A/N: Remus is not the only one with a hidden past. Just borrowing so don't sue!

4. Reveal

The next morning Remus sent an owl to Dumbledore, stating his understanding that Dumbledore must now rescind his offer. He packed up the parchments in hope that one day, when things were clearer, perhaps Dumbledore would make his offer again. He was taken off-guard when Dumbledore appeared at his door that evening.

"Classes begin in a few weeks, Remus. What makes you think I'd change my mind now?" Dumbledore asked as he walked into Remus' flat, holding aloft the parchment.

"Sir, you must know about the escape from Azkaban and you've probably heard the rumor that he is on his way to Hogwarts. Having me there puts you in a difficult position. Many people, including the staff, will remember that we were friends and, well, I can see where their suspicions will take them." Remus shrugged as if he didn't care, but in reality he resented having his chance at happiness taken from him once again.

"Unless you are saying that you would help Sirius Black if he asked you…" Dumbledore looked at Remus whose face showed nothing but denial. "Good. Then we have nothing to worry about. I feel this recent change of events only proves that I need you protecting Harry more than ever. Not only is Voldemort a threat to him, but now this more pressing danger is upon us. May I sit?" Remus nodded and pointed to an armchair.

Remus felt that he needed to add words of his own to Dumbledore's professed confidence. "At first, when it happened all those years ago, I didn't believe it. I thought he loved Harry, his godson, and James and he were always the best of friends. But over the years, I think I've come to accept what happened. Not understand it, of course, but accept it."

Dumbledore finished arranging himself in the chair and spoke in an unexpectedly serious tone. "I've never told anyone this, but when I was a young man I had a good friend, much in the same way you had James Potter and Sirius Black. In truth, we were even closer. There were times…" Dumbledore paused. His gaze drifted away from Remus' face to place that only he could see. He seemed to carefully consider his next words. "There were times when our friendship crossed a line. It crossed that invisible line which close friends create to keep them from exploring a deeper connection." He paused again.

Remus felt uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. Particularly, he was afraid Dumbledore has realized a truth about Remus' past that Remus had tried desperately to forget.

Dumbledore continued. "I'm not ashamed of that; I'm only ashamed that my feelings kept me from seeing the evil that was right before me. Or perhaps more shameful is the fact that I did see it, but I chose to ignore it until it was too late.

"Years later, when the evil grew too large for even me to ignore, I fought him and imprisoned him where he can do no more harm. It pained me to do that to my friend, to someone who I had loved like a brother and, to be honest, even more deeply than that. But it was the right thing to do and I was sure of that. I'm still sure. And if he came back today, asking for my forgiveness, asking me to go back to the way things were between us; it would hurt, but I know I would not give in to him.

"You are strong, Remus. I have always admired that in you. The Sirius Black you knew is not the same person who murdered your friends and who is now a danger to Harry. I know that if you were confronted with him, you would do the right thing, as I did long ago." Dumbledore got up from the chair and walked over to Remus. He stood behind Remus put his hand on Remus' shoulder. Remus did not know what to say. Dumbledore seemed to understand that and they stayed there wordlessly for a few moments, until Dumbledore walked to the door and left the flat.

Everyone has a past, Remus realized. Everyone is hiding something shameful or a hurt that is too great to share. He hid the wolf inside him from others and now he knew that others held similar demons within themselves. Suddenly he didn't feel quite as alone as he had always believed he was.

Perhaps, Remus thought, he and James and Peter were like Dumbledore in that they didn't want to see the evil that was in Sirius. They wanted to love him and trust him like the friend he had been to them all. Maybe, like the wolf inside Remus, there had been a demon inside Sirius that made him capable of such deception. Perhaps that demon had been staring at them the entire time they knew Sirius and they did not want to look back at it. "That would make sense," Remus told himself. But still, deep within himself, he knew it did not make sense at all.

While he planned on keeping his promise to Dumbledore, Remus did not want to become close to James' son. He did not want to explain how they had all been deceived and that Harry's godfather, who Remus had felt he knew so well, had once again placed Harry's life in danger. There are many students at Hogwarts, Remus reasoned, avoiding one should not be too difficult. He could protect the boy from afar by keeping alert to signs of the dark magic. He told himself that Dementors would be more successful than he, if indeed an escapee from Azakaban was able to live past the fall from the tower, the frigid waters, and the long, dangerous swim. It was, any reasonable person would know, highly unlikely anyone could survive that.

