Since when did pidge chapters clock in at over 6K words? Good grief, I'm enjoying this way too much. Thankzamillion for the brilliantly hilarious fanmail. I nearly collapsed reading them, my tummy hurt so much from giggle-snorting. XDDD

Chapter IV

.

Chromium

.

"Just take a deep breath, dear, it'll all be perfectly fine. Wraith's guarantee."

"Would you like some water? You're going red. Oh, my, you're not getting a fever, are you? You're pinker than my hair!"

"…Ja, definitely a fever. Someone get a cold cloth! Pidge! Please get us a cold cloth. I am believing Laura to be going under…"

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" Laura exclaimed impatiently, slamming her fist down on the arm of her chair.

"Space! She is needing space!"

Pidge held up the Hand of Silence as the miniature chaos threatened to escalade. "Laura is needing space, but I'm actually in favor of letting Shelby and Penny scoot their chairs closer on either side of her so that, in the event that a particularly scandalous piece of fanmail shows up, she might be… ah… Well, 'restrained' isn't exactly the word I'm looking for…"

"I'll be fine. I am fine. Bugger off, everyone."

"Anyway! Would anyone like a to use the restroom or grab a drink from the fridge? I'm going to be locking them up before we commence so that nobody has any excuse to leave the room. I'm getting sick of people randomly getting up and leaving."

Franz ran to the fridge.

"Oy, Franz get me a Fanta!" Shelby called.

"Sure! Oh, and if anybody is needing to use the restroom, don't be worrying; it's very nice; it has one of those crystal-bowl-style sinks and the tiles look like real stone!"

"You should probably lock the balcony door, too," Nigel whispered to pidge, who nodded.

"Good idea. Don't need any desperate escape attempts. Plus, it's annoying when something awkward comes up and someone goes to the balcony to have a little cry/laugh/whatever."

Franz, as it happened, had brought Fantas for everyone. Wing politely got up to go exchange it for a slightly healthier glass of orange juice.

Laura was fidgeting in her chair a considerable amount. "Can we get started, already? Let's just get this over with."

Otto clasped his hands together, smiling kindly. "Lovely! In accordance with your strategy, I'll read first."

"Wait!" yelled Shelby, running back from the bathroom (having downed her Fanta a little too quickly.

"Yeah, wait!" yelled pidge, running back from the kitchen with an armful of sustenance, tucking a set of keys into her pocket.

As they sat down, Otto cleared his throat. "Laura's first piece of fanmail is from West of the Moonbeam!

Laura. Hi.

You are an inspiration and I'm going to respect your plea for no personal questions as I would feel the same! (Although I'll read with pleasure all the other questions and answers to do with you and certain other people...not saying any names.)

Do you regret coming to HIVE? Would you have preferred to have missed near death experiences and injury and have just stayed happy and clueless about world villain affairs in Scotland? It's just I always felt a little sorry for you . :)

Good luck! Moonbeam"

(He then muttered something inaudible about what sounded like a "pigeonmeister".)

Laura breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Oh, thank you. I'm glad to be an inspiration." She smiled. "Um, in answer to your question, if I'd stayed in Scotland, I would be blissfully free of near death experiences and injuries and stayed happy and clueless indeed, but I also wouldn't have seen such extraordinary things and met such extraordinary people. My abduction to HIVE saved me from a life of boredom, and for that, I have no regrets. There's no need to feel sorry for me."

Shelby brushed away an imaginary tear. "D'awww…"

" Shut up, Shel."

"Actually," said Tom, "I couldn't agree more. I was bored out of my mind until HIVE came along.'

There were general nods all around.

"Yeah," agreed Shelby. "the Wraith was getting bored of simply stealing diamonds. I mean, after you've broken into the Louvre, what else is there to do?"

"And who knows?" said Penny. "HIVE could be in Scotland, for all we know. I mean, Hogwarts is, isn't it?"

Shelby and pidge wordlessly rose to execute high fives with her.

Wing picked up his tablet, nodding in approval at what he saw. "From Fire:

Laura.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Fire

P.S. Unlike Tom I expect you to give a decent answer, you should be able to define decent yourself.

Hm… that should be a semicolon between the words 'answer' and 'you'," Wing noted.

