Disclaimer: Hello everybody. This is the part of the story where I say something to the effect of 'I don't own One Piece' or 'Meesa no own Capcom!'. But y'know what? I really, honestly, don't feel like it. Nope. No disclaimer here.
Nitonnec Courthouse, Defendant's lobby. 8/19. 9:45 am.
"Any luck?" asked Nami.
"None whatsoever." Zoro shook his head. "They won't extend the trial a day even if Enies Lobby fell."
"But Enies Lobby did fall…"
"Exactly."
"I could try a happiness punch!"
"No. Please. We'd have to change the rating."
"Ah, true enough."
"Should Hina be scared?" asked Hina, eyes wide open with worry.
"No, not at all, I've done more with less" assured Zoro.
"Yes, be afraid, be very afraid" nodded Nami.
Zoro glared at Nami. "What? We have nothing!" defended Nami.
"Lawyers are supposed to smile no matter how bad it gets" whispered Zoro.
"But you're not a lawyer, remember?"
"Well…. Yes, er… but…"
Nami smiled. "You'll be fine" she said to Hina, then walked into the courtroom.
"Hina guesses we should go in now."
"Zoro guesses that too…"
Nitonnec Courthouse. 8/19/. 10:00 am.
"ALL RISE!" cried the bailiff. "The honorable Judge Alexander Bell residing!"
"They gave the judge a name?" whispered Nami.
"Everyone's entitled to fair treatment you know," snapped Zoro.
An elderly man with graying, wavy hair stepped into the courtroom, his long, black robes fluttering behind him like wings. "You may be seated" his voice rang throughout the courtroom. Zoro, Nami, Hina, and the prosecutor sat down.
"Where is everyone else?" asked Nami. "Aren't there usually a bunch of people who have nothing better to do with their lives then watch trials?"
"The World Government has given strict orders that only necessary parties be allowed into this courtroom" answered the judge. "They have also given strict orders not to extend the trial unless it is deemed absolutely necessary."
Great. Now I have even less of a chance to gather more evidence…
"The defense is ready your honor" Zoro said firmly.
"…" The prosecutor remained silent.
"Is the prosecution ready?" asked Bell.
"Silence" the prosecutor replied coldly. "Do you think that I, the great Manson Mawelyr, would stand before this court unprepared?"
"I suppose not" nodded Judge Bell.
Zoro looked over Mawelyr, to get a feel for his new enemy. The man was just over five and a half feet, slender, wrinkled, and had long, frizzy hair that went down to his shoulders (think Beethoven style… or Mozart, whoever had the freaky hair). Despite his apparent frailty, however, he emanated a certain aura of power and danger.
"Will the prosecution give its opening statement?" requested Bell.
"The prosecution is willing to concede, as of now, that there are no decisive witnesses that can tie the defendant to this crime."
And all of a sudden my job is easier.
Mawelyr smiled a wicked smile. "I know what you're thinking, Gorgon Zolo."
Zoro was not shocked; after all, everyone else in the story seemed to.
"And I didn't use that incredibly redundant mind-reading gag either, so be very afraid. You're thinking 'All of a sudden my job is easier…' and you are wrong." Mawelyr slammed the table. "While there are no decisive witnesses to this crime, there is decisive evidence proving the defendant's guilt, as well as a witnessed event that makes the defendant the only possible suspect!"
OBJECTION!
"That's bull!" cried Zoro. "Nothing like that can possibly exist in this world!"
Mawelyr smiled wickedly. "We shall see, won't we? Anything else you'd like to get off your chest before we get started?"
"Well… as a matter of fact" straightened Zoro "YES! The defense would like to make it known that while the crime occurred at the library, the defendant was arrested in JUDGE HAMILTON'S HOUSE!" Zoro slammed the table. "The defense demands an explanation for this discrepancy!"
