Chapter 4

A Collision of Fate

'I was worried I wouldn't find you. I didn't even know your name.'

Hitomi and Van stood side by side with their arms resting on the fence of the wooden viewing deck built on the crest of the hill in front of the gallery, their elbows slightly touching. Both of them pretended not to notice the little warmth they felt at the tip of their elbows, although they were so conscious of the little touch.

It was already night time. Up in the sky, the scattered stars were twinkling to the heartbeat of a faraway universe.

Hitomi sighed longingly as she stared up at the sparkling heavens. Pretty night skies always made her feel nostalgic.

'Hey, Hitomi. Do you remember the first time we met?'

Van's raspy voice pulled Hitomi out of her train of thoughts. She glanced sideways and realized Van was looking up at the heavens too.

The first time we met?

The truth was Hitomi couldn't really remember when the first time she met Van. She had a memory of talking to him at the beginning of the school year, but she couldn't confidently say that the memory was real. It felt like it was something her mind concocted not too long ago. But she did remember the moment when she was actually fully aware of Van; that one time during Japanese class when the teacher asked him to read a short poem, and he had read it like he had written it. His voice at that time felt like it was softly calling out to her, and she felt it intertwining inside of her. That was the moment Hitomi realized she had a thing for Van's voice. It was so calming to her. She could listen to him for hours, if only he would talk more at school.

She sneaked a little glance in Van's way again. He had his chin cradled in his hand, his eyes still on the bejeweled night sky. The night breeze ruffled his dark hair.

'The first time we met… I think… was it during our first class on the first day of school?' Hitomi replied without any confidence after she had given up trying to remember.

Van chuckled, shaking his head as he turned to look at her. Hitomi couldn't help noticing how different he looked at night. He seemed a little more relaxed under the soft white light that showered the viewing deck.

'I knew you wouldn't remember,' Van said with a half-smile. 'No, we didn't meet during our first class. I wasn't even in school the first two days of the first week.'

'What?! You weren't? How come?' Hitomi asked in shock. So, was that memory she had of talking to Van at the beginning of the school year really was just some fabricated memory?

'I don't really remember why anymore. My best guess is I just wasn't up for school,' Van said with a shrug. He swiftly pushed his hair out of his eyes when a sudden cool breeze blew their way.

Hitomi closed her eyes as she breathed in the cool air. She could smell the scent of the sea in it.

'You skipped school, huh? No wonder I don't remember seeing you.'

'I guess. But I did come to school on the second day. After school session ended, that is.'

Hitomi cracked her eyes open, turning to look at Van with an amused smile on her face.

'What? Why?'

Van moved a little bit away from Hitomi to stretch his arms above his head. Hitomi was surprised at how conscious she was of the lost warmth at the tip of her elbow when Van moved away from her. She wished he hadn't.

'I wanted to get some fresh air that afternoon. And Merle was driving me crazy because I hadn't taken her for a walk in a while,' Van explained as he moved back to where he originally stood next to Hitomi, only a little bit closer this time.

Hitomi tried to pretend like it didn't matter but she couldn't stop herself from darting a glance or two at her shoulder which was more or less crushed against Van's upper arm. She quickly looked away when Van suddenly turned to look at her.

'So you walk your cat, huh,' she said, trying to act like her heart wasn't threatening to explode.

'More like she walks me. I have to follow her to wherever she wants to go,' Van lamented with a shake of his head. 'That was how I met you, by the way.'

Hitomi whipped her head around in confusion.

'What do you mean?'

'That day when I skipped school and took Merle out for a walk in the afternoon, she happened to lead me to school. She was really hyper that day, I could barely catch up with her,' Van said with a hint of annoyance in his raspy voice. 'I really didn't want to be anywhere near school but Merle ran straight for the school field. I had to run after her. That was when I saw the school track team at the field.'

'That was probably when the track team was having the tryouts for first-years,' Hitomi pointed out slowly, her brows furrowed as if trying to remember something.

'I guess you're right,' Van agreed. 'By that time, I've finally caught Merle in my arms. I was watching the track team tryouts while trying to catch my breath, and out of the blue, Merle scratched me, jumped out of my arms, went through a hole in the broken wire fence and ran straight for the track where the kids were running at full speed,' Van shook his head again like he still couldn't believe it. 'I really don't know what got into her that day. Merle usually wasn't that hyper. Anyway, it was a good thing that the hole in the fence was man-sized, so I slipped through and ran after Merle, and I–'

Van stopped talking abruptly when Hitomi let out a loud gasp.

