A/N: You know... I might actually bring myself to write something half-way serious. I don't know what is going on in my brain right now but... God I must be screwed up lol. Although I've finally come up with a general basis for Episode 8 after sitting with a pencil and a piece of paper aaaalll last night, and to be honest it's going to be quite dark. Nice change from light-hearted shapeshifters lol. Oh yeah and i almost forgot... apparently no links are allowed in here, but go and have a gander on my profile page and click on Have A Banana...

Shameless plugging. i have no shame lol!

Party Favours

Since travelling with the Doctor, Ashley Chambers had witnessed a lot of terrifying things. She had seen hideous aliens, she had ran for her life, she had been unconscious for two weeks… but nothing compared to this. This was awful… it was horrendous… it was torture-

'If you're wondering, it's the smallest fork on the left.'

The Doctor's voice cut through her panicked thoughts and she glanced up to him. He was seated beside her in his black suit. For once his hair wasn't sticking up in all directions and he was smiling slightly at her. Ashley looked down at the ridiculous amount of knives and forks surrounding her pristine china plate and the fear struck her again.

'Why the hell do they need this many anyway?' she whispered, wide eyed. She reached up and scratched the back of her neck. 'And this stupid wig is making me itch.'

The Doctor eyed the blonde wig on her head that he had dug out of the wardrobe for her. 'I think you make a fabulous blonde. Do you really think this lot would let you sit at the table with bright red hair?'

Ashley cast a wary glance at her dinner companions. Well dressed, smart suits, the women literally dripping with diamonds. 'I couldn't give a crap.' She muttered.

'Is there a problem, ma'am?'

Ashley glanced up sharply to the solemn faced man who slid his arm between her and the Doctor to fill up their glasses with wine. She managed a smile. 'No problem.'

'Yes we're fine thanks.' The Doctor grinned.

The butler nodded grimly and then moved down the table. Ashley glanced around again. There must have been about thirty people sitting around the long oak table, all of them smiling and chatting. She glanced back to the Doctor.

'So when the food gets here… it's that fork?' She pointed at the small fork and raised her eyebrows.

'Yes.' The Doctor nodded. 'Just relax, okay? You look like you're going to burst into tears.'

'That's because I am!' Ashley whispered back harshly. 'I've got absolutely no table manners at all. Even people in McDonalds look upon my eating habits in disgust.'

He just patted her knee under the table. 'You'll be fine.' He told her. 'Just copy everyone else and you'll be fine.'

Ashley nodded and took a breath. The glass of wine caught her eye and she reached for it. Before she could get hold of it though, the Doctor grabbed her hand. He shook his head and returned her hand back to her lap.

'Not yet.' He told her.

Ashley glanced around to see she had drawn a couple of curious looks, but she just smiled. They smiled back and resumed chatting. She moved to the Doctor again.

'Why did we have to come here?'

'I got an invite.' The Doctor replied. 'And it's rude to pass up on an invite.'

'Who invited you?' Ashley asked. She looked up the table to the vacant seat at the far end.

'You'll see. He'll be here any minute.' The Doctor grinned. She knew that grin. Something was coming that was going to shock her.

'I'm not in the mood for surprises.' She told him flatly.

'Oh you'll love this surprise.' He grinned in response.

Before she had a chance to say anything else on the subject, the sound of trooping feet became audible. Everyone stopped chatting and looked towards the head of the table, or rather at the huge wooden doors behind the vacant chair. The Doctor leaned so close that it tickled when he whispered in Ashley's ear.

'Whatever you do,' he told her. 'Don't act surprised.'

Ashley wanted to be annoyed with him, but the curiosity was overwhelming. Everyone was silent and watching the doors. The trooping footsteps were getting louder and louder, until the doors banged open and men marched in. Ashley watched in alarm as the men, who were dressed in black uniforms and decorated with various medals, filed around the room and took a place behind each chair. Ashley glanced around at the man who stood behind her, and then looked to the Doctor for an explanation. He only nodded back towards the doors. Tentatively, she returned her attention to the head of the table.

