't know much about lions, but I do know that their ribs aren't supposed to show," he poked the lion's rib.

"It's just a growth spurt," Simba swatted his friend. "Get off my back."

"No," Timon dusted himself off, "I think you're done growing, you just need to fill out a little."

"She said I'm starting to look like a sick lioness," he grumbled. "Among about a dozen other things."

"Yeesh, you're a real snake charmer, you know that?"

"Tell me about it."

"You gotta take better care of yourself, you can't fully enjoy all the benefits of Hakuna Matata if you're sick. Plus, don't forget," he playfully punched Simba's shoulder, "we need those muscles and teeth keeping us in our rightful home, you can't save us from ferocious-WHAT THE-!"

"YOU!" A large figure slammed into Simba as Timon leaped back with a yelp. Simba fought his assailant with a snarl. It was the king of Surani's pride, Rais.

"Get off of me!" Simba growled before swiping the aged lion's face and lunging after his shoulder.

"Hey!" Timon shouted angrily from a log, shaking his clenched claws, "he didn't do anything, lay off my kid! I said get off!"

"How dare you defile one of my kin?" Rais pinned Simba roughly. "You disgust me!"

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Simba shouted, but Rais struck his face.

"Hey!" Timon shouted.

"Rape is an offense punishable by death," the lion spat, "and it is only through the angelic grace of her heart that you are spared. You are not worthy to eat the worms your little friend here rejects and if it were up to me your carcass would be strung from a tree as an example!"

"Rape?!" Simba was horrified.

"Shut up! If I ever see you again, I will kill you on sight." To punctuate this threat, he pressed his paw to Simba's throat until a sickly choke gurgled of the young lion's throat. "Understand? Understand!?" Simba struggled for air, unable to speak.

"Simba!" Without another thought, Timon jumped down from his log and charged, biting the predator. With an irritated scowl, Rais batted Timon away. He then released Simba, who gasped as his attacker retreated back into the maze of trees.

"Simba!" Timon fretted, "are you okay?"

"Timon," Simba panted, dazed. "I-I didn't...I'd never..."

"I know."

"I mean, I just-I wouldn't..."

"Hey," Timon put his paw to Simba's side. "I know you wouldn't, Simba. It's okay. I believe you. I know you'd never do something like that."

"Why does he think I did?"

"Well, seems to me like your girlfriend wants to punish you for leaving."

Simba quietly rose, and took a shaky breath.

"I need to do something."

"No," Timon shook his head, "no, you don't. You need to sit down, get a drink of water, and-no no no, come back!"

Simba was gone.

"So," Nala looked down the hillside at the lioness, who sat surrounded by a curious feline entourage on the bank of the watering hole. She and the other huntresses had found Simba, Kiara, and the stranger without too much difficulty. "That's Surani."

"That's Surani." His voice was grim.

"How did she know where to find you?"

"I haven't a clue."

"What does she want?"

"I'm not sure. She said something about getting a premonition about unfinished business between us. I didn't give her the opportunity to elaborate. We started arguing like cubs, right in front of Kiara, I don't know what came over me. What happened between us is over and done with, we both were at our worst, and we've both grown older and it's been too long to worry about it. And yet, I was as angry as I was back then, like no time had passed."

"Seeing her must have unearthed some feelings you thought were dead."

"It doesn't matter. She's not staying."

"Simba, I'm angry that she did the things she did, but she's never left her pride. Where is she supposed to go?"

"Surani doesn't look like much, but she's ruthless," Simba looked down at his mate. "Wherever she goes, she'll be fine."

"She didn't seem so ruthless when you and Kiara had to swoop in and save her."

"I thought it over," he slowly exhaled, "and it doesn't make sense that she asked the rogue to injure her, if they were friends he wouldn't have hurt her so badly, and he wouldn't have wasted his time fighting us. I believe it was a real attack. But, I still don't think it's a good idea to have her around. I just don't know why she came at all."

"Maybe she's lying about why she left. Maybe she was ostracized from her pride, and doesn't want to admit it."

"If she had any grain of a possible sob story, she'd use it, that's not something she'd lie about."

