For weeks, they continued like that. Every night, after dealing with a day of ruling his kingdom, he came home to food, a movie and/or a board game to play. They made love constantly, but Natasha kept her rule in place.
She was nervous that he didn't care as much about what she wasn't letting him have than he did about what she was letting him have…
Today, she'd made homemade pizza and had laid out Monopoly for them to play. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and again, she was wearing one of his dress shirts, which she often did because he seemed to like her in them so much.
When he walked in, she smiled as she bent over to pull the pizza out of the oven, "Hey…right on time."
Loki grinned widely as his eyes grazed over her luscious form, bending and twisting so scrumptiously as she lifted the pizza from the oven and placed it on the counter top. She was becoming more and more important to him and he found himself anxious to return to her side from nearly the instant that he walked out the door. He moved behind her as she was removing the oven mitt from her hand. His arms wrapping around her waist as he rested his chin in the crook of her neck.
"I'm starving, little spider," He smiled into her skin as he began to devour her neck with long, slow kisses. "I want you." She turned in his arms and pulled him in for a kiss. The young god began walking her towards the bedroom, devouring each other with their lips and hands along the way before they finally collapsed along the bed. He began to unbutton her shirt, kissing every inch of her skin as he undressed her languidly. Well it was his shirt technically but he loved the way she looked in his clothes. He had a fantasy about her wearing his uniform and helmet. Though he doubted he would ever actually suggest it. "I don't want to stop," he murmured as he placed a sensual kiss along her breastbone. "There are other ways so you won't have to worry." He wanted her to be his in every way.
Natasha raised her leg around his waist as she ran her fingers through his silky, dark locks. She was already lost in a haze of ecstasy when he began unbuttoning her shirt. At his words, she brought his face up so that she could meet his eyes, "What ways…"
"You know what I mean." The corner of his lip upturned in an impish smile as his dark green eyes met hers. "I can wear something. I want to stay inside of you, Natalia. You have no idea what you do to me."
Natasha smiled as she enclosed his face in her hands and kissed his lips, "We could do that…but you know it doesn't feel the same…" She felt like she was about to use the logic of a teenaged boy who didn't want to use a condom with his girlfriend. But she knew it had to be done. She needed to drive him past the point of no return.
She trailed kisses up the side of his neck as she whispered against his ear, "You can't feel how wet I am directly on the skin of your cock…you can't feel every pulse and shudder inside of me…god, Loki…you don't know how many times I've been tempted to just risk it…and let you cum inside of me…" Her body trembled slightly at the thought as she let out a soft moan against the shell of his ear, "…what I wouldn't give to feel you erupt inside of me…feel your warmth deep in my core."
"By the nines, woman… are you trying to kill me?" Loki growled as he slid his hand underneath her panties, circling his fingers along the warmth between her thighs before pressing into her deeply. He watched her head tip back, a delightful moan echoing from her lips as fingers moved in and out languidly. "I want nothing more than that. I would take you right now if you'd let me, little spider." He moved his lips to her breasts. He adored her body. Every inch of her flesh was pure paradise. "But… I don't mind using protection… I just… I want to… I want to be with you. Will you let me?"
"Oh, Loki…" she breathed as she arched, her hips jerking upwards against the motion of his hand. She moaned as she slid a hand into his pants, wrapping her slender fingers around his shaft as she began lightly squeezing and pumping.
Another gasp left her lips as she felt him begin to toy with the tiny bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs. She leaned over, recapturing his lips in a hungry kiss.
"Loki…it won't be same with protection…and…I can't risk getting pregnant…", she murmured as she trailed kisses down his neck. Her words were broken up by gasps of pleasure, "I just…oh…god…I can't…"
She rolled her body on top of his before shedding her shirt and tossing it away. After some maneuvering, she managed to rid herself of her panties as well. Natasha lay on top of him, pressing her naked body against his clothed one.
Loki wrapped his hand around her neck as he pulled her in for passionate kiss. His entire body seemed to be screaming to be united with hers as he arched up against her naked form. He wanted her. He needed her. He could think of nothing else. Her words only increased the hunger that was burning through his veins.
