The next couple of days were pretty quiet. CC spent them mostly bouncing between her hospital room, the townhouse, and the theatre. She had even once ventured to her penthouse, but it was so still and empty that she couldn't stay long. Usually, CC could take or leave the company of other people, but now she hated to be alone.
She found that she liked observing the people in her life performing their everyday tasks—Niles in his kitchen, the children doing their homework or watching TV, Maxwell seriously working, and even Nanny Fine flitting about spreading sunshine. CC had always envied that in her, like so many things. There was a lot about Nanny Fine that CC had wanted to be, but she just couldn't understand how.
Niles's visits continued, but she hadn't seen anyone else. CC kept hoping to see Maxwell come through the door or at least some sign that he actually cared that she might not wake up.
Also, she wondered where her friends were. There were a handful of them, all rich and snobby and deep down disliking her as much as she disliked them. Still, to keep up appearances, the thing to do would be to visit her or, at the very least, send a card or flowers. There had been nothing. Besides the flowers from her father and various business associates, the only thing CC had received were cards from the Fines and Val. CC was surprised and rather touched that they had taken the time when people claiming to be her friends had not.
Through it all, her body just lay there. Numerous tubes ran in and out of it, and machines beeped and wheezed rhythmically. At first, she had found the sound jarring, but now she found it rather soothing. Staring at herself was boring, but she couldn't stop doing it. For some reason, seeing herself that way was both horrifying and fascinating.
CC was staring at herself for the millionth time, wondering if there was anything she could do to make her body heal faster and wake up before she died of boredom, when the sound of the door made her turn. She expected Niles and wondered what he would say to her today.
Instead, she was surprised to see the Little One coming in.
Of course, she wasn't so little anymore. Grace had shot up over the past year, and it was obvious that she was going to be tall. She had secretly always been CC's favorite because she reminded her so much of herself. Too smart for her own good. Perceptive. Full of self-doubt. And there was the therapy, though it was looking as if Grace might actually outgrow hers. CC had to admit that was probably thanks to Nanny Fine.
The child came in hesitantly, a look of discomfort on her face. She looked around the room, her discomfort turning to sadness. Swallowing, she came forward, hugging a stuffed bear to her chest.
"Hi, Miss Babcock," Grace said quietly.
Curious, CC stepped closer, wondering why the child was there by herself.
"I'm sorry that you got hurt." Her eyes traveled over the bruises and the casts. "Fran says you can't wake up. That must be scary."
CC thought back across the last four or five days and had to admit to herself that occasionally she had been afraid.
"Niles said that no one would want to visit you because you have no friends," Grace continued. CC felt a stab of pain at the truth in those words. "When I was little and my Mom died, Niles gave me this teddy bear. He told me that every time I was scared or lonely, I should hug Teddy and I'd feel better. Teddy's never let me down. I want you to have him. I don't really need him anymore, not like you do."
Grace carefully lifted CC's arm, avoiding all the tubes and wires, and the edge of the blanket. She placed Teddy underneath and covered him before gently setting CC's arm over top of both him and the blanket.
CC felt a lump come to her throat. She tried to tell herself that she was made of stone, that a simple kind gesture by a child couldn't soften her but, in her heart, she knew it was a lie. CC had erected a wall between her and the children, but it wasn't tall enough or thick enough for her not to be affected.
"There." A small smile came to Grace's face and in its tenderness CC saw traces of Sarah.
The door to CC's room burst open, and a nasal voice said, "Gracie, there you are. Why did you disappear? I was so worried."
"It's all right, Fran. I found Miss Babcock's room."
Nanny Fine entered, followed closely by the Boy, whose arms were full of lilies, and the Big One.
"Man, she looks horrible," Brighton said conversationally.
"There are so many machines," Maggie added.
"They help her breathe and monitor her heart and lungs," Grace supplied.
Nanny Fine smiled and ran a hand over Grace's hair.
"Put the flowers and card on the table by the rest, B," Nanny Fine instructed.
"Lilies are my favorite flower," CC told her. "How did you know?"
The Boy did as he was asked , and Nanny Fine went to the bed. CC saw a look of pity flash over her face. One thing CC did not envy about the slim brunette was her inability to hide anything she was thinking or feeling. How vulnerable she must be. CC was terrified of being vulnerable. It only led to people hurting you over and over again.
Maggie moved closer and asked, "Do you think she's in there, Fran? Can she hear us?"
"I don't know, but it can't hurt to talk to her. I've heard that one of the most soothing things is the sound of another person's voice."
"Not yours," CC snorted but not maliciously.
"What do I say?"
