Chapter Note:

There's a glimmer of E/O on the horizon... ;)

Chapter Four

Huang suggested that they move to an adjacent interrogation room to continue their conversation. Olivia kept her eyes fixed on Huang, standing when he did and following closely behind him. Hearing Elliot's footsteps closing in behind her, she quickly thought of a question to ask Huang, effectively preventing Elliot from pulling her aside. She knew that they needed to talk about things, but she needed time to collect herself before they did.

Elliot recognized her stall tactic immediately, and this did nothing to improve his mood. In his mind it only served as further proof that she was not okay with any of this. Fueling his frustration even more was the fact that Huang positioned himself so that he was seated directly across from Olivia, leaving Elliot a spot at the head of the table where it would be incredibly difficult to make eye contact with her. Elliot was not sure whether this had been done intentionally or not, but he had learned never to underestimate Huang's ability to pick up on even the subtlest of nonverbal cues. Elliot settled himself into the chair and did his best to focus on the task at hand as Huang began to go over the details.

Olivia would be Tara Sanders, a victim of prolonged physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her father who turned his attention to her after her mother died of a drug overdose when Tara was nine. Seeing the attention Tara received from the men in their neighborhood as she got older, her father went on to act as her pimp, selling her services as a means to get some extra cash to support his own drug habit. At seventeen Tara ran off with one of the men who promised to protect her, but who only proceeded to perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

Elliot would be Carl Edwards, a man who clawed himself up from a lower socioeconomic status to one of relative affluence, not always by legal means. Powerless to protect himself from the physical abuse he endured as a child, he was prone to having explosive rages, establishing himself as an intimidating presence in adulthood, taking from others what he felt he was owed, often by force. Struck by Tara's beauty when he came across her at a club, he approached her only to be stopped by a man who told him she was not for sale. Carl offered him a lump sum in cash to change his mind. When he still refused, Carl convinced him by alternate means, hauling Tara over the man's bloodied and broken form and out of the club.

Huang explained that Carl could be affectionate and tender with Tara one minute and violent and explosive the next, leaving Tara in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance and fear. Carl controlled every aspect of Tara's life, from the clothes that she wore to the places she was allowed to go. She was his possession, and with no family or connections to the outside world, she was wholly dependent upon him.

Olivia and Elliot nodded. Sadly they had come across too many stories like these, and although Carl and Tara were fictitious, the people they represented were all too real.

Huang studied the detectives for a moment as they absorbed the information, their eyes focused on random spots of the table but seeing the faces of victims forever etched in their memories. He softly cleared his throat, bringing them back to the present. "I think we need to talk more about the operation itself."

Two pairs of eyes instantly snapped up to meet his.

While in Cragen's office they had gone over the skeleton of the operation, but had skimmed over the gray areas that still needed to be defined. Gray areas that left everyone feeling uncomfortable, including Cragen who had suggested that Huang discuss it with the detectives privately so as not to make them feel put on the spot in front of a commanding officer.

The plan in and of itself was simple enough, but was completely contingent upon Elliot and Olivia's ability to convince Nikolai that they were who he believed them to be. Because they were anticipating that his security would be extensive, they would have to go in unarmed. This was risky, but the potential consequences of being caught trying to smuggle in a weapon were too great to chance it. T.A.R.U. would be equipping them with a couple of small GPS transmitters. They would activate the first one when they reached the club so that Cragen would be able to locate them. They would plant this one somewhere inside, and if all went according to plan, they would be taken to the house where the little girl was being held, and would activate the second. This would be the signal for Cragen to send officers to both locations. If anything went wrong before leaving the club, their instructions were to disable the first transmitter and Cragen would immediately send officers to their last known location.

This brought them back to the shades of gray. Provided they sufficiently sparked Nikolai's interest at the club, if Rachel's statement was a good indication of what they could anticipate, he would make Elliot earn the right to be taken to the little girl.

Elliot and Olivia might as well have been statues.

Huang spoke again. "How far are you both willing to take this?"

Beneath the table Elliot's hands were gripping the seat of his chair so tightly that his knuckles were white. He shifted his gaze to Olivia who looked pale. Her face remained impassive but for the slight widening of her eyes, and he noticed the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

While Huang had certainly gotten their attention, neither of them made a move to speak. He decided to push a little harder. "Olivia," he said gently, "How far?"

"Christ!" Elliot suddenly exclaimed, shoving his chair back and going to stand by the window. He resented the fact that they were in a position in which they were being forced to answer such a question. He leaned forward on his outstretched arms, gripping the protective bars with all of his strength to prevent himself from punching through the glass.

His outburst startled both Huang and Olivia who jumped slightly as Elliot's voice thundered against the walls of the previously silent room.

