Chapter 4
March 1922, 2 weeks later
Anna had already changed into her nightgown and was in the midst of brushing her hair when she heard water draining from the tub in the bathroom. The old pipes made an awful noise as the water drained, but the sound was pleasing to Anna because it meant her husband had finished bathing.
"Perfect timing," Anna thought to herself as the bristles on her brush skimmed through her hair. She continued her efforts another minute before placing the brush on the dresser. She ran her fingers through her fine golden tresses, separating the strands. Her hands deftly braided the hair as she had done nearly every night of her life. Absent-mindedly, she tied a satin ribbon at the end of the long plait.
Anna continued with her nightly routine as she squeezed the lavender lotion onto her palm. As she worked the cream through her dry hands, John exited the bathroom. Anna beamed at her husband, only in his white undershirt and pants. His wet hair was neatly parted, and clearly just combed.
John observed his wife sitting at the small vanity. He much preferred her hair cascading down her shoulders, but even with her hair tied back, she looked absolutely flawless. Anna pumped more lotion on her hand and bent over towards her feet. As she bent, her gown slipped down her arm allowing John a view of the alabaster skin of her shoulder. A feeling a possession and adoration swept over John. This woman was his, entirely his, and he should worship the ground she walked on. As Anna began to lather her ankle, an idea struck John.
"Please, let me do that," John interrupted.
"What?" Anna asked, straightening back up with a confused look on her face.
"Let me pamper you. I would like to give you a proper foot massage," John explained. He walked over to the extra chair in the corner and grabbed it with his free hand.
As John made his way towards the vanity, Anna objected, "You really don't have to."
John placed the chair down next to her. "I know I don't have to, but I want to. You can hardly refuse my request."
The idea of a foot massage intrigued Anna immensely. Even though it was still early days in her pregnancy, she noticed her feet aching after the long hours at work. "Alright, but some day, I get to return the favor," Anna relented.
John lightly tapped his good knee and Anna placed her right foot on his leg. He proceeded to tenderly brush his calloused fingers across her soft palm to retrieve the residual lotion. For a man with such large hands, he was incredibly gentle.
Her foot was cold at first touch. He applied the lotion from her toes to her ankle, amazed at how her petite foot fit neatly in his hand. As his fingers lightly traveled to the bottom of her foot, Anna squirmed slightly as she let out a small giggle. John would have to remember this ticklish spot for another time, but for now he avoided the sensitive area. He simply wanted her to relax and enjoy the experience.
All the while, Anna looked down at her husband as he worked, a light smile playing on his features. John's touch was intimate yet pure; and so very soothing.
John began to apply pressure to the ball of her foot, trying to relieve the tension. All the while, Anna hummed silently in appreciation with the occasional moan slipping from her lips. Using his thumb and forefinger, he rubbed each toe individually, utterly convinced that every part of his wife was beautiful. He glanced up to see her head was reclined on the seat back and her eyes shut. He was pleased his ministrations made her so serene. John spent several more minutes alternating between firm and soft touches, until he finally bent down and kissed the top of her foot.
"Next foot, milady," John said with the heat in his cheeks rising. "And I need more lotion." Calling her milady transferred John back to an earlier time. It had been many years since that day Anna confessed her love. Even though John felt the same as she did, he dared not return her affection at that time. But he was sincere when he called her a lady. In his mind, no one could surpass her elegance, humility, and strength.
Anna replaced one foot for another on his lap and pumped the lotion into his palm. John practiced the same dexterity on the second foot, even working up her lower leg. His hands made a circular motion as he pressed into her well-defined calf muscles. Her legs were clearly toned from the years of constantly moving up and down the abbey. Part of John wanted to continue all night, but his own hands were beginning to cramp, unfamiliar with the repetitive actions. He continued for a minute more, ensuring he gave the foot the same amount of attention as the first. As John's hands stop, Anna's eyes reopened.
"Thank you so very much. That was just what I needed," Anna said as she removed her leg from his. She cupped his face and stared deep into his brown eyes. "You are truly wonderful."
"I'm pleased you'd enjoyed it. I can do it every night if you wish," John offered.
Anna closed the remaining space between them, brushing their noses together, and proceeded to kiss him, "Maybe not every night, but I definitely will request it again. How about you go warm up the bed? I'll brush my teeth and wash my face, then I'll join you." She dragged her fingers through his coarse hair, completely dried by this time.
"Alright, don't leave me waiting long." John rose and grabbed the chair to return their bedroom to its orderly condition. Anna departed for the bathroom feeling completely relaxed.
