I can't even remember the last night without a nightmare. It seems like ages that I had a normal life; a life without guns, storms, death, psychopaths and sadly, even without love. It all changed so fast that my mind couldn't process it. But after this last kiss and the knowledge that I prevented all this terrible things from happening, I just feel free. Free of the burdens that rested on my shoulders for so long. My mind finally comes to rest and with it everything else.
It feels like I have only slept a few seconds, but as I open my eyes I realize that it is already dark outside and only the reading lamp on my nightstand - which is filled with flowers and Get-Well-Cards - enlightens the room a bit. Thank dog, someone turned off this damn ECG. Chloe's still there, sitting on a chair beside my bed, sleeping bent over, using my right thigh as pillow. She looks very cute when she's asleep, snoring a little bit. It remembers me of last Wednesday, when I crashed at her place; in her bed. I can't resist moving my hand to her head, starting to brush through her blue hair.
Suddenly she starts to smile. "Can't sleep anymore, sleeping beauty?"
Out of pure instinct I withdraw my hand.
"Hey, don't stop! It feels kinda good!" She opens her eyes and I continue to brush her hair.
"You're still here, isn't visitor's time over?"
"Yeah, but where else should I be? In my shitty room, waiting until tomorrow morning, dying of boredom in the process? Nah, I'd rather bore myself to death on your side."
"But if they see you here after the visitor's time, they'll throw you out, maybe forever!"
"This won't happen! My attitude is very well known around here, so I can stay as long as I want!" She stretches herself with a groan. "By the way, you could've told me that my kisses are that boring."
I blush. "Sorry about that, but I was just so exhausted and..."
Chloe now straightens up and puts on her mocking face. "Well, maybe next time I should bring in some tongue action!"
I know this expression and I won't fall into her trap this time. So I just look firm into her eyes with a smirk and answer "Maybe you should." Her smile fades. She looks back at me with pure unbelief, her face blushing. There are not many moments Chloe Price is speechless and in this case I just cherish it.
After a minute I break the silence and look down onto my hands. "By the way, thanks for not running away."
"What?! Why the fuck should I run away from you, Max?"
I shrug. "Y'know… the love thing and everything I told you. Wasn't it a bit too much?"
"Well yeah, it was, but I just…I don't know…It just felt right." Her face is thoughtful as if she tries to find the right words. But I feel that there is more to that than she wants to admit. I need to know.
"What do you mean?"
Now Chloe shrugs. "I don't know, but I think I always had some crush on you. I always enjoyed your company and after my dad died you were the only one who could fill the empty space in my heart. Even in these bad times you made me smile. I just needed you." Chloe's expression becomes sad as she continues. "Then all of a sudden you moved to Seattle, leaving me alone with all this grief and a new big hole in my heart. Every day that you were gone, I became more and more depressed. Only mom was there for me and she had enough on her own tab, especially after David came into our lives. I felt so alone and I was jealous of her, because she had someone to love, someone who comforted her."
She takes a little break to breathe in and out deeply; I see tears running down her cheeks. I remain silent, feeling a great deal of guilt inside of me.
"After that, my life went totally to shit. My grades became worse, people didn't matter to me anymore; if I needed someone I just used them before throwing them away afterwards. Finally, I ran away from home and started to take serious drugs, financed by my College-Fund. After the police brought me home the first time, mom cried and David raged against me. They wanted to stick me into a fucking clinic; wanted me to go to a psychiatrist. That was the time everything went from bad to worse. I couldn't sleep anymore, became mentally unstable, and had big depressions. I decided that I didn't want to live like this anymore. I wanted this fucking pain in my heart to go away forever. Nobody cared anyway. So I smoked a shitload of weed to overcome my fears and after that, I took a pile of different pills which I got from Frank Bowers. The next morning, David found me on the floor of my room, laying in my own vomit. He brought me here into this hospital. They pumped the whole shit out of my body. David saved my life and at this time I hated him for this. He took away my own fucking decision."
Now I feel even more like shit; the guilt inside me starts to eat my soul. I start to cry. It was my entire fault. Chloe went through hell and I was save and sound in Seattle; I didn't care, left her alone, too afraid to write one little letter or give her even a phone call. I hate myself for this! And I'm not sure, if I'll ever be able to forgive myself.
"Eventually I was here; had a lot of time to think about things. And so I thought to myself, if fate wants me to stay on this fucking planet, for whatever reasons, I wanna fucking rock this joint until it was time to go. So I hella raged on everyone and started to make trouble wherever I could, even in this hospital. Finally, I wanted to leave this shitty town and continue my rage somewhere else. This was about the time I met Rachel. With her I had a reason to live again, she filled my heart and I fell in love with her. But I had the feeling that there was still something missing. I didn't know what it was, until last Monday." She looks at me. "There you were again, back from Seattle, standing there in this damn restroom, telling Nathan that you would miss me, saving my ass in progress. After Rachel went missing you were the first bright spot after six fucking months. And suddenly I knew that you've always been this part that I missed all the time. After this crazy story you told me before, I just knew even more that we were meant to be together; that I needed you in my life; that I always needed you; that I always loved you. That's the reason I didn't run away. The reason why I kissed you!"
All these words are hitting me like a hammer in my guts. "Chloe, I'm so, so sorry!" It is the only thing I manage to say between my sobs. I hug her, crying even more. "I swear that I will never leave you ever again! From now on I'll stay on your side forever and no one is gonna separate us ever again!"
I feel that Chloe starts to sob, that she cries out of joy. "Thanks Max! I won't leave you, too!" Now she hugs me even harder, as if she never wants to let me go again. It hurts in my stomach, but I don't want to let her go either.
After what felt like an hour, we separate again. Wiping off our tears and cleaning our noses with a whole box of Kleenex.
Chloe shakes her whole body making a sound of disgust. "Ugh! Well, mushy time's over." I smile. The original Chloe is back. "Now, I have some news for you! Your parents were here! They visited you daily the first 4 days but needed to return to Seattle for the weekend." I just nod. They're very busy people; Dad with his Building company and mom with her new online-shop. "Anyway, they wanted me to call them as soon as you're awake and I did, just after you fell asleep again. They'll arrive tomorrow midday. They said that they want to talk with you about something important."
I shrug and watch at the clock. It's 2 am. "Well, if they have to say something important I should get some more rest."
"You think it could be bad news?"
"No, but my mom is able to talk you into sleep and if I'd do so while she's speaking to me, she'd not be as forgiving as you are." I say it with a smirk. "So, I need some more sleep and you'll need it too, because you're gonna stay with me through the whole conversation!"
Chloe looks at me in unbelief, but then shrugs. "Ok, it's your call, but don't freak out when I start to snore!"
I smile at her and lay my hand on her shoulder. "You'll do fine!" I move a little bit to the side to make some space on my bed and pat that new free space. "Come on, let's go to sleep."
Again, Chloe looks to me in unbelief. "What are you doing?"
"Making some space for you so that you can sleep in my bed. It's big enough and I can use some cuddling; or do you prefer the chair?" I smile victoriously as Chloe sighs, taking off her boots and lies herself beside me.
"You're so cheesy Max!"
"Are you comfortable? You can thank me later." Before she can even give an answer I kiss her on the forehead and move as close to her as possible, enjoying her warmth and her smell. "Good night, Chlo!"
"You too, Max!"
One minute later Chloe falls asleep. But I can't. I lie there, staring at the ceiling and ask myself what important things my parents want to talk about. I know them very well and important means that some pretty big shit is going on. Luckily my thoughts are drifting away into sleep before I can even think about some worst-case-scenarios.