Warnings: self-harm, self-loathing, violence. TRIGGER WARNING! Please do not read if any of these themes upset you!
Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Rick Riordan. I own nothing, but the plot.
This story discusses the themes of self-harm, anxiety, and depression. Trigger warning. Do not read if any of these things upset you. Trigger warning!
Criticism is appreciated, but please no hate. Please review and leave suggestions! Enjoy!
Nico's POV:
Nico sliced the head off the training dummy. Practicing with straw figures wasn't the same as fighting a monster, but it was the only way he could think of to release his stress. He had summoned some skeletons, but that had only drained his energy.
Nico had heard the conch for dinner but had elected to ignore it. He didn't feel like interacting with anyone or seeing any of his friends. He had heard Festus arrive, but he ignored that as well. He was only focused on fine-tuning his skills. Nico felt lightheaded, but he refused to stop. He needed to build up his strength. And if that meant training until he collapsed, then so be it. He cut down another training dummy.
"Now, what did that dummy do to deserve that?" Nico whipped around, sword centimeters away from slicing open Jason's throat. "Easy there, killer." Jason put his hands up in a defensive surrender.
Nico dropped his sword, turning away. "Don't sneak up on me like that." He used his sword point to sift through the remains of the dummy.
"Fair enough." The son of Jupiter stated. Nico looked up. Jason was smiling at him. "I'm happy to see you, man. I haven't seen you in weeks!"
"Yeah, hi, welcome back," Nico said shortly, stabbing his sword into another dummy.
"What's the reason for this massacre?" Jason gestured at the mutilated dummies.
"Training."
"Is today a one-word answer day?"
Nico, exasperated, looked up at Jason. "What do you want, Grace?"
Jason looked affronted. Nico only called him by his last name when he was angry with him. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," he averted his eyes.
"When's the last time you ate? Or slept?"
"Look, I'm glad you're back, but I really don't feel like going through an interrogation, thanks. Can you leave me alone? I was training before you interrupted me."
Jason sighed. "I'm just worried, Nico." He lightly punched Nico in the arm. "I'll train with you to spare these dummies from any more injuries. They aren't that easy to make. Believe me, I've tried in arts and crafts. So. Much. Straw." He shivered. He blinked back the memory, before smirking at Nico. "But, what do you say? A little one-on-one sparring session?"
He withdrew his gladius from his waistband and pointed it at Nico.
"Why not?" Nico agreed, realizing Jason wasn't going anywhere. Best make most of his training time.
He set his sword aside, not wanting to reap Jason of his soul in case he nicked him. He grabbed a well-balanced sword from the rack. He and Jason started walking in a defensive circle, around the middle of the arena, waiting for the other to attack.
"I don't think we've ever dueled before." Jason was trying to distract him. "Two sons of the Big Three, battling it out for glory and bragging rights. Who will strike-?" Nico lunged forward, cutting off Jason's monologue. Jason deflected his sword and used the wind to blow Nico backward. Nico landed in a crouch.
"So we are playing with powers, are we? I can fight fire with fire," he muttered under his breath.
He stood, raising his arms, as Jason barreled towards him. Nico closed his eyes, waiting. The ground around him erupted. Jason faltered and stopped as skeletons began knitting themselves together. Jason tried to zap them away, but more kept forming and reforming. Nico felt his energy drain, but he had cornered Jason. He gripped the sword and walked through his ranks of the undead. He lashed out his sword which met Jason's in the air, sparking. The exchanged blows.
Suddenly, Jason's sword sliced his arm. Nico hissed at the pain, hefting his sword higher. He should have been able to deflect that blow. Jason was barely even trying and he had hurt him!
Jason notice he had nicked Nico and attempted to stop. But, Nico had other ideas. He continued to aim blows at the son of Jupiter. Jason fought back, but only defensively, not wanting to hurt Nico again. Nico noticed this and pushed Jason harder, forcing him to fight. Jason aimed another easy blow, one he expected Nico to block, but the sword hit its mark. It sliced Nico's arm again. Nico was surprised. Was he really that weak that he couldn't block easy moves?
"I'm sorry Nico. I thought you were going to block that one." Jason apologized. "Are you okay?"
Nico felt a wave of nausea. Black spots danced in his vision. He felt his skeletons collapse all around him. His sword fell from his hand as he pitched forward. He didn't notice Jason move, but suddenly, he was on the ground, looking into Jason's eyes. He watched Jason's mouth open and close, but he could not discern what he was saying. His eyes started to close when nectar was trickled down his throat. Jason was helping him
His nausea passed and he could see again. He found a concerned pair of eyes looking down at him.