"You're basing all your assumptions based on behavioral patterns set when you two were intimate," Nala argued, "she doesn't know you anymore, I'm sure she's capable of lying about something emotionally painful."

"Let's say you're right," he nodded at the group below them. "Let's say she did have a good reason to leave. Why find me? What does she have to gain from being around me? She could have wandered into any pride, anybody would have taken her."

"Here's what I think. One way or another, she trusts you."

"She doesn't-"

"Just let me finish. You said that you two started arguing right away, right?"

"Right."

"During your argument, did it ever cross your mind to push her back into the wilds with her injury?"

"...No," Simba admitted begrudgingly. "I wouldn't do that."

"I'm sure Surani is about as eager to chat about old times with you as you are with her, but deep down, she knows that you're too kind to let her starve. She trusts you to keep her safe. Maybe right now, that's all she needs."

"And you're okay with this?" He rose an eyebrow.

"I can't say I'm thrilled. But, it's not really about me. To the pride, she's just a helpless stranger who needs shelter. Surani is a lot of things, and she may or may not have changed, but either way, she's not a physical threat."

"I'll give you that, at least."

"I think, as hesitant as I am to admit it, the right thing to do is to give her shelter. I'm not going to enjoy sharing my den with her, and I'm sure you aren't either. But we don't have to talk to her. I'm sure by the time she can fend for herself, she'll have gathered herself enough to start somewhere fresh."

"Fine," he relented. "We'll see how this plays out."

Kion regarded the other male cautiously. They were in a stretch of neutral territory, if ever there was such a true thing. Regardless, no carnivores had claimed this watering hole. He'd been surprised at the calm disposition some of the rogue males had in lands like this. This one seemed to be of that lot. Simply passing through, the same as Kion. Neither of them wanted trouble. He bent his head to drink, watching the male out of the corner of his eye.

"You from around here?" The male asked. He had the build of an animal who was once muscular, but had grown lanky due to age and exposure to harsher climates. His mane was dull and dirt-colored.

"No," Kion answered gruffly. "You?"

"Nope."

A moment of silence passed as they drank. When they finished, the lion continued to stare.

"Where are you from, then?" The stranger asked.

"You're curious," Kion narrowed his eyes. He'd learned to regard personal questions with great caution in the wilds. Some animals were easily instigated over trivial things, and he didn't care to waste his time fending off some confused rogue.

"Your accent isn't from around these parts, that's all."

"Neither is yours."

"True enough."

"You traveling somewhere?" Kion asked. The stranger seemed harmless enough. The tranquility of the Hakima Steppe had provided a welcome break from the noise and change of his home, but the isolation had grown lonely. He missed talking to his own kind. The eerie silence of the wilds between territories only punctuated his desire to be trusted company again. He missed his family. He missed the way his father would crack a sly smile during meetings, and the two would share a silent joke that nobody else was privy to. He missed his mother's nuzzles and the stories she told on rainy nights. He missed his sister's laugh.

"It's funny you should ask," the lion cracked a smile. "I had a dream that I'd meet someone important very soon. You important, kid?"

"I just do my best to follow my path. I don't think that makes me important."

"What's your name, young man?"

"Kion."

"Tsaro."

Kion blinked. He knew that name.

"Not Tsaro of Mufasa's Lion Guard?"

"Who the hell are you?" The lion's eyes widened

"You're my mom's dad!" Kion exclaimed with a jump. "You're Tsaro, the strongest! Your mate was Sarafina, your daughter is Nala!"

"I don't talk about that," the lion looked disturbed. "Sarafina and the rest of the pride chose their side. That's ancient history."

"They were wrong," Kion stood his ground. "They know that now. I know it doesn't help you now, but they know."

"So," the lion cast a hard look at Kion. "Scar did it, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did. Exactly as the Guard predicted. Scar murdered Mufasa."

"I see. And what became of my Sarafina?"

"She never left home."

"I'm surprised she still called it home. So then," he cleared his throat, "speaking of such, what drove you all the way out here?"

"I took a sabbatical from leading the Lion Guard. Now, I've decided to return home and resume my position."

"You, huh?" He looked Kion over. "Not for Scar, I presume."

"No," Kion shook his head. "For my father, King Simba."