"Be quiet, you proper person you," Shelby drawled.

"Ten years?" Laura paused. "Ideally, I'd have an interesting job as a technical consultant at GLOVE. "

Otto nodded. "That would be cool."

"You guys are so geeky I'm going to scream."

"Shut up, Shel."

"The next one," said Franz, scrolling through his tablet, "is from StarkidHufflepuff:

Yay! Now it's Laura's turn. Hmm, Ok, here's my question - What would you change if you could do one day over? OK, have fun!"

Laura leaned back in her chair. "One day over. Wow, I don't know. Maybe… maybe I'd tell Otto, Wing, and Shelby they're al idiots and ditch them before we all charged off to the 'submarine pen'. That was back in first year."

"Hey, you were one of the engineers behind that fiasco," Otto protested. "None of us could have imagined it would be—"

"I'm saying that in hindsight, it was a terrible idea."

Wing lifted his glass. "Cheers to that."

"And the next one," said Tom, with barely concealed delight, "is from I'mTheGirlWhoLearnedToFly! And she's sent me a little message, too!"

'Oh, bugger," Laura whispered under her breath.

"To: Tom R.

Reply: I did YouTube it once, and my brother called my parents. I prefer the feds any day."

Tom looked solemn. "You poor baby."

"To: L. Brand

From: Fly

I DO NOT LIKE YOU, REDHEAD. Because EVERY SINGLE TIME I see you, my mind screams "Y U NO KISS THE STUPID OBTUSE OBLIVIOUS BOY ALREADY!"

Laura jumped to her feet. Tried, too, actually; Shelby and Penny were managing to keep a pretty firm grip on her despite their fitful giggling. Otto looked highly insulted.

"So in this mail I'll basically torture you in hopes of achieving Ottra."

"THE HECK?"

"Q) In YOUR opinion, what LOVE SONG, with lots of L-O-V-E, describes your state of mind? In reference to Otto.

Because, while your answers were surprisingly philosophical, Tom (if I was in your place, MY answers would include phrases like blow it up/banana milkshake/alien abduction/I plead not guilty/Dumbledore would have never let this happen) MONSTER? I just heard it and... disturbing. For Ottra? Ew."

Tom scowled. "You have no taste."

"And Laura-IT HAD BETTER BE A LOVE SONG WITH L-heart-V-E.

Also...assuming someone says-heck, wait a minute, let's make it more authentic-I say I ship Otto and Shelby. Comments?

(I mean, THIS should get a reaction, right?)"

The predicted reaction was predictably immediate.

Shelby released Laura, abandoning Penny, and yelled, "THAT IS HELLA WRONG."

Laura broke away and announced, "WHOEVER YOU ARE, FLY, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I SWEAR I AM GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND YOU WILL NEVER—"

"Mehhh!" whined Penny, throwing up her arms into the air. "I give up!"

Otto was, once again, screwing up his eyes and seemed to be reaching out with his mind, reaching out with murderous intent to all surrounding electronics…

Pidge snatched up the tablets and dumped them into a previously-unnoticed, mysterious-looking box. "Huh-uh-uh."

"SO, VERY WRONG. I HAVE NO IDEA—"

"AND I WILL [censored] AND I WILL [censored] AND—"

"This is great," said Franz, popping a handful of caramel kettlecorn into his mouth. Nigel wimpered.

"Cheerio!~" Tom said brightly.

Wing silently finished his orange juice and set it on the coffee table, looking at it sadly.

"Are you going to answer the question, or what?" Penny demanded. "Look, entertaining as this is, you've got questions to answer, and—"

"I am under no obligation to answer any questions," Shelby said firmly, calming down enough to fall into her chair with a heavy thump and crossing her arms like she was going to stay that way for the next few millennia.

"Come on," said Nigel tiredly. "Just name a song. Any song."

"That is below my dignity," Laura said petulantly, sitting down, but looking about as tense as a wound up spring, ready to leap out at the slightest provocation. "That would only add fuel to that silly rumor…'Ottra', did she call it?"

"My dear," said pigeonattack. "You have little choice in the matter."

"Hm-hm!" said Franz brightly. "Hey, is Otto busy being asleep?"

pidge frowned. "Looks like it. The poor dear has had a very long, very busy day. Shame."

