Leni Loud stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, her head cocked to one side and her brow pinched in thought; her index finger absently tapped her chin and her eyes darted across her reflection in a crazy up, down, all around pattern that was, like, totes making her dizzy. She wore a long aquamarina bathrobe and a white towel wrapped around her head like a turban. Steam left over from her shower swirled through the wet air like smoke, and she was reminded of the time she and Luna went to a CD/CA concert and they had smoke machines onstage. Lol, Leni thought it was a fire and got scared - Luna did say they were fire, could you really blame her? Fire meant, like, cool, though. Words and, like, how people use them are funny: Everyone was always saying something and then no, it really means this. Take the saying it's raining cats and dogs. Why would someone say that if cats and dogs weren't really falling out of the sky?

And people said she was dumb. Humph. At least I say what I mean.

Like how later I'm going to tell Lincy I love him...and then show him.

All during her shower, she'd been turning his words over and over in her mind; if you love someone and want to be with them, you have to take a chance even if you might, like, fail. She loved him and he would be the perfect boyfriend, so tonight, after dinner, she was going to make her move.

The only problem was he really liked Carol and he was, like, hung up on her. That's another funny expression, though in this case she could kind of see where it came from: Carol was like a net, and Lincy was a poor little fish who got stuck in it and couldn't get out no matter how much he flopped. Leni was the kind little girl who wanted to get the fishy free, take it home, and love it, but he kept wiggling around and saying but I like the net. *Sniff* You don't like me?

In a situation like this, what's a Leni to do?

Tap, tap, tap.

The glass was fogged again, and Leni wiped the condensation away with her hand, then stared at herself. And that wasn't even all of it: She and Lincy couldn't even have sex because of his spikey things. They could do sex stuff to each other (like rub one another until they both tumbled over the peak into toe-curling ecstasy), but not technical oh-my-god-that-looks-so-fun-and-hot sex. That was, like, a really small thing, but it made her sad anyway: It was something she really wanted to do with someone she really loved but she couldn't. She could make do with other things (like slowly licking his thing from base to tip and back again until he cried her name and shot his load), but she wanted to become one with him, for her body to accept his body, for them to be, like, the same in flesh and spirit - not Leni or Lincy but, like, Lenicy or Lincyeni.

That couldn't happen, though, because stupid science. Leni hated science. And math too, but right now she hated science so much more, like grrrr, you're so mean, science, I just want to make love to my amazing little brother but you're all no, Leni: Spikey things, activate! I wonder if there's, like, a way to get around them. Or trick them. Maybe if he wears a condom there will be enough of a barrier that his peeny won't know that it's going into his sister (and out, and in, and out, and *gasp* faster, Lincy, I'm cumming, I'm cumming!). She shuddered and her core tingled. Oh, she wanted that soooo bad. She could live without it, though. Sigh.

That came later, though, first she had to worry about getting him, like, unentangled from Carol Pingrey's net. He really liked her and when you like a girl (or a boy, for that matter) you don't like other girls (or boys). She had to get him to not like Carol orrrr…

Hm, she didn't know.

Tap, tap, tap.

Come on, Leni, you're smart, you can come up with at least one idea

She was still thinking hard when someone knocked on the door five minutes later - or maybe it was fifteen, she didn't know, Lenis have a bad sense of time. "Yeah?" she called over her shoulder.

"Hurry up, I gotta bomb the bowl," Lynn said, her voice muffled.

Leni rolled her eyes. Lynn was always doing this - it's, like, every time she was in the bathroom, she came along and had to poop. She'd heard of people being full of shit, but this was ridiculous.

She giggled, tapped her reflection on the tip of the nose (boop, Leni, bye), then turned and opened the door: Lynn was hunched over, one hand clutching her stomach and the other pressed flat against her butt as if to keep her poop from spilling out. Leni started to say all yours but Lynn shoved her out of the way, went in, and slammed the door, her guts gurgling and bubbling all the while. Leni's eyes narrowed. She was getting really sick of her sisters pushing her around like that. "Rude," she said and whipped her head away. Lincy doesn't do that because Lincy is nice. One day, I'm going to marry him and we're going to have...her face fell into a sad frown. We're going to adopt a baby.

