Aftermath of Destruction Chapter 4: Easier To Run, a resident evil fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Resident Evil, I do however, own the story. The song I use is "Easier To Run" by Linkin Park, track number six on "Meteora."

Aftermath of Destruction

Chapter Four: Easier To Run

"Shit!" Chris hissed as he sat straight up in his bed. He quickly grasped his side, and then looked around the room. It was obvious it was around noon. Sun poured in through the open blinds of his hospital room. "Damn it!" He seethed, feeling the sweat drip down his face. He lay back down, careful with his shoulder. He couldn't help it. It had become almost a second nature to sit straight up after a nightmare, which had become a reoccurring occurrence as of late.

"Thank God I'm alone." He thought to himself.

As if on cue, a nurse entered his room.

"Mr. Redfield, you're up!" She announced.

"No shit." He thought.

"Your friends called about five minutes ago, they sounded eager to see you." She informed him.

"Are they on their way?"

"I believe so."

That was the end of the conversation, well, all that Chris heard anyway. He was excited, wanting everyone to get there as soon as possible. He needed to see Claire and Jill, especially after the nightmare he'd just endured. Having them around was a comfort nothing could replace.

The nurse left, leaving Chris alone, with his thoughts. Images flashed in his head, and they wouldn't cease, even if he closed his eyes. Sleep was something he despised, and he only succumbed to it because of the pills they continued to shove into him.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

"Chris!" A voice shrieked suddenly, causing him to snap his head around to the doorway. His younger sister tore into the room, right by his side.

"Claire!" He answered. His voice still came off groggy and weary, and slightly hoarse.

The siblings exchanged a hug, and Claire backed away. "I know someone else over here whose been dying to be in this position." She remarked coyly.

Claire moved away, and Chris could see Jill stepping forward. He flashed back to the kiss they'd shared, and he suddenly wanted out of the bed. Jill leaned down, and he fell into the comforting embrace.

"I miss you." She murmured.

"I miss you too." He replied. "When can I get out of here?"

"They said one week, so you've got six more days." Claire answered.

Chris sighed. "God damn hospitals."

Jill stared down at Chris, noticing that there was something hidden behind his eyes, but quick conversation drew her away from her thinking.

Something has been taken

From deep inside of me

A secret I've kept locked away

No one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show

They never go away

Like moving pictures in my head

For years and years they've played

~ * * ~

Greetings between the others were exchanged, and Chris began feeling the exact opposite of what he'd been feeling before. Just an hour before, he'd wanted everyone around; now, he couldn't want to be more alone.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" He wondered.

Somehow, there was a feeling he wasn't the only one. Claire had seemed distanced from the others, and he'd caught her staring off as the others laughed, a look of depression and loneliness. A look he'd only seen that severe since their mom and dad had passed away…

That's when it hit him. The siblings were in the exact same boat, the exact same thoughts crossing through their minds. They needed to talk, alone.

"Hey guys, I want to talk to Claire alone for a bit, is that okay?" He asked during a break in the conversation.

"Sure Chris, I was kind of getting hungry anyway." Barry said, and began to wheel himself toward the door.

Jill gave Chris a look, and Leon gave a similar one to Claire. Neither sibling saw this though. Both identical pairs of eyes were locked on each other.

"Okay. Claire do you want anything?" Leon asked.

"No thanks, I'm not really that hungry."

"You haven't eaten in like a day though, surely you want something." Leon persisted.

"I'll come down and get something in a minute." She lied to silence Leon.

"I would offer to get you something Chris, but I don't know what the doctors will let you have…" Jill began.

Chris forced a smile. "I ate before you guys got here." A blatant lie, but it worked because Leon and Jill left.

There was silence in the room for a moment. Neither was sure if it was waiting to make sure if the others were gone, or the loss of words.

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could

Stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

"You feel it too." Claire said suddenly.

Chris nodded. "Mom and dad."

Claire pulled her chair closer to her brother, again locking eyes with him. "Why do we feel like this?"

"I honestly don't know Claire. I mean, I can come up with a thousand excuses of why I feel…depressed, but I can come of with a thousand reasons why I shouldn't." Chris replied.

Claire nodded. "You think maybe it was because we never really mourned losing mom and dad…and that seeing mom again brought all that pent up emotion from ten years ago back?"

"Could be." Chris answered, but Claire could read in him that he was holding something back.

"Chris, what else?"

"I just…I can't erase those images of you and Jill back in that facility." He said, voice laced with cracks of emotion.

Claire sighed, turning her head at his tears. "I still can't erase the image of Steve dying." She said softly.

