A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for the long wait - between a trip to Canada and a stay at a hospital there wasn't really that much time for writing... But now I'm hoping it's all going to calm down (once I finish my BA thesis xD). So here you are, the next installment :)

Spoilers!

By Mizuki

Part Three

"No, no, no, no – you can't just – " the Doctor blurted out before he could think better of it. His mind was a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts and, for the first time in – well, ever – he found it impossible to think on his feet. The otherwise perfectly reasonable – thank you very much – mumbo-jumbo of his brain was now in complete disarray, thanks to the most infuriating – fascinating – and improbable creature he had ever met.

Because River Song couldn't possibly be psychic enough to tamper with his memories! To do that, she would, first of all, need his permission, and, besides, she'd need to have a thorough and intimate knowledge of his mind, which was ridiculous, because she couldn't have possibly connected with him on that level, despite the fact that she somehow managed to know his name! There was absolutely no way he was ever willingly entering that level of intimacy with anyone, much less a woman he knew nothing about, who was clearly dangerous and untrustworthy, and who was out for his blood, no less!

If this was what was in store for him in the future, then perhaps it was better that it had been spoiled and therefore hopefully rewritten out of existence, because the only possible reason he'd have had to get entangled in this radiant curly haired woman was that he hadn't known better... Now that he did, he could avoid her, steer clear out of her way, let her stampede through the universe on expeditions, burying herself in ruins and skeletons while he revelled in history while it was being made.

Except... if she was who she said she was, if the TARDIS really valued her so much, if the hologram had really been his future self... if she could regenerate... if he could really, honestly open his mind to her... then that meant that he was no longer alone.

And therein lay the crux of the matter.

The Doctor was good at denial, but he wasn't stupid. He didn't want to avoid River Song because she was an archaeologist. He didn't want to avoid her because he thought this whole situation reeked of such odious concepts as predestination and coerced emotional obligation (because, honestly, could one really truly feel something out of their own volition after they have been told they would feel it anyway?). He didn't even want to avoid her because there was a distinct possibility that time would be rewritten and she would kill him for real. No, he wanted to avoid her because he was angry.

He was furious. Absolutely livid. Incandescent with rage.

Because it hurt so damn much to lose them. Because he knew that Sarah Jane, Jack, Martha and Mickey would leave him to lead their own lives, as they should. Because he hated his other self so much that he had to banish him to the parallel universe. Because he loved him so much he had to give him Rose to fix him. Because he knew that Donna would die if she remembered him.

He knew all of this and the knowledge was crushing his hearts, severing them into four tattered pieces, and he couldn't, he just couldn't, take any more of this pain right now.

And here she was, waltzing into his life again, bringing with her unimaginable promises, just like the last time, only to take them all away and taint their memory with bitterness and tragedy. At the Library she'd dangled the carrot of companionship, of love and understanding, of marriage, for goodness' sake, right under his nose, and then she yanked it away by dying, and all he could think of was: "all the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here"... Whatever happiness he would achieve with her would always, always, be marred by this knowledge, by this memory of her connecting the cables and of the single tear on cheek. And now she was doing it again! She'd survived, but she wanted to take that knowledge away from him, she wanted him to suffer, to remember her death every time they met. Yet, as horrible as all of it was, what angered him the most was that out of this convoluted story the only thing he would ultimately get was another loss and separation.

Because he could objectively understand why she wouldn't want him after all he'd put her through, but he was tired of being objective, of being the one who faced the most difficult decisions, of being the one with the most responsibility. He wanted to be selfish, he wanted to have the right to make mistakes, he wanted to have someone who would forgive him, always and completely...

But she was going to walk away simply because he'd made a mistake.

He was about to tell her to get out of his ship and out of his life and to just leave him alone, but then he felt something at the back of his mind, a gentle probing, more like a caress, really, spreading a soothing balm over his frazzled nerves. It was... yes, yes it was, the TARDIS, she was... she was telling him that it was okay. She was asking him to trust River. Why? Why? Logically, there was absolutely nothing trustworthy about this woman. Nothing at all. So why was the TARDIS… And why was he actually considering…

"Sweetie, there really isn't another way, and you know it."