"He could just be pretending,' Wing reasoned.

Pidge brightened considerably. "Of course! So, ah, Laura, if you are ready…"

Laura sighed frustratedly. "I don't listen to much pop. None of it would fit, anyway."

Pidge sneezed.

"I know a bit of classical, though, so I'll say…" She paused, wearily glancing at Otto, who was snoring softly and could have passed for a rather cute polar bear plushy had he been dressed in white (as it was, he looked like a dude with funky hair). "…'The Blue Danube'," she whispered.

Having recovered remarkably quickly, even though she still looked like she wanted to throw the Mysterious Box of Impenetrability out the window, Shelby appeared about to cry. "So… sweet…"

Wing nodded, smiling softly. "A good choice."

There was a pensive silence.

"Hey, hey," said Tom, effectively ruining the tranquil atmosphere, "I know that was composed by Strauss in, like, the late nineteenth century-ish, but isn't that also—"

"The tune from Disney's The Three Musketeers!" Penny squealed. "I think the song was called 'On Wings of Lo—"

"Oh, my," said pidge. "I think the wordless edition fits these circumstances much better."

Laura looked like she wanted to melt through the floor, which, as previously stated, would have bothered the downstairs neighbors and as such it was a rather good thing she refrained from doing so.

"You know, though," said Franz, "I think Fly was aiming for a different genre, and something with words that actually fit.'

"Oh, shut up," said Shelby. "The tune and feeling of "The Blue Danube" is perfect."

Having stealthily reached into the MLB and procured his tablet (at which pidge realized it would be rather prudent to bring them out so that they might keep moving), Tom cleared his throat. "There's a second question. From Fly."

"Bugger, bugger, bollocks."

"Hey, no swearing under my roof."

"Q2) Remember Mandy McTavish, that girl who was ** about you? In book one? The one you spied on? Using top secret government technology? Yeah, her. I know you might not remember exactly, being abducted and taken to a facility for villainous education in a volcano and being attacked by mutated plant monsters and android robot assassins and whatnot, but what had Mandy been saying about you?"

"I'm not going to bother asking about 'book one' and how you know all this." Laura sniffed. "That question's easy. She was insulting my intelligence via snide remarks about nerdiness and geekdom and how I'd never get a boyfriend— not that I care whatsoever—, as usual. Oh, the scourge known as envy…"

Shelby nodded in understanding. "Anyway, there will always be conveniently located nerdy boys, right? Next is from :

Dear Laura,

I have a question for you, as you know probably. And you have to answer it. Hmmm. What should I ask? Okay. What is the best site you ever hacked, other than the NASA? One more. What do you make of these random references (One of which I am responsible for) to Aftershock, book 1, and etc? Just curious.

Sincerely, Invader Tor"

"Er…' said Laura, looking rather grateful for the relative simplicity of the questions. "I've only really cracked NASA's database once or twice, both times to gain some pretty cool codes. I've gone into the Prime Minister's personal computer." She blushed. "I sort of wish I hadn't."

"Is this David Cameron we're talking about here?" asked pidge.

"Aye."

Pidge nodded in approval. "Impressive. I heartily approve."

"Um, great. And… as for the random references? I've given up deciphering them."

"They refer to assorted databases and archives," pidge explained breezily. "From Sage:

Hi y'all!

Poor Laura. I know how you feel, so I will refrain from asking about your love life. Let's see..."

"Thank you," Laura said sincerely.

"1) I have an Asian friend named Laura, so: Have you ever thought about being something rather than Scottish? (American, Asian, Vulcan...) And if so, what would you be?

2) Would you rather read a romance novel about you and Otto or write a code for an evil overlord that could destroy the world?

(Okay, I lied a bit. Sorry.)"

Laura pursed her lips as Shelby cackled delightedly. "I've never thought about that, no. And I'd rather right the code. And then destroy it. Thank you, Sage."

Otto was still sound asleep, which was rather good, although he looked like he was having a pretty bad dream.

"Who would ever write stories about you and Otto?" Tom mused aloud. "Wouldn't they have something better to do with their time?"

Pidge sneezed.

"Do you need a Kleenex?" asked Shelby in concern. "You've been sneezing a lot."

