Hellooooo everyone!
So the responses to this story have been unreal. Its only chapter 4, and iv already had a ton of reviews, favorites, amd subscriptions. seriously, you guys make my life.
if you guys read my other story, you know that im suffering from a jammed/injured finger, making it harder to type since its taped to another finger...so if my typing seems flawed in authors notes, just bear with me.
Andd Darren Criss was on the Glee Project last night, so I'm floating in a little happy cloud of Darren right now ;) And I found a video of him singing in Italian... o_O
And zenlovesglee found the AVPM quote first, so here's you're cookie *hands over my fabulously made homemade chocolate chip cookie* Seriously. they're to die for.
I wrote another oneshot/possible twoshot! It's called I Just Haven't Met You Yet. so check it out!
On with the chapter! Kurt comes home today :)
The next morning, Blaine's alarm woke him up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. He got up and went into the bathroom to wash his face and get dressed in his uniform and then made his way to the kitchen.
"Hey," Carole said once she saw him, "Did you sleep well?"
Blaine thought about what he should say, finally resolving that he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. "No," he responded, grabbing a plate and filling it with food, "There was too much to think about."
She nodded. "Finn told me about your sister," she said quietly. "This must be pretty hard for you after that."
"I just don't know if I'd be able to go through that again," he told her.
She didn't say anything more, instead reaching over and giving him a hug. Blaine was surprised, but he hugged her back.
He ate his breakfast and noticed that Finn and Burt was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Finn?" He asked, "And Burt?"
"They went to go pick up Kurt," Carole responded. She glanced at her watch. "You'd better get going if you want to make it in time."
He nodded. "I'll be back after school. Thank you so much for everything."
Carole smiled warmly at him. "It's my pleasure. And don't be skipping school to come back early, you need your education."
Blaine rolled his eyes and thanked her again before making his way to his car. He got in and backed out, driving back to Dalton. The drive was long, giving him lots of time to think.
Kurt would be home today. Blaine would go and visit him right after school let out. What would he say? Blaine wasn't sure he'd be able to handle seeing Kurt, knowing how sick he actually was. He probably wouldn't look any different, not yet anyway, but that didn't change the fact that Kurt was ill.
Would Kurt even want Blaine to visit? Kurt was all about his pride, so wouldn't this diminish it? Wouldn't Blaine seeing Kurt in that state affect his ego?
Blaine shook his head. He didn't care what Kurt thought, Blaine was going to be there for him. He'd been there for Clarke, and he'll be there for Kurt.
I wonder if they would have gotten along, Blaine thought.
As he kept driving, he couldn't stop a line Clarke had said in the hospital many years ago.
"Sometimes I can feel it slipping away from me."
"Feel what slipping away?" He asked.
"I'm not sure," she said, "But I just have to think 'No, not yet' and the feeling goes away."
Had she finally given in? Had she just had enough and let that feeling take over her body? Blaine was starting to shake as he thought about this. It was strange how vivid those days with Clarke in the hospital were in his brain. Had she given up and stopped fighting it? Did she choose to leave them? To leave him?
Blaine pulled into the Dalton parking lot and stayed in his car for a moment, his head resting on the steering wheel. Pull yourself together, Blaine, he told himself.
He took a deep breath and made his way towards the school entrance. He walked in and relished in the fact that the smell made him feel slightly better, more at home. He glanced around and noticed that Wes and David were walking towards him with purposeful, perplexed expressions on their faces.
"Where the hell have you been?" Wes screeched at him. "And you look like you just got hit by a train."
Blaine thought for a moment. Should he tell them? They wouldn't tell anyone, and Kurt's their friend too, they deserve to know.
"Kurt's house," he said simply, staring at the wall behind them.
"And why where you there all night on a school night, and why did you tell the secretary it was because of a family emergency?" David asked, pointing an accusing finger at Blaine's chest.
"Because it was," Blaine almost whispered.
That caused Wes and David to calm down. "What is it?" Wes asked him, "Is Burt okay? Did he have another heart attack?"
Blaine shook his head. "No, Burt's fine. Carole and Finn are fine too."
David glanced worriedly at Wes before asking the question that was on both of their minds. "What about Kurt?"
Blaine took a shaky breath. "Kurt – he – he hasn't been feeling well lately and they took him to the doctor's yesterday," Blaine explained. He paused for a moment and was about to continue when Wes interrupted him.
"So he's just sick?" He asked, thinking that Kurt just had the flu and Blaine had nothing to worry about.