John placed his cane by the nightstand and undid his side of the bed. He climbed into the sheets, not as frigid as some days, but still uncomfortably cold again against his warm skin. The coal furnace generally maintained a relatively comfortable temperature in their cottage, as long as he filled it to the correct level. But cold air always seemed to seep into the upstairs and settle decisively on the sheets. John generally shouldered the responsibility of warming up the bed. He could hardly complain, anything would be bearable after sleeping in the prison beds. After uneventful days, John was only able to look forward to a freezing stone cell and uncomfortable bed. The mattress was lumpy and the bedding itchy and thin. He was surprised he slept most nights, between his bad leg and the cold air, but sheer exhaustion eventually won out. At his room in Downton, chilly sheets nightly greeted him, but he never had the pleasure of Anna joining him there like he does now. Even when Anna placed her freezing feet against his freshly reheated legs, he never uttered one grievance to her. Sharing his bed with Anna had led to the best nights of sleep in his life.
John plumped up his pillows against the headboard and sat against them as he waited for his wife. He heard the muffled sound of the sink through the bathroom door. John had to admit, the foot massage went perfectly. He vowed to think of new ways to care for Anna as her pregnancy advanced. John heard the squeak of the bathroom door and turned towards his wife. She climbed into bed and smiled.
"I feel absolutely wonderful. Maybe you will have to give me massages every night," Anna kissed John with her minty breath.
Instead of situating her pillows, Anna opted to lay her head on the crook of John's shoulder. He snugged his arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him.
"It will be my pleasure," John replied and pressed his lips against her hairline.
"I finally wrote my mother to share the good news. I'm sure we'll hear back from her in a matter of days," Anna said. She had begun to draw lazy circles on John's chest.
John had wanted to bring up the topic of when to tell others, and Anna had given him the perfect opportunity. He had given it some thought, but they barely discussed it. When they had briefly talked about it, Anna had mentioned she wanted to inform her mother first.
Anna felt guilty about the manner her mother found out about her eldest daughter's wedding. Anna hardly felt she could put in a letter that she secretly married a divorced man arrested for murder. The plan initially was that John would travel with Anna to her house once he secured a day off with his Lordship. But instead, Mrs. Hughes accompanied Anna to the family farm. Even as both women vowed John was innocent and an honorable man, her mother was rightly devastated and confused. Mrs. Smith did not cast off her daughter altogether, but she did not embrace her decision to marry a man with a shadowy past either. Fortunately, Anna had been able to mend the relationship over the last two years and she felt she owed it to her mother to inform that she was expecting before anyone else.
John inquired, "And when shall we tell everyone at the house?"
"Eventually... soon, I guess," Anna responded. Now that her mother knew, there was no reason not to say anything to the others. Telling everyone would make it a reality, but even more so, it would change everything. Once everyone knew, there would be no turning back for Anna. And she had to admit there was something delicious about keeping the secret only between her and her husband. The thrill of John's knowing smile when their eyes met, and everyone completely unaware to the reason why. Secretly in love, secretly married, so to Anna, it only made sense to keep the pregnancy a secret.
"When?" John pressed, "I thought you could tell Lady Mary the same night I tell his Lordship. Then we could tell Mrs. Hughes together. Or would you prefer to tell Mrs. Hughes first?"
Anna took a deep breath and stopped her fingers from grazing her husband's chest as she removed herself from his hold. She sat herself up and looked into his face, "I haven't given it much thought because I don't feel right leaving Lady Mary. It's as if I'm abandoning her."
"You aren't abandoning her," John replied.
"But after everything she's been through. She has lost everyone she'd cared for, and now I'm leaving too," Anna continued, feeling as if she was on the verge of tears. Just minutes ago, she was entirely carefree, but now her emotions were running uncheck.
John repositioned himself to face Anna. He turned his body towards her and relaxed his head on his hand, "You will not be far away. You can always visit her,"
"It feels like abandonment to me," Anna responded quietly. Her heart ached at the prospect.
"Lady Mary cannot expect you to sacrifice your personal life for the sake of her happiness," John replied, harsher than he intended. Although he understood why she had spent so much time with her Ladyship the last few months, he still felt ignored at times. He did his best to bury the feelings of neglect, and it nearly worked; things were already turning around in the last month as he began to see more of his wife. And the excitement around the pregnancy caused John to forget any negative sentiments. But now these frustrations were resurfacing as he believed something that was truly supposed to be their moment, was being tarnished by concern over how Lady Mary would react.
Anna averted John's graze, she felt ashamed, yet slightly irritated. "And it's not just that. I'm afraid everyone will treat me differently. You're already fussing over me; I don't need a whole household watching my every step," Anna snapped back at him.
"I'm not trying to fuss, I just want to make sure you're alright," John said extra gently, trying to defuse the situation. He did not intend to start an argument and the last thing he would want to do was aggravate Anna. He exerted so much effort trying to help Anna relax that night and did not want to undo his progress. He smiled and lightly grabbed her hand, running his thumb up and down it, trying to show he was not upset.
"I'm pregnant, not an invalid. I know you mean well, but I don't know about the others. I'm afraid they will either give me preferential treatment or complain because too many exceptions will be made for my comfort and concern for my health," Anna further explained. She noticed the effort in John's voice as he tried to calm her down. She took another deep breath and let herself enjoy the feel of John's hands on hers.