Mawelyr sighed. "Very well." He held up a piece of paper. "This is a sworn testimony from Mr. Hamilton's housekeeper that states Ms. Venkman arrived at the mansion at 9:00 on the dot. The murder occurred at 8:30, or thereabouts." Mawelyr shook his head. "Are you suggesting that it is impossible for the defendant to cross from the library to the mansion in half an hour?"
"Um… well…"
Mawelyr slammed the table, interrupting Zoro. "AS IF I CARE WHAT YOU SUGGEST!" he screamed. "The fact is, it is possible, and I shall prove this fact as well!"
"You certainly have your work cut out for you, don't you Mr. Mawelyr?" commented Judge Bell.
The prosecutor shook his head. "Judge Hamilton was a close friend of mine." He slammed his fist on the back wall for effect. "NO ORDER IS TOO TALL TO APPREHEND HIS KILLER!"
Great… a prosecutor with a grudge… just great.
"The prosecutor would like to call, as it's first witness, Detective Tracy Spade. He will provide the decisive evidence needed to convict the defendant."
"You don't waste any time do you?" asked Zoro.
Mawelyr smiled sinisterly. "The law is reason-free from passion," he observed. "That is exactly how I intend to win this case, coldly, methodically, mechanically, and without emotion. And I shall win. I always do."
Weren't you just going on about the judge being a personal friend?
"DETECTIVE SPADE! UP! NOW!" Mawelyr barked, snapping Zoro out of his thoughts.
(Dramatic, organ-style courtroom music plays)
"SPADE!" Mawelyr yelled again.
"ACK!" cried Spade, reeling on the witness stand.
"You know why you are here, yes?"
"Yes…"
"THEN TESTIFY! Tell us about the evidence that proves Venkman's guilt!"
"O…ok…"
-The Evidence- (A/N: ooh, cool new feature added!)
"Well, first of all, there are the fingerprints…"
"We checked the murder weapon, and the only prints on the gun belonged to Captain Hina."
"Then there's the bloody writing on the wall of the reading room…"
"It says, very clearly, 'Venkman', which is the alias Ms. Hina was using."
"The strange bondage the witness saw only confirmed what we already knew."
-End Testimony-
Did I hear that right?
HOLD IT!
"Wait… 'Strange bondage'?" asked Zoro
"Yes…" said Spade.
So he's not a pervert… that actually had to do with the case huh…
"What kind of strange bondage are you talking about?"
Mawelyr cackled. "Eager, aren't you? Save that question for the next witness, Mr. Zolo."
"Oh. Ok then…" He cleared his throat and began to pace. "Mr. Spade, you said the murder weapon had Ms. Hina's fingerprints on it?"
"Yessir!"
"Are you sure it only had Ms. Hina's prints on it?" he stressed.
"Don't worry, bub! We didn't make the same amateur mistakes this time; the gun only has Ms. Hina's fingerprints, no questions about it!"
Great… there goes that angle. "Can we see the gun?" Zoro asked.
"Sure!"
Murder Weapon: Found at the scene. 42-caliber pistol. Splattered with the victims blood; bears Hina's fingerprints. Registered to Captain Hina.
"A 42-calbur pistol!!" yelled Judge Bell. "The kickback from such a weapon could dislocate one's shoulder!"
"Yes… unless you were, say, a marine, skilled at using it." Mawelyr pointed out.
"Indeed." The judge nodded. "Mr. Zolo, your cross-examination."
"Thank you, your honor. So… this is Hina's gun?" asked Zoro.
"That's right!"
"Isn't it natural that her fingerprints are on it?"
"It was the most natural choice" summarized Mawelyr. "It was convenient, close at hand, and the defendant already knew how to use it with great proficiency." Mawelyr shook his head. "All perfect reasons to believe that Officer Venkman was the murderer!"
OBJECTION!
Zoro slammed the table. "True, at first that seems the case… but think about it. If you were a killer…"
"WOULD YOU LEAVE SUCH AN OBVIOUS CLUE AT THE CRIME SCENE!?"