"No kidding," Tsaro looked mildly surprised. "His own uncle?"

"My father merely challenged him. Scar's hyenas killed him."

"So karma is real," Tsaro let a bitter smile cross his muzzle. "Just when I think I've heard everything."

"Now that you know Scar is dead," Kion spoke carefully, "would you consider coming back to Pride Rock?"

"No," he shook his head. "It's been too long, I'm set in my ways."

"What about Sarafina?" Kion felt an anger he hadn't felt in a long time bubbling in his chest. "She thinks you're dead. My mom thinks you're dead."

"Tell them the truth," Tsaro shrugged. "Hell, lie to them and let them keep their peace, it's all the same to me."

"They're your family."

"Kid, you of all animals should know that family isn't always blood. Maybe your daddy didn't deal the final blow himself, but I guarantee he never would have let Scar live after what he did to Mufasa. And don't think he wouldn't hesitate to kick my old ass if I stepped out of line, either. That royal line is a stickler for rules I just don't have the patience to re-learn. I'm a rogue, deep down. Maybe I always was. I don't know, and I'm too old to care. They all sided with Scar. After that, they weren't family. You can't love someone who turns on you."

"My mom never turned on you. She never would have."

"Your mom's loyalty lies with your dad, now. Besides, it's been a long time, but I remember what a privilege it is to be Queen of the Pride Lands. She doesn't need my dusty ass resurrecting old feelings, I'm sure she's fine without me. Sarafina, too. Plus," he added as an afterthought. "Mufasa was raising a good kid, I'm sure Simba takes care of them just fine."

"He does," Kion glared.

"See? They don't need me. Hell, they've even got a new Lion Guard. You guys are set just fine."

"What happened to the others?" Kion asked.

"Ask them yourself," Tsaro shrugged. "A few of us stuck together. But," he added with a touch of irritation, "you gotta promise me that you won't use that big royal mouth to browbeat my guys. They haven't done anything wrong, and we don't take so well to being told what to do out here."

"I promise I don't cast judgment," Kion nodded solemnly. "I just want to meet them."

"Sure, knock yourself out," Tsaro shrugged. "First," he scratched his stomach, "I'm hungry, your mom teach you to hunt worth a damn?"

"She's been leading the hunting parties since she was my age."

"That's my girl," a small smile slipped across his muzzle. "Alright, let's go kill something."

His head throbbed painfully with each step as he bounded through the forest. His gait was sloppy and his vision was still blurred, especially when the glaring sunlight pierced the treetops, but he refused to stop. His throat burned, and each pant was a rasp. Every muscle was sore, and his stomach hurt from heaving up everything he'd eaten. In the back of his mind, he knew Timon was right. Something had to change. Something HAD to change. He thought back to their final words to each other.

"Get back here, asshole! You think anyone is gonna want your bony ass? You can just mark today as the last day you ever had a piece!"

"You know what, Rani? It isn't even worth the mountain of bullshit you put me through to get it, I'm done!"

"Good, everybody thinks you're secretly gay anyway!"

"Bite me!"

He'd hurt her, he knew he had. But rape? They hurt each other, that was their thing. Had been their thing. Whenever she'd asked him to stop, he had. He'd never forced himself on her unless she'd asked him to. Begged him to. Demanded him to. He'd always hated that, he hated the demands. He hated it when she made him feel uncomfortable. There had to be balance. She pushed him into sex when he didn't want it, teased and taunted him until he gave in. Called him a pussy, feminine, gay. If he wasn't a little rough, if he didn't cause her some pain somehow, even just for a second, then he was just giving without taking. It was in the little things, the extra thrust when he knew it was too deep, nibbling her ear a little too hard, slowing down and delaying her satisfaction when he knew his didn't matter, these were the things that leveled the field. He knew it was sick. He knew, deep down, that it was wrong.

But he didn't know how to stop. This was just what happened. It started with a few jokes, a few walks, a hunt or two, and a night alone together. It always started out simply enough, but sooner or later he found himself tangled in ways that he didn't want to be, in ways that he barely understood. He didn't even remember when he'd started to hate Surani, he only knew that his disdain for her had finally surpassed his fear of being alone. After all, he had Timon and Pumbaa. He'd always have Timon and Pumbaa.