"Tell her you miss her."
Maggie's eyes widened. "I do?"
"Niles is so boring without her," Brighton broke in. "I miss her."
"Who woulda thought their bickering would be almost comforting," Fran agreed with another smile.
"Do you think she's lonely, Fran?" The worried note was still in Grace's tone.
"There's lots of people here, sweetie."
"But those are doctors and nurses."
Fran hugged her. "Miss Babcock will be all right. I'm sure she has visitors...Maybe."
"Can we come again?"
"Sure. If you want to."
"Can we go now?" Maggie asked. "It's kind of creepy."
"Okay, tell Miss Babcock good-bye, kids."
"Bye," Maggie said. "I hope you get better soon."
"See ya," Brighton added. "And when you wake up, can you tell me where you hid my video camera?"
"B!" Nanny Fine protested.
"What? She caught me taping her and took it. If she doesn't wake up, I'll never find out where she put it."
"That's enough saying good-bye. Gracie?"
Grace reached out and brushed CC's hand. "Take care of Teddy."
The children all filed out, the two older ones bickering, and Grace following meekly behind.
Nanny Fine paused and said, "You'll be fine, Miss Babcock. You'll see. Don't give up."
XXX
That afternoon, craving normalcy, CC left the hospital to once more watch Maxwell work. She appeared in the foyer where Nanny Fine was saying good-bye to her mother. Sylvia had a covered dish in her hands and, from the size, CC assumed she was carrying a cake.
CC walked past them, wondering why she hadn't appeared in the office. She had been thinking of Maxwell, and that was normally how it worked.
As she entered the lounge area, she saw Niles. He was dusting silently, and it was plain his thoughts were a million miles away. Maxwell was also in the room, which was unusual for that time of the day.
Niles dusted slowly, not paying any attention to Maxwell, almost as if he were as invisible as CC.
Maxwell didn't seem to notice. He was reading something, though his book was tipped and CC couldn't tell what. At the moment, she was more interested in Niles and the strange blank expression on his face.
She went up to him, close enough to touch him if she could. The comforting scent of Old Spice, cinnamon, and Lemon Pledge surrounded her, making her smile.
The lines in his face seemed deeper, and his eyes looked tired. There was no hint of his characteristic smirk.
CC studied him for several seconds, just watching him work.
"You know, Molly Maid, the left side of my bed could use a dusting when you're through," she commented quietly, wishing there were a way Niles could hear her and react. Of course, there wasn't, and he just moved on to the piano. CC trailed behind him, suddenly wanting to hear his voice. It was unnatural for him to be so quiet; he got through his days by being sarcastic and snarky—much like CC herself. Unlike CC, though, he had a good heart and would die for any of the others living under the same roof. CC doubted the same could be said for her. Surely, her own heart must be dried up and shriveled.
Not liking the direction her thoughts were going, she turned from Niles and went towards Maxwell. He was still reading, oblivious to the room around him. Sometimes CC wondered about that obliviousness. It was almost as if he used it purposefully to put distance between himself and the world. Occasionally, she got the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him violently, yelling in his face to wake the hell up.
"Well, that's two hours of my life I won't get back again," Nanny Fine commented, coming into the room.
Maxwell glanced up, and he seemed to...focus. No matter what CC did, he never looked at her that way. He never really saw her. Biting her lip, CC considered that he might not even notice she was gone from his life.
At Nanny Fine's entrance, Niles stopped dusting. "She took the cake, didn't she?"
Nanny Fine smiled. "Of course."
"Chocolate?" Maxwell offered.
Niles echoed Nanny Fine. "Of course."
CC was pleased to see a hint of a smile come to his face.
"Oh, sir," Niles continued, "I have to go out. I need to buy some cinnamon."
"All right, Niles. That's fine."
Nanny Fine frowned. "Didn't you pick up cinnamon yesterday?"
Niles stopped, paused, and blinked before answering, "No. That was cardamom."
"You sure?"
"Yes." Then he left the room without waiting for her reply.
Nanny Fine turned and watched him go, a thoughtful look on her face. "Mr. Sheffield, do you think...?"
"Do I think what, Miss Fine?"
She waved her hand. "Never mind. Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Suddenly, her face was as serious as CC had ever seen it. Maxwell must have noticed, too, because he put his book aside.
"Certainly. Is there something wrong with one of the children?"
She shook her head and perched on the arm of his chair. "No."
"Then what is it?"
"I don't want you to get angry."
"Miss Fine, a good way to make me angry is to tell me not to get angry."
"I know...it's just that..."
Nanny Fine was speechless. This intrigued CC, and she moved closer to hear their conversation.