'It was you!' Hitomi yelled out suddenly as realization dawned on her.

Van stared at her for a moment, a little surprised, and then he started laughing.

'You remember now, Hitomi?' he asked in between laughter.

'Of course I remember! It was you!' Hitomi yelled again, her eyes wide in disbelief. 'You were the guy who crashed into me while I was setting my time for the tryouts!' Hitomi was shaking her head again and again. 'I can't believe it was you, Van. I swear, that guy–you–appeared out of nowhere and I couldn't stop running in time and we collided! What were you thinking, Van?!' Hitomi yelled like the incident happened just a moment ago.

'Like I said, Hitomi. I was running after Merle. By the time we collided, she was more than halfway across the field,' Van said sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. 'I don't think I said sorry to you back then because I was so worried about Merle getting away.'

'Yeah, you didn't,' Hitomi said somewhat curtly.

'Thanks for the confirmation,' Van laughed. 'I do remember you calling me a big jerk as I was running across the field.'

'I did?'

'Yeah, but it's justified, I guess. I deserved it for not saying sorry to you.'

Hitomi let out a sigh.

So it was Van.

For a long time, she had been wondering who it was that had crashed into her that day. He seemed so mysterious as no one in the track team recognized him, and it took her a while to finally decide that he was just some random guy trespassing the school grounds.

'It all happened like lightning. You crashed into me, and then you were already up and running across the field,' Hitomi recounted. 'I didn't even get a proper look at your face. All I could remember about you was the red shirt you were wearing at that time.'

'I think this is the very same shirt I wore that day,' Van said, chuckling as he pulled at the red shirt he was wearing.

Hitomi stared at the redness of his shirt, suddenly reminded of Folken's painting of Van with his wings spread.

'But I remember you. I remember the look on your face when you fell down on the track,' Van started saying again in a quieter voice. 'Your face kept flashing in my mind after that, and I was worried if I had hurt you.'

Hitomi blinked as she heard Van let out a long sigh.

'So I went to school the next day, hoping that I'd find you somehow. I wanted to apologize to you, and to check if you were okay,' Van said softly followed by another little sigh. 'You know, I was surprised, and very glad, when I found out that we were in the same class. It saved me the trouble of looking for you all over school. I was worried I wouldn't find you. I didn't even know your name.'

Van turned to face Hitomi who was looking at him with wide eyes.

'But when I approached you, you didn't seem to realize I was the one who ran into you. You started talking to me like I did nothing wrong to you. You told me your name, and asked for mine,' Van said, his voice was getting quieter and quieter.

Hitomi noticed that he had gone into that same dream-like state he was in yesterday at school, when he told her he missed her, when he kissed her fingers, when he didn't hold back from saying what was truly in his heart.

She went stock-still when she felt Van's warm fingers dancing against her temple before he pushed back her wind-blown hair out of her eye, tucking it behind her hot ear.

'And I was so taken in by your voice, Hitomi… by you. At that moment when you asked for my name, I'd forgotten what I had wanted to say to you that day… and until now, I'd never found the right time to bring up the thing that happened at the track and say sorry to you…'

'It's… alright, Van. I don't care about it anymore…' Hitomi said almost in a whisper, her eyes searching Van's glazed ones.

She realized that her words had pulled Van out of his dream-like state when his hand that had been lovingly caressing her hair started to falter, his eyes becoming wider and clearer. But before Van could withdrew his hand away from her, Hitomi grabbed his fingers with her cold ones and held his hand close to her heart.

Van stared at her with a look of utter surprise.

Hitomi couldn't understand what her body was doing; she was surprised herself, but she didn't want to let his hand go. She felt him relax his tensed arm before he took a small step closer towards her. He then gently laced his long fingers with Hitomi's, their hands becoming one.

Slowly, with her trembling hand that was not held captive by the young man staring deep into her eyes, Hitomi reached up to touch Van's forehead, brushing aside his hair. Her cold palm burned against Van's hot skin.

'You still have a fever, Van…' she managed to say in a whisper, her eyes unable to look away from his russet ones, her heartbeat sounding so loud in her ears. 'That's why you're acting weird again…'

She finally looked away, dropping her hand to her side, trying to make sense of what was happening.

