Author's note: I am so sorry that it's taken me so long to update. I just got back from Florida a couple of days ago and I didn't work on my story at all while I was there except for literally the first couple of paragraphs. Hope you all had a great Easter for those of you who celebrate it and I hope you enjoy this new chapter.
She wasn't in the desert anymore. That was the first thing Rachel realized when she woke up. The air was at a comfortable cool temperature. She was in a bed. It was dark with just a hint of light shining in the corner of what she now realized was a room. A bedroom. The wooziness and pain in her head were gone. But her stomach felt unsettled. She rubbed her hand across it and felt silk. She sat up and pulled the covers back, glancing down at herself as she did so. Dark silk that must have either been black or blue adorned her body. The gown had lace straps instead of sleeves and the bodice was trimmed in lace.
She glanced to the right. A large bookshelf stood next to a desk. A garment lay draped over the chair. A robe perhaps? Right next to the chair sat two very familiar objects: her vial and choker. Her eyes grew wide as she remembered the last thing that had happened to her. She and Roman had argued. She had tried to use her magic against him and her head had severely started hurting. And then Roland had showed up. And Walter. And then all had gone dark.
Was Walter here somewhere? Was this his room she was in? Was this his bed? Her breath caught in her throat as she idly ran her hand over the soft sheets. Did he sleep naked?
Get yourself together, damn it, she thought.
She needed to get out of there. Wherever she was. She needed to find Roland. She got out of bed and breathed a sigh of relief as she wasn't hit with any sense of lightheadedness. She went to the desk and grabbed her robe. It was the same color and texture as her gown. Had Walter undressed her? Had he done anything to her as she lay unconscious. She felt her face heat up, though not in anger this time.
She took a shaky breath. "I will not let him get to me like this."
She pulled the robe on and as she was getting her left arm through, the door opened. Walter came in. He paused when he saw her.
"Well it's nice to see you up and about."
She finished pulling her arm through the sleeve. "Um…yeah. You know me. Not one for just lying about." She pulled her hair out of the robe.
"So I take it you're feeling well?"
She nodded. "Feeling good actually. My stomach's a little queasy though."
Walter pointed at the vial. "Drink some of that. That's why I gave it to you."
Rachel glanced at the vial. "I actually haven't needed it yet."
She glanced back at Walter. He was now standing right in front of her. "Not yet. But I still want you to drink it."
Rachel stared up at him. Why was he being so nice to her lately? And so accommodating. He had saved her twice now from having a heat stroke and he was constantly asking her how she was feeling. And then commanding her to take care of herself, of course. Normally she would have rolled her eyes at the thought, but then she was used to alpha males. She lived her life among them now.
"What happened to Roland and Roman?"
Walter closed the distance between them, his hands laced behind his back. "Why are you so stubborn?"
"Why do you care so much for my wellbeing?" She raised an eyebrow at him.
The corner of his mouth lifted into a grin. He turned to face the desk. "Both of them are well. Or as well as can be expected."
"So you've seen them? Since you've taken me, you've seen them?"
Walter picked up the vial and held it up in front of him as though studying it. "I'm not asking again, Rachel."
Shit. Rachel folded her arms. There really was no winning with them. "Fine. I will drink some of your blood if you tell me what's going on with Pennywise and Roland."
"You think I'm going to do that? What if you see something that you don't like? I'm not going to stand there and have you begging me to send you back to the creature who doesn't give a rat's ass about you. Or Roland the Eld."
Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. She held her hand out and Walter handed her the vial. "You think I won't try to reach out to them?"
Walter shrugged. "Be my guest. Not that I'm sure you'd be able to handle long distance."
Rachel's hand paused halfway to her mouth, which was open to take a drink. "Long distance?" she said in bewilderment. "Just where the hell are we?"
Walter put his hand on her wrist. "If you do not drink…" he said in a low voice, "I am going to physically put you back in that bed. And then I'm going to physically restrain you so that you cannot move. And no matter how loud you scream…" he leaned in towards her, "there's no one who will come for you."
Rachel raised her eyebrows. The last thing she needed right now was any kind of interaction with Walter that involved ending up in bed with him, sexually or not. Her eyes on him, she raised the vial to her lips and took a swallow. A bittersweet taste flooded her mouth and throat. There was no forgetting the taste of Walter's blood. Even Pennywise's had a distinct flavor to it. Not that she had drunken anyone else's besides him and Walter's. She watched Walter watching her, his hands on his hips, and a blush crept into her cheeks. He had such a commanding presence. She corked the vial and placed it gently back on the desk.