"ACK!" yelled Spade. "You're right!"
AHBJECSHEEEN! (No, it's not 'objection' in a bad Brooklyn accent, it's 'objection' in a high-pitched, banshee-like screech.)
"I believe that the police report was a bit vague, your honor," admitted Mawelyr. "DETECTIVE SPADE!" he yelled. "Where exactly was the weapon found?"
"Erm… it was found on the ground outside the window, but showed no signs of being dropped" Spade reported. "We're guessing that Ms. Hina dropped it while running away from the scene."
"What do you think, does that explanation fly?" asked Nami.
OBJECTION! yelled Zoro, answering Nami's question.
"Detective Spade, it's obvious to me why you've been promoted to chief detective, your powers of reasoning are, indeed, amaxing."
"GEE! THANKS!" yelled Spade.
"Unfortunately…"
"THIS IS ONE SITUATION WHERE SUCH REASONING FAILS!"
AHBJECSHEEEN!
"Well? What is it then?" asked Mawelyr calmly. "Where is the flaw in this logic?"
"It lies in Captain Hina's special power, Herr Mawelyr."
AHBJECSHEEEN!
"If you try getting away with an affected Euro-rock accent again I'll have you held in contempt of court!" yelled Mawelyr.
"I agree, Mr. Zolo" nodded the judge. "Less effect, more facts. What is this power?"
"If it would please the court, I would like to throw something at the defendant."
"What?" asked Mawelyr.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?" yelled the judge. "THAT REQUEST… THAT'S JUST INSANE!!"
"It will be well worth the courts while, I assure you" assured Zoro.
"Very well…" nodded the judge. "But there had better be a point to all this…"
Zoro picked up the pistol. "I'll use the weapon itself to better prove my point… watch closely." He hurled the weapon at Hina. The pistol nailed her in the arm, passed into it partially, and was finally 'locked down' inside of it.
"WHAAAAAT?" the judge yelled, perplexed. "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? WHY IS THE PISTOL INSIDE MS. HINA'S ARM NOW??"
"It's because of Ms. Hina's unique 'devil fruit' power, your honor."
"Devil fruit…" muttered Mawelyr.
"Yes," explained Zoro. Anything that hits Ms. Hina's body with some force…"
"IS INSTANTLY TRAPPED!!"
AHBJECSHEEN!
"WHAT DOES THAT PROVE??" yelled Mawelyr. "No, don't bother, I'll answer for you." He shook his head. "IT PROVES NOTHING!"
OBJECTION!
"Mind your musing, Mawelyr!" yelled Zoro. "Recall what the judge commented on moments ago…"
-Flashback-
"A 42-calbur pistol!!" yelled Judge Bell. "The kickback from such a weapon could dislocate one's shoulder!"
-End Flashback-
"Now think about it. The kickback from this gun is immense! If Captain Hina had shot this weapon, the force of the shot would send it back towards her hand… and the gun would be trapped within!"
"IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR HER TO DROP THE GUN!!"
AHBJECSHEEEN!
"Mr. Zolo… Do you honestly expect this court to accept this as a conclusive contradiction?" Mawelyr shook his head. "The nature of a devil fruit power is not fully understood by science. There is no conclusive evidence that under the circumstances of the murder that such an occurrence would happen!"
"Mr. Zolo, although you make a persuasive argument, I'm afraid I must side with Herr Mawelyr on this one" nodded the judge. "Perhaps in twenty or thirty years such an argument will have factual basis… but as of now, it does not hold up in a court of law."
"What… but…"
"I'm sorry Mr Zolo, but that is as close to real justice as we can come."
Zoro nodded. "Fine. I can accept that."
"Don't think you're fooling anyone into thinking you're noble" commented Mawelyr. "You're so obviously crushed it's not even funny."