"Nah, just allergies. Thanks. Sage has one more question. She asks if you have a motto. And then she apologizes in case her question embarrassed you."

Laura smiled. "Apology accepted. Thank you; of all these people, you are the first to show courtesy. No, I don't really have a motto."

"Eat, drink, and be merry!"

"No one asked you, Tom."

"It's a good one though, so I just thought I'd throw it out there. No need to get your pink panties in a twist, Penny."

"For your information, my panties are blue. I happen to know that yours are pink."

"I don't wear panties. Nor do I wear briefs. I prefer a little breeze around my vital regions, thanks—"

"Dude, TMI."

"I could not leave it uncorrected. You're quite right, though; they are pink."

"NEXT," said Penny loudly, "we have mail from invader13panda, who asks:

Why Otto?, because I want to know the reason you like the dense albino. My other question is how do you stand Shelby talking about Wing all the time?"

"Otto is a good friend." Laura sniffed. "He has always been there for me, and I for him, but outside of that, we bear no romantic attraction."

Whatever bug causing the sneezies was definitely going around, because Shelby and pidge were both doubled over, hacking their daylights out.

"As for Shelby talking about Wing?"

Shelby sobered immediately. Wing looked vaguely interested.

"She doesn't. Not as much as one would expect, contrary to popular belief. In fact, she talks about him no more than she does One Direction."

"Oh, no, not another Directioner," Tom moaned.

"Hey!" yelled Shelby, leaping to her feet. "You're just jealous! All you male haters are! They're cute, and they have good voices, and they seem to have a pretty decent integrity, and they're cute—"

Penny hesitated, then nodded adamantly. "Um-hm!"

"Is this something I should know about?" Wing asked.

"Yes! I mean, no! No, because then you'll be a hater too!"

"Harry has pretty eyes,' Penny murmured dreamily.

Tom rounded on pidge. "What do you make of the?"

Pidge blushed. "They're very good-looking indeed. And they're British. And they sing quite well, and their songs are catchy, even though their lyrics are pink and purple."

Tom groaned.

"However, like with Justin Bieber, I don't worship them. Worshipping's weird and a waste of time and very schoolgirly. Obsession is a waste of time. But haters stink. They're mean. There's no reason to hate; whatever did they do to you? And they're good. They really are."

"Thank you for the sermon, pidge."

"You're welcome. I got it from Niga Higa on Youtube."

Franz took his tablet. "Schnizel is having a quick word for Wing: I admire how you've kept your cool so far... Although that may change when you start to recieve fanmail yourself. Hehehehe! :P."

Wing looked torn between flattered and anxious.

"She is also having a question for Laura:

To Laura: I don't know what to ask you... Maybe... *ahahahhahah!* how many kids would you like to have with Otto?"

"Zero," said Laura. She sounded like a tired robot.

Pidge seemed to be glancing towards a vial in her pocket, debating whether or not to use it.

"I'm not sure I'd want kids with anyone, actually. I'm still a teen; I've time to decide…"

Satisfied with the answer, pidge pushed the vial back in her pocket.

"Shame that Otto's asleep. We could use some input," said Shelby.

"Whoever said I was asleep?" Otto lifted his head, groggily rubbing his eyes.

"Yay, Otto is being awake!"

"Mornin', friends. You say you need my input on somethin'?"

"It's nothing," Laura said quickly.

"Yeah, we were just wondering how many kids you'd like to have with Laura," said Shelby.

Otto stared at her. "That has got to be the most ridiculous question I've every heard."

"No, it's not!"

"I'm going back to sleep."

"No, you're not! Here, have some coffee."

"I don't drink coffee."

"Nonsense! Everyone drinks coffee."

"'Night, all."

"Ottooooo!"

Snore.

Shelby scowled. "Don't you want to hear what Scarlet Silverweaver recommends as your personal love theme?

On a non-question note, I know the perfect song for Otto and Laura: Future Soon by Jonathan Coulton.

If you haven`t heard it, look it up. It`s just too perfect for those two."

"Yeah, that's a good one," Penny agreed.

Laura and Otto were identically kneading their palms into their eyes.

"What is with all this musical advice?" Laura put her forehead in her hands, glancing at Otto, who was determinedly looking everywhere but her.