"Do you love Leon?" Chris asked.

The question shocked Claire. "Yes!" She exclaimed. "I love him so much, but I just…I feel guilty."

"Why?"

Claire sighed, rubbing her weary eyes. "Because he's alive and here we are living this life, and he's stuck with Wesker-"

"Wesker's dead. If Steve is alive, or was alive, he's probably not Steve anymore."

Claire nodded somberly.

Almost like a lightening bolt, he could feel a sudden change of emotions course through him. Chris steadied his voice. "I really think you need to talk to Leon about this though. I mean, Wesker mentioned Ada so he probably knows more along those lines. As for anything else, Claire, I'm not really the strongest one here to talk to."

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

Claire was…horrified. She'd always looked up at Chris as a brave, courageous, man, and here he was admitting the exact opposite. "What?"

"I…I can't help you Claire." Chris said firmly.

Anger boiled over. "Fuck you Chris." She seethed. "We're supposed to get through these things together, like brother and sister."

"I can't help you." He stated again.

"You're the one who wanted to talk to me! I didn't ask to talk to you." Claire answered.

"But I could tell you were going to, the way you looked like you were feeling, the way I was feeling." Chris hissed.

"Then why can't we talk about it? Talking helps." Claire replied.

"Then talk to Leon."

"No damn it, I'll talk to him about Steve, but what about mom and dad? He doesn't know-"

"Claire, I don't either. We talked about it, we know we were forced to not mourn mom and dad, and seeing mom brought that back. There, we talked. I don't feel any different, neither do you!"

Claire stood up, pushing the chair back as she did. "What a great job you're doing. I guess you can break promises, you're sure as hell not keeping the one you made to mom and dad. You swore you'd protect me and be there for me. Bullshit." Immediately she bit back the pain of the words, regretting the remarks. She couldn't bare look toward her brother, so she sprinted, away from the room.

Chris stared at the space where his sister had been. Every pore of his body screaming out at him to cry, or do the best he could to chase her, but he did neither. He sat still, holding everything in.

~ * * ~

"Hey Claire what's-" Jill's reflexes told her to move as the younger Redfield came barreling down the hall. Jill didn't think she'd ever seen that look on her face before, a look of pure hate.

Leon imitated Jill's action, quickly sidestepping Claire's path. He looked down at Jill, who shared his confused expression. Turning on his heel, he began another chase after the woman he loved, which was beginning to become a routine for him lately.

Jill followed suit, making her way to Chris's room. Whatever had happened wasn't good on one or both parts. She pushed through the wooden door, expecting to see the same look of loathing on Chris's face, but instead, he held a more mellowed expression.

"Hey." He said as she entered the room.

"Hey?"

"Um…Hello, hi, what are you looking for here?" Chris replied to the astonished answer.

"I'm expecting more of a 'Hey, Claire's all pissed off because…'"

"So you were looking a for 'Hey'. I got that part down…"

"Chris." Jill drawled. She knew something was up. Chris was taking things way too lightly.

"Do we really need to talk about this? I mean, Claire and me fight all the time."

Chris would have a point if Claire had looked like she normally did when she lost her temper. "Whatever." Jill said sitting down in the chair that Claire had vacated.

~ * * ~

"I cannot believe him. He's such a…" Claire stammered for a moment, and then finished the sentence of with a frustrated cry.

"Okay Claire calm down." Leon pleaded.

The two were outside in the same area where Claire and Leon had been last time that she'd stormed out of the hospital. Barry, Rebecca, and Carlos were steering clear of either Redfield, not wanting to get involved just yet.

"No damn it. He's supposed to love me, be a brother for Christ's sake!" Claire stormed around, waving one arm frantically, the other held in place by the cast.

"Okay what happened?" Leon asked.

"Nothing."

Leon shook his head. "Here we go." He muttered. "I know you went in there to talk to Chris about whatever's been bothering you. Obviously something didn't go well."

"I can't talk about it right now. I need to cool off." Claire said.

Leon nodded, keeping his patience. "Fine."

"Look, I told you before that if you didn't want to deal with me, break it off."

The words stung Leon. "You know Claire, I'm beginning to think you're the one who wants to break up. You keep saying things like that, and you don't ever want me around, you shut me out."

"That's not true." Claire said, more softly, although she knew it was true. Leon had been very patient, and she continued to kill his efforts.

