A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and PM'd on here, twitter and FB. Thank you for all of the favourite story adds, author adds and story follows. I'm sorry I haven't had time to send everyone a personal reply, but please know that I appreciate every single one of you who leave signed and unsigned reviews.

A special thanks to my very dear friends, Purdy's Pal, DaisyDay and JediSkysinger who fill my days with love and laughter every single day. Also another big thank you to JediSkysinger for the BETA, despite her hectic schedule.

Lastly thank you to all of the wonderful twitter girls. All of you have become some of my closest friends and I am truly blessed to have met you all

4

Michael felt his throat dry up when he allowed his eyes to wander over Fiona's prone body. For as long as he'd known her, she had always had an energy around her that naturally drew everyone towards her. The spark in her eyes made her blue green orbs so much brighter, but everything about her right in this moment seemed muted and sad.

"I told you. I'm fine," she sighed as she pushed the kitchen chair backwards to stand up. Dropping her favourite gun back onto the table, she gave Sam a look of aggravation before she stalked off towards the refrigerator to pull a bottle of beer out.

"Fi, listen, I was talking to Maddie—"

"Sam," Fiona's voice silenced his words on his lips when she shook her head indicating that Michael's mother was off limits. "Don't."

"Come on, Fi," Sam sighed when he took the pre-offered beer from her hands. "Just call her. She's worried about you."

"Yeah, well, she shouldn't be…I'm fine."

"That's why you won't answer her calls?" Sam nodded knowingly, as he watched the tough mask fall over her soft features.

"This is about Mike. Ya know he'll be back."

Michael felt his heart clench inside his chest when he witnessed something that he'd only seen since Fiona had returned to him after her incarceration. The light that had always been present in her eyes suddenly dimmed and he knew he had caused this in her, too.

"Just how many times did you leave her, bro?" Nate asked, his voice startling the man beside him.

Michael jumped visibly, but instead of turning on his brother like he usually did, he didn't move and instead kept his gaze focused on Fiona's face.

"Too many times," he admitted softly, his voice filled with regret. "I'm always leaving."

"Yeah, I noticed," Nate told him with more than a hint of sarcasm filtering through his words. "Don't you think it's kinda ironic that she's the only one who's stuck by ya?"

The words albeit true earned Nate a scowl from his brother, but he shook it off with a wide, knowing grin.

"Just stop, Nate," Michael hissed haughtily. "You don't need to tell me what I already know okay? I'm a lousy boyfriend."

"Ah! So, you admit when you left, you were her boyfriend?"

"Shut up!"

Fiona's soft voice filtered through the room, causing Michael to hold his hand up to silence his brother so that he could hear what she was saying. Stepping a little closer, he moved to stand beside her, aching to reach out and touch her.

"Yeah, well, I'm tired of waiting," Fiona snapped when she whirled around to face that man who had become one of her closest friends. "We both know the second he's back, he'll leave again."

"Come on, Fi, you know he'll always come back to you," Sam tried, his words falling on deaf ears as she turned away from him again.

"He only comes back here because he can't leave," she told him, the fierce bite in her voice giving way to the sorrow that still coursed through her.

"Yeah, but you can, sister," Sam told her with such honestly in his voice that Michael was both angry and surprised that he'd heard it.

"What the hell are you doing Sam?" Michael groused when he tried to hear Fiona's response through the thudding of his heartbeat in his ear

"Can you believe what your so-called best friend is suggesting?" Nate asked as he shook his head in disbelief. "Isn't he supposed to be looking out for her?"

Moving closer towards Fiona and Sam, Michael waved his hand to silence his brother as he took a close look into Fiona's face. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears and he knew her well enough to know that she wasn't about to let Sam see her lose control.

"Fi, I came back…I came for you," he told her helplessly, even though he knew she couldn't hear him. "Fiona, don't listen to Sam…just don't—"

"I can't just…leave…" Fiona sighed sadly when she lifted her gaze up to the man before her. "But it's time I stopped waiting."

"Don't give up on Mike just yet," Sam told her when she looked up at him with resignation in her eyes. "Fiona…"

"Just drink your beer," she sighed as she turned away. "We both know I'm not going anywhere."

Sam regarded her for a few moments before he placed his beer bottle onto the table and Michael watched in confusion when his best friend stepped closer to Fiona. Opening his mouth, he was about to ask Sam what he was doing when he witnessed something he never thought he would.

"I thought they hated each other," Nate mused when his eyes followed Sam Axe and broke out into a wide grin when he placed a tentative hand on Fiona's shoulder.

