Title: Of Forever
Chapter: Masterpost
Author: Sleepybard
Rating: Overall NC-17
Pairing: Edward/Jacob, Edward/Bella
Warnings: Mild violence, language, sexual content, AU after New Moon, OOC (of course), imprint!fic (some people might be getting sick of these), drama
Author's Note: This is another imprint!fic, yes, but I tried to keep them as in character as possible (lol, Smeyer doesn't even do that). Please note, I'm taking a lot of creative license with these characters.
Thanks to the awesome Bovus_stercus for the beta-ing

Summary: Months after Edward and Bella return from Volterra and Jacob is left wondering what's next. Maybe he's prepared to fight for Bella. Fate, however, is a bit more fickle than that, because he's just not meant to live alone. Or is he?

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs solely to Stephanie Meyer. I am merely borrowing her characters for some creative, fan-based writing. No opinions or original characters or storyline in the following story in any way reflect her opinions.

This is one of my personal favorite parts (pic as well). Hope everyone enjoys it!

Part III

What I was doing to us was selfish and I knew it.

I knew I was being unfair. I knew I'd screwed up our lives. I'd ruined mine, breached his, and God help me if Bella ever found out, because this would crush hers.

The irony was that this, this imprinting, was supposed to be the greatest joy a wolf would come to know. And yet here I was, on the verge of death because of it.

I hadn't spoken to Bella in weeks, not since I imprinted on her boyfriend.

There was some part of me that felt ashamed of this. I was lying to my best friend by not telling her. I was ruining her relationship with Edward by forcing him to lie to her as well, though I knew there were countless other things he had yet to divulge to her yet.

This was a cruel game we played, crueler than Bella toying with both Edward's and my heart. Because back then, I would have survived it. I did survive it. Having her choose him over me didn't kill me. Stung like a slap to the face, but it couldn't kill me, couldn't cause the great chasm that had opened up in my soul.

But Edward….

His rejection was slowly seeping the life from me.

A month passed following our meeting in the woods, and I had yet to see him again.

When we had talked then, we hadn't really figured out a new plan. I'd told him I still couldn't tell the pack and he'd agreed that he couldn't – and wouldn't – tell Bella. At least not yet.

Before we'd parted ways, I asked him again what I could give him, what I could be for him.

"Time," he'd said, his back to me as he looked back at me over one shoulder. "Just give me time."

And so I did.

Unsure whether I'd see him again, though I had to hope I would, I carried on with my life for weeks the way I had before we'd met in the forest.

It was hard, faking the motions each day. When I was phased, I knew my packmates could feel the void in my heart. I couldn't hide it from them, no matter how I tried. I managed to keep my despondency controlled, but there was nothing I could do to hide it completely.

As time withered away, and days turned to weeks and weeks to months, my life too deteriorated. I often wondered at night how it was I was still alive. I should have died after the first month went by without my imprint and yet here I was, 3 months later, still alive. Maybe not kicking, but alive.

Everyone worried. I lost count each day how many times people asked me what was wrong, where my imprint was, who my imprint was. And though I had the answers, I couldn't very well tell them.

I no longer felt sad or desperate. I was just empty.

***

About 4 months after I last saw Edward, my dad sent me to town to pick up some groceries. I knew it was just an excuse to get me out of the house, thinking some fresh air would do me some good. I also knew it was useless though.

I was standing in the middle of the store and packing up some carrots in a bag, a basket of tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, and other vegetables in a basket. I wasn't bothered so much by what I picked up. Just some of the usual vegetables we usually ate and some milk and eggs, that was all I'd planned to pick up.

As I was leaving the aisle though, I sensed it.

Over the past few months, my wolf senses, normally so sharp and sensitive, had dulled. I was all but useless on patrol but Sam kept me with another packmate to help me feel like still a part of the pack. Regardless, there was no denying my senses had weakened alarmingly.

So when I felt the hair on my neck raise and a shiver run down my spine, I was shocked to feel more than just apathy for the first time in weeks.

I looked around, searching for the source of my sudden alert. And I saw her.

Bella must have seen me too, because in that exact moment, our eyes met and a glaring smile split her face.

"Jake!" she called out. I wanted to run or hide, turn away from her smiling face and crawl into my bed to try to ease the sudden throbbing of my heart. I hadn't felt anything at all, no pain, no sadness, no regret, nothing, for so long. Damn Bella for making me feel something again, especially this bitterness that suddenly welled in my gut.

"Jake! It's been so long! You haven't been answering any of my calls and Billy always says you're sick or out of the house when I come over," her face lost its smile and instead adopted a look of worry. "Is something wrong?" She lowered her voice to a whisper, "Is it the pack?"

I shook my head. I knew I should I give her something more reassuring than a simple head shake, but I didn't know what else to do.

"How-" I broke off to clear my throat, almost surprised by how sore it sounded even to my own ears. "How've you been, Bella?"

Her frown deepened. "Jake, something's happened, don't lie to me." She put her hand on my chest, the weight of her palm a foreign feeling. I looked down for a moment, thinking to subtly brush her hand away, but I froze as I caught sight of her wrist.