In her room, she sat at her vanity and stared at herself in the looking glass - the corners of her lips were turned down and her eyes were big and brimming with melancholy. Adopting wasn't bad, but now that she was thinking about it, the idea of having a baby that was both hers and Lincy's was so beautiful it made her ache.

A boy can get a girl pregnant without actually putting his peeny in her, right? She saw a movie where a girl went to the doctor and they put boy stuf in her so she could have a baby from her husband who was, like, dead or something. Maybe she and Lincy could do that. She scrunched her lips to the side and crossed her arms. It made sense, but what if in addition to the spikey things, his cum didn't work in her? She would ask Lisa, but Lisa might tell Lori and Luna - and she did not want that. Lori and Luna were like the police, and she was a sneaky naughty Leni doing something wrong that wasn't wrong at all but the police thought it was so they'd arrest her if they found out and send her to the stoney lonesome.

She'd have to think more about that stuff later, for right now she needed to worry about actually getting Lincy to be her boyfriend. She got up, crossed to the closet, and opened the door, her eyes scanning the selection of dresses hanging from the rod. She was smart Leni, she could figure this out with just a little grunting and straining.

Let's see, let's see: He likes Carol but I'm not Carol, I'm me; I want him to like me and not, like, see me as his big sister but like a hot girl. How do I go about achieving that end?

Tap, tap, tappity, tap.

She could eliminate the competition like Lola - don't tell anyone, but that guy who attacked Lindsey Sweetwater and broke her knee with a crowbar? That was Chunk; Lola had, like, dirt on him and threatened to turn it over to the police unless he did what she wanted. Leni only knew because she heard Luna singing about it in the shower. She did that sometimes, made up little songs about her deepest, darkest secrets. She (Luna) knew because she and Chunk were friends with benefits (whatever that meant) and they were catching feelings for each other and sharing secrets.

Anyway, she couldn't seriously eliminate Carol, that would be, like, totes mean, and while Lenis can be mean sometimes, they try really hard not to.

She took a dress from a hanger, carried it over to her bed, and laid it out, then went to her dresser for a bra and undies.

Maybe she could talk to Carol girl-to-girl and get her to be her wing woman. Lincy would go in, sit at the counter, and she'd say Hi, Lincoln, I still don't like you that way, but guess what? I know someone who totes does. Lincy would get excited. Oh, and who might that be, Carol? Then Leni would pop up from behind the counter, smile, and wave. It's me!

She shrugged out of her robe and let it drop to the floor; the cool air caressed her skin like the fingers of a ghostly lover, drawing goosebumps to the surface. She pulled on her panties, then her bra - her nipples were hard and she bit her lip when they brushed against the fabric. She imagined they were Lincy's soft, nimble fingers...then his warm, wet lips, wrapping around, his tongue lovingly stroking, her fingers running through his hair and her head tilting back. Oh, Lincy. Then Lincy laid her gently back on the bed and mounted her, his hands exploring her body, touching, petting, stimulating…

Warmth spread through her center, and she pressed her thighs together. I just got clean, no dirtiness. Unless Lincy was the one making her dirty- with his lips and his hands and his cum, touching her from head to toe, kissing her, bringing her closer and closer, her body shaking more and more until her eyes finally narrowed and her orgasm broke over her like a bomb blast.

Ummmm, I'm very wet now.

She went over to the vanity and sat with a heavy sigh. She stripped the towel off, tossed it aside, and looked at her hair; it was damp and tangled, but no longer a nature queen crown. She smiled - nature queen. That was Lincy's special pet name for her. Gasp, their very first one! She had to come up with one for him. Nature king was kind of obvious, and she didn't want to, like, slapdash with this, she had to put work into it. She closed her eyes and summoned a vision of his cute face: Beautiful brown eyes, cute freckles, bunny rabbit cowlick and teeth, happy, love-filled smile. A dreamy smile crept across her lips and she sighed again, a long, shivery girlish sound of delight and anticipation. He was, like, the bestest looking guy ever and he had the bestest heart ever. He was totes perfect.