Both Michael and Nate winced as they both expected Fiona to explode at any second, but when she didn't move, Nate turned to watch his brother's reaction and grinned.

"Shut up, Nate," he growled as he moved slightly so that he could witness Fiona's response, confusion swamping his mind when she still hadn't moved. All he wanted to do was reach out and comfort her, to reassure her that she had become his main priority in his life, but he suddenly realised that whatever he told her right now, she wouldn't hear him. But he needed to say something anyway.

"She can't hear you," Nate reminded him when he took a step forward.

Shaking off his brother's hand, Michael moved closer to Fiona and Sam, but stopped in his tracks when he saw the pain in Fiona's eyes. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her clamp her eyes closed. All the times he'd walked away from her, he had never had to witness the results of his actions…until now.

"I'm so sorry, Fi," he whispered sorrowfully. "I didn't know…"

Fiona slowly opened her eyes before she tiredly rubbed her fingers across her damp cheeks. The resignation shone from her eyes as she stood up a little straighter and turned around, allowing Sam's hand to drop from her shoulder.

"Thanks, Sam, but I'm fine," she told him in a voice that sounded anything but fine. "It's just…"

"I know, sister," Sam nodded as he shifted uncomfortably before he retrieved his beer from the table. "So…"

"So," she mused, a slow smile forming on her lips as she regarded him fondly. "I'm going to make a change, starting right now."

"A change?" Sam asked her cautiously as he lifted the bottle to his lips. "Like what?"

"I'm tired of moping around waiting for a man who doesn't even want to be here," she blurted quickly as she threw her hand upwards and gestured towards the door. "I need to go out there and blow something up…I'm going crazy sitting here."

"What are you saying Fi? Cuz, ya know, I'm getting a little confused here!"

"I'm saying, Sam," she told him softly, a slow smile forming on her lips. "It's time we started doing what Michael would want us to do…it's time we took a job…"

The smile that graced her features brought a flood of relief through Michael's heart. He'd always loved her smile and he suddenly realised that since she'd been released from prison, he hadn't given her much of anything to smile about.

Glancing back at his brother, he opened his mouth to tell him that he'd seen enough, but the scene around him changed once again. Clamping his eyes closed, Michael wished for something to pull him out of this dream, but he couldn't seem to utter any words.

They were back in the loft, only this time it was empty. Turning around, Michael's eyes flittered over the open space and tried to find anything to indicate that Fiona had been here, but there was nothing of hers in sight.

"NATE?" he called out, shaking his head in confusion. "NATE!"

"Yeah, yeah…I hear ya, bro. You don't have to shout!"

Michael's eyes snapped to his brother when he gestured towards the double bed in the centre of the loft.

"Where's Fiona? Where's her stuff?"

"She ain't here," Nate told him sadly. "It's time for you to see what your life would be like if she hadn't come back for you, to help you with your burn notice."

Swallowing hard, Michael felt his eyes glaze over as he tried not to think of how much he missed her. The loft seemed so empty without her and he realised that he couldn't really remember what this place had been like before he'd opened himself up to her again.

"You really used to live like this?" Nate asked as he screwed his nose up in distaste. "I'm surprised Fiona came here at all."

"It was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks, that's all," Michael groused as he made his way towards the back of the loft, noting how his footsteps echoed when he walked. "It was just a place…somewhere to crash while I figured stuff out…I never expected Fiona to come back into my life when I was burned."

"Ah, yeah, the burn notice," Nate nodded. "It's always about the job with you, ain't it?"

"NO," Michael snapped angrily when he took in the emptiness of the loft. "Not any more…"

"But if Fiona hadn't—"

"Look Nate, I get it," Michael groaned miserably when the loneliness of the loft crept around his heart. "I treated everyone badly, most of all Fiona…I know this already!"

"Yeah, ya did bro," Nate nodded in agreement. "But you need to see it."

Michael shook his head desolately and opened his mouth to tell his brother that he didn't want to see anything else, but before he could utter a word he was back in the cemetery again.

"Dad's grave?" he sighed, aggravation seeping through his words. "Again?"

"No, not his," Nate told him, his smile softening when he saw the realisation dawning in Michael's eyes as he gestured towards another headstone. "I'm sorry, Mike."

Michael's heart clenched as he followed Nate's hands and looked down at a headstone that he hadn't noticed before. Shaking his head from side to side, he refused to move forward for fear of what he would find when he got there. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he stared at the stone numbly as tears clouded his eyes.