Her voice was soft, and sort of hypnotizing, and why was he comparing her to a Siren, really, this was not the time...!

She took a step forward, raising both of her hands towards him. He flinched away, feeling oddly vulnerable.

"No, stop it – you can't let me believe..."

River's face crumpled. "Oh, Doctor, I'm so sorry... but you know I have to do this."

"River - "

"Hush, now," she smiled sadly. "The no-spoilers rule was there for a reason. You can't just peek at the end of the story, you have to live it through."

He stared at her for a long moment, and then squared his shoulders and lowered his head in concession. She gave him another smile before closing the distance between them and pressing her fingers to his temples. For a second they locked eyes and then the Doctor's rolled back into his head and his lanky frame collapsed into her waiting arms. She was surprisingly strong; without so much as a huff, she lowered him to the TARDIS floor.

The human Doctor and Jack, who had moved forward to catch the unconscious Time Lord, fell awkwardly back.

"What have you done to him?" asked Rose, her voice strangled. This was just about as much courage as she could muster; even though she wanted to, she didn't dare rush to his side as she would have just ten minutes ago. It felt wrong now. She felt out of place, somehow. This was no longer her Doctor, but a man who loved – will love – will have loved – another woman.

The very same woman who now looked at her with sympathy. Rose couldn't help but bristle in anger. She didn't need her pity!

"I wiped his memories of seeing me here," she explained gently. "Too much foreknowledge is dangerous. He cannot know I survived the Library."

"Isn't that just too cruel?" asked Martha, beating Rose to the same question.

"The universe is cruel," River answered simply. "If it wasn't, Rose never would have left him, wouldn't you?"

Rose let out a shaky breath. "No, I wouldn't."

"And if you stayed with him, he never would have crashed into my mother's garden when she was seven. He never would have returned when she was twenty one. He never would have burst out of the cake at my father's stag night – "

" – burst out of a cake?" exclaimed Jack gleefully. River gave him a wink.

" – and maybe I never would have been what I am. I would have been a simple little girl, a Melody Williams, a geography teacher, living her life in sleepy Leadworth, never meeting the Doctor at all."

For a moment, Rose selfishly thought that it would have been better. Better for him, surely...

"Alas, the universe is cruel."

Rose looked away, ashamed. Suddenly, she couldn't look this woman in the eye.

"Right," River said after a beat. "I need to get going before he wakes up." She moved quickly and purposefully around the console, pressing buttons and pulling levers.

"You can fly the TARDIS?" the human Doctor exclaimed in disbelief. River gave him a smile over her shoulder.

"I am her child – she taught me how."

"Her chi – what?"

Her grin became almost feral. "Four words, Doctor. TARDIS. Vortex. Wedding night."

Jack guffawed with uncontrollable laughter while the human Doctor choked on his next words.

"So your parents – on the TARDIS?" asked Martha, incredulous. River only laughed. "But fooling around! On the TARDIS!"

"In flight."

"But sex! On the TARDIS!"

"Is that really so hard to believe?"

"Frankly, yes!"

River only chuckled. "So naive... Right! We've landed. I'll take my leave then..."

"Landed? But we haven't landed!" the human Doctor scoffed, folding his arms.

"Of course we've landed."

"What? But it didn't make that stupid noise," said Mickey.

River shook her head in exasperation. "It's not supposed to make that noise. It's the brakes, he keeps leaving them on! Blimey, sometimes I wonder how he manages to get anywhere at all!"

Donna snorted. "He sort of is a really bad driver, isn't he?"

"Oh, I absolutely know what you mean!" Sarah Jane laughed. "He never gets where he wants to!"

"Oi! It's not my fault, it's the TARDIS!"

"Excuses, excuses," River grinned. "On that note, I think I'm going to say goodbye to you all... It was really lovely to meet you."

"Aren't you going to wipe our memories, too, Professor?" asked Jack. She shook her head.

"There's no need, is there? I trust you not to tell him anything." She looked around at their faces intently. "Unless you want me to?"

They didn't, of course, but she had to be absolutely certain. "Rose?"

"What?"

"Are you sure you don't want to forget?"

The blonde girl gave her an offended glare. "You think I can't handle it?"