Leon sighed, kicking a rock across the ground. "I love you Claire, and if you don't return those feelings, fine. If you expect me not to be here for you though, forget it. It's not gonna happen because despite what you think, I do love you, and I'm not going to stop loving you." He finished, and gripped the doorknob, giving one last look at Claire, who turned away, brushing tears away. It took all his will to leave her there, and go back into the hospital. In the brief seconds it took him to push through the door, he'd never felt so alone.

Sometime I remember

The darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories

I wish I didn't have

Sometimes I think of letting go

And never looking back

And never moving forward so

There'd never be a past

Inquisitive stares from Rebecca, Carlos, and Barry met him. The door slammed shut behind him, and suddenly he didn't care. He fell back against the wall, and began a slow slide down, as tears spilled from his eyes.

No one said anything.

After five minutes, Leon stood back up, wiping the straggling tears as Jill entered the waiting room. Claire came through the door seconds later, a blank expression on her face. The group took it as a mutual decision to leave, and they did, in silence.

~ * * ~

The car ride to the house was very tense. Rebecca, Carlos, and Barry made small conversation, while Leon, Jill, and Claire sat in the back, seething. When they arrived to their destination, Claire stalked to her and Leon's room, Rebecca, Carlos, and Barry sat in the living room, talking in hushed whispers. Leon and Jill knew the topic; it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. So while Jill was in the kitchen, rummaging for a soda, Leon tapped her shoulder.

"Um…could we like go for a walk?" Leon asked quietly.

Jill nodded, understanding the hidden meaning.

The two grabbed coats, and announced their departure, heading along a trail behind the house that led into the woods. The first few minutes were silence filled, other than the crunching of sticks and leaves along the path.

Leon made the first move toward speech. "What goes through their minds?"

Jill exhaled, watching as the frigid air turned her breath ghostly. "I honestly don't know for sure, I only have an idea from my experiences."

"If I told you some of mine, do think you could give me a synopsis?" Leon's words floated over the crunching of leaves.

"I'm not a psychiatrist you know." Jill said.

Leon chuckled. "You have to be to deal with those two."

Jill laughed along with Leon. "That's for sure." The pair walked for a few more minutes, before coming across a clearing. They stopped, and sat down at the iced over bench/table structure that sat out of place from its surroundings. "Okay, tell me what's up with Claire. Maybe it'll give me some basis for Chris."

A pained expression crossed Leon's face as he told her of the arguments they'd had, and the rare conversations that had happened since the last takedown of Umbrella. By the time he was done, tears were slowly rolling down his red cheeks.

Jill sighed. "Here we go again."

"Again? What do you mean?" Leon asked.

"Chris started shutting people out a week after Spencer. I mean, right after Spencer, he just amazed me the way he seemed to be handling things so well. He was very attentive to me, always there when I had nightmares, but not everyone can keep running from things forever, and eventually, everything caught up, and he lost it. Chris has always had a temper, but the littlest things would set him off, and it was like everything I was doing was wrong. Then, after a little while of that, he apologized, and I gave in, went on thinking he was okay." Tears welled in Jill's eyes. "Barry, Rebecca, Chris, and I decided we had to do something about Umbrella. Rebecca was sent to look after Barry's family, and that left us three. Barry had said he was going to go to Europe, salvage up more information, but that someone needed to stay behind in case Umbrella kicked up in Raccoon again. Chris volunteered, insisting I go with Barry. Neither of us wanted to separate, but Barry needed someone with him in Europe. After a few days of arguing, Barry found that he needed Chris to come with him due to expertise that Chris held. He didn't like that, but eventually realized it had to be that way." She stopped, wiping tears that were chilling her cheeks.

"I overheard a conversation between you and Barry one night back in Boston. Barry was saying something about how Chris-"

Jill waved her hand. "Yeah, it all started again. When Chris and I parted, it was only supposed to be for a couple of months. Well, Raccoon got infested, and he nearly lost his mind, thinking I was dead. He blamed himself for not staying behind, and then when Barry finally explained that I'd been infected, but Carlos helped me, he got extremely jealous. That's another trait of the Redfields, very jealous. Chris hasn't forgotten anything though, and he still blames himself for the whole ordeal. He thinks he could've changed everything, but what's done is done."

Leon nodded. "Claire's the exact same way. When Chris was unconscious, it was like she was blaming herself for Chris's injuries…and she mentioned something about…about Steve." Leon's eyes flashed as he mentioned Steve. "It's like she blames herself for his death, and now that he's alive…she thinks it's her fault Steve was stuck with Wesker. God, and the jealousy, she thinks I want to break up with her. Earlier I got the feeling it was because Wesker said something about Ada, and now she thinks I don't want to deal with her, when all I want to do is deal with her. She pushes me away though."