Huang waited a few moments as Elliot attempted to collect himself before responding. "I know that this is not an easy conversation, but I think-"

"As far as it takes."

Olivia's voice was barely audible but it caused Elliot to stop breathing.

"I," she paused. Finding courage in the fact that Elliot's back was still turned toward her, her voice grew stronger. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes if it means that we have any chance of finding her."

Huang nodded as he saw the sincerity in her eyes. As much as he was concerned for Olivia, he was equally if not more concerned for Elliot at this moment. It would be Elliot that would have the responsibility of making decisions for both of them in the club. Elliot, who would have to behave in a manner that went against every fiber of his being. Elliot, who would have to ignore the screams of his partner, as Tara, begging for him to stop. "Where does that leave you, Elliot?"

Elliot let out a noise that sounded like a mixture between a strangled cry and a laugh devoid of all humor. He pushed himself back from the window, clasping his hands behind his neck before roughly releasing them and letting his arms fall limply to his sides. "God, I don't know," he replied, shaking his head and turning to face them, this time leaning his back against the wall.

"Olivia, do you trust Elliot?" Huang asked.

Olivia was taken aback by the question and furrowed her brow. "Of course."

"And you, Elliot, do you trust Olivia?"

Elliot looked at Huang with an expression that was equal parts confusion and annoyance. "Of course I do."

"Do you trust her to tell you when there is something she can't handle?"

Elliot faltered. He shifted his weight and locked eyes with Olivia who had looked up at him the moment she realized he didn't have an answer. "I don't know," he responded.

"El-" she protested.

"I don't know," he repeated with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders. He turned back to Huang, frustration winning once again. "And what?" he said with an exasperated tone. "What difference does it make anyway since she won't even be able to tell me? Or did you forget?" he snapped. "Nikolai likes the struggle; he wants her to beg me to stop."

One side of Huang's mouth curled into a wry smile. "I didn't forget," he said calmly. "If I could make a suggestion?"

Elliot spread his hands gesturing for Huang to continue.

"I think that you should talk to one another about a safe word."

Olivia chuckled despite herself. The fact that they were even having a discussion about her, Elliot, and a safe word – in the same sentence, no less – was beyond bizarre.

Huang returned her smile. "It may seem anomalous for this type of situation, but I do think it might help."

For his part, Elliot found himself breathing slightly easier at the suggestion. "A way for Liv to let me know if…" he trailed off, unable to voice the thought that he might push Olivia to the point where she would be forced to beg him – Elliot, not Carl – to stop.

Huang nodded. "It should be something that sounds appropriate for the situation so as not to raise any red flags, but something distinctive enough so that Olivia wouldn't run the risk of saying it accidentally."

Olivia looked at Elliot tentatively, as if trying to figure out whether this would be enough.

He swept his eyes over her face, and saw the concern in her eyes. "Okay," he said, his voice gravelly. He would have to trust her to let him know when things were going too far.

It was close to 10:00pm by the time they reentered the squad room. The nonstop bustle of the past few days had been replaced by an eerie stillness. Elliot and Olivia stood for a moment facing clusters of empty desks whose occupants had finally been permitted to go home. Now that the outcome of the case rested heavily upon their shoulders, the rest of the department was able to return to business as usual. They made their way across the darkened room, their paths illuminated by the soft glow of a few desk lamps that had been forgotten. Elliot reached his desk a moment before Olivia and froze when he saw a small digital camera sitting on top of a note scrawled by Cragen.

Olivia didn't need to read it to know what it said. She felt nauseated and somehow a bit claustrophobic in the large, empty space. She attempted to speak but no sound came out. She cleared her throat. "I'll, um, I'll be right back."

Elliot looked up at her, concerned by the hint of panic in her tone.

She shook her head at him, managing a half smile as she came up with an excuse to leave the room. "I'm just going to go rinse this out," she said by way of explanation, lifting up her mug that contained the remnants of the coffee Elliot had handed her hours ago.

Elliot nodded and watched as she walked away. He sank into his chair, crumpling up Cragen's note and tossing it to the side. Cragen wanted the pictures taken tonight. Munch had been working with T.A.R.U. and had begun posting in the chat room based upon Huang's profile. Thankfully Elliot was being spared that much. He stared at Olivia's empty chair, leaning forward on his elbows and resting his chin on top of the knuckles of his interlocked hands. He ignored the now familiar feelings of dread and fatigue and instead tried to figure out what he could do to make Olivia feel as comfortable as possible. He knew that they couldn't stage this in the crib, because the bunks would seem unusual and make Nikolai suspicious. The thought of taking the photographs at Olivia's place, however, somehow felt like an invasion. His gaze dropped to the collage of pictures of his family that decorated his desk. He knew he was going to have to come clean and give Olivia another option – one that he hadn't thought he was ready to reveal. Then he would let Olivia decide.