"Who is—"

"Go and see…"

"No." Michael shifted his gaze onto his brother and implored him to end this whole nightmare. "I can't…"

"You have to," Nate insisted. "They won't let you move on if you don't."

"No…I…" Swiping at the wetness on his cheek, Michael felt his feet moving even though he didn't want to. His legs felt lead lined, becoming heavier with every step that led him closer to the unknown grave, until he was standing over it, totally numb.

"Are you okay, bro?" Nate asked quietly when Michael had grown suspiciously silent. "Mike?"

Blinking at the moisture in his eyes, Michael read the name of his mother over and over again before he shook his head in disbelief. This was all wrong…his mother wasn't dead…she couldn't be…

"No…it's not her," he whispered. "This isn't real…"

"It's as real as you and me," Nate told him as he looked on in sympathy. "You weren't around to protect her—"

"YOU'RE BLAMING ME?" Michael bellowed, caught in between sorrow and disbelief. "She's DEAD because of me?…I—"

"You wanted your job back and the bad guys came after her to make you stop digging," Nate shrugged. "They thought by threatening her, you'd back off. But they overestimated her relationship with you and, because Fiona wasn't here, she didn't call mom and bring her back into your life So—"

"What?" Shaking his head from side to side, Michael tried to process just what Nate was telling him. It wasn't true, none of this was true…it couldn't be. "No…"

"Mike—"

"NO!" Backing away from his mother's headstone, he stared at it numbly for a few more seconds before he turned away completely. "THIS is all wrong."

Nate watched his brother when he refused to turn back around and face this possible reality. When they were kids, Michael had defended him and his mother against the brute they had for a father and he was forever grateful to him for that, but there were other aspects of his life where he had gone wrong.

"You need to see this, Mike," he insisted when he moved closer. "You have to learn…stuff."

"STUFF?" Michael growled angrily when he turned to face his brother. "How could I possibly learn anything from mom's death?"

"Not just mom's," Nate sighed solemnly. "I'm sorry, Mike, but—"

As Nate spoke, the surroundings around them changed once more and they found themselves standing in a cold, damp cemetery. Nate glanced up into the dark grey sky and shivered despite not being able to feel the cold.

"NO…"

"Mike, I'm—" Nate tried to direct him towards a particular plot but Michael refused to listen to him, instead he stood his ground, his eyes growing wider with every passing second.

Stepping backwards, Michael mumbled numbly when he realised where he was. The unmistakable sounds around them took him back in time to a place that had become more like a second home. Blinking at the moisture in his eyes, he refused to let himself believe this nightmare. This wasn't real…Fiona was back in the loft, in their bed asleep beside him…she wasn't…gone…

"She's not…no…"

"I'm sorry, Mike, but she is," Nate told him sorrowfully. "You left her to deal with the enemies you both made in Ireland. You saw how she reacted when you left…she didn't care anymore."

"That's not true," Michael growled, refusing to look at the grave that held the woman who had become his whole world. "She met other men, O'Neil, Armand…"

"Yes she did, but she always wanted you," Nate shrugged. "Can't see why though!"

"You're making jokes?" Michael asked in disbelief before his face crumbled when his eyes glanced over the words on the large marble headstone. "The woman I love is gone and you think it's funny?"

"No, bro," Nate told him soberly when the grin dropped from his face. "You know, that's the first time I've heard you say that.."

Sniffing back the moisture in his eyes, Michael tried to remind himself that none of this was real, but he couldn't seem to function any more.

"What?" he asked quietly when his brother's words slowly registered in his brain, confusion swamping his thoughts.

"You love Fiona," Nate told him with a smile. "I've never heard you come out and say it like that before."

"I've said it plenty of times," Michael told him indignantly as he tried to sift through all of the memories in his mind.

"Not to her, you haven't," Nate reminded him.

"I…" Clamping his eyes closed for a moment, Michael opened them again when he realized that his brother was right. "We never needed to say it. She knew…she… knows I love her…"

"And you're the one with the devoted girlfriend?" Nate groused in annoyance. "How have you managed to keep her with you all this time?"

"I—"

"No, seriously," Nate asked. "You hurt her more than once, but she stays with you…I don't get it."

His words caused Michael to question his own actions and he realized that he couldn't understand it either. He had pushed Fiona away countless times, yet she had stayed by his side, even when he'd said some terrible things.

"I don't know, Nate," he sighed. "I really don't know…"

"Do you remember when Fiona found out about Samantha?"

Nate's question threw Michael off balance and, for a moment, he couldn't catch his breath. Of course he remembered; how could he not? The hurt in Fiona's eyes had haunted him since that day and even though he'd tried to explain his actions, he had still seen the look of betrayal shining back at him.