"So now what? I take it you're not going to bring me back now that you have me."
"Do you want me to bring you back?"
His question was so straightforward and unexpected that it shocked her. "Well I…don't miss the heat. But I would like Roland to at least know that I'm alright. And I would very much like to know where I-"
She couldn't even finish. Walter's lips slammed into hers. She opened her mouth to protest. Big mistake. Walter's tongue slipped inside. She took a shaky breath. Her tongued found his. She clutched at his jacket and his hands slid inside her robe, around her back. He forced her to back up until she hit the bed. Walter pulled back from her and ran his hands up and down her sides.
"Oh what you do to me." He breathed heavily. "I could fuck you right here. Strip that pretty little body of yours. And fuck you." He started kissing her again.
Walter dug his hands into her hips. He started to push her onto the bed with his body. She wanted this. Oh did she want this. But it was too wrong. For so many reasons. Plus she really wanted to find out what happened to Roland.
She broke the kiss and placed her hands on his chest. "Walter. I just woke up. I almost had a heat stroke."
"You're fine, baby girl," he crooned.
Walter leaned in towards her again, but she gently pushed him back.
"Walter, please. I can't. I have too many doors open right now. And yes, you are one of them. I will admit that. But I just can't. It's not fair to either of us. You know I'm worried about Roland. And I just…"
She stopped. She needed to let him see. To feel how she really felt. She remembered back in the stable when he had forcibly projected his feelings onto her. He stood there watching her, actually waiting for her to continue. So she let herself relax—and told him what she couldn't put into words.
((((()))))
Walter was totally unprepared for the onslaught of emotions. They weren't strong, but they were many—fear, love, lust, anxiety, joy (what was that one doing there? How could she possibly feel any joy about anything with the way her life was going?) and one other that stuck out right under fear, that truly shocked him more than anything—peace.
Walter felt truly perplexed at this woman standing before him. It was like no matter what happened to her anymore, she was at peace with it. Yes she was afraid, she wouldn't have been human if she wouldn't have been afraid. Her brown orbs stared back up into his. Anyone who wouldn't have known her would have thought her the picture of innocence.
Peace. Did it have something to do with the Tower? The gunslinger? The fact that she was now free from the clown? All of the above?
((((()))))
Walter didn't say anything, which kind of worried her. Rachel sighed. "I still have too much on my plate right now. And at the top of it all at the moment is Roland." She glanced down at her hands which were still on Walter's chest. "He has been so good to me, Walter. If you're not going to let me go back to him, then please, please let me know that he's alright. And let me let him know that I'm alright. And then we'll go from there."
((((()))))
Walter turned away from her. Turned his back to her. She wasn't fighting him. Peace. Could he really do this? Could he really have a life with her? Have her by his side and have her actually be okay with it? Normally he would have been irked at the fact that she was even bringing up the gunslinger right now. But what harm would it do? He was so close. So close to getting everything he wanted. But instead of pushing her away from him anymore, she was actually drawing closer to him. How could he deny her this one simple request?
((((()))))
Now he had turned his back on her. And why was he still not saying anything? Was he angry with her that she was bringing up Roland at a time when she and Walter were having an intimate moment? She felt her stomach knot. Had she been to forward with him this time? She really wished she knew what he was thinking right now.
"Walter, please. Say something."
Walter put his hands on his hips. She heard him sigh.
"Very well."
Her heart leapt. Was that defeat she had just heard in his voice? He was actually giving her something she wanted? But was there a catch? She took a deep breath.
"I will have some clothes brought to you."
Rachel exhaled. "Oh good. It'll be nice to have my clothes back."
"Not yours," Walter said in a testy voice. He finally turned to face her. "Something more light weight. And that doesn't have any connection to your…husband."
Rachel could have hugged him. All of the times she had ended up in the Tower, and now with this gown, she was actually enjoying being able to move about freely without a bunch of clothes hindering her movements. She grinned deviously.
"What?"
Rachel shrugged. "Nothing. I'm just…happy. I think. I know Roman loves me and I don't think I'll ever stop caring for him, but it's like…I feel free now." She nodded slowly. "Like I can be myself. Or any version of myself I want to be."
"Feels good, doesn't it?" Walter casually approached her.
Rachel tucked in her lip and nodded. "Yes it does. Thank you."
"Ahh don't thank me." He was right in front of her again. "The world has always been your oyster. You just needed a push to claim it."