Shelby, Tom, Penny, Pidge, and Franz were watching them carefully. Nigel and Wing seemed indifferent.

Shelby continued carefully. "The same asker also has a word for Laura, personally.

Dear Laura,

Let me start off by saying that you are wicked awesome. And I don`t know why George Lucas changed Star Wars so that Han shot in self-defence. I think Lucas`s brain is going... And yes, I know your computer background a HIVE says "Han shot first."

Now, on to the question:

What is the most important thing (on a government scale) that you've ever hacked?

Sincerely,

Scarlet"

Laura tiredly held up a cryptic hand sign. "May the force be with you, Scarlet. You, too, are wicked awesome. Practically everyone knows about my desktop image, so it's pointless to protest, I guess."

"I knew it!" Otto exclaimed.

"I've cracked into the American CIA. It was a total accident; I really wanted that supercode… Oh, and by the way, there is a differencebetween "hacking" and "cracking". Hacking is generic; it applies to anyone who builds or writes software. Cracking is malicious; it's when you break into people's stuff." She grinned. "I do both."

"Me, too!"

"Yes, Otto, we know."

"And now," said Tom, "From Wasp:

Laura,

If you had to turn the eight people you're with now (Otto, Wing, Shelby, Franz, Nigel, Tom, Penny, and Pigeon) into four couples, what would they be?"

"Now, that's just mean," said pidge, crossing her arms (by the way, Shelby had long since uncrossed hers. Millennia, my tush). "I do all this work and this is how you treat me?"

Laura threw her arms into the air, the first real smile breaking out across her face. "Hallelujah! Alright, let's see…"

The aforementioned eight people fidgeted nervously.

"Um, we have a problem," said Nigel. "Aside from you, there are five guys and three girls."

"Never a problem, am I right, beloved fellow crack shippers?"

Pidge gasped, then winced. "I never knew you were… Oh, Merlin, what have I… Scheisse!"

"Watch your language."

"It's German, as well you should know, Franz, so technically, it's perfectly appropriate for English-speaking audiences." For quite possibly the first time in observed and recorded history, pidge found herself very much in distress. "This is sooo wrong! This is sooo bad! This… this ain't right!"

Laura hummed something to herself that sounded very suspiciously like a hybrid of 'The Blue Danube" and "Monster". "Payback time!~"

"I never did anything to you!" Penny wailed.

Nigel looked stricken. Wing appeared to be in a state of great discomfort.

Laura grinned. "Shel. You and Wing."

Neither seemed very surprised. If anything, they looked oddly relieved.

"Penny. You and… ah…"

"She's like a sister to me. Don't you dare—"

"I know, Tom. You're with— Aw, damn, I already used Wing. Nah, let's mess things up a bit in an attempt to please the fans, shall we? Otto and Shelby! Wing and Tom! Penny and Franz! Nigel and… ah, looks like you, pidge!"

Looking all too satisfied, she crossed her arms. Her resemblance to the cat-that-caught-the-canary was stark and uncanny and scary.

Pidge held out a hand to Nigel. "Not my first choice, but you'll have to do. Pleased to meet you. I'm pidge."

"I know," Nigel said meekly.

"Not my first choice," Tom said to Wing, "but you'll have to do. Hi, I'm Tom."

Wing raised his eyebrows.

Franz was looking very much relieved not to have been slashed. Penny scratched her head awkwardly. "Ah…. How's the kettle corn?"

"Otto, I hate to say this, but you were my last choice."

"Even next to Penny and pidge?"

"Yeah. At least they'd be good company."

"You, Shelby, are seriously messed up. No wonder you, too, were my last choice."

"Hah! Who's messed up, now?"

"Order in the court!" Laura yelled. "Next question!"

"Eager, aren't we?" muttered pidge. Nevertheless, she gestured for everyone to return to their seats.

They did so.

Cautiously.

"Oh, Laura, you missed one of the most popular slashes on the fandom."

"Hm?~"

"Please cut the tildes. Yeah, you missed Wing x—"

"There were so many choices!" Laura complained. "Especially for Wing. I could only pick one, and I picked the one with the least far-reaching ramifications!"

"…Yeah, you're a closet shipper, all right."

"Oh, and what do you mean by 'fandom'?"