Now, he'd ripped her precious control away from her. She couldn't control him, couldn't push him around and tease him, if he wasn't there anymore. She wanted to have the final word, wanted to deal the final blow. She always had to have the last word, but this time, it had been his. And she'd punished him in the one way she knew she could. And he hadn't even seen it coming. He was stupid to think she'd let him have the last word.

Rape. Of course. She'd tried to turn his friends against him, and get him hurt while she was at it. She'd tried to scare him, then condemn him to isolation. Any security he'd felt, she'd tried to take from him. But it hadn't fully worked, she'd overstepped her abilities. Timon didn't believe for a second that he'd done it. He knew Pumbaa wouldn't either. Rais might have hurt him, he might even one day kill him. But she couldn't take his friends, the only two animals who cared if he lived or died, away from him.

He didn't just want to rub in her face that her ploy hadn't stuck, he wanted to have the final word. He wanted to deal the final blow. This was his. She had nothing left to hit him with, and it was his turn.

"Simba!" She looked startled to see him, standing quickly as he confronted her. She was alone. She hadn't been expecting him.

"You went too far," he stepped menacingly into her personal space. She was backed against a tree, and couldn't retreat.

"What are you going to do about it?" She challenged. "Actually do it now that everyone thinks you did? Rais would kill you."

"What is wrong with you?" His face twisted in disgust.

"You said it yourself, sometimes bad things happen, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"But you know I'd never do that. You know it, but you accused me anyway, just to try to get in my head."

"Simba," a sadistic smile crossed her face, "you can act as tough as you want, but I'm already inside your head. I know I am. If I say you did it, you'll start to wonder if you did. It's already started, I can see that you're scared. You're so fucked up your reality is something I can bend, and even when you know it's happening, you can't stop me. I bet I could accuse you of murder and you'd actually believe-"

He didn't remember making the decision to put his paw to her throat. He honestly didn't. He only felt a jolt of rage, and suddenly she was pinned by her neck against the tree, gasping for air. Just like he had when Rais had pinned him. In her eyes there burned a flame of true, primal fear. For the first time, she was afraid of him. Terrified that he would hurt her. The realization made his stomach turn.

"No more," was all he said before he released her. She remained in place, frozen, panting as she tried to process what had just happened. She no longer looked threatening, she looked helpless. A victim. All of her confidence, her twisted smug smile, her venomous eyes, all of it was gone, drained away leaving only a stiff shell. He turned, and left her.

Timon was right. Something had to change.

Author's Note,

This was the first chapter that really gave me trouble. Even after several rewrites, I still wasn't happy with it. Hell, even now, I'm worried that it could have been written better, that scenes should have been cut or changed, but I think this version carries the plot I've constructed the best, even if the narrative flow isn't what I had hoped it would be. When two people are abused or traumatized, they often feel a loss of control, and it's easy for them to fall into maladaptive coping mechanisms as they try to establish stability. This can manifest in many ways, such as manipulative behavior and a tendency to be drawn to those with similar wounds, and the twisted dance two trauma survivors can find themselves in is difficult to put on the page. This chapter is not a condemnation of the victims, but rather a criticism of the abusive patterns they may find themselves in unintentionally. Neither Surani nor Simba walked into the relationship with the intention of causing the other pain, but without healthy boundaries they spiraled. Surani fell prey to her tendency to use manipulation and gaslighting to achieve a sense of control and prevent abandonment. Simba accepted this treatment because he felt he didn't deserve better, and his trauma wired him for codependency. However, he also suffers from the same desire for control and stability, resulting in a tango of jabs and pain that eroded their trust in each other quickly.

LuL3 [AO3]: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! The next chapter (that I've already started because I needed a mental break from this chapter) will hint at why Surani is important. She and Simba may not like each other, but like it or not, they're going to need each other.

miraestrellxs [AO3]: I've already promised Malka's heart to another, but as per your last request, thy will be done! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!

Outlander15 [FF]: Thank you so much for your feedback, it's so helpful and reassuring to read comments like yours.

Cheers!

- Dieren