Rachel sighed. "Pennywise. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. I do still miss my life sometimes, but now…" she sighed and shook her head. "I know we've had this conversation before. You've been telling me to let go of the idea of a normal life. I just didn't want to believe it."
"Denial can be tough."
Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Yes it can. Which is why I'm not denying my feelings for you anymore."
Now it was Walter who raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"
She shifted from one foot to the other. "Yeah. I still don't agree with you though. I never will. But that doesn't mean we have to fight. I hate arguing with you. I really do. I was starting to do it so much with Roman. It's aggravating. I just want to be around people who let me be who I am. That I don't have to be so…tense with."
Walter grinned. "And you're not tense with me?"
"Well you're unpredictable. And powerful. Plus you and I haven't had very much alone time. Believe me it took a while for me to get completely comfortable with Pennywise. Just the fact that he could just show up anywhere freaked me out for a while."
"You don't trust me."
It wasn't a question.
Rachel quirked an eyebrow. "Does a canary trust a cat? I want to trust you, Walter. Really I do."
"Turn around."
She squinted at him. "Uh?"
He touched her forearm. "You said you want to trust me. Turn around."
Rachel did as she was told.
"Close your eyes."
She closed them. She felt Walter's hands at her shoulders. He grabbed her robe and pulled it down. She let him. He threw her robe on the bed. Rachel's heart hammered in her chest.
"Relax. Breathe."
Rachel took a deep breath. She was so nervous she actually got a chill. What was he going to do? She felt his fingertips on her upper arms. He ran them down slowly. Then back up again. Just his fingertips. He did it several more times. Then he grasped her arms. Same thing. He drug his hands up and down, never losing contact with her skin.
Rachel took a shaky breath. To her surprise she did find herself starting to relax. She knew what he was doing now. She had heard of people using this technique with traumatized horses. It was supposed to be a calming method. When she felt him bunch her hair up and put it over her shoulder, she didn't even flinch. He started rubbing her shoulders. He dug his thumbs into the back of her neck, massaging it. She felt her shoulders droop. Neither of them spoke. It was just his hands on her, rubbing her, trying to relax her.
He removed his hands. "Turn around. Keep your eyes closed."
She obeyed. As soon as she was facing him, he grabbed her wrists and pulled her arms upwards. When she felt her knuckles graze his cheeks, she caught on to what he was doing. Now it was time for her to touch him. She flattened out her hands and gently touched his face, starting with his cheeks. He released her wrists. She touched his brow with both of her hands and slowly ran her fingers down his temples. Then she ran them along his cheeks. She grazed his lips with her right thumb. They weren't soft and full like Roman's but that was fine.
Roman. He would have never done anything like this for her. It had been sink or swim when it had come to getting her used to Pennywise. And as far as getting her to calm down, he had never been that great at that either. Just a firm arm around her and a few comforting words. But this was different. Not really better, just different. This still didn't prove to Rachel that she could trust Walter's actions and he probably knew that, but still.
She ran her hands down the sides of his neck, caressing his throat with her thumbs. Then farther down still to the bareness of his chest that poked out of his vest. He was so firm. So solid. She remembered in the barn when he had helped her get over her almost heat stroke. How many times had he been there for her when her own husband hadn't been? She spread her hands apart on his chest and did something that she never thought she would ever do. Her eyes still closed, she got right up against him, and ever so gently, rested the side of her head against his chest. She could see about Roland later. And Pennywise. Could their worrying about her be any worse than her own family thinking she was dead?
She took a deep breath and let it out through her mouth. Walter put his arms around her. His chin came to rest on the top of her head. They had never been this close before. Not even when they had made out in her bedroom or even when they had made love, as he had been using Roman's body. This was a different kind of intimacy. Walter understood her. He always had. She realized that now. And he had always looked out for her even though his methods had been anything but honorable.
Her chest knotted up and her eyes opened. She had been worried about Pennywise joining up with Walter and what that would mean for her and Roland if he did. But now she had something quite possibly worse to worry about. Roland and Roman had always fought over her, about what was best for her, and in the end, for her love. But this was much, much worse. Walter was Roland's enemy, and he was an enemy of the Tower, which meant he was hers. And here she was in his arms, feeling like the rest of the universe could fall down around them and she wouldn't care. She didn't deserve Roland. Not even close. She didn't deserve his understanding, his support, or even his love. He deserved better than her, much better. She snuggled her face against Walter's chest. She had to choose. But did she? Did she have to choose either of them? And would it even matter if Walter won? Would she even care anymore?
And was she too far gone to turn back?