If they had a baby, would it look like him or her? Gasp, she hoped him; he or she would be adorable and everyone would melt into puddles of goo when they saw him or her. That's, like, Leni and Lincy's baby, they totes make the cutest children!

Wasn't she thinking about something else when she sat down? She shifted and felt slick between her legs. Oh, right, how turned on I am for Lincy and how much I love him and how to get him to stop liking Carol and like me instead. She tilted her head and regarded her reflection with a thoughtful, pursed-lipped expression that said I'm working real hard to solve this problem. Why not, like, just tell him? That's easiest approach. Take his hand and bare your heart, Leni, then bare your body.

Hmmm...if something's really easy, though, it's probably wrong, like...the harder solutions are the better ones. Would you rather use duct tape or, like, actually fix what's broken? Oooh! It's like shopping, The cheaper clothes are the easy ones and they aren't as good as the more expensive, or harder, ones.

Ugh. This is quite the conundrum.

Leaning over, she picked up the towel and dried her hair - chew it over with a Snickers. That means do something to buy yourself some time...like to think of an excuse for that racist joke you made, or why your wife found loli art on your computer. But Hop-Hop is, like, a good artist, I appreciate it just for, like, that and totes not the naked little girls. She turned to one side, rubbed her head, then to the other, her eyes never leaving the mirror. Hm...why is thinking so hard? Like, Lisa makes it look sooo easy. And so does Lincy; all of her siblings were really smart in their own, special way. And then there was her - you might not have noticed, but she could be kind of dumb sometimes. A mean boy at school said she was a few fries short of a happy meal - that means dumb. She knew that and didn't think he was really talking about a happy meal because she knew all the dumb jokes and insults and stuff - she'd heard 'em all before: Body by God, mind by Mattel; bright as Alaska in December; couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel; doesn't have both oars in the water.

People were, like, so mean sometimes. Even her own sisters made jokes about her being a dumb blonde and stuff, and it kind of hurt her feelings.

Lincy didn't do stuff like that; he never teased her or said bad stuff about her. Sigh. That's why she loved him, he was the bestest brother a girl could ever ask for...and the bestest boyfriend and husband...and baby daddy~

Her hair was kind of dry now, but it was, like, swept to one side, the bottom sticking out and pointing to the right in like an arrow sign or something (come in here, our food is totes the best). She looked kind of like…

Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened as an idea, bright as the face of God, exploded in the center of brain and spread out like nuclear shockwaves, consuming all of her skull and shooting out of her ears in dazzling white shafts, metaphorically speaking.

That's it!

I know how I'm going to seduce Lincy now!

The door opened behind her and, in the mirror, Lori's face appeared. "Dinner," she said curtly, then withdrew. Leni smiled at her reflection, leaned forward, and touched the tip of its nose. Boop, bye, smart Leni. When I get back we're gonna go get our Lincy.

She got to her feet, held her arms up, hands limp and curved down, and went into the hall, her eyes closed and her head bobbing from side to side as she hummed her battle hymn. Lincy, Lincy, Lincy, I'm gonna love my Lincy to-night.

Something squished under her foot; a wet pooting sound told her that Luan was at it again. She opened her eyes and turned her head just as her younger sister ducked out of her room with a metal grin. Leni's brow creased and she took a deep, patient breath. "Luan, you really need to stop. No boy wants a girl who poops in her panties every day."

Luan's face fell. "I didn't -"

"You need to see a doctor," Leni said and went down the stairs. At the bottom, her father was holding Lola and Lana apart, one hand splayed on either's forehead and his arms out like he was going to flap away. The twins looked mad, but this was important. "Dad," Leni said, "Luan just pooped on herself again. She needs adult diapers."

Lola and Lana's faces both dropped...then they started laughing.

"I did not!" Luan's voice rang from upstairs.

Dad, his face suddenly pinched in concern, released the twins and went to the foot of the stairs. "Are you okay, honey?"

"I DIDN'T POOP MYSELF!"