"From dizzylizzy13," said Wing, clearing his throat surprisingly calmly for a man of his recent experiences but unsurprisingly calmly for a man of Fanchu lineage.

"Oh, my dear Miss Brand, what do we have in store for you today?

It won't be too cliché a question, I promise.

Would you die to save Otto Malpense?"

Laura paused. "Yeah," she said quietly. "But I'd do that for any of my friends. Thank you for the question; that was a good one."

"Aranel Azamai asks about your favorite movie," said Penny. "What's the verdict?"

"The Star Wars series, duh."

"Shut up, Shel."

"You've been saying that line a lot, lately. Get some originality, girl."

"But, aye, Star Wars. Intelligent and well-done. Beautiful plot, brilliantly conceptualized technology."

"And from Firebird," said pidge.

"I'm so sorry that you've got to answer all these reviews! You seem like such a nice girl. What do you plan on doing with your HIVE skills when you grow up? If I ever meet a villain, I hope it's you. (or any of your friends) You are the smartest and most reasonable of the villains in books, movies, and real life.

Keep going like this, and I know you'll go far.

Your fan,

Firebird

BTW, I love the accent!"

"Thanks," said Laura appreciatively. "I know, this is pretty hellish."

Pidge smiled angelically.

"And thank you; I often find myself of the same opinion regarding my genius—"

"Only with tech-y, geeky stuff," added Shelby.

"—and as I've mentioned, I plan to work as a technical consultant at GLOVE, inventing cool toys for villains to play with."

She seemed considerably more relaxed, now. Thank goodness. What a shame her peace was about to once again be blasted to smithereenies.

"The next one," said Penny, "is from PleaseEnterNameHere:"

Hullo! It's weird, people weren't this mean to Otto. (Maybe because you'll give a better reaction?) I dunno. What I also don't know, but do want to know, is this- How long have you been completely, head-over-heels in love with Otto? For some reason, I don't imagine it was the love at first sight stupid romance novel thing. Bye-bye."

Laura's face was deathly expressionless. "For the umpteenth time, I am not 'head-over-heels in love' with anyone, much less Otto—"

"Yeah, yeah."

"—SHUT UP, SHELBY! And when I do fall in love, if ever, I can assure you it will not be love at first sight like, as you rightly put it, a 'stupid romance novel thing'. Now, bye-bye."

"How rude," said pidge. "She actually sympathized with you. She acknowledged people weren't this mean to Otto."

"The fact still stands that I am NOT head-over-heels in lo—"

"You know," said Otto mildly. "I wouldn't blame you if you if you were, actually. My—"

"Yes, yes, your swoon-inducingly dashing looks, your cute, untamed hair, your tiger attitude…" Tom boredly ran a hand through his hair. "Spare us, my dear."

"And from Reensie17," Penny jumped in loudly, before her dear old friends could start a food fight.

"Hey Laura

Get ready. The question that I'm about to present is THE HARDEST question you will ever answer in your life. (the second hardest will be when Otto proposes because...well Otto will NEVER have the guts to actually ask that question)."

Otto scratched his head in confusion, as Laura buried her face in her hands. "I propose all the time."

"Not the I've-got-a-new-more-maniacal-than-ever-idea-whoopee-let's-try-it type," Shelby said kindly. "The marriage type. But that shouldn't be very hard for Laura-dear to answer, and I'm sure Otto and his guts will come to terms with the idea eventually."

Laura looked ready to wail like a banshee.

"Anyways... If you could chew one type of gum for the rest of your life, which brand (hehe puny) and flavour would you chose?

After a considerable time to think...I've decided to go with Extra's Dessert Delights: Key Lime Pie. WHY? Because key lime pie rocks my socks, that's why.

By the way, I love your hair. Red hair is awesome.

From your fellow computer junkie,

Reensie17 (_)

P.S. Tom: I love Pink too."

Tom pumped his fist into the air. "Woot! Pink! Wait, the color or the singer. I like both. Did you know she was in Happy Feet 2? The singer, I mean."

He was ignored by all but a very nodding-ish pidge, who nodded.

"Thank you," said Laura, touching her lovely locks. "I'm really flattered; seriously, I'm really grateful for all these unwarranted compliments; they've just been spilling out by the bucketful—"

"Not as much as me, though."

