"I'm starving." Perry grabbed a roll from the basket in the middle of the dining table and stuffed it into his mouth. He attempted to walk into the living room, but Phineas grabbed hold of his tail.

"Um… I'm kind of attached, Phin. If you want to borrow my tail, you'll have to have a word with the laws of nature."

"Where were you?" Phineas demanded. "You said you'd help us paint a mural on the bathroom wall."

"Sorry. I had an eye appointment. I forgot about it until this morning."

"There are doctors for people's eyes?" Phineas asked.

"Yes, Phin. They're called eye doctors." Ferb said.

"Why'd you have to go to an eye doctor?" Phineas asked.

"Just an exam. And I had to get a new pair of glasses. My glasses mysteriously broke in two after Ned the baby narwhal's magic show and I need them for when I can't find my contacts."

"How'd it go?"

"Like every annoying appointment. They attempted to dilate my pupils, but it hurts a lot so I always blink the liquid out before it gets in my eye. I'm a dilation-avoidance master."

"Actually, one of your pupils is really big." Phineas said. "They probably got some in that eye. Aw, it's so kawaii."

"Darn. Foiled by the eye doctor."

"It's like Ferb's eye. Except it's your pupils that are big and small, not your actual eyes."

"You know you wish you had disproportionate eyes." Ferb said.

"Oh, yes." Perry said. "Anyways, then they blew an entire hurricane's worth of air into my eyes and asked me to choose some frames for my new glasses. They were like, 'How does this look?' and I said, 'I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T SEE WITHOUT MY GLASSES!' so I guess I'm just gonna have to wait to see what frames I ended up getting."

"Maybe picture-frame frames." Ferb said. "Frames shaped like picture frames."
"How much chocolate milk did he drink this morning?" Perry asked Phineas.

"So, what job are you gonna screw up today?" Perry tore open a letter while Kendrine sat and watched, running her fingers through her silky hair.

"I still don't get why they fired me from that job as an English teacher." Kendrine said. "I hope this one works out."

Perry glared at her. "Gee, I wonder why. Maybe because you told your students 'supercalifragialisticexpialidocious' is pronounced 'superdinkywinkyflumpywumpydishydopefish'."

"It will work out." Kendrine said. "I just know it will. So, what's my next job, little ducky?"

"I am NOT a duck." Perry mumbled. He scanned the letter quickly before giving it to Kendrine.

"Ooh, they need a comedian at Danville' Comedy Club tonight! I guess I can use some of my husband's dumb old jokes. Will you come to my show, ducky duckling?"

"I'm sorry, I have to go spend some quality time with my lawnmower." Perry said. "It gets lonely if I don't tie little blue bows on its handle every day."

"Oh, thank you, sweet little duck." Kendrine hugged him.

Perry pushed her away. "Call me a duck one more time…"

"I can't believe I was forced by Monogram to go to this." Perry said, putting his face in his hands.

"I can't believe you forced us to come with you." Darren the duck said.

"I like clubs." Peter the panda said. "But casinos are better. Once I won ten million dollars in a casino. I sent it straight to the Save The Pandas fund, of course."

"This is the perfect place for our sixtieth date, Devon woodles." Carrie the cat said to Devon the dog.

"When Perry threatened me with injury to come here with him, I knew it was just the place." Devon said proudly.

They kissed.

"Yech. Tell me when the X-rated part is over." Perry covered his eyes.

"You do worse with Prince in public." Peter said. "I'm just sayin'."

"No, I don't."

"Don't you remember, Perry?" Peter said. "At the O.W.C.A party a few months ago?"

"And then there was that time Pinky broke into Prince's house." Darren sipped his drink.

"He told you about that?" Perry demanded.

"Don't worry, Perry. I'm certain if you threaten him, he won't tell." Carrie said. "And he may get to take his girlfriend on a fabulous date."

"Threats lead to many good things." Devon said.

They kissed again.

"Blegh." Perry covered his face.

"Okay, let's not start that whole conversation again." Darren said.

"Look, Dev? Carrie? I'm already gonna be plenty sick when Kendrine starts her comedy act, so can you two PLEASE save the romance for later?"

"'No kissing', says the guy who had six pups between two females." Darren said.

"Leave my love life out of this." Perry snapped. "Guy-who's-dating-a-girl-whose-best-quality-is-the-ability-to-spell."

"You dare insult Serah with an E and an H?" Darren said.

"Oh, sorry, INability-to-spell."

"Guys!" Devon pushed them away from each other. "Fighting never solved anything."

"Yeah, but it makes me feel better." Perry growled.

The lights in the club began to dim. A single spotlight focused on a stage in the back of the room.

"Shh." Peter said. "It's starting."