"Natalia," the young god breathed in his sultry accent. "Just once… please… please, Natalia, let me have you. Just this once."
Natasha returned the kiss eagerly, moaning against his lips as her entire body shuddered. She had to be crazy to allow this prior to nailing down their arrangement, but she knew that once he has a taste, it was highly unlikely he'd be willing to risk losing his privileges.
"Alright…yes…yes…" she whispered against his lips. "Make me yours…"
"Wait… what?" he stuttered as he searched those sweet blue eyes of hers. Had he been hearing things. "Did you say yes… you want me to? I mean… are you sure that you… little spider… please don't play games with me… I would prefer you said no than have you change your mind." He felt like he was going to explode as she continued to rub her hips against him. He didn't know it was possible to want a woman this much.
Natasha moaned and nodded quickly, "Yes…I'm ready…once won't hurt…"
She hoped.
Loki flipped their bodies so she was beneath him as he rid himself of the last of his clothes. He was suddenly nervous which was ridiculous. He felt like a virgin about to have his first experience with a woman. He eased himself just barely inside of her, keeping a careful watch of her eyes. He realized in that moment how important it was to him that she didn't regret being with him. How much he had truly come to care for her. He did nothing to hide the emotion in his eyes as he took her slowly, gliding deep inside of her as her body shuddered around him. "Oh Natalia… you're everything I could ever want."
Natasha arched beneath him and whispered his name, raising her legs around his waist as her hands roamed down his back to settle on his ass, pressing him deeper inside of her.
She stared up into his eyes, overwhelmed by the moment. She wasn't supposed to feel this way about him. He'd taken over her world, and actually tried to kill her…but suddenly, the words were flowing from her mouth.
"Loki I lo…" She stopped, covering the break in her voice with a moan before she continued…carefully. "I love the way you feel inside of me…"
That was a close one. She'd almost told him she loved him.
The moment was perfect, more incredible than he could ever dreamed it to be. They climaxed together with a soul-shattering intensity that he could barely fathom as he groaned in blissful agony. His seed spilling into her as he nuzzled into her neck, relishing the lush red curls of her hair that tickled against his face. He held himself up with his arms keeping the brunt of his weight from her but he didn't move his body away from hers. He wanted to savor the feeling of their joining. If it were possible he could never move again and be completely content.
Natasha idly stroked his back, softly peppering his face with kisses.
"That was amazing…"
…and now she was going to have to watch her menstrual cycle like a hawk. She couldn't be bothered by that thought right now. She was determined to enjoy this moment. It was perfect…
Loki was sitting with his back leaning against the headboard as he gazed at the black widow curled up in his bed. He was still on a high from their union as he watched her sleep. It had been perfect. So much so that it had scared him. She had become such a part of his life that he could no longer imagine not having her with him.
Yet, she was his prisoner and he wasn't even sure if she felt anything for him at all. Except lust, he supposed. But what he felt for her was so much more than that. And he wanted her to feel the same way. He wanted what happened between them before to happen again. He wanted her and not just her body. He wanted her heart. Such a strange thing for him of all people to wish for. She was probably the least likely person in the universe to ever give it to him.
He noticed her eyes begin to flutter open as she gazed up at him half asleep. He caressed her cheek softly as he smiled down at her. "Don't mind me, little spider, it is barely dawn you should rest."
Natasha exhaled and brushed her lips across his chest as a lazy smile formed on her face. She'd enjoyed last night. It was special…intimate, even. She'd never had sex like that with anyone.
Her feelings were beginning to get in the way and cloud her thoughts. It would be a huge problem if she forgot why she was even here in the first place, but even the Black Widow couldn't ignore how amazing it was to wake up in his arms with those deep green eyes staring down at her.
"I'm ok…I don't need much sleep…" she murmured sleepily as she snuggled into his body.
God, he felt good.
"Then that is just one more thing we have in common, little spider," He mused as he maneuvered himself so that he was lying on his side, and they were face to face, blue eyes staring languidly into green. He brushed her soft red curls back across her shoulder before trailing his finger along her lips. "We are a perfect match." Loki captured her lips in a lazy kiss as he glided his hand down her thigh pulling her leg across his hip as he deepened the kiss. "And a perfect fit. Don't you agree, Natalia." His kisses grew hungrier as her soft moans grew louder. "I know I said just once but I am not exactly known for my honesty, am I," he grinned playfully against her lips.