There, just below her thumb and clearly wrapping to her palm, were the unmistakable scars of a vampire bite. Edward's, my torturous mind supplied. In the back of my mind, I knew Bella had told me what had happened when she received the bite, but in that moment, I lost it. I couldn't think clearly, couldn't think at all, and certainly wasn't bothered to think about the impact of my actions.

I was angry. Angrier than I'd been for months. I felt my vision go red, my muscles bunching and I knew I was about to phase. I didn't stop to think why I was suddenly so furious, but I did know that phasing in the middle of a grocery store would not be a good idea.

With more force than I meant to use, I shoved Bella. Clumsy as she was, she stumbled and landed on her back, looking at me in shock.

"Jac-"

"Don't," I said, my voice low and barely hiding the rage welling inside me. "Don't Bella." I dropped the basket, aware that people around us were staring, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Don't come to the reservation anymore Bella. Just-" I stepped away from her, knowing there was a look of pure loathing and hatred sullying my face, "just don't come near me. Stay away from me Bella."

"But Jacob-"

Anything she said after that was lost to my ears as I turned and all but ran out of the store. I went inside my car, slamming the door much harder than I needed to. I was shaking, my blood felt as though there was fire racing through my veins. My skin was too tight, too hot, just too much and I needed to run and scream and phase and tear something apart; fuck I just needed-

I started the car and drove faster than was safe or smart down the street. My hands clenched the wheel in a death grip, my breathing ragged.

I felt ready to phase and though this scared me, what scared me more was that at the same time it felt different. Different in that normally when I phased, it was effortless. There was no pain, just blinding anger urging me to let loose. Now though…

I needed to find somewhere I could run. As I left the town and found myself surrounded by trees on either side of me, I pulled my car to the side of the road and stopped. I got out of the car so fast it was as though I had hellfire on my trail.

I ran into the woods, kicking off my ratty sneakers and desperately removing my jeans as I ran. I couldn't be bothered to remove my shirt, meaning it'd just have to get ripped. I was beyond caring.

I had never felt so much pain in my life than I did the moment I leapt and phased midair.

It was blinding. The pain so consuming; my muscles, my bones, my joints, the very blood in my veins, all screamed in agony. After I phased, I was unable to even land properly.

I fell to the unforgiving forest floor hard, with a thud that shook the trees and the ground. Rocks and stiff branches pressed into my sides and already I imagined I could feel the cool trickle of blood sliding tremulously from the wounds. But I lay there limp and desperately trying to remain immobile, because the pain was still so intense.

I opened my mouth and released an earsplitting howl that died down to a pathetic whimper. I needed to phase back, that much I knew, but I couldn't. Even in my wolf form, tears slipped from the corners of my eyes.

What was wrong with me? Phasing had never been painful, never. There was no explanation for this agony, none at all. And the pain was still so intense, I couldn't even worry or feel frightened because all my energy was spent trying to alleviate the pain.

I'll never know just how long I lay there, limp and whimpering. In my mind, such the way time often feels too long when in the throes of discomfort, it felt an eternity.

I was sure this was it, this was my end. My own body, by imprinting and now this, had betrayed me. I could think of no reason why the ancient spirits thought to punish me so, but if this was their will…

Day turned to twilight, a shifter's weakest time. Something about the in between of the day and night, the sun hanging in limbo between rising and setting, mitigated our prowess in the woods.

But as I felt the nature of woods transition into the twinkling panorama of twilight, the pain in my body finally began to subside, though it was by no means any more bearable than before.

Over the night owls' coos and the sounds of the forest floor, I heard the sound of a twig snap. In the gloom of night, the sound was deafening.

It was then the undeniable scent of my imprint invaded my senses.

How cruel yet benevolent my heart was, allowing me one final sense of my imprint before I died.

The ground was a bitter cold slate against my back. Despite my thick fur, I lay there shivering.

"What have you done to yourself, Black?" I heard.

My heart raced as I recognized the voice. No, there was no way. Not only was my heart torturing me, but now my mind was playing tricks as well.

However, there was no mistaking the sound of footsteps close by. After a moment, Edward's presence was undeniably prevalent. I opened my eyes, which I'd had clench closed, and there, a mere few feet away, stood Edward.

I could barely make out more than his silhouette in the dark of the night. A pale glow from the waning moon above offered a bit of light, but the canopy of dense trees hindered any true visibility.

I watched silently as he walked closer to me. A break in the trees above allowed the moonlight to peek through, haloing his form. My own angel…

"Not quite an angel," he said. I wanted to be embarrassed by my thoughts, all of which he'd been privy to. The relief, the joy, of seeing Edward after so long was too great though.

"Bla—ack," he all but groaned. I closed my eyes again, trying to block out the image of irritation on his face.

What must he think of me? So weak I lay in the middle of the forest lying on the ground, whimpering and unable to move. It was a good thing he hadn't asked me to be his guardian, as I'd probably have gotten us both killed.