"Oh, Franklin." Perry covered his eyes. "Tell me when it's over."

The curtain parted, and Kendrine stepped into the spotlight, wearing a bright red dress.

"Hey, hey, hey! Welcome to Danville's Comedy Club. I'm Kendrine Adems, former singing sensation. So, how about this stage, huh? It's a-STAGE-ing!"

Dead silence.

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" Carrie asked nervously. "I'm afraid of jokes that aren't funny."

Devon covered her ears.

"Well, never mind the stage then." Kendrine sat down on a stool. The spotlight moved to focus on her. "So, the other day my husband asked me if I had any extra cash on me. Naturally I didn't. I told him I spent it all on clothes. And then do you know what he said? 'There are things more important than FASHION, Kendrine.' Ha! Isn't that funny?"

Someone coughed.

"Aaaannnnddd… do you know what I told him after that?" Kendrine asked. "I told him that he was a big clown! …See, 'cause his last name is Clownington."

More silence.

"Um… and now I would like to sing a little song."

Perry lifted his head up.

The piano player began to play. Kendrine opened her mouth.

Perry plugged his ears and smiled. His plan was working perfectly.

Soon Kendrine would remember how fun singing was and go back to it.

Kendrine began to sing.

Oh, how the sun sets,

A-thousand-shades a' orange and a million pinks,

The sun's a' only settin' just for you and me

Me and my Billy Ghee

"Hey!" Peter said happily. "My sister Prissy wrote that song! I bet she gave it to all the clubs in Danville for free! See, they wouldn't pay her for it… Prissy was never much of a songwriter."

Kendrine got off of the stool and began to dance.

Oh, how the flies fly

Around the kinda man that is my special-est guy

What a' ever more'a could I ever need

Than me and my Billy Ghee

Perry slammed his head against the table.

"That's what my grandfather did when Prissy sang the song for him." Peter observed.

Kendrine picked up a wall clock that was leaning against the stage and began to dance while holding it in front of her.

And when the clock, strikes, nine

And we're sharin' watermelon by the seaful sea,

Nothin' ever could'a mean that much to me

Than me and my Billy Ghee

Gotta lotta lovin' for my Billy Ghee

Even though he cheats on me

Oh yeah, gotta love a' gotta love my Billy Ghee

And I'll a' kill him if he cheats on me

There was complete and utter silence.

The piano player hiccupped.

"YAY!" Thad Badley said, standing up from his seat and clapping. "YAY, KENDRINE! THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!"

Kendrine blew him a kiss. "Thanks, daddy!"

Thad sat back down. There was another awkward silence.

Then, suddenly, thunderous applause and laughter.

"If Prissy could see this now." Peter said admiringly, patting his front paws together. "I'm actually clapping for the Billy Ghee song."

"They… they LIKED that?" Perry asked.

"I guess they thought it was part of the comedy routine." Carrie said quietly.

"And when the clock, strikes, nine!" Devon and Peter sang. "And we're sharin' watermelon by the seaful sea…"

"Please stop." Perry said.

"Hey, it was a hit, Perry." Darren said. "Kendrine has a job now. You don't have to deal with her anymore."

"Nothin' ever could'a mean that much to meeeee, than me and my Billy Gheeeeee!" Peter bellowed.

"That's true." Perry shrugged. "At least I don't have to deal with THAT stress anymore."

"ME AND MY BILLY GHEEEEE!"

Perry's phone buzzed. He picked it up and covered his other ear in an attempt to block out the Ballad of Billy Ghee.

"Yes?"

"Perry? I need help… I'm just… I hurt so bad…"

"You're hurt? Prince, what happened?"

"No… I… I just hurt. Please… please. I can't…"

"You can't what?"

"Please…"

Perry hung up and ran down the street.

"Where are you going?" Peter called. "We still have five more verses to sing you!"

"Beat you."

"Did not, I totally won that round!"

Ferb snickered. "Sure. I'm sure you got a lot of extra bonus points for falling in the trap twelve times."

"We'll let the game decide." Phineas said, staring at his handheld console.

FERBOOCH WINS flashed onto the screen.

"Ha!" Ferb grinned at him.

"Oh, stop gloating-"

Suddenly came the sound of a car screeching on its brakes.

Both boys froze.

Then came an incredibly loud crashing sound. The room shook.

Phineas and Ferb jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. Candace was already standing at the foot of the stairs.

"What happened?" Phineas asked.

"Someone crashed their car into the side of our house." Candace said. "Don't go into the living room. Mom and dad know."

"Wait, like… on purpose?" Phineas asked.

Candace shrugged. "I don't know. Just don't go into the living room."

"Why?" Phineas asked.

"Because there's a CAR IN THERE." Candace said.

"Oh." Phineas said.