"Really sick," Blaine said slowly, "His – His kidneys are failing. He needs a new one, but he's 14 on the waiting list and he has a really rare blood type so no one he knows can donate one for him."
"Oh," Wes said quietly. He looked at David who was speechless. Blaine couldn't remember the last time he'd seen the two so still and quiet.
"I've got to go get ready," Blaine said softly once he realized they weren't going to say anything. "And don't tell anyone."
Wes nodded as Blaine left.
They took it better than Blaine did, but that was to be expected. He made his way up to his room to drop his stuff off and pick up his books. Once he had slung his backpack over his shoulder, his phone vibrated. He looked at the caller ID. Finn, it said, 1 New Message.
He opened the message and read it.
Kurt's home. He doesn't look any different, but he just looks sad and depressed and we can hear him sob occasionally. Mom thinks she heard your name, so come as quick as you can once school's over, cuz mom says your not allowed to leave early –Finn
Blaine thanked Finn for keeping him informed and told him that he'd be over as soon as he could. Kurt was crying his name? That just about broke Blaine's heart. He could just picture the small boy curled up on his bed, sobbing.
Blaine made his way to his first class. Once seated, he pulled out his books and a pen and just stared at the desk. He took out his notebook and opened it to make it look like he was paying attention, but for all he knew the teacher was dancing on the desk.
All he could think about was Kurt. Kurt was Blaine's everything. It was so reminiscent to the Clarke incident. She had been Blaine's everything too.
Why does everything I love more than anything get taken away from me? He wondered. He tried not to tear up in the middle of class. He grabbed his pen and started to doodle to distract himself.
Once the bell had rung, Blaine glanced down at what he had drawn. It was a few words elegantly written in large font. Clarke, one of them said. He looked at the other one and stifled a sob. Kurt. Even his subconscious was worried about him.
When Clarke had died, he'd hoped that after a while he wouldn't remember her death, but her life. And he had for a while, a few weeks after his transfer to Dalton. But now it seemed as if it was haunting him again.
He was still standing near his desk, staring at his notebook.
"Blaine?" His teacher, Mr. Keller, asked, "Are you alright?"
Blaine took a shaky breath. Mr. Keller was his favorite teacher. "No," he said, "It's just that…"
Mr. Keller cut him off, "We heard about Kurt," he said, "And I know this must be hard for you. Is it bringing back memories of your sister?"
Blaine nodded, glad that he didn't have to say it for himself.
"Kurt will be fine," he reassured Blaine, "He's a feisty one, and he won't give up unless he absolutely has to."
Blaine nodded and left, the last sentence Mr. Keller said ringing through his ears. And he won't give up unless he absolutely has to. That caused Blaine to ask that same question again: Had Clarke given up?
He made his way through the rest of his classes in the same, dazed manner. Once the final bell had rung, he was first out the door. He sprinted up to his room and grabbed his bag, throwing a few things in it.
He drove to Kurt's house at the same speed he had the day before. He didn't care if he got a ticket, he'd be able to smile and charm his way out of that. But if something happened to Kurt, he wouldn't smile ever again.
Blaine needed to get to Kurt.
When he reached their house, he didn't pause in his car this time. He bolted out and knocked eagerly on the door. Finn answered once again. He looked slightly pale, worse than he did yesterday.
"Thank god you're here," he told Blaine, "We were getting sick of it."
"Sick of what?" Blaine asked him.
"Kurt's been asking for you for the past few hours. He's not crying anymore, but whenever any of us try to talk to him, all he says is 'I want Blaine.'"
Blaine's heart broke and he made his way into the house. He looked in and saw Burt asleep on the couch. Carole rounded the corner, a smile spreading on her face once she saw Blaine.
"Hi, dear," She said, patting his hair, "He's in his room."
Blaine nodded and gave her a quick "Thank you" before heading down to Kurt's room in the basement. As he neared the door, he paused to take a deep breath to compose himself. He didn't want to lose it in front of Kurt. He needed someone to be strong for him.
He knocked on the door. "Come in," he heard Kurt's voice say.
It sounded strained, like it was hard for him to raise his voice. Blaine opened the door and trudged down the stairs.
"Finn, I told you that-" Kurt started, but stopped once he saw that it was Blaine. "Oh," he said, "Hi."
Blaine looked at Kurt. He didn't look any different, a little pale but that was it. "Hi yourself," Blaine said as he sat on the edge of Kurt's bed. "I heard you've been asking for me."
Kurt blushed, adding a subtle pale color to his white cheeks.
"How are you feeling?" Blaine asked cautiously, not wanting to upset him.