Jill shook her head. "You've gotta keep persisting, it's the only thing that works. Whatever's bothering them will eventually come out…I hope."

Leon was in the middle of replying to Jill, when Carlos's voice floated down the path. "HEY JILL! CHRIS CALLED!"

Jill bolted up, and Leon followed her down the path to wear Carlos was slowly making his way on crutches, attempting to find the two.

"JILL! CHRIS CA- oh, hey Jill. Sorry about that." Carlos stopped screaming as he saw Jill round the corner of the trail.

"Is he still on the phone?" Jill inquired.

"No, he just said that the doctors might shorten his stay at the hospital if everything goes well. All the test results came back, and they said he should make a full recovery, that is unless-" Carlos was cut off.

"Unless what? Oh God, is there still a chance that s-something might happen?"

"No, no, no. Nothing like that." Carlos ceased Jill. "I mean, unless Claire puts him right back in the hospital."

"What?" Leon and Jill chorused.

"The little Redfield picked up the phone, pretty big screaming match between her and Chris." Carlos said.

Leon and Jill looked at each other while Carlos stood awkwardly.

"What's going on between you and the Redfields?" Carlos asked cautiously.

"Ask Becca." Jill muttered. "Hell, even Barry."

"They said they didn't know for sure."

"Well, tell one of them it's pretty much the same as what happened after Spencer. They'll know then." Jill answered, pushing her way past the two men and heading back to the house.

Carlos looked at Leon as the two followed Jill's lead. "And you?"

Leon shrugged. "Same I guess. You really shouldn't be out here with your knee all fucked up."

Carlos sensed the quick subject change, and decided to flow with it. "Well, Claire's upstairs crying, Barry's in a wheelchair, Becca's still kinda woozy from her concussion. Besides, Jill got a bullet out of her stomach, and you've got stitches and a broken wrist."

Leon nodded.

The rest of the walk was silent.

~ * * ~

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

Is so much simpler than change

Chris stared up at the ceiling. A nurse had come in and pulled his drapes while he was sleeping, so it was nearly black in his room, but he'd adjusted to the darkness. He contemplated his life. Jill was getting to the point where she was ready to kill him, Claire was ready to kill him, and on top of that. Sooner or later something was going to come up about the destroyed Umbrella facility, if they didn't expose them first. He sighed, blinking a few times. De já vu from after Spencer was hitting hard. He knew he was okay, that he shouldn't act the way he did.

'Then why do I?' Chris thought. 'Because you're an asshole.' His subconscious replied.

"That I am." He murmured.

He knew if he didn't do something, he would eventually lose Jill and Claire.

"Claire." He whispered.

He'd been a jerk to her, driving her away also. Her words still stung at him, and he wished he could deny it, but knew it was true. He'd promised their parents that he would always be there for her, and so far, he'd failed.

Chris knew in order to fix, or let someone else help fix, he'd have to discover the problem. He knew he was scarred from everything, and knew that thinking he'd lost Claire and Jill was half the reason, and then seeing his mom, but how was he supposed to erase those images? Everytime he shut his eyes, he saw everything.

Tears slowly slid down his face, as he began to feel groggy again. He glanced at the I.V. dripping the pain medication into his body, and knew once again, he'd be asleep. Sleep wasn't a time he could escape the pain; it was where the pain resided.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

He wiped at the tears furiously, scolding himself for shedding them.

"You're stronger than this. Fight it." His mind screamed.

It's easier to run..

More tears fell.

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made…

He slapped them away again, and eventually they stopped. He knew what he had to do. Chris was going to apologize to Claire, Jill, and the others, and go on letting everyone believe everything was okay.

It's easier to go…

His eyes shut, bits of images from the facility, and fractions of the past screening on his eyelids.

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could

Stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave

As if the memories weren't enough, his more sensible side was screaming at him to admit something was wrong as he'd done before. He focused his attention on the sounds of the city outside, and ignored every pore of his body telling him the right thing to do. He would lock it all away, and eventually it would go away…right?

~ * * ~

Author's Note: Well looks like Chris is headed down the wrong path. Anyway, sorry about the extremely long wait, I can't even believe it took me that long to get this out. But with Dale's help, I got another down. I've got a spur on the next chapter, which hopefully I can start writing here soon, if not tonight. Again, thank you Dale for making me work on this until I was finished (which you're actually telling me to "get on with it" right now). Also thanks to everyone who is sticking this out. Please review!