Leni shook her head as she went into the dining room. She's, like, in the Nile - that's a river in Europe, you know and it means that you can't accept the fact that you pooped in your pants.

At the table, she dropped into an open chair between Luna and Lynn. Lincoln sat across from her, and he looked up when she sat, then quickly back down at his plate like he was ashamed. He was so cute when he was ashamed, and happy, and mad, and deep in thought, and scared, but not sad. She didn't like sad Lincy.

Ummm, but she was going to love turned on Lincy, she just knew it. What would he look like? She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and hummed to herself as she imagined it: His face flushed and his eyes narrow, hazy with lust, jaw slack and chest rapidly rising and falling. His cowlick stood stiff and straight just like his beautiful penis, and there was turned on Leni between his legs, making sweet, gentle love to it with her mouth, her head bobbing slowly up and down and her tongue swirling around his length, tracing the vein along its side and flicking the cord at its base. He ran his hands through her hair and whispered her name in breathy tones that told her he was on the verge, her mouth making him feel so good he had little choice but to give into his orgasm. She tucked a strand behind her ear and moved slowly up his shaft, her lips molding tight around him and her hot saliva dripping down his flesh. She reached the head, then went down again: He cried out, tossed his head back, and threw his hips out, his hot cum shooting out and filling her mouth, splattering the back of her throat and sliding into her stomach, where its warmth spread through her body like the sweetest fire.

"Honey?"

Leni started and looked at her father; he sat at the head of the table, a worried expression on his face. All of her sisters, and Lincy, were looking at her strangely. "Are you alright, dear?" Mom asked. "Your face is beet red."

Now that she mentioned it, Leni's face did feel hot...and so did the spot between her legs; damp, too. She nodded quickly. "I-I'm fine," she said and looked down at her plate like a child covering its eyes - if I can't see you, you can't see me.

No one spoke for a moment, then Dad said, "Alright. Lisa, it's your night to say grace."

At the foot of the table, Lisa sighed. "Father, I've told you that the notion of a deity providing us with -"

"Just do it, runt," Lynn growled, "I'm starving over here."

Lisa sighed. "Fine," she said tightly, and everyone bowed their heads. "Heavenly Father," Lisa said, her voice oozing sarcasm like the walls of the Krusty Krab ooze green slime, "we gather here this afternoon to thank you for this bountiful meal that you personally bought, prepared, and served…"

"Less snark, young lady," Dad admonished.

Leni looked up, and Lincy's eyes darted down to his plate. Oooh, he was looking at me? Then she remembered her hair. Gasp, it's already working! Just wait until you get the full effect, mister; you're, like gonna love it. She grinned at her mashed potatoes and peas as though they were in on the plot. Shhh, don't tell the chicken breast, but I'm totes gonna get to third base with my brother tonight.

And stay there, her milk chimed in.

Well…

Or die because of Lincy's spikey things, the carrots pointed out.

No, I -

She's gonna get, like, so turned on and caught up in the moment she's going to forget, the chicken said, or stop caring. Fuck me, Lincy, I need to feel your dick in me! Spikey things, like, be damned!

That will not happen.

"...perhaps all the starving children in Africa would appreciate a meal as fine as this," Lisa was saying. "And let's not forget the toddlers currently dying of terminal illnesses like childhood cancer, leukemia- "

"Amen," Dad said sharply, ending Lisa's thanksgiving. Lincoln looked up from his plate again, and his eyes met Leni's. She smiled, and his cheeks turned bright red. He flashed a quick smile of his own then looked down at his food like he as having a conversation with it too.

Which he totally was.

She's beautiful, I know, but for the love of God, stop looking at her like a hungry dog. Please.

He took a deep breath and picked up his fork; it shook in his hand and when he scooped up a pile of peas, they all fell into his lap and onto the floor. Lucy glanced over, then at his face. "You're supposed to eat those," she said.

Lincoln nodded. "I know."

He darted his eyes up to Leni; she ate with an elegencene and grace that both surprised and aroused him.

