Esme's POV
Chapter 4
As I opened my mind to Edward I could tell that although he thought it was rude to intrude on my thoughts he also craved this one moment where he could occupy someone's mind without them resenting him for it. I let the memories from a few days ago flood the front of my mind and I thought of all the things that Carlisle had told me. As I did this I noticed that I also let go of all the emotions I had been holding back.
My pain entered my thoughts as well. I saw Edward flinch from the impact of the suffering I had gone through. It was enough that I had hurt him so I reined in my emotions. It seemed to calm him as he searched through the rest of my fore-mind. It was uncomfortable for him to be able to view everything going through my head. Alice had experience in blocking him and she had used one afternoon while he was hunting alone to teach the rest of the family to do the same. It was, at first, just for fun but it turned out that it came in handy later when there were things that we didn't want him to find out about.
Still I couldn't concentrate on what was going on around me when he was reading everything. I showed him all of what had happened the other day, when I had found the folder and the name. How my suspicions had risen when it said "***PERFECT HEALTH***??? " and how it had seemed to her like they were Vampires just by looking at the health record. I let shared with him all of my pain when I found the name on the inside. It had torn me apart and then I had confronted Carlisle.
Carlisle had tried to calm me to no avail and I had been nearly dry sobbing by the time he had managed to tell me that "No, he hadn't met them yet". Only Carlisle had understood how much it hurt me. He was the one who was there when I jumped of the cliff for my child. There was no way that he could understand. I wondered if I could block part of my thoughts from him instead of all of it. If I could just block my most morbid thoughts then I would be able to show him what I wanted. Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to do that as of yet. I felt his presence leave my mind.
"And now you know" I whispered, brokenly. He was lost in his thoughts about all that he had just read and it seemed to take a moment for him to register that I had even spoken. Then his face slowly transformed, it took on the pity that I so loathed. I looked away- not meeting his eyes. This wasn't what I wanted from him- I don't want pity I want acceptance. As soon as I had the thought Edward's expression transformed yet again, but this time into an unreadable look.
"Carlisle will be home soon," he said. There was no emotion in his voice, but I could sense that there was something he was holding in. I could hear Carlisle car in the distance, and it was approaching the house at rapid pace. I was sure that Edward hadn't told him anything yet, but ever since I had confronted Carlisle about the folder he had seemed to keep an abnormally close eye on me. I was slightly hurt that he didn't trust me.
"You know that he trust you Esme…" Edward said. I shook my head. I knew that he trusted me, it just wasn't the kind of trust that lasted me. He probably thought that I would go off to the Volturi the second that he turned his head the other way. Edward chuckled at that.
"He just wants you to be safe." Edward tried to reassure me. Again, I shook my head.
He wants me to heal. I thought sadly.
"Of course he wants you to heal Esme. We all do. But I also know that part of you wants to hold on to what little memory you have left of her." I hissed in pain as he implied my daughter. Just the thought of her brought a choking lump to my throat- a human reaction that signaled crying. I refused to start sobbing in front of my son. "You don't want to heal completely because that would mean that you would have lose ALL of the memories and you're afraid of forgetting her." Again, he brought her up. Could he not give me time to regain my composure? A few more words out of him and I'd break down again.
"Maybe you need to let go and break down for once Esme." He said quietly. "Maybe you need one good crying jag. It may help." I knew that it would help because of the numerous time that I had already done it. But I was through being weak. The rest of the family found me pathetic already and, just like a few moments ago, I could see the pity in their eyes.
"We don't think that your weak, Esme." He told me, his voice gaining a bit of steel. "We love you and we don't want you to hurt. The thing that you think is pity in our eyes- it's grief. We all grieve for your daughter because if she had turned out to be as kind hearted and compassionate as you then there is no way that we would have missed out on the chance to know her." By the end of his rant he was close to screaming at me. It wasn't that he was trying to be mean. He was frustrated and angry.