'Hitomi…'

Van's voice sounded so close.

'I think… I like you. I like you a lot, Hitomi.'

Hitomi stood stunned as her gaze met Van's clear eyes once more. The wind had stopped blowing for a while now, and all she could hear was the sound of the crickets, the fast beatings of her heart never ceasing in speed. She could see that Van was aware of what he was saying. He wasn't in that dreamy state. He was fully aware of himself.

'Van…'

He leaned down and touched his forehead with Hitomi's, his eyes closed as if in a prayer.

'I just wanted to let you know. You don't have to say anything,' Van said softly. Hitomi could feel his breath on her face.

He finally let go of Hitomi's hand and took a step back, placing his arms on the wooden fence once again, his eyes back on the night sky.

Hitomi didn't know what to say or think. She just stared dumbfounded at the young man standing next to her; his touch still lingered, dancing around wildly in her dazed mind. She didn't expect to hear that from him so suddenly, although she had a vague idea that Van probably had feelings for her...

She knew she should do something, say something, at least, but her mind failed her. She was suddenly having doubts. What was her feelings towards Van? All this while, what did she think of him? She had never confirmed with herself about her feelings towards him. Did she really like him? Wasn't it just plain admiration?

But if not, why do my heart beat like crazy whenever I'm with him, whenever we touch? Why do I miss him when I don't see him?

At the moment, Hitomi's mind was as blank as a white sheet of paper.

Oh god, I can barely think.

Van glanced at her uncertainly when she stayed silent for a long while, just staring at him. Through her thoughts that were crisscrossing in her chaotic mind, Hitomi could see something in his eyes, something that made her feel sad. She didn't like Van having that look in his eyes. She wanted him to regard her with that soft look like he did when they were at the library, with that gentle, heartwarming smile of his that she had seen not enough times.

Her mind was slowly clearing up. She realized now she wanted to see more of that. That she wanted to know more about him.

That she didn't want him to let her go.

That she didn't want to let him go.

'It's getting late,' Van said quietly as he looked away. 'Let's go home, Hitomi.'

Hitomi felt her heart broke when she heard Van's voice; how it sounded so crestfallen and disappointed. She knew he was the one who said she didn't have to say anything, but just by looking, she could tell he was hoping. Hoping that she would say something back to him.

'Wait… Van…' Hitomi called out softly before Van could leave the viewing deck.

Van turned around slowly, his eyes not meeting hers.

Hitomi held out her hands to him then, a small smile forming on her lips.

'Take my hands?' she asked with a slight tilt of her head, her smile becoming wider when she saw the confused look on Van's face.

'Van…' she started again. 'I… might feel the same way about you, too.'

The confused look on Van's face was slowly replaced with a look of absolute disbelief and happiness and joy as he finally let out a sigh of relief, his smile matching Hitomi's which was getting wider and wider.

'Hitomi…' he said her name again, striding back towards her, that gentle, heartwarming smile on his face never vanishing.

Van reached for Hitomi's hands before gently pulling her into his warm embrace. He held her for a long while, not saying anything, but at the same time, Hitomi felt like he was telling her everything. She felt him tremble in her arms as he let out a shuddering breath of relief.

'Van…'

Hitomi felt Van's arms tightened around her when she said his name, as if he was afraid that she would vanish without a trace if he let her go. Hitomi closed her eyes, savouring the warmth that enveloped her. In the eyes of her now calm mind, she saw them; the pair of white wings spreading from Van's back, beautiful, magnificent, majestic, like nothing she had ever seen.

She felt them softly, gently, protectively close around her, covering her from whatever harm there may be in this world, and she had never felt safer.

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*** End ***

Author's Note

Hello! I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you, thank you very much to everyone who reads Memory of a Dream (and also Take My Hands). I feel so relieved that I've finally finished writing this; it has been sitting in my Drafts folder for almost two years, I thought I would never finish it. But it's finally done!

I initially started writing Take My Hands (and eventually, Memory of a Dream) because of the original Japanese voice actors of Van and Hitomi (Seki Tomokazu and Sakamoto Maaya, respectively). I love their voices so much; both are great voice actors and both have very good singing voices. That's why in these stories, Van and Hitomi are very conscious of each other's voices.

Anyway, I hope I'll get to write more of Van and Hitomi in the future, but as for now, I'll say goodbye to them. Until we meet again! :)