"Otto, I most definitely had more than you."

"No, you didn't. And you won't."

"Otto, that's preposterous."

"Ego, much?"

"Reason. Not ego."

"Bollocks."

"THERE IS TO BE NO SWEARING UNDER MY ROOF."

"I said 'haddocks'."

"You're a fish, you are."

"Slick and shiny, that's me!"

"I wouldnae take that as a compliment…"

"My hair is white."

"My hair is red. Like Reensie said, red hair is awesome."

"Yeah, all the best book characters have red hair. Except most of them end up dying… Lily Evans, Naruto's mother…"

"No one asked you, Shel."

"… but then again, there's Starfire, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Amy Cahill…"

"This is being better than a stand up!"

Penny coughed. "As amusing as this is, I believe we have a question to be answered…"

Laura blinked. "Oh, right." She glanced back down at the tablet. "I don't chew gum. Professor Pike made me stop, because he says it could get on the delicate components, as if it's going to walk right out of the rubbish bin and sit itself on the workbench."

"But which would you pick?"

"I… I don't know…" Laura frowned. "Mentos?"

"Not a gum. Pick Double Bubble Strawberry… Strawberry…whatever that one was called. It's good."

"…okay…? Perhaps I'll just go with… Extra's Dessert Delights: Key Lime Pie. It sounds good."

"And what a pleasant note to end this session on!" pidge remarked happily.

For the… third? Fourth? Tenth? (they'd all lost count)… time that day, Shelby leaped spectacularly to her feet, arms crossed viciously, just as Laura sighed in relief and visibly collapsed back into the oh-so-squishily comfortable armchair. "NO! We've… there's… they've... there's been no forward movement! None! You can't end a session without forward movement, especially since this is technically the second and final part of the Ottra Installment (I would put that in small caps if I could, but I can't, most unfortunately) and you're totally letting down every fangirl's hopes and dreams by ending on this boring, romantically-lacking note, and… and…" She stomped her foot in abject frustration.

"And," Franz continued for her, leaping to his feet as well with an equally visually stimulating leap, conveniently ignoring Nigel's whispered Sit down, Franz. "And, all this tension-inducing fanmail should be inducing … ah, tension, and you are just going to be letting it fizzle? I am not allowing that! Nein, we must—"

"No, no, I am not in the least insulted by you all cutting me off when my time is over; the limelight's been lovely but I am all too tired and I would love a nap right now, in fact—"

"Too many italics," said Wing.

"—keep going until we reach a resolution," Franz finished. And then he sat back down to await the verdict.

Shelby remained standing.

Laura scowled. "Like I said, I'm done."

Crickets chirped.

Tom glanced warily at the tablets. "Are they chirping?"

"Yes," said pidge.

Wing coughed quietly.

"So," demanded Laura. "Am I done, or not?"

Pidge seemed to think about it. She probably wasn't (thinking, that is). "Ah… Here's what I say. It's only the third session. We've got five to go. Plenty of time to resolve the Unresolved Se— ah, what I mean to say is… issues."

"What issues?"

Pidge waved her hand in disregard. The gesture was beginning to get rather annoying and overused, actually, but she wanted to get one more usage out of it. "Little issues. The-ship-must-sail-and-make-port, and all that. But if we were to resolve them now, what would we have to look forward to? Hmmm? Well, there's always Wingelby, but—"

"Wing'll be what?" asked Nigel in confusion.

Most everybody seemed rather befuddled, actually. The only ones who appeared to have any clue whatsoever and were actively following the ramble were Shelby and Franz (and Tom, possibly).

"Wing-el-by. Not 'Wing-will-be'."

"Huh?" Shelby was now scratching her head. This was not a good sign.

"Cheers to blissful ignorance, my friend. As I was saying, there's no need to worry about any ships not making port. We've got time. We've got interludes. And if anyone's feeling impatient, there's always other stuff to read."

"Huh." Otto nodded, most likely attempting to look like he was in the know, which he obviously wasn't because if he was, he'd most definitely be yelling or attempting to harass the poor tablets again. "So… who's next?"

Laura sighed in relief. Again. Knock on wood.

Pidge slowly turned to Franz, who immediately brightened. "Ready?"