"It's about Miss Babcock."
CC gasped in surprise. What could Nanny Fine have to say about her?
Maxwell's face immediately closed off. "I don't want to talk about Miss Babcock."
"Hear me out."
He scowled at her. "If I must."
"I want to know why you refused to come to the hospital with me and the kids. Isn't Miss Babcock your friend? Don't you care about her?"
Maxwell's eyes snapped. "Of course I care. I'm British not made of stone."
CC's mouth fell open at his words.
Nanny Fine continued, "I don't understand why you won't go see her. Don't you think it's important that you show her you want her to come back to us?"
"You're right, Miss Fine. You don't understand."
"Then explain it to me."
"This is none of your business."
"When has that ever stopped me?"
Maxwell looked away from her and sighed. "I've known CC for a long time...Almost twenty years. She's like a sister to me, Miss Fine—a younger, irritating, embarrassingly brilliant, aggravating, infuriating, silly, sometimes childish little sister—and I...I love her very much."
CC blinked and her chest seized at his declaration. Her suddenly weak knees couldn't hold her, and she backed up to sit heavily on the couch.
Maxwell ran a hand slowly over his face before continuing, "You want me to go see her? Just like that? I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I can't watch her die. I promised myself I'd never watch someone I love die ever again."
Understanding lit the nanny's face. "This is about Sarah."
"I never want to go through that again. I'll never fall in love with CC...not in the way I'm beginning to realize she might think she wants me to, but that doesn't mean I don't care deeply for her. With my parents and Joscelyn and Nigel all in England, the people in this house are the only family I have."
Nanny Fine reached out and gently touched his face. "Won't you regret not saying good bye?"
"You make it sound so simple..."
"Just think about it. I think it will help Miss Babcock heal if she knows we miss her."
"We?"
"Hey, I remember what it was like around here that time she quit...Besides, I'm used to her."
A ghost of a smile touched Maxwell's face. "I'll think about it."
"Good."
She bent down and kissed the top of his head gently, as if he were one of the children. CC only noticed this absently. Her mind was whirling from what he'd said. She'd never known. All those years she'd thought Maxwell just needed to notice her to realize her suitability. In reality, he'd known she was there and, even though he'd dismissed her, he dismissed her out of love and not out of indifference.
CC didn't know how to feel. Should she be happy that he cared for her? Should she be angry that he refused to see her as more than an annoying little sister? Should she be pleased that he thought she was brilliant? Should she be crushed because it was suddenly brutally apparent that he would never, ever fall in love with her?
Hurt and confused, CC's face fell into her hand. It all made sense now, and she wished it didn't. Without the possibility of Maxwell, what did she have to live for? Spending the rest of her life alone was more terrifying than death.
She shuddered, feeling overwhelmed.
"Come on, Mr. Sheffield. I'll make you a sandwich."
CC heard the words as if from far away, and she barely noticed Maxwell and Nanny Fine get up and leave the room as she remained slumped with her face resting in her hand.
XXX
When CC got back to her hospital room, the scent of Lemon Pledge lingered in the air. It was obvious that she'd just missed Niles. The thought saddened her further, and she let herself practically fall in a seated position at the bottom of her bed.
Teddy was on the outside now, she noticed, tucked under her good arm as if she were a little girl. Her blankets had been straightened and tightened , and CC idly wondered if Niles or the nurse was the one to thank for that.
Her bruises were lightening. Soon, they would fade and her broken bones would knit. The stitches hidden by the thin blanket would heal the flesh beneath.
Still, the machines kept breathing for her, kept eating for her, kept forcing her to go on.
"Don't wake up," she said quietly. "Stay blissfully asleep. Better yet, just stop. Stop breathing. Stop beating. Stop being."
The only sounds in the room were those of her respirator, IV pump, and monitors. CC wondered what it would be like if they were to stop one at a time. What would that beautiful silence be like?
Unable to look at her face anymore, CC turned away. Something on the cast on her arm caught her eye, and she frowned. Was that writing?
Getting up, she went around the bed to have a closer look and discovered it really was writing. Four different lines of it, done in thin black marker. CC recognized the handwriting before she even read what it said.
"Where is your broom?"
"I was here visiting someone else, but, since it's obvious you have no friends, I thought I'd come in."
"That must have been some night."
"I'm sure you'll have more visitors once the next ship is in port."
CC gasped as her eyes started to sting. Warmth replaced some of the coldness in her chest, and she chuckled through her tears. That Niles.
Of course she didn't want to die. Not really. She ran her fingers over the words. If she did, how would she know what her butler boy was going to do next?