The full moon was to occur at the end of August, right before the school year began on September first. Remus was packed and ready to go when he once again made the trip to the Diagon Ally for the Wolfsbane potion and to spend one last night with Julia. He savored the way her warm, smooth skin felt as her body moved against his. Afterward, when they kissed good bye, Remus sensed that they both knew it was over, but because they liked and respected each other, neither would have any regrets.

On the morning he was to leave for the Hogwarts Express he was still feeling the somnolent effects of the potion. After several strong cups of tea, he managed to make his way to King's Cross Station where he found an empty car, and was soon fast asleep.

Remus' dream brought him back into the memory of his first time on this train. The sound of children's laughter was almost unknown to him then as he had spent so much of his childhood alone. From the window of his compartment he could see his father waving, his face beaming with gratitude and hope. Remus also hoped that he could stay at school; that the precautions that had been put in place would allow him to hide his affliction and, possibly, to make friends.

He shared the car with five other first years that he did not know. Some were quiet like he was and stared nervously out of the window, while a few others talked incessantly. One girl was loudly describing the family she had been next to as she entered the platform. "The boy apologized for accidentally bumping me with his trunk, but his mother was so rude! She was wearing a long robe made out of black fur and had a big hat with black roses on it. Don't you think that's strange for such a warm summer day? Her husband had a walking stick with a snake's head on it and I swear the head turned and looked at me!"

"Those were the Blacks," a second girl told the first one. "They are one of the oldest and most noble wizard families. They are longtime Slytherins, like my family. That boy, Sirius Black is in our year."

The first girl seemed to be impressed with this information and they continued to talk about the four houses, the sorting process, and the mysterious Sirius Black. Listening to their conversation, Remus got the impression that Sirius Black must be a boy who attracted the attention of girls and he wondered if he would ever be able to do the same.

The dream changed. It was a different time and he riding the train with his classmates, but, as it was in dreams, he could not remember their names. The only one he remembered was James. He heard James' voice clearly as he spoke to the other students. Remus tried to remember how old he was. James' voice had begun to change which put their ages at around thirteen. Remus wondered where Sirius was. James and Sirius were always together; especially on the train when they would talk about what they did on their respective holidays. Sirius always had funny, yet scary stories about his family. Then he remembered that Sirius was in prison. He wondered if he should warn James about Sirius, but knew that James would laugh at him. "Padfoot is not a murderer!" James would say.

Various images and sounds floated around Remus as he continued to sleep. He became aware of the voices rising around him. One voice had a haughty, sneering quality that reminded Remus of Sirius' brother, Regulus Black. There seemed to be some kind of altercation, but it ended quickly. He vaguely remembered being in a bar and hearing a familiar woman tell him that Sirius was on his way to Hogwarts. Remus thought it strange that she said this, because Sirius was not on the train. The feelings of longing and loss that were always with him filtered into his consciousness. He wondered again who the children were.

The train stopped and the voices became confused and frightened. He wanted to say something comforting so he tried to listen for James' voice to give him some clue as to the names of the other children. But it was when the girl said the name, "Harry," that Remus woke up completely and he realized that he was sharing the car with the one person he didn't want to know.

Remus opened his eyes in the darkness. The lights had gone out on the train. He quickly pulled himself out from his dream and into the reality. He was no longer a student, James and Peter were dead, and Sirius was lost to him. He was a teacher and the adult in charge. His first job was to restore order in this car and then on the train full students. "Quiet!" he told the students. They immediately went silent.

He conjured a fire in his hands and looked up. The silvery glow of the firelight revealed James staring back at him.

He would have sat there gaping, or perhaps he would have allowed himself the fantasy that this was really James and he could live his life again; but the Dementor appeared at door of the compartment and Harry fainted.

Do you remember from POA who entered the car and would have a voice like Regulus?

To readers and reviewers: SeraphineBlack- thanks! Quiet people deserve to get lucky, too. Thank you, Ignea, for noticing that Remus IS a strong character in the books, though tragically underused. Thank you Shiny Objects, Remuslives23, MissFreddy, and Rekahneko for your inspirational reviews!