Natasha laughed softly against his lips, moaned as she felt the evidence of his arousal brush against her. Her body shivered slightly as his lips found the sweet spot behind her ear, "Oh…god…Loki…once was risky enough…don't you think?"
Despite her protests, her body was eagerly responding to his attentions. It felt like his hands were in all of the right places at once as her eyes rolled closed, "oh…we shouldn't…."
Come on, Natasha…get it together.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get her brain to properly convey messages to her mouth and her limbs. She found herself moaning when she should have been protesting. She pressed herself harder against him when she should have been pushing him away.
"Don't think so much, little spider," Loki entreated as he brushed his body teasingly against hers, letting her feel just how ready he was for her. "It felt so good… like you were a part of me." His hands moving greedily along her body, touching every place that he knew made her crazy with desire as his lips did the same. "I think you are, Natalia… a part of me… my missing piece… you belong with me, little spider."
Natasha was losing this battle. Loki was definitely getting the upper hand here. Never before had the Black Widow been so entranced and weakened by the sexual prowess of a male. She was always the one on top. She was used to being in control in these situations.
Now, she was barely able to string together a proper sentence as his lips and hands expertly roamed over her flushed body.
"Loki…there…mmmm….there are consequences…for this…I can't…we can't…." her voice trailed off as she whimpered in ecstasy. Her body wanted him. She may as well throw in the towel now.
A low growl escaped his throat as Loki gently moved her onto her back, positioning himself as her hips lifted and her hands grasped at his waist. His breathing suspended as he gazed down at her. "Say yes… say yes, Natalia. Tell me that you want me as much as I want you."
Don't do it, Natasha. Don't. This is nothing but trouble. Don't say it.
Too bad the Black Widow rarely listened to the voice of reason inside of her head, because the next thing she knew, she was arching her back and rolling her hips upwards, "I do…I want you…"
A chorus of moans and gasps spilled from her lips as he entered her in one, deliciously brutal thrust. Her entire body tensed, and their surroundings seemed to melt away as he moved within her.
"Natalia," Loki grunted as he set a pounding rhythm. His heartbeat thundering in his chest as she answered his thrusting hips with sweet abandon, arching to meet each possessive movement. He sucked in a startled breath as he could feel the spasm of delight begin to rocket through her. "My Natalia… mine," he all but growled as he convulsed against her.
Loki collapsed onto his back and pulled her flush against his chest as he kissed her forehead tenderly. His fingers moved languidly up and down her arm as his other hand twirled a curl of her hair that had fallen haphazardly across his breast. Was this what it was to be in love, he mused. The young god had nothing to compare it to. He only knew that he had never cared for anyone or anything more in his life.
Natasha panted as she lay atop him, his arms possessively encircling her as if he never planned to let her go. In fact, it seemed that way…literally when she moved to get up a few minutes later to use the restroom. His grip had tightened, so she looked up into his face with a small smile, "I wanted to take a shower…"
He reluctantly released her and she could feel his eyes intently watching her naked form as she disappeared into the bathroom.
They were in deep…
When Loki left the penthouse, Natasha went rooting around for a calendar. After finding one, she sat it down on the desk and began calculating her menstrual cycle. Her next one should arrive in a few days…so she was out of her "danger" window, but she was smart enough to know that no time was a safe time for unprotected sex.
If she could attempt to employ some sort of method for keeping Loki at bay during her most fertile days, she might be able to keep him happy without putting herself in danger of getting knocked up.
She was so involved with the calendar, she didn't hear him when he came in.
"What are you doing, little spider?" Loki asked curiously as he watched her staring intently at the calendar in front of her. He couldn't even begin to imagine what for. Was she planning something? He shook the thought from his mind. He needed to stop distrusting everything she did. How could he expect her to truly care for him if he doubted her every move? Trust was not something that he gave to many people. In fact, his family had been the only ones and, of course, it turned out that they were all liars. Still he needed to try, and for her, he was determined to do just that.