Olivia splashed some cool water on her face and studied her reflection. She looked tired, but felt like the time alone had helped her to regain her composure. She knew that Elliot was struggling with this situation as much as she was, and she didn't want to make things harder on him by appearing unsteady. She turned off the water and smoothed her hands over her hair. She was almost at the door before she remembered the mug – her excuse for coming in there to begin with. She quickly retrieved it and headed back toward the squad room.

Elliot looked up as she approached. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied, setting her mug down on the desk. She decided to remain standing, since she knew sitting would only make her feel more restless. "So, um, how should we do this?" she asked, gesturing to the camera.

Elliot leaned back in his seat with a sigh. "That was going to be my question," he replied, the corners of his mouth turning up in an apologetic smile.

Olivia drummed her fingers against the back of her chair. At this point she just wanted to get this over with. "Well, I guess we should probably head over to my place. We can figure things out from there."

Elliot sat up again. "Liv, about that," he started. "I just," he hesitated trying to find the words to describe his unease. "I don't feel quite right about barging into your space like this."

Olivia looked puzzled. "You've been to my apartment before."

He shook his head. "No, not that. I mean that I don't feel right about taking these there," he replied picking up the camera.

"El, it's okay," she said soothingly.

Elliot braced himself and continued. "I just wanted to let you know, that if it would make you feel more comfortable, we could take the photos at my place."

Olivia's expression flitted from bewilderment to amusement. "El, as much as I love your family, I think this would be a little difficult to explain," she chuckled.

Elliot cleared his throat, suddenly feeling nervous. "No," he swallowed. "Not at the house… at my apartment."

The silence in the room was deafening.

Olivia's eyes immediately flew to his ring finger where the wedding band continued to gleam back at her. She looked up at him again in confusion. "But-" she began.

He held her gaze as he slowly worked the ring off of his finger. "There were going to be too many questions. I just wasn't ready to broadcast it here," he explained.

Olivia was completely thrown for a loop – again, and was struggling to process this new information. As it began to sink in she felt hurt that he hadn't confided in her. Hurt and a little pissed off. This, combined with her level of exhaustion, caused her to become mostly upset with herself because she now felt the telltale burning behind her eyes that signaled that she was fighting back tears. "Great," she thought to herself. "This is what is going to finally push you over the edge?" Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to figure out what the hell to say to him.

He watched her struggle with the conflicting emotions and held up his hand, now unadorned, to try to placate her. "I'm sorry," he said as he stood and slowly walked a few paces closer to her. "I'm sorry," he repeated softly. "I should have told you. I was-" he wavered. "The decision was mutual, but I was ashamed," he finished almost inaudibly.

Just like that her anger dissipated. She knew she should say something, but she still had not figured out what that should be and would not have trusted her voice even if she had figured it out.

He waited for her, still standing to her left, the corner of her desk separating them as she fought to regain her composure.

"Why now?" she managed, staring at the ring now lying on his desk.

"You needed to know – especially now." He reached out to touch her arm, but stopped himself, hovering a few inches above it before dropping his hand back to his side. "You said that you trusted me. You agreed to everything tonight and throughout this operation without knowing about this. If you don't feel comfortable-"

She shook her head. "El, I trust you," she said, her eyes darting to his before looking away again as she added, "ring or no ring."

Elliot released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "Okay," he nodded.

Olivia gradually remembered what it was that he had been asking her in the first place. He had been trying to protect her as best he could: he did not want her to have to associate her apartment – her personal space – with the photographs they would have to take. At the moment, however, Olivia felt as though she needed to be surrounded by familiar things. She just wanted to go home. She turned to him. "And I appreciate the offer to go elsewhere tonight, but it's really fine."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think I'd rather just go home."

Elliot understood. "Alright," he said. "Are you ready?"

"I've been climbing the walls for hours," she smirked trying to lighten the mood. She had many more questions that she wanted to ask him, but they could wait. That sort of a conversation required more energy than either of them had at the present moment.

Elliot smiled following suit. "You hungry?"

Olivia's stomach was in knots. In fact she was pretty sure that her knots had developed knots of their own. "Ugh, not so much," she replied with a grimace.

"You should eat something," he cautioned. "We'll pick something up along the way."

Olivia rolled her eyes but did not argue with him. She put on her jacket and tossed Elliot his own. Elliot slipped it on, placing the camera in one pocket and his ring in the other, doing his best to try not to think about the task at hand. Olivia turned off her lamp, darkening the room even further, and Elliot fell into step behind her placing a hand ever so lightly on the small of her back as they made their way down the hall and into the night.