"Of course not – "

"Then stop presuming."

"Of course. I apologize."

Rose looked away again. River pursed her lips and then turned towards the exit, collecting the blue diary and the infernal screwdriver on her way. She was almost at the door when Rose spoke up again.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," River answered simply.

"To the Doctor?"

The older woman's face was stony. "No."

"Why not?" Rose demanded fiercely. "Whyever not?"

"Because I'm angry with him right now," River bit out. "And I don't really want to see him."

"But you're going to go back to him once you cool down, right?"

River took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "I don't know."

"See," Rose growled. "This is where I stop understanding! How can you not know! How can you abandon him!"

River regarded her tensely, but her face was otherwise blank of emotion. "What you have to realize, Rose, is that life with the Doctor is very demanding – "

"It's not!"

" – you have to forget about everything you are and adapt yourself to him. And my whole life has been centred around him. I am the daughter of his companions, conceived on the TARDIS, I have partial Time Lord DNA... As a child I was kidnapped, brainwashed and moulded into a perfect weapon so that I could kill him... And then I escaped and found my parents and I had to listen to my mother's childhood stories about him...

"When I finally met him, I killed him. Then I sacrificed all my remaining regenerations to bring him back, because he told me he loved me and I just had to try... But then he dropped me off in the fifty second century with only a blue book and the pilfered clothes on my back... So I figured I would look for him in the past and enrolled into an archaeology course at university. I wrote an entire PhD dissertation on him alone... All those stories and myths, scattered throughout history... But then when I was just about ready to move on, to start exploring the rest of the universe and all the stories, my childhood captors caught up with me and used me as a weapon again. I had to literally break time for him to acknowledge me as an equal and let me know I wasn't really going to kill him. But no one else knew the truth and I was arrested and sentenced to a lifetime in prison. Twelve thousand consecutive lifetimes! For a crime I didn't commit! But I served my time, I stayed in prison, blackening my name and giving up my career, all for him! All so that his secret would stay safe. When I miraculously managed to earn my pardon and somehow became a professor, my first expedition turned out to be to a place where I thought I was going to die. I was going to die so he wouldn't have to."

Throughout her tale her voice managed to stay mostly calm and composed, but now it broke and the hurt finally seeped through.

"And then he decided to upload me to an eternal prison without him. As my reward."

Silence fell in the TARDIS. No one really knew what to say, and least of all Rose, who felt more ashamed of herself than ever.

"I still love him," River concluded quietly. "But I really don't know if I want to stay with him anymore."

Then she closed her eyes as if in pain, and opened the TARDIS door with a flourish.

The floppy-haired man in tweed and bow-tie fell inside with a gasp, crashing to the floor in a flurry of limbs. Gasps of shock resonated through the console room, but River only looked down on him, unsmiling and unsurprised.

"Hello, sweetie," she said coolly.

"River..." he gasped, scrambling from the floor. "Look, it's – "

"No time," she interrupted. "You're going to wake up any moment now. Let's go. We don't belong here. And I really need to get out of this blasted spacesuit."

With that she grabbed his arm and fairly pushed him outside, but before she followed, she turned back one more time and smiled. "Goodbye, everyone. It was very nice to meet you."

The second the door closed behind her, the Doctor began to stir. His human counterpart literally flew at the console and threw the TARDIS back into space, before the Time Lord fully regained his senses.

"Ow... What happened?"

"Don't you remember?" the meta-crisis exclaimed cheerfully. "Donna was so enthusiastic she pushed you into the coral and knocked you out cold!"

"Really, Donna..." mumbled the Doctor, exasperated.

"Oi, watch it!"

"So, where were we?" he asked, springing back to his feet. A sudden pain erupted in his head and he hissed. "Ow, Donna, that really hurt!"

Momentarily distracted, he didn't notice the other Doctor sending warning signs at all of his companions. He did notice, however, that everyone seemed a bit out of sorts.

"What's wrong with you? We've just saved the world!"

Slowly, tentative grins broke out on their faces and they resumed their joyous hugging. Their faces were just a little bit more thoughtful than they should be, but the Doctor decided to ignore it. He had far worse things to think about right now...

"Right! Let's get you all home, shall we?"