"You aren't letting the fear of Miss O'Brien's complaints keeping you from telling everyone?" John questioned, partially jokingly.
"No, she'll just find something else to grumble about," Anna replied back with a soft giggle. The frustrations were quickly dissipating and she felt in more control of her emotions. "But I want us to figure everything out before we start telling others. We need to decide how far along I should be when I quit work."
"Well, that may not be up to just us. I'm not sure how Mr. Carson will handle a pregnant servant," John responded.
Anna couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Mr. Carson. He handled the pregnancies of Lady Sybil and Lady Mary quite well, but he rarely interacted with them directly. And Mr. Carson took many precautions for the Crawley daughters and always warned the staff to treat them with extra care during their delicate state. Anna imagined the butler would be quite flustered with a pregnant woman downstairs and that he would most likely be fearful that she would somehow throw off kilter the delicate balance and order of Downton Abbey. Or perhaps, he would fear that the younger housemaids would want to follow Anna's example.
Anna continued her giggle. "Oh my, he won't handle it well at all; he is quite delicate, after all, isn't he?" John was relieved to hear his wife's joy and soon joined in with her laughs. He had to agree, it would be rather interesting watching the conservative butler manage Anna's situation.
"We can't wait much longer," John started. Ever so lightly, he placed his finger at the hem of Anna's nightgown. "I've already noticed a difference," he traced the outline of her thighs under her clothes. The most subtle of changes had occurred to Anna's body. He continued upwards and settled his hand momentarily on her stomach. Anna had always been petite, but John had noticed the smallest of bumps in her midsection. "And soon, others will be able to notice." Anna's breath hitched as John ran his fingers up her body. John grazed his fingers over the swell of her breasts, the first part of her anatomy that he detected a change. He further followed the top of her nightgown and up her long neck. His lips soon replaced his hand and he peppered her jaw line with kisses. "Or at least, I hope I'm the only one that has noticed," John mentioned between kisses. He felt her laughter in her throat.
Anna admitted to herself that John had a point. Her dresses were already beginning to feel snug, and she planned on letting them out a bit. However, she could only do so much to disguise the changes. Soon, her stomach would be growing at an alarming rate and even Daisy and Ivy would understand why. Just as Anna was beginning to enjoy the distraction of John's attention as he turned to her earlobe, she bolted up in surprise.
"What is it?" John asked as he pulled away from her.
Anna did not know how to explain it. She felt a sudden quiver in her stomach, or, better yet, a fluttering. It was quite small, but very distinct and quite unlike anything she had ever felt before. Anna placed her hand on her belly in realization. She tried to see if she could feel this sensation from the outside.
"I felt something…I think it might have been the baby!" Anna exclaimed, smiling, the tears were threatening to fall again, but this time, out of happiness.
Immediately, John placed his hands back on her stomach. Anna removed hers to give him a better feel. Disappointingly, he admitted, "I don't feel anything."
With a sweet smile, she placed her hands on his own. "I don't think you would. It was the smallest sensation ever, almost a swishing feel, but unlike anything I ever felt before."
John just beamed at his wife. The idea of his child, moving inside of her, gave him chills. All he could think is it wouldn't be long until he would be able to feel the baby kicking himself. With his hands still on her belly, he caught her lips in his own.
Anna knew she was pregnant, but it was unbelievable to feel her child within her for the first time. There was no turning back, so clearly they would need to tell everyone. All the other pieces of when she would leave and how her work load would change would fall into place once the others knew.
"I think I should tell Lady Mary first. Then we can inform Mrs. Hughes. She may have the best advice on how to break it to Mr. Carson," Anna said. "And perhaps a week from Friday?"
"Alright," John replied in agreement.
"I do enjoy it being our little secret, and want to keep it so for just a bit longer. And I should not get that much bigger in ten days, or at least, I would hope not," Anna explained. The inevitable was coming. Once Lady Mary's stomach began to grow, it did not stop. Anna knew it would not be too long until she was the size of a house, or at least felt that large.
Anna admitting she enjoyed keeping it secret did not surprise John. He had much of the same delight in the secrecy, but he was grateful that they now had a plan.
"A week from Friday it is," John repeated. "Good night, my love," he replied as he kissed her on the cheek. He repositioned his pillows and laid down facing the window.
Anna, instead, stared straight ahead. She knew she should get some sleep, but was fascinated by the new sensations in her stomach. Perhaps it felt like butterflies or bubbles, she had trouble even describing the feeling to herself. Eventually, she drifted off to sleep, with thoughts of her child on forefront of her mind.
A/N: Thanks to everyone that is reading and reviewing. I hope to continue to update on Sundays, but my school schedule is getting in the way. I will do my best to keep it on Sundays, but I apologize in advance for any delays. I have around 10 chapters planned, but there may end up being a few more, depending how the chapters developed. I do have to admit that reading reviews motivate me to write more (instead of doing my homework), so if you have any comments, praise, critique, questions, suggestions, please let me know.