Kurt snorted. "Like crap. It seems like once they told me what was actually wrong with me it got worse."
Blaine did not want to hear those three words. It got worse. Could it already be worse?
Kurt motioned for Blaine to come sit next to him. Blaine did so, and Kurt grabbed his hand. His hands were freezing. Blaine was losing it, he could feel it. He took a deep breath and stared at Kurt's hand, trying to ground himself to reality.
"It's probably just in my head," Kurt went on, "But once I heard the words 'Your kidneys are failing' come out of the doctor's mouth, it was like all of my symptoms escaladed."
Blaine lost it. Kurt, poor, innocent, fragile, angle-like Kurt couldn't be going through this. It just wasn't right. He let out a sob, causing Kurt to turn toward him in shock. "Blaine, what's-"
"Kurt, this can't be happening," he said, his voice cracking.
Kurt just stared at him, concern written all over his face. He rubbed comforting circles on Blaine's hands with his thumb.
Blaine felt comforted by the gesture. Kurt was comforting him? It should be the other way around.
Blaine took a deep breath. "Remember how I told you I had a little sister?" He asked Kurt once he'd regained some of his composure.
Kurt nodded but didn't say anything, so Blaine went on. "She died of cancer."
"Oh," was all Kurt said. He looked up at Blaine's face, which was now streaked with tears. Blaine could practically see Kurt's heart breaking at the sight of Blaine's tears, and it was too much to bear. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Kurt's, savoring the feeling of them, the taste of them, and committing them to memory.
When Kurt pulled back he looked at Blaine. "I'm going to be fine, Blaine," Kurt said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."
Blaine gave Kurt a look. "You're so far down on the list, and-"
Kurt cut him off, "There are people under me. I could be worse off."
Blaine just nodded. Of course Kurt would be able to be rational about the situation. "It will be hard to find a kidney with an AB negative blood type, but they'll get one," Kurt reassured him, "I'm sure of it."
Blaine nodded. Kurt was so calm about all of this, as if his life wasn't on the line. "And no one in your family could lend you a donor?"
Kurt shook his head. "My mom's sister does, but she's already had one kidney removed." Kurt paused and looked into Blaine's eyes. "But my mother did. If she was still around…"
Kurt broke off and placed his head on Blaine's shoulder. "I seem in control," he whispered, "But I was crying all morning. I know they heard it; they just didn't want to say anything. Then, when it stopped, I realized how scared I was."
Blaine looked at the boy sitting next to him. For as long as he'd known him, Kurt had never once said he was scared. He'd said he was nervous, embarrassed, and sad, but the word scared never came out of the boy's mouth.
"I don't know what's going to happen," Kurt went on, "But I don't want to waste my time wallowing. They said in a few months, that if I don't have a kidney by then, I'll start become sicker and need to be hospitalized. My kidneys will stop functioning all together and they'll have to put me on Dialysis. I don't want to sit around crying when I could be doing things I've always wanted to do."
Blaine's eyes were tearing up again. He loved this boy, and hearing him talk about having only a few months, hospitalization, and crying broke his heart even more.
They sat in silence for what seemed like minutes, but were actually hours. Blaine glanced at the clock on Kurt's nightstand and saw that it was already 10 o'clock.
"It's getting late," Blaine said, breaking the silence.
Kurt looked at the time, and then at Blaine. "Can – Can you stay?" He asked Blaine.
Blaine let out a smile. It felt like ages since he'd last smiled. "Your dad wouldn't let me sleep in here," he said, "And I was here last night, too."
"Please," Kurt pleaded. He paused for a minute before adding, "I need you. And he'd understand under the circumstances."
Kurt had never admitted that he needed anyone before, and Blaine knew it. He'd always been independent, so hearing Kurt admit to needing someone was something.
"I'll stay," Blaine said softly, "For you."
Blaine left to go put his pajamas on, and when he came back, Kurt was lying down under the covers. He got in next to him and turned so they were facing each other.
Kurt was already asleep, leaving Blaine to think.
Kurt was obviously sick. It was painfully obvious. And he was scared. Blaine knew he had to hold it together for Kurt, that he had to remain the strong one.
But everything kept tracking back to those months with Clarke. It was all too similar, too familiar. He remembered thinking the same thoughts in his head back then, and look how that turned out.
It'll turn out different this time, Blaine thought. He looked down at the sleeping boy who meant the world to him. It better.
Man, angst filled Blaine makes me sad :'(
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee...because if I did, Chris Colfer would be returning forever and ever.
So REVIEW! IF you review, then virtual Darren will come and sing to you in Italian ;)