Not that way! It aroused something inside of him, something that he couldn't name. It was akin to adoration; watching her, he felt like a peasant watching the passage of his queen, and he, a loyal subject, would do anything to curry her favor, for she was the moon and the stars. He would kneel before her and offer his service, his very life; he would kiss her feet, slowly, and dance his fingers up her slender ankle - his touch producing sweet, musical laughter from her delicate throat. He would kiss higher, his lips skipping across her warm skin, the finest silk in all the land, his hands moving up her legs; her breathing coming faster, more ragged, her teeth clamping her bottom lip and her cheeks blossoming pink like spring flowers.

Jesus, Linc, you're sick.

He knew! Shame and guilt filled his chest and his stomach twisted sickishly, but God help him, he was hard, his dick bursting against the seam of his jeans like a caged beast pulling against its shackles, its nose twitching with the scent of woman...of sister.

Swallowing thickly, he sat his fork down and stared into his peas as though they held the answer to all the universe's mysteries - if they did, they did not reveal them to Lincoln Loud.

Thinking of her this way...getting hard off of her...God, it felt like a betrayal, like he was taking the beauty of their normal, wholesome, sibling relationship and soiling it with perverson. What would she think if she knew he was imagining...doing things to her? Laying her back and kissing the inside of thigh until he reached -

Gahhh!

She'd be disgusted, and rightfully so. Hell, he was disgusted. But also turned on. He'd never been so confused in his life - he literally felt like he was being pulled in two opposite directions by an angel who wanted him to be a good, natural, non sicko brother, and a devil who wanted him to invite Leni into his room to snuggle...under the covers...where he could touch her body 'by accident.' He saw himself burying his nose in her warm honey hair, breathing in the clean smell of her shampoo, snaking his arm around her shapely hip, brushing his fingers up the front of her dress, slipping them in and under her bra - her breast was hot, full, and soft in his hand, her hard nipple scraping across his palm. She purred like a kitten and wiggled her butt against his crotch. This is totes wrong, Lincy, she said in a low, needy tone that urged him on, but it feels soooo good. He moved his hand along the outside of her leg, pushing the hem of her dress up; now his throbbing dick was free and Leni's legs were up in a sideways V, his hand closed around her ankle and his head prodding against the wet heat of her opening. She looked at him over her shoulder, biting her lip, blushing. Do it, she said, do me.

He slid his hips slowly forward, his rod spreading her pink lips and penetrating her, dipping in with excruciating protraction, her body closing around him inch by hard won inch like wet silk on burning iron. Passion overcame him, and he slammed his hips flush against her butt, his length filling her completely.

Presently, he licked his lips and took a deep, shuddery breath; he was so hard it hurt, and he leaked into his underwear. He was feverish, shaky, and his stomach turned. H-He needed to be alone...away from his family's eyes, away from the shame it awoke in him. "C-Can I be excused?" he asked, his voice uneven.

"You didn't even touch your food," Dad said. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I-I'm just tired," he lied.

Dad hummed. "Well...alright."

Lincoln pushed back from the table, grabbed his plate, and bent at the waist to hide his unnatural incest-boner. He took it into the kitchen, dumped it in the trash, and sat it in the sink. He went back through the dining room, avoiding looking at his family and feeling like the world's biggest scumbag. In his room, he closed the door, crossed to the bed, and flopped on with a weary sigh, his arms and legs spreading like he was making a snow angel. Heh. Angel. He was anything but. Lusting over his own sister - pure, sweet, innocent Leni at that. What was wrong with him?

Was it that she reminded him of Carol?

He scrunched his brows in thought. They were similar - both blonde, both beautiful, both sweet and caring. Earlier he looked into Leni's eyes and specifically thought that they made him feel the same way Carol's did, awoke that same soul stirring longing, made his heart race and his palms sweat, made him desperately want to lean his lips into hers, cup her cheek in his hand, and kiss her deeply. Only one was his sister and one wasn't, one emotion was normal, and the other was not.