"I… I'm NOT CRUSHED!!" defended Zoro, showing no emotion.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
"Can we get back to cross-examining me now?" asked Tracy. "I'm beginning to develop abandonment issues…"
"Um… right…" Zoro looked at the previous dialogue. "You said that the bloody writing on the wall that said 'Venkman' was decisive evidence…"
"That's right, bub!"
"Why is that?"
"Well… it was written by the victim in his own blood!"
OBJECTION!
"Detective Spade!" yelled Zoro.
"THAT'S JUST CONJECTURE!!"
"Whaaaaaaaat??" yelled Spade.
"You said that the victim wrote the message… but there's no proof of that!"
"AS IT STANDS NOW, ANYONE ELSE COULD HAVE WRITTEN IT!"
AHBJECSHEEEN!!
"That's absurd!" chortled Mawelyr. "Are you suggesting that Venkman herself wrote the incriminating message? That she had a sudden change of heart?"
"I'm not saying that at all, Mawelyr." Zoro shook his head.
"I'm saying that someone else wrote it, in order to frame Hina!"
ABJECSHEEEN!
"Really now?" Mawelyr cackled. "That's an interesting theory… do you have proof?"
"Huh?"
"I seem to recall you objecting to a lack of proof on Detective Spades side." Mawelyr cackled again. "But as it stands now, your conjecture is just as baseless as his is!! Prove that someone was trying to frame Venkman!"
Can I prove that?
"Of course you can!" yelled Nami. "Think about the scene of the crime! What about the body was unnatural?"
"Um… well…" Click. "AH! I'VE GOT IT!!"
TAKE THAT!
"This is a picture of the crime scene." Zoro held up the photo. "I'd like the court to note something… namely the position of Judge Hamilton's finger.
"Let's see…" the judge murmured. "It's under the 'k' in 'Venkman', so?"
"Doesn't that seem odd?" asked Zoro. "You have to remember, Judge Hamilton has just been shot in the forehead, and he barely has any strength left! If he succeeded in writing his killers name…"
"WHY WOULD HE TAKE THE EFFORT TO MOVE HIS FINGER BACK TO THE MIDDLE OF THE WORD? IT'S PREPSTEROUS!!"
AHBJECSHEEEN!
"The prosecution is willing to concede that that is an unusual action…"
YEAH! TAKE THAT!!
"However… I would also like to point out that just because something is unusual does not mean it's impossible. If that were the case…"
"THEN YOUR HAIR WOULD NOT EXIST!!"
NO! NOT THE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!!
"Once again, I am inclined to agree with Mr. Mawelyr, Mr. Zolo" the judge nodded. "The contradiction you have presented, while persuasive, is anything but conclusive. Once again, in the interest of real justice, I must dismiss your comment."
"I understand your honor." Zoro said, without emotion.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
"I never thought I'd say this… but you need to man up, Zoro" commented Nami.
"Is it too much to ask that my inner feelings be private?"
"Yup. And besides that, there's nothing to be upset about!"
"But none of my contradictions are standing!"
"BUT!" Nami pointed out. "They are sprouting seeds of doubt in the judges mind! Enough of those and you'll get a full-bloomed 'innocent'!"
"I'm not sure I like the analogy… but you have a point."
"Is the defense done with its lovers spat?" asked Mawelyr.
"WE'RE NOT LOVERS!" yelled Zoro and Nami, the vocal force slamming Mawelyr against the courthouse wall.
"Erm… yes, well" Mawelyr said, regaining his composure. "If the defense is done, the prosecution wishes to call its next witness!"
"Are you done, Mr. Zolo?"
I've asked about everything I can… and I've spread quite a bit of doubt in the judge's mind…
"No further questions, your honor" nodded Zoro.
"Very well. We will take a brief break as Mr. Mawelyr prepares the next witness!" BANG! "This court is now in recess!"
Mhm. We're in full trial swing now. Best part of the story, you know it. Who's the next witness? Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? Tune in next week to find out!
(Wait, I swear we've used that joke before… aw well.)