"Yes," he replied solemnly. "I remember."

"She found out you'd made a commitment to someone else, but not to her, and she still stayed with you." Shaking his head in confusion, Nate moved towards the headstone and stared down at the written words that were shining out at him like a beacon. "She was a hell of a woman."

"Is," Michael reminded him as he turned away from the stone that told him things he didn't want to know. "She's not dead, and neither is mom…this is some kind of weird dream."

"You'd think so, wouldn't ya?" Nate grinned. "I mean, who in their right mind would send someone like me back to teach ya?"

Something in Nate's voice struck a chord in Michael's heart and he turned around sharply to face the little brother that he'd let down so badly.

"I should have protected you," he all but whispered. "Just like I should have protected mom."

Nate's expression softened when he regarded the man that his brother had become. He'd protected them all on more than one occasion, taking beatings that were meant for him and their mother. He did everything he could for all of them.

"You protected me, bro," he told him with a smile as he stepped closer towards his elder brother. "You saved me from dad more than once."

"But I left—"

"You had to," Nate shrugged. "I didn't understand at the time, but I do now."

Michael swallowed at the lump in his throat before he turned back around to move towards his brother and the place where his girlfriend had been laid to rest. He stopped in front of Fiona's grave and tried to read the words, but he couldn't see through his own tears. Sinking down slowly, he fell onto his knees and felt the aching sorrow soar through his body when he was suddenly hit with a barrage of "what ifs". What if this had really happened and he'd lost Fiona because of his own selfish reasons? What if he lost his mother forever because he'd blamed her for not leaving their father? The list went on and on and he couldn't seem to move past it any more.

Tears trickled down his cheeks when he thought of all the missed opportunities that he'd let pass right by him because he couldn't focus on anything but the job. He had a beautiful, passionate girlfriend who had given up her own freedom to save him and yet he still allowed his obsession to consume him. It had to stop, he had to change…

Within seconds, their surroundings changed once more and he found himself back in his mother's house, only this time it was different. He could hear voices coming from the family room and he moved tentatively towards the sound.

"I wouldn't go in there, bro," Nate winced when the voices became more heated. "Your girlfriend means business!"

"What?" Michael blinked in confusion and ignored his brother's remarks and moved forward anyway.

Fiona's voice was getting higher by the second, the pitch and volume increasing with her anger. Glancing towards his brother, he was about to ask what was going on when he heard his mother's voice almost yell out his name.

"HE KILLED MY SON!"

"MICHAEL IS YOUR SON, TOO, HE NEEDS YOU—"

"OH PLEASE…" Madeline hissed as she reached for another cigarette. "Michael has never needed anyone in his life. You should know that by now sweetheart!"

"He loves his brother, Madeline, and he needs his mother!" Throwing her head in annoyance, Fiona shot a glare at Michael's mother before she made a grab for her bag that she'd tossed over the back of the chair.

"He only wanted you out of prison," Madeline shot back. "My son died because it was all Michael could think about."

Michael's heart clenched inside his chest; he couldn't believe what he was witnessing here. Casting his attention towards his brother, he opened his mouth to ask when this confrontation had taken place…but his words died on his lips when he saw his girlfriend turn towards his mother with murder in her eyes.

"Ya think Nate's dead because a me, do ya?" Fiona asked lowly, the Irish slipping back into her voice when she stepped closer. "Do ya wan' ta see jus' how dangerous I ca' be, Madeline?"

"You don't scare me, honey," Madeline told her, sarcasm dripping from her words. "I lived with Michael's father. I know how dangerous a person can be, but you're not one of them."

"Ya'd think so, wouldn' ya?" Fiona nodded, her tone like acid as she kept her gaze fixed on the woman before her. "Bu' ya know wha', yer no' tha only one ta lose someone ta a pointless action, so don' try ta push tha blame aroun' ta anyone else…"

"Or what?" Madeline challenged as she reached down to pull another cigarette from her pack and lit it with the one she had just nearly finished.

"Keep hurtin' me man an' yer'll find ou'." Turning away from the older woman, Fiona stomped off towards the door and threw it open before Madeline could even react.

Michael watched in total bewilderment when Nate came to stand by his side, both of them surveying their mother's reaction.

"I…when did this happen?" Michael asked numbly. "Fiona never said—"

"It hasn't happened yet, bro," Nate grinned, his voice carving through Michael's words. "Welcome to the future…"

TBC

in the final chapter