Maybe he was somehow confusing his emotions for Carol and transferring them onto Leni...or maybe it was the other way around and he was transferring his love of Leni onto Carol. He closed his eyes and thought back over every interaction he could remember having with his sister, which wasn't many, since she was so commonplace that he might as well try remembering every time he passed the lamp in the living room, or each time he'd gone up or down the stairs. Had he ever felt the slightest...hint of deviant love for her? Had his eyes ever lingered on her body longer than they should have? Had he ever looked at her and noticed how beautiful she was, how her lips shimmered in the light, how her golden hair caressed the nape of her neck?

He swallowed. He didn't think so, but there were times he looked at her and realized that she was a girl and not just a sister - he'd done that to all of them, or most of them. It wasn't conscious, and it wasn't something he relished, it was...it was like a momentary slip, curiosity more than anything else. One time, he walked in on Lori in the bathroom; she was standing in front of the mirror with her back to him and getting ready for a date with Bobby.

When he realized she was naked, his eyes widened and his body froze up. She sensed him, turned, and screamed. Lincoln! Get out! She snatched up a hair brush and threw it, but by then he was already retreating. For days, however, his mind kept returning to the pale globes of her breasts, her rigid pink nipples, the blonde hair filling the Y of her sex. He didn't get hard from it, he just...wow, that's what a girl looks like? It was kind of nice.

This, though, this was different - dirty, filthy, disgusting, and so hot it made him squeeze his legs together. God help me, I'm evil.

Lord...lead me not into temptation. Please.

In her room, Leni stood before the open closet door and glanced down at the phone in her hand: Her plan was to, like, lead Lincy into temptation, and she had the perfect idea how to do it. She smiled and patted herself on the back for coming up with it. Gee, for a second there I thought you were back to being dumb Leni, but nope, you're totes a genius. You make Lisa look like a...umm...not genius. She looked at the screen again and carefully studied the picture thereon, then back at the closet. Hmmm...she didn't have clothes like that, though. She glanced at Lori's half, and spotted a pale blue button up shirt with white trim around the collar and cuffs. Gasp, it was perfect. Narrowing her eyes, she looked around, made sure her older sister wasn't around to make a stink, then snatched it off the hanger. Yoink, I belong to Leni now. At least temporarily.

Okay, she had one piece of her seduce-Lincy-into-sin outfit, but she had - she squinted at the phone again - three more parts, four if you count the blue socks separately. Ugh. She went over to the dresser, opened the top drawer, and rooted around until she found a pair of socks just like the ones she needed. Yay. She bounced happily over to her bed, sat, kicked her sandals off, and pulled the socks to her knees. I'm getting there.

She stood up and wiggled her toes against the fabric - she wasn't used to wearing socks and her feet felt so constrained. Lenis like freedom and fresh air, not being cooped up in gross, smelly socks. Lincys, however, liked them, so whateves. As long as he was happy then she would be happy *suggestive wink*

Where was she going to get...she looked at the phone again. I know!

Three minutes and fifteen seconds later, she stood in the middle of Luan's room with her hands fisted together as if in prayer. "Please?" she begged. "I really need it."

Luan, sitting on the edge of her bed with her arms crossed, looked Leni up and down, her brows furrowed. "Why?" she asked suspiciously.

Uhhh...what should she say? "I just do," she moaned.

The younger girl thought for a moment. "It's going to be too small on you; you're going to stretch it out, and I won't be able to wear it anymore. I don't have an endless supply of plaid skirts, you know."

"I'll make you a new one," Leni said, "I promise."

Luan sighed and got up. "Fine. But I want hidden pockets I can carry stuff for my act."

"Done," Leni said.

Luan went over to her dresser, opened one of the drawers, and took out a brown skirt with a black tic tac toe pattern. She turned and handed it to Leni. "Here."

"Thank you!"

In her room, Leni laid her outfit out on the bed, crossed one arm over her chest, and held her elbow in her palm. Tapping the side of her face, she looked it over and nodded to herself. One final piece, and it would be perfect. She crossed to Lori's dresser, looked around, and opened the top drawer. She moved aside her sister's panties (yuck), brushed aside a pack with the word TROJAN on it, and -

Bingo.

Leni grinned.