"Black, stop it," he said. I could tell he was trying to mask the anger in felt, but I still caught it. I wanted to shrink into the ground. How could I let my imprint see me so weak?

"You're not weak!" he ground out. I felt more than say him kneel in front me. "And I'm not angry."

Liar.

"I'm not angry at you," he clarified. "I'm just…I…You couldn't understand Bla-Jacob." My name from his lips sounded beautiful, and I basked in the glow of happiness for a moment, finally distracted from the pain still charging through my limbs.

I heard him sigh. I opened my eyes only to see him leaning almost unbearably close, though we remained not touching.

Suddenly, he placed his frigid palm onto my shoulder. My reaction was instant.

I gasped, though the sound was like another pitiful whine coming from my wolf form. The moment he touched me, the pain instantly faded, as though it hadn't even been there to begin with.

I was completely, inexplicably relieved. So relieved, without thinking I phased back.

I didn't care that I was naked. I didn't care that I was lying in dirt and God only knows what else. I was just so happy, so thankful that the pain was gone.

I didn't realize I was crying until Edward leaned down and pulled me up, wrapping his arms around me in a protective embrace. His skin was cold but I paid no mind to it; if anything it felt good against my feverish skin.

As he cradled my head on his shoulder, I couldn't stop the wracking sobs that suddenly took hold of me. I clung to him, tightly enough that were he anyone else, I'd have crushed them with my strength.

The tears burned my eyes. Where Edward's clothes brushed inadvertently against my wounds my skin stung. My chest felt heavy, too tight, like I couldn't get enough air to breathe. I was panicking and thinking about how I'd almost died, how I'd accepted I was going to die. I was scared and cold and shaking and the woods were closing in around me and God I just couldn't-

"Shhh, Jacob," Edward whispered in my ear, "just breathe…That's it, breathe, it's okay."

I was a mess, crying so hard against his shoulder but there was nothing else I could do. Faintly, I thought of how this was the first, and would most likely be the last, time I'd ever be this close to him again.

This thought made me cling even more tightly to his form, not wanting to ever let go for fear I'd never see him again.

I was thinking irrationally and I knew it. Why Edward hadn't left yet was a mystery to me, but one I wasn't keen on thinking about, not yet at least.

He rocked me back and forth. It must have been hours, that we sat together like that, me sobbing and Edward simply holding me, occasionally murmuring words of comfort.

As my cries finally began to die down, I buried my face into his neck and inhaled deeply. His scent, it was intoxicating. I felt stronger just from a single whiff of it. Eventually, I lay limp in his arms. He didn't pull or push me away and for that I was grateful.

"Jacob."

Of course then I knew I had used up all my time. I pulled away and didn't look at him, opting instead to leave the safety of his arms completely. I crawled a few feet away from him and sat crouched, my back to him so he couldn't see the same on my face or the horror that was Jacob Black.

"Stop thinking like that!" he said fiercely. My shoulders slumped. I couldn't please my imprint at all.

"Just-just stop Jacob! I don't need you to please me." I sensed him stand up. "Come on, get up Jacob. You need to get back home."

I didn't miss that he said 'you' and not 'we.' It shouldn't have hurt but it did. Bitterly, I pushed those feelings away.

"…No clothes…" I rasped out, my voice hoarse. He sighed. Shrugging out of the light jacket he wore, he wrapped it around my shoulders before quickly pulling away.

"I picked up your clothes and left them by your car. You can put those back on." As I stood, I tried desperately not to sink my nose into the fabric of his jacket and inhale his aroma. It was a struggling battle.

He walked in front as I followed. My feet stung, walking on sharp rocks and stumbling over jutting tree roots. I knew I could have phased into my wolf form, but I was weary of phasing again after what had happened.

When we finally made it back to my car, Edward stood a ways off, averting his eyes, as I quickly donned my jeans. I couldn't find my shirt until I remembered I'd shred it phasing. Nevertheless, I was thankful to at least have my pants and shoes again.

When I finished changing, Edward turned around. It was dark, almost too dark to see him, but the moon cast an eerie glow on his face, making him look ethereal, his perfection and statuesque beauty too much to try to convey in words.

We hadn't spoken at all on our trek to my car and I was reluctant to say anything now, but I had to know. "How did you find me?"

Though I couldn't see it, I imagined his narrowed eyes as he replied, "Bella. She came back to my house after meeting you in the store and told me what happened," he paused. "I…She wanted to make sure you were okay. I was the lucky volunteer to find you."

You should have let me die.

Even in the pitch black of night, I watched as his face darkened, marred by the scowl his lips formed. Before he could say anything, I hastily said, "Thank you."

"Black-"

"I should go," I cut him off. He stared at me for a moment before nodding. I turned away from him after a minute and got into my car. The keys were still in the ignition. I started the car.

I looked into the rearview mirror. Edward remained standing where he had the whole time, probably waiting for me to drive away. A second later, where he stood was empty space as he sped away, leaving me in my car on the road by myself.

Once again, I was alone.

TBC

See my profile for the artwork that accompanies the fic. Art is located on my Livejournal page (homepage in my profile).