Natasha jumped and let out a soft curse when the sound of his voice surprised her. He moved quieter than she did…and she didn't think that was possible. She looked up at him and bit her lip. Lying would get her nowhere in this situation. He could smell a lie a million miles away. They were his business.
"I…was just seeing when I should be expecting my period. After last night and this morning, I thought it would be a good idea to keep a close eye on things…" she answered truthfully.
"You are afraid you might get pregnant," Loki surmised as his dark green eyes gazed at the calendar. She had mentioned that before. He hadn't been thinking clearly, not that he regretted being with her but he hated the thought that she might. "I do not blame you for not wanting a child of mine." he replied honestly. Who would want a Frost Giant's offspring? "In the future we should use something so you don't have to worry."
Natasha was taken aback by his reaction. He actually seemed…solemn. She slowly moved over to him and looked up into his eyes before cautiously taking his hands, "It's nothing personal, Loki. I'm your prisoner. You've got the only friends I have locked up—"
Her eyes lowered as she slowly released his hands and sat down. She'd been living in the lap of luxury while her team rotted away in those god forsaken cells.
"I want to see them", she whispered, looking down at her hands.
"Yes… I suppose they are your only friends," Loki murmured dejectedly as he watched her sink into the sofa. Her words only underscored the fact that they meant more to her than he ever could. The young god wanted so much to get her to care for him. But he seemed to be hitting a brick wall at every turn.
She was his prisoner, a point she never failed to mention. Could he blame her? Not really. How could he not see her point. Could she ever truly care for him if she was only with him because she had no other choice. Yet, where did that leave him. If he were to grant her freedom she would be gone so fast his head would probably spin. He had no delusions about that. He didn't like seeing her so melancholy. "Who is it you would want to see?"
"If I could see them…each of them. Just for a short time. I just need to see how they're doing with my own eyes. I've been up here…living like some sort of princess in a tower while they've been suffering and…I don't deserve it. The only reason you want me up here is because…" she lowered her eyes and lowered her voice to just above a whisper, "…because I have something you want…"
Natasha looked back up into his eyes, "Please?"
Loki was torn as he gazed down into her sweet blue eyes. He wanted to please her, to make her happy but at the same time he hated the thought of her going to them. They would be sure to warn her away from him. Especially the archer. The thought of her being anywhere near her ex-lover made his blood boil with resentment and jealousy.
"I will arrange for the guard at our door to take you to visit with each of them this afternoon, but only for a little while." Loki conceded before his eyes narrowed and his face became like stone. "Except for the archer, I do not want you to see him, little spider."
Natasha started to breathe a sigh of relief, but when he mentioned that she wasn't allowed to see Clint, she furrowed her eyebrows. She started to protest, but Loki's hardened gaze made her think twice about her approach to this particular disagreement.
He was jealous…of a man who was stuck inside of a cell.
"But, Loki…I don't—" The look on his face stopped her. She knew that if she said anymore, she wouldn't get to see anyone.
A few moments later, the guard escorted her down to the lower levels. They'd moved all of them, with the obvious exception of Clint, into the same cell for her visit…likely so that it would be as quick as possible.
They rushed to the glass, asking her questions, but she couldn't answer very many. She just let them know that she was alright. She asked them if they were eating enough and sleeping enough, and they answered that they were, but all of them seemed despondent. They hadn't seen the sun in weeks.
Natasha felt awful. She told them to tell Barton that she was fine before her guard drug her away.
By the time she returned to the penthouse, she felt guilty. She needed to help them…and the only way she could was by getting to Loki. As he sat on the bed to remove his shoes, she looked down at her hands, "Loki…about earlier…about being afraid about getting pregnant…it's not that I don't want your child…necessarily. It's just that…I'm your prisoner. Obviously, I receive better treatment because you have an…interest in me…but seeing my teammates trapped in those cells reminded me what I am…and what is happening here."
"We had an agreement," Loki snapped as he stood from the bed. The truth was he had been in an irritable mood ever since she left him to go on her little visit. A fact that could be attested to by every being that had crossed his path between that moment and this. He had been imagining the worst possible outcome from her time spent with them and he could see now that his summation had been correct. "That you would not play games with me, little spider. So please don't insult my intelligence by attempting to allude to the idea that if you were not my prisoner that you could ever possibly want to have my child."