She completely forgot the Doctor's warning to not act surprised. Her jaw dropped open and she gaped at the… thing on the trolley that was being wheeled in the room. Around her, the other dinner quests applauded politely – the Doctor among them. But Ashley couldn't move. She just stared.

The Doctor had told her nothing about where, or more importantly when they were. He just gave her a dress and a wig and told her to change. By the style of clothing she had suspected that they were in the Victorian times, but he wouldn't clarify that either way. They had walked up a gravelled drive towards a huge mansion, mingled with well-dressed people, before coming to sit in the dining area. All the while she had thought they were in the 1900s. On Earth.

Obviously that wasn't the case, unless she had seriously missed something in her History lessons as school.

The grim faced butler who had poured their wine earlier lifted the large glass jar off the trolley and placed it on the chair, which had turned out to be a high chair instead of a regular one. A small amount of the water dribbled down the side of the glass and the creature inside twisted around to look at the butler.

'What what you're doin' will ya?' the fish hissed, bubbles escaping from its mouth as it spoke. It was round and fat, about the size of an overfed housecat, with shining purple scales, thick blue lips and huge black eyes. It flitted around inside the jar, looking around at its guests.

Ashley looked around at the Doctor with wide eyes. He only grinned back at her. She turned her attention back to the fish and watched.

'Welcome ladies and gentlemen and all those in between,' the fish announced to everyone in the room. 'And by all those in between I mean myself.'

Polite laughter rippled around the room.

'Yeah yeah, it wasn't that funny,' the fish said modestly. 'I'd like to thank you all for coming. It's not everyday that you can celebrate your fiftieth year as ruler of Boonarious. I remember when everyone said I wouldn't see past my fifth! Some people underestimate fish!'

Laughter again. Ashley couldn't bring herself to even fake laughter. She was still trying to register the talking fish at the far end of the table. She felt the tickle of the Doctor's voice in her ear again.

'That's Lipdis Herronvolk the tenth, current ruler of the Great Empire of Boonarious.' He told her. 'This is his fiftieth anniversary.'

Ashley turned and looked at him. 'He's a fish.' She whispered.

'Sshh.' The Doctor frowned, glancing around in case anyone heard. 'He makes jokes but he's still a little sensitive.'

Ashley eyed him for a moment, before looking back towards the talking fish. The butler was pouring wine into the jar. The fish swam around with its mouth open. Once it had finished, it returned its attention to its guests. 'Bring in the food!' it declared, raising its little fins.

Doors on both sides of the room opened simultaneously and almost identical looking people hurried in, carrying plates. Ashley watched as a plate was placed in front of her, and then she looked down at it and half frowned. It was a strange, brown, lumpy looking substance. She glanced to the Doctor, who had already picked his the smallest fork on the left. He nodded for her to do the same.

'What is it?' she whispered.

'Tradition is for the ruler to share a bit of himself with his dinner guests. Now this can be taken figuratively or literally. Past rulers have normally opted for the ruler-shaped-biscuits, but Lipdis has always been a bit more… intimate.'

Ashley narrowed her eyes. 'What do you mean?'

'These are fertilised fish spawn,' the Doctor told her. 'Don't worry. It tastes a bit like marzipan.'

Ashley's eyes widened and she looked down at the plate in front of her. Then she looked around to see everyone else eating. She looked to the Doctor desperately. 'Do I have to eat it?'

'If you don't eat it its classed as a major insult. It's like saying you don't approve as his position as ruler. Seriously, it tastes just like marzipan.'

'I don't like marzipan.'

The Doctor paused, and shrugged. 'Well, just hold your nose.'

Ashley looked down at her plate. She wetted her lips, and then got a small amount of the offending brown paste on her fork. She hesitated, took a breath, closed her eyes, and moved the fork to her mouth.