"Are you okay?" Jason asked. Nico cleared this throat and pushed away from Jason. He stood up, quickly and found himself swaying slightly. "Easy there." Jason stood as well, steadying the boy. "You need to go to the infirmary. Will needs to check you out."
Nico gulped at Will's name. "I'm fine, thanks."
Jason saw right through his lie. "Uh huh, is that why you almost passed out?"
"It's just a cut. There is no need to bother Will about it. He is busy with Winter Solstice stuff." Nico lied, unaware that Jason knew, for a fact, that Will was lying comatose in the infirmary.
"You won't go to the infirmary?"
"I'm fine." Nico insisted. "I just think I need to get a good night's sleep tonight. I want to be okay at the Solstice tomorrow."
Jason admitted defeat. "Alright, fine. I will escort you back to your cabin to make sure you don't do anything stupid."
Nico nodded and grabbed his Stygian iron sword. He headed towards the arena exit, with Jason following him. He looked across the lawn and saw everyone still eating at the pavilion. Jason saw this too.
"Don't you need to eat dinner?" Jason asked. "I can eat with you; I'm starving."
"I- I ate with Will before I went to the arena." Nico fibbed.
"That's a lie," Jason called him out. Nico's heart started racing. How had he known?
"How would you know otherwise?" Nico said calmly. They had arrived at the Hades cabin. "You didn't arrive until about an hour ago."
Jason leaned against Nico's door, blocking his way. "I know that Will is in the infirmary-"
"- like he usually is-"
"-unconscious." Jason finished, ignoring Nico's interruption. "Want to explain why he is unconscious?"
"He's fine. And I'm fine. Right now, I just want sleep, so if you would please move over," he tried to push Jason out of the way. No chance. "I'd like to get into my cabin."
"Why are you lying?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you."
Jason threw his hands up in defeat. "I don't understand, Nico. I'm just worried about you. Why won't you let anyone in?"
"Why won't you let me into my cabin?" Nico retorted.
Jason continues, acting as if he didn't hear the question. "I'm not the only one concerned. Kayla is-"
"Kayla doesn't give a damn about me. And neither do you." Nico interrupted.
Jason scrunched his eyebrows. "What are you talking about? Of course, I do!"
"If you care about me, then let me go to sleep," Nico commanded. He stared down Jason. Jason didn't look like he was going to back down, but after a few minutes, he relented. He stepped away from the door.
"Fine, you win. I would usually stay here to make sure you didn't do anything drastic, but I know Hazel is sleeping here tonight and she doesn't know about your destructive habits. I'm sure you'll make the right decision."
Nico thought he heard a challenge in Jason's tone. "Are you threatening to tell my sister, Grace? After I confided in you?"
"Absolutely not. That was just to warn you that your sister is going to be here tonight and I wouldn't want her to find you in a pool of blood, would you?" Jason asked. "I'm trying to help, but I can't help you if you won't let me."
Nico pushed passed him, opening the door. "I don't want your help and I definitely do not need your pity." He slammed the door in Jason's face.
He looked around his cabin and started to clean up. As he was picking up a t-shirt from the floor, he found a razor blade. He wanted badly to use it, but he knew Jason was right. He was weak for wanting to use it. And he was weak because of how easily Jason had beaten him. He used to be an expert swordsman, but that had apparently disappeared in the last couple of months. He felt so weak all of the time. He could barely control his powers.
More self-loathing thoughts intruded and before he could stop himself, he was cutting three more slits into his wrists, matching the ones Jason had added earlier.
No, he thought Will just gave me a clean slate this morning and here I go, wasting it. Will had caused himself pain, passing out after healing Nico. And Nico went and hurt himself again. Nico hated it when Will healed him because he was always so drained and exhausted afterward. Which was Nico's fault.
Nico just wanted to go back to the time when he could hurt himself and no one cared if he did or not. He wanted to be invisible again. People and their emotions were just too much for Nico. He wanted to hurt himself and only himself, no one else in the process. He wanted to go back to the time when he was a powerful demigod, not some amateur waving a sword around. He needed to be alone and isolated again. That was the only way he could get back on top of his game. He needed to cut himself off from his friends. Which, considering none of them had cared the past four months, wouldn't be extremely difficult.
The problem would be trying to get William Solace to leave him alone. There was only one solution. Nico would have to break up with Will.