Natasha was annoyed and hurt by his assumption of her…and she wasn't sure why. She stood up and got undressed, murmuring angrily the whole time. She mostly muttered about him always accusing her of lying and playing games, but she raised her voice slightly as she stomped to the bathroom.
Just before slamming the door, she glared at him, "You think you have me all figured out…but you'll be surprised to know that you don't know shit."
Natasha started the shower and waited for it to warm up before she stepped inside, letting the water cascade over her face.
Loki paced back and forth in his bedroom as he listened to the sounds of the water running in the bathroom. He was angry and every second that ticked by the angrier he got. Who did she think she was to be mad at him? Had he not just let her see her piddling little comrades? It was just another attempt to manipulate him. The young god heard the water click off moments before the Black Widow walked through the doorway in her bath towel. She glided past him toward the dresser as if he were invisible.
"Please tell me what it is about you that I supposedly don't know?" Loki seethed as he moved behind her. "You are only here because you have no choice. You only accepted our bargain because of your friends, you think to help them. Tell me I'm wrong? You saw an opportunity to use my desire for you to your advantage, is that not correct? What have I said that isn't true?"
He grabbed her forcefully by the arm and turned her to face him, shaking her slightly in his umbrage. His grip tightening as his dark green eyes bore into hers. "Please, little spider, look me in the eyes and tell me that there is even the teeniest part of you that could ever want to have the child of a Frost Giant growing inside of your belly? The tyrant that took over your world, imprisoned your precious friends. By the nines, if you found out you were pregnant right now. I shudder to think how desperate you would be to get rid of it." Loki let go of her, his body shaking in his rage as a slight tear fell down his cheek. He had been a fool to think that she could ever love him.
Natasha stared at him, listening to his accusations and desperately working to keep herself from panicking. It sounded like he'd figured her out, but…she refused to go down without a fight. She didn't have the knowledge or skill to confront the god concerning every other point he made, so she decided to stick to her important points.
"Me being pregnant with anyone's child would be a bad idea," she whispered after he spun her around to face him. "I'm not singling out your potential unborn children. I'm not that evil. The fact remains…I am your prisoner. You are my captor. My reluctance to have your child exists in part because of that. I could care less about frost giant, Aesir…or human. I'd have to get rid of it because I'm a PRISONER, Loki…"
Natasha knew that part of what he'd said had been true…but looking up into his eyes, she'd be lying if she said she didn't care for him. She did…more than she could openly admit.
"Did you really think it would be that easy?" Loki smirked. His hardened shell coming upon him in full force. This woman had too much power over him. He could never let her know it. "It's not what you say, little spider, it's all the things you deliberately skip over. Strange how your PRISONER status doesn't prevent you from lying with me. I can't even count how many times we've been together these past few weeks. The fact that I'm your CAPTOR has never stopped you. And why is that, little spider, because its beneficial to you? Well, you needn't sell your soul to the devil anymore." His cold facade began to slip away as the emotion bubbled up in his eyes.
"What did it earn you, huh? Cozying up to me, your CAPTOR? A luxury suite and visits with your friends? Well they are both yours to keep. Twice a month just like today you may see them. I will advise your guard. And you don't have to sleep with me to get it. In fact, you never have to be with me again."
Natasha flinched as if she'd just been shot. She could see him desperately trying to reinforce that cold exterior of his, but she could practically see it melting away before her very eyes. He…cared.
The worst part about this whole situation was the fact that she cared too…only apparently, he thought that she was too much of a manipulative liar to be capable of genuine emotion.
That last little fact enraged her. She was suddenly angry.
"I am SICK of you accusing me of lying! I am DONE with that! For your information, Loki, I haven't lied to you. Yes, I used my position in your bed to get some of the things I wanted, but you are also using me to get what YOU want! You keep accusing me of manipulations, lies…and here you are, the GOD of lies…" She shook her head and glared at him, "you're just frightened that whatever is happening between us is real and you're terrified of getting hurt. So…maybe I'm terrified of getting pregnant because of what I'll be accused of. Maybe I don't want that kind of stress. Maybe I'm terrified because of how lonely I'll be since, while you're busy running a kingdom, I'll be stuck alone in a tower, raising your precious heir by myself. Maybe I can't face that! I have a million and one reasons for not wanting a kid, but not caring about you isn't one of them!"