I jumped up and hugged him. I sobbed into his arm and he held on to me tight, knowing that I just needed to cry for once. I was so happy and sad at the same time. Had Jasper been in the room his head would have exploded by the amount of emotions that I was sending out. I had been so wrong about my family. I had made so many assumptions that I didn't take the time to think about how the loss of my daughter would affect them. Well, technically it she didn't affect them, her loss affected me which in the long run affected them. (A/N: Wow, head rush-too many affect's in that sentence.)
I heard the front door open and Edward stepped back to let another pair of arms enveloped me. I could only hear a hum in place of the calming words that Carlisle was trying to tell me. After about ten minutes my dry sobs stopped and I was able to breathe again. I raised my head to find that Carlisle had moved me onto the couch and I was leaning on his shoulder. There was no hope for his tear-stained shirt that I had just ruined.
"Carlisle perhaps you should explain this to the rest of the family." Edward said. At first I thought that he was talking about how I was crying. Then I realized that they were having a silent conversation.
"What are you talking about?" I asked in a timid tone. Edward looked at me, probably surprised that I could speak in a steady voice.
"The new people in town." He replied, testing me to see if I was capable of holding it together when we discussed them. I nodded. I held my head high, acting confident, and made sure my control wouldn't slip- that I wouldn't start sobbing again, but that was all that I could do-act. This would probably bring up old memories that I had buried with the years. I would try to stay numb.
The rest of the family filed into the room quietly. They thought I wasn't stable enough for loud noises. Alice and Rosalie came to sit by my sides. After Carlisle, they were the ones who knew exactly how much losing my daughter hurt me. We were three women frozen in time who would never be able to have their own children. At times we shared the pain. Alice wrapped her petite arms around my waist, giving me a tight hug, and Rosalie took my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.
Carlisle sat down. "Alright, so as you know there is a new family who has just moved into town. We've had our suspicions about the being an abnormal group based on their superior health. Those suspicions were confirmed as of today." He said in a lecturing voice. The rest of the family nodded, acknowledging the fact that these new comers were vampires. He still hadn't told us the piece of information that we most wanted to hear. He broke out into a handsome grin, Alice along with him- she had already foreseen this.
"They are vegetarians." He said, his grin only getting brighter with each word. I felt Rosalie give a sigh of relief. Although she may seem cold on the outside she cared deeply about everyone in this family and she didn't want a territorial dispute with these vampires. This new caused everyone else to smile as well. These were the only vampires outside of the Denali coven that we knew who were animal drinkers. In a world where human blood drinkers ruled, the vegetarians like us were frightfully small in numbers. We had a chance at making new allies and friends with this new people. It excited me as well as unnerved me.
If we became friends that meant that I'd be bringing up my daughters name more and more. That could be one of the most painful things that I've done in my century of life. Carlisle interrupted my thoughts.
"The leader of the coven may seem young but she is also powerful. I don't know the extent of her power. I was only able to meet one of the coven members and she said that they would have to speak to all of them together. Although, I haven't met the leader personally, the coven member- Lilliana, I think it was- spoke highly of her therefore I think that the bonds between this coven are unbelievably strong. They have only three members in the coven and the bonds of a large vegetarian coven are fairly strong as it is. I believe that having a smaller group would only increase that effect."
"There are three members of the coven, including one couple and the leader. The two posing as the couple are also posing as the parents…" Carlisle continued to explain but I tuned him out. One thought had just crossed my mind and I needed to focus on blocking Edward from it, seeing as I wanted to keep him in the dark.
If there was one couple and one leader in this coven, and the coven leader was female, then there was a good chance that we could combine our covens if they became friends. I still worried about Edward and if he made friends with the leader there was a chance at him finding a mate.
Alice went stiff next to me and then as she came out of her vision she smiled widely at me and I grinned back at her. I had just made a decision and from the look on her face something good would result from it. Carlisle was still speaking to the rest of the family, so I don't think that anyone saw our exchange. Alice gave me a look that clearly said we would talk about the vision later.
In the fore front of my mind I was using the roman numerals to transfer the date of natural disasters but that was to block Edward. In the back of my mind I was trying to think of what Alice's visions might hold. How I love my family.