They were nose to nose now. Everything had been laid out on the table.
"I don't want children," Loki revealed, his voice beginning to crack as he struggled against the sentiments that were threatening the corners of his eyes. He would not let this woman think him weak. He wasn't going to give her another victory over him. "I know what I am. I would never wish that curse on another being."
Caring? The word was like a knife stabbing him right through his already tender heart. The heart that felt like it was breaking into pieces. Why had he ever let her near it? Life was so much easier when he cared for no one. "Caring is what you feel for those men that you just spent your afternoon with. And the one that you didn't get to see."
His voice regaining its sharpness from the mere thought of Barton. He hated how much she cared for him. It was everything he wanted that he knew he would never get. "Don't you dare imply that you care for me! I've had enough of your cleverly placed words. You allude to it because you could never actually say it. Because you don't actually feel it."
He grabbed her by the arms as if to shake the truth from her. He wanted her to admit the fact that she didn't, that it was all just a ruse while she figured out some way to get her and her comrades their freedom. He wanted to hear it from her own lips so that this hope in his heart that she could somehow love him could finally get crushed into oblivion. He wanted this ache that filled him to go away once and for all.
"I will not allow you to play games with my h…," Loki froze in mid-sentence. His heart? What a brilliant thing to say. Why didn't he just tell her that he loved her while he was it. As if he hadn't given her enough power over him already. This had to stop.
He released her arms as he moved away from her, his back facing her as he leaned against the archway of his bedroom. The memory of that morning thundering into his mind. He couldn't help but think of how incredible it had felt and how happy he had been. For those few moments, it had seemed like she was truly his.
"I meant what I said, little spider," Loki half-whispered as he continued to gaze inside the room forlornly. "You needn't sleep with the enemy anymore. You needn't fear any repercussions from it either. I will keep my promises."
Natasha rubbed her arms, knowing there would be bruises where he had grabbed her. She slowly lowered herself onto the bed and sighed, "It was stupid to think we could ever trust each other…I don't know what happened here, Loki…I don't know how I ended up feeling—-"
She paused, closing her eyes and rubbing her hands down her face wearily, "Fine. I'll leave. Obviously you're insisting on pushing me away. I tell you I'm not lying. I tell you I'm not playing games. I looked you directly in the eye last night when we were making love and I…" Natasha allowed her voice to trail off. She couldn't reveal that to him. There was no way he would believe her…he'd only keep accusing her of lies and playing games. There was no point.
"You win, Loki. You've pushed me away. Go ahead. Call the guards. Have them take me away. You obviously think I'm incapable of genuine emotion…or of telling the truth, so absolutely nothing I say will ever be good enough for you."
When Loki made the arrangements for her to leave, the guard started to walk her out, but she stopped and turned around, "…I think it's really pointless of you to be jealous of Barton, Loki. He may be my friend, and I may care about him deeply…but I never gave myself to him the way I gave myself to you…"
Natasha was taken a floor down to a luxury suite that was just a bit smaller than Loki's. She plopped down on the bed and stared out the large bank of windows, watching as Chitauri hovercrafts whizzed by on their way to and from guard posts and watch towers that had been strategically placed throughout the city.
As the days passed, Natasha did notice the uptick in human employees Loki had brought into the palace, and from the television she watched, she didn't see any terrifying changes to way of life…but he was a dictator, and rebels were made an example of. World 'leaders' were demoted to advisers, but if they dare go against him, there would be hell to pay.
Natasha tried to pay attention to the outside world, but she had personal issues to deal with. Of course, her less than dependable cycle was late that month, so she asked her personal guard to get her a pregnancy test…and gave strict instructions to be discreet about it. Sadly, he must have ignored that last part, because news of Natasha's request made it to Loki's ears by the time she received and took the test.
